enjoy life and be kind

amanda, 29, currently being overdramatic about f1 | my edits | my fics LN4 • CI90 • MS47 • LH44

[acrosstobear]

i don’t even know where to begin tbh, there will be videos coming later, but a little recap of what we got to do at the MTC last night with Mastercard Canada:

visited the McLaren Shadow studio and drove the Canadian GP track on the sim (no idea what my time was lmao but i certainly learned how to reverse the car LMAOO)

visited MISSION CONTROL ROOM!!!!! aka where all the decisions are actually made and learned so much about how race day works in the team

got to spend some time admiring all the insane trophies, with Brazil currently on display in the main hall before taking a tour of the building and then making their way onto a shelf

saw (and GOT TO TOUCH!!!) the craziest cars in the world — what a collection, what history, what insane heritage this team has

got a guided tour from Piers, the team’s COO, through the freaking race bays where they build the cars — he confirmed that officially all of their parts for the 2026 car have passed homologation (!!!!!!) and we got to see Oscar’s broken chassis from Baku that went back to the factory to be repaired (and heard about how they decided WHICH chassis would go back to the factory and which would stay with the team) and we even got to see a small part of the 2026 front wing 🤯🤯🤯🤯

visited the heritage race bays, where they are currently rebuilding the prototype mclaren that was built solely to test lamborghini engines to try and keep Senna in the team — they want to have it on track by Easter and then have it on display at Goodwood this year

got to have a michelin star worthy dinner on the FREAKING BOULEVARD surrounded by cars and trophies and serviced by incredible staff. the food was unreal, the drinks were flowing, the people who also won were incredibly kind — such an insane experience

we got a swag bag!!!!!! with a signed lando cap!!!!!!!!! and another cap and tote and backpack i’m 😭😭😭 just ridiculous how blessed we were last night

feel free to hit me with any questions!!!! no phones allowed outside of the boulevard and the trophy lane but happy to answer anything you’ve got 🫶

[acrosstobear]

HAPPY FLUORO BLOB FLEECE DAY!!!!!!!!! i am the worlds first owner of the fluoro blob fleece god shined on me (no duties either!!!!!)

[acrosstobear]

mclaren disaster class in canada why am i not surprised

[acrosstobear]

my gift today is the cutest video of lando and his grid kid not taking off his hat during the anthem 😂😂😂

[acrosstobear]

baby’s first free paddock pass and it’s with ferrari 🤯😎😁😭 i love my job!!!!!!!!!!! i am important enough to get paddock invites!!!!!!!! i saw lewis in the flesh he SMILED AT ME while telling a story about his mom we are BONDED for life 🤝

[acrosstobear]

gonna be the first recipient of the fluoro blob fleece in the world 😎

[acrosstobear]

happy opening night to mister harold ❤️

[acrosstobear]

vibes are fantastic for night ✌️

[acrosstobear]

happy opening night to mister harold ❤️

[acrosstobear]

test test

[acrosstobear]

when i still thought we had months rather than days left together, you told me that i couldn’t let this stop me. you told me to keep my plans, to keep going, to keep smiling, to keep living. i like to think that i’ve done that. so successfully, sometimes, that i trick myself into forgetting just how much sadness still lives inside of me.

i’ve spent my second year without you surprised by the depths of my own sadness. my notes are filled with thousands of words that try to help me make sense of what i’m feeling. my saved folder of grief posts has over 500 entries. my media consumption has been a combination of shows that numb my brain and movies that i know will break me, carefully scheduled to be viewed only on nights when it feels like the grief is suffocating me. my apple music is sick of trying to figure out if i want to drown my thoughts in Fred again.. or drown my sorrows in Noah Kahan. my phone can’t figure out whether it should suggest that i pick up the AI podcast i’m listening to for work or reread The Long Game to get more of Ilya and his dead mom and his sadness that made me consider going back to therapy.

the depths of my sadness keep surprising me because my second year without you has also been filled with momentous joy. i made new friends that have slotted seamlessly into my life, as if they were always meant to be there. i got promoted before i turned thirty. i discovered new cities and revisited old ones with fresh eyes. i learned fancy recipes that i get to make for family and friends because i’m actually a really good cook now. i saw my favourite driver win his home race with my very own eyes, and go on to win a damn world championship. i heard music that got me through my first year of grief live in concert. i went glamping (though i know that one is hard to believe).

i still manage to find purpose and meaning and connection in my life and by god, mom, the world can be so beautiful and also so cruel and i am so fortunate to get to experience it all and so unlucky to have to do it without you.

there is nothing i wouldn’t give to get to share just one more laugh with you. for you to look at me with all the love in the entire world, just one more time. year two of my promise to keep living means allowing myself to feel all that sadness, maybe forever, maybe every single day for the rest of my life — but to know that it can exist inside of a life that is fulfilling and gratifying and jubilant and worthwhile. i love you and miss you more than these words could ever convey, mom 🤍

[handsywoman]

thank fuck good lord HUDCON NATION RISE UP

[dailyhudsonwilliams]

Hudson and Aika heading to a Met Gala afterparty tonight (via its.mabad)

[dailyhudsonwilliams]

Hudson and Connor photographed inside the Met Gala

[acrosstobear]

Heated Rivalry star Connor Storrie leaves The Carlyle Hotel to attend the MetGala (via Variety)

[acrosstobear]

mclaren The first Grand Prix podium of ‘26 for LN1 🧡

[acrosstobear]

we lost it in the pit stop and that is sad but McLaren you have done it again the great Miami Shift was REAL and HAPPENED and i will TAKE THAT because this is my dream cause we are going back2back baby

[acrosstobear]

WHAT A FUCKING RACE