Roy wouldn’t let go of him, not for a moment, letting him sob it all out if need be. He’d seen how hard things were on Ed, questioned to himself why he put himself through so much. Of course he’d had his suspicions but he’d never felt it was his place to ask… even now he didn’t think it was… not until Ed started mentioning ‘he’ and ‘him’ and how he wasn’t around, how he hadn’t come home… hadn’t since he was twelve…
The pieces started to click. All of the time Ed spent working when most his age couldn’t be bothered… how he doted and worried over his brother… Why he always looked so tired.
Still not letting him go, Roy only allowed himself to pull back enough to look at Ed. “Wait… are you trying to tell me that you and Alphonse have been alone there for the last five years?” The shock was almost as prevalent in Roy’s voice as the concern. “Ed… why… why? Why haven’t you told anyone? Why do this to yourself?”
Roy’s heart broke even more. He remembered how it had been for his father and he was an adult. Even he hadn’t been able to handle it… how had Ed done it all of this time? There was no way that Roy could let him keep doing this to himself, but what could he do? He was only a college student himself, not much older than the blond now breaking in his arms. He hadn’t even been able to keep it together without years of therapy when his parents had… when… when… when his father had killed his mother and then himself. What good would he be to Ed? Roy didn’t even know where to begin to try and figure any of this out.
“Ed… I… I…” he stammered, tripping over his own tongue. He wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to do it alone, wanted to tell him that he’d help him… but he didn’t know if even he could, despite his best intentions and desire. He hated seeing Ed like this, hated knowing that so much was resting on those shoulders… and there wasn’t a damn thing he could think of to do about it except just hold him while his world seemed to be falling apart. “I… I want to help… I don’t know how but… please…”
For a moment, Ed held on tighter and felt scared feeling Roy move back. Even just slightly, and eased up to sit himself and let the other pull away that small bit, not feeling brave enough to look up. Not strong enough. It was out in the air now, he told someone. Someone new. Maybe not directly but pretty straight forward enough to not have it be hidden or danced around. Not a lie or a brush off of “he’s working late” or “he’s at some fancy meeting a few cities over for a conference”
Ed didn’t know if he’d ever told anyone else about Hohenhiem being as out of the picture as he really was.
“……….why would I?” he asked, voice weak from crying and just knowing he’d opened a box he’d never get a lid back on. Not here anyways, “Mom died when I was nine, he’s never around now…..I know what it looks like. It’s neglect and reckless child abandonment and whatever other word they want to use to say he’s unfit as a parent. And they’re right….and then they’d come take us away from home.”
Away from home, away from where their mom had raised them, given him and Al such precious and important memories. Taken away from the Rockbells and maybe even from their schools, the few friends they had there, “We’d go in the system, right? Or a court case would happen to figure it out, Hohenhiem brought on charges, a whole big thing, yeah? That sounds great. While we’re at it, I can say I’ve never been to therapy that was ordered for me, or that I work full time in high school, or maybe that I forge his signiture when I see the doctor so that they don’t think anything is wrong when I show up there again from exhaustion.”
He looked up at Roy finally, still crying, voice shaking. Not even a bitter smile could be pulled up. Every fear he had over the last five years rushing out because finally, finally, he had someone in front of him he was willing to trust enough to let listen to it all, “What then, we go into foster care? Maybe some nice couple comes along and wants to try and adopt us or something? Parents don’t always want two kids, foster families can’t always keep both siblings. You think I didn’t look into it? When things first started getting bad, before I knew the checks weren’t enough anymore and I needed to do something more to make sure we were okay… I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t stay somewhere wondering where Al was, or what happened to him, if he’s okay. He’s all the family I have.
“It scared both of us, so we lied. We still lie. The school thinks he works late and leaves early, doctors have Pinako down as another emergency contact we’ve kept up since Mom first asked if she’d do it in case anything ever happened when we were kids. Because as soon as someone finds out we have, as soon as they know what it actually is at home-”
He and Al would be taken away. They’d be dragged to court, put in the system, maybe even separated from each other. From the people and things they knew and cared about. Ed just had to grit through and bear it. Just a little longer, just until Al was eighteen too. Then they’d be legal adults, and it wouldn’t matter if Hohenhiem got called out on his bullshit. Until then, Ed just had to push though. He had for this long, what was another year and a half or so…?
He felt exhausted again, the tears came back again. It was still so much though, so far away, like it was teasing him. Break down just a little more, wear a little thinner, get a little more sick, he hated himself for feeling so burnt out. He had to keep going and he wasn’t sure he could anymore….Ed leaned back in against Roy, “……………just don’t…..don’t treat me different now. Okay? Please? I can’t take that, I can’t handle someone treating me like I’m broken up…” he choked out, “You’re helping, you are just….don’t treat me different now that you know. Please, Roy…”
