Adult Children of Alcoholics

A place for me and others to rant and yap about our parents owner uses they/them and goes by Venus

[acoa-diary]

This blog is a diary for any ACOAs (Adult Children of Alcoholics), feel free to send in an ask if you have something you need to get of your chest

(Please specify if it’s ok to post and if you want advice, information or comfort)

Anons:

Dealing with addicts is hard and can leave permanent scars on us, I want this to be somewhere safe and supportive for everyone who choses to be here

Love,

Admin Venus

[acoa-diary]

being a recovering acoa and going through a breakup feels impossible bc are my emotions normal or a product of how i grew up? am i allowed to be hurt even if we’re on good terms? why does this make me feel the way i felt being neglected as a child?

[catchymemes]

[acoa-diary]

sometimes i wish i could always be at my ACA(D) group, could always be around people who can empathise or understand my situation, who can listen without judgement or twisting everything i think or feel into something it isn’t

i know i cannot, i know part of this journey is learning to be there for myself, without relying on others (whether they’re supporting me or i’m supporting them) constantly. but there is something heartbreaking about only now finding somewhere to feel safe, and that it’s just an hour a week

[acoa-diary]

“a pleasure to have in class” mmm yes give me that sweet sweet positive attention that my parents never showed me

[pillarofsaltdean3]

okay but have you considered that saturn was just doing the best he could with what he had? saturn had a hard life too. always had a real rough go of it. and anyway saturn's a good guy. a lot of people say so. he probably didn't even mean to devour his son like that :/

[acoa-diary]

i need y’all to know this … your parents should not treat kindness, respect and compassion as privileges. they are your parents. it is their job to be kind to you. it is their job to be patient. you deserved better.

[acoa-diary]

“it’s your parents first time living”

ok?? it’s my first time too and i would never use my children as emotional dumping grounds and free therapists??? that’s just me tho …

[acoa-diary]

dealing with parents who can’t have an honest conversation without it turning into an argument is the kind of torture they make up to sell a false history and the idea that we are less barbaric nowadays

the worse part is this is just mine and many others real lives

[acoa-diary]

ACA has been really useful for me, it’s good to get to hear others perspectives, speak without judgement or interruptions and the readings feel very poignant

I was discussing something with members about when they officially started the steps, where they’re at, how long it took etc

I don’t feel ready to officially start the steps until I’ve moved out of where I am, when I have more physical distance from my father

One thing I often ponder over is if I’ll cut him off, at any point, if I’ll choose to or if I have to. It’s difficult, to love someone who’s hurt you so much, who cannot listen or empathise with you. Someone who altered the course of your life before you even got a chance to be a human. I know I don’t owe him my time, or energy etc but he’s made me feel as though it’s my job to save him time and time again.

As I try to become my own loving parent, I am focusing on advocating for myself and setting boundaries. It’s hard to know what boundaries I need, how to communicate them, etc

[acoa-diary]

need people to learn how to be good, just to be good, not to magically undo their actions but to improve for the future, and not add to life’s unpleasantness

[mephistopheles]

some of yall need to go back to like preschool level 'girls can do anything boys can do' feminism bc we are regressing into feminine = frivolous = weak = nurturing and masculine = power = force = competence at the speed of fucking light

[acoa-diary]

it’s always “mental health/SH/addiction isn’t a competition” until they get to diminish your trauma without even knowing half of what you went through

c/tting deeper, not recovering, knowing someone who’s in a better place than you are now etc none of that gives you any superiority and i think that’s a lesson some of y’all need to learn or be reminded of

[allsadnshit]

Calling something "breakfastless behavior" just the modern day "you forget yourself"

[acoa-diary]

if preserving my own mental stability is selfish then fine, i’m selfish. i don’t think that’s a dirty word, not when doing this lets me help all of my friends and family who respect my boundaries. i am kinder, more productive and more patient without my father’s emotional turmoil and abuse in my life, and if he doesn’t understand that then fine.

[acoa-diary]

i attended a support group, it was good

i feel shitty lying abt it to my father but i just don’t want him knowing, he always ruins the stuff that’s important to me

i’m so tired

i wanna die less though

[acoa-diary]

i’m very hyper aware of the term “hurt people hurt people” and am very understanding of the fact that when people are struggling they may take it out on others without even realising it, and that after realising it they may still back pedal and still need work

but fuck … when is it too much? When do I get to be done with it? why do i always wanna see people get better? and why don’t i tell them when they cross the line?

probably my parents and teachers and peers who excused my bullies, probably the exes and old friends who got upset when i cried at their jokes, probably myself for just being born a bit messed up

i’m trying to set these boundaries now, trying to be more upfront and honest, but i just can’t. at best, i don’t think anyone is going to care and at worst i think it’ll make people hate me.