Noah Kahan
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TMBGareOK. The Official They Might Be Giants tumblr
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KIROKAZE
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Love Begins
shark vs the universe
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hello vonnie
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@actuallyawestin-blog
You poor thing. If you need more fruit snacks though, I can help with that!
I do need more fruit snacks. I ate all of them already and my motivation to go out and buy more is running super low.
I’ll share them with you if you help me solve this problem. Also the crush problem. I feel like Mandy Moore right now.
Talking about crushes is like my favorite thing ever, which is kind of weird, because of the whole ‘lack-of-heart’ thing. PM me if you ever want to vent, okay? :)
Thank you. Can I ask about the ‘lack-of-heart’ thing, though? You’ve got me curious. Did you lose it in a ball pit?
Whoa, dude. Spill it. Who is this person?
Can you either come into the kitchen where I’m baking hecka cookies or text me because I don’t wanna tell everyone, you feel?
Have you tried telling them? You’ll never know if all you are to them is cute, until you’ve let them know that more is an option.
Trust me. I don’t stand a chance. They’d probably nudge my shoulder and tell me that I’m adorable, but need to stop joking around so much. Which would wound me deeply.
Wanna hang out and talk about how much it sucks to be in this situation, bby?
Obviously. You can come crash my party; where I have Captain Crunch and Netflix. (Or Hulu if you prefer that), and the softest bed in the world. Or we can crash a coffee shop party, where they’ll draw cute pictures in the foam and the fireplace is actually real.
TEXT MESSAGE ⇆ ESME.
ESME: She's called Darcy. She's one of my good friends.. And well, I don't even think she's into girls?? So that's a whole lot of #awkward that I'm dealing with 😂. Who're you admiring from afar? 'Cause I'm not really one to be spilling secrets; they're safe with me, man.
ESME: pls take me on a date first😂😂 but yeah, for sure. Just hit me up with a date and time. 😂
AUSTIN: I know her! She's super fucking cute so I get your vibe. Is there anything I can do to help? I can casually ask her if she would ever date a girl if you want? Like, as casually as one could. Idk. Okay, okay. So here's the sitch. Marline McCarthy. We sort of hook up sometimes, and I'm not normally the type of person to just put my dick into something and leave my heart behind, so I think you know what happened. Basically, I don't stand a chance, and it fucking sucks. So now all I can really do is try to make it go away.
AUSTIN: I'll write you a song and play it for you under the stars or something like that. Would you prefer a fall wedding, or a winter wedding? 2017, of course. We've got a lot of planning to do.
I mean, juice boxers are a viable substitution for wine, or at least that’s what the mom in me says. Okay, calm down T-Swizzle. It’s not that awful.
Do you? Little facts I clearly I had to know, babe.
Juice boxes are way cooler than juice pouches. I also think they might last longer. Either that or I’m a friggin’ fiend. It is pretty awful, actually. I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life.
Denali; Old Spice. It’s the shit. Anyway-- is babe a thing that you call people regularly, or?
That’s depressing.
Are there any more obvious things you’d like to point out today?
TEXT MESSAGE ⇆ ESME.
ESME: Oh, that's good! Making new friends is A+. Oh, yes, I definitely get it. It's so difficult to even talk to her at times? But yeah, I really feel for you man - it's horrid. Is it somebody I know that you're crushing on? Not that you'd know who I'd know - but y'know. :)))
ESME: THERE WERE TOO MANY KNOWS IN THAT LINE GOODNESS ME
AUSTIN: A++, fo'sho. Oooh, who is she? I don't care if I know her or not. I'll sit there and admire her with you, from afar of course. I mean, maybe? I can't tell her, though. It would ruin my life if she knew.
AUSTIN: fuckin' marry me please.
At least you’re whining so you have whine to go with your cheese. :P But elaborate, are you cheese because you’re kinda cheesy, or are you cheese because you’re smelly and people eat you?
Sadly; I only have juice pouches. Kinda cheesy is an understatement. I’m the epitome of cheesy. Let’s just say that they’re the reason for the teardrops on my guitar. On that note, though, I smell amazing.
TEXT MESSAGE ⇆ ESME.
ESME: Hi, I know we're literally strangers but I saw your post and I just wanted you to know that you're not alone - I'm in a similar situation and it's horrid and gross and I get it. I'm here for you.
AUSTIN: Hi! It's okay that we're strangers, we can still be friends if you'd like. I'm glad that someone gets it. I can't even look at them without my heart falling into my ass. I'll be here for you, too, and we can cry about our crushes together.
Oh, Austin. That sounds just awful. If you want to talk about it, I’m a pretty good listener.
I’m just a cheese, Marline. Nobody wants to date a piece of cheese.
You know that feeling when you’ve got a giant fucking crush on someone but they’ll never like you that way because you’re cute and all but it’s just not enough? It’s consuming my entire heart right now and all I'm gonna today do is lay in bed under my pile of fruit snack wrappers and revaluate my life choices.
Oh, someone will for sure! There’s a good chance someone will show up at 3am. You know how this place works and all.
That’s the best time to hang out.
All of the weird shows come on then.
I don’t know man, sometimes I love Ruth more than I love myself so I’d hate to betray her by collecting cats. Man, it’s tempting. I have the worst sleep schedule because of work though. I sleep in until four pm since I work until four am usually. The struggle is real.
I totally respect that.
I haven’t slept in two days, so I’m just waiting for it to hit me. Hopefully I don’t pass out at work and land in some mashed potatoes. I wouldn’t mind if you fell asleep here if you did decide that you wanted free food. I also wouldn’t mind if you decided to stay home. It’s your call, brotherman.
How do you collect a cat on your phone? Anyway, I’ve got work to do.
With a super cool cat app. There’s a dog one, too, but that isn’t in English.
That’s alright. Maybe next time.
I’ve got plans, but someone’s probably already taken this offer anyway. I mean, everyone loves music and free food!
No, nobody yet. But the night isn’t over and I’m still hoping!
