Adagio Apassionato

I like to write about music :)

[dearwaves]

wave to earth’s HEAVEN AND HELL X 怪物 (2023)

I’m writing this still pretty much teary-eyed, but I can’t let the first impression linger for too long. I continue to be so incredibly impressed by the level of thought and emotional depth within wave to earth’s artistry, especially in the way they explore such nuanced themes throughout their craft. While some of the interpretations I’ll point out may be very subjective, this perspective resonated with me in a meaningful way and I kind of wanted to share it because of how strongly it connected with me personally :) I definitely missed a lot of important details since I watched the MV pretty early on and some scenes probably need deeper nuance or background context to be fully understood. But even from the subtext I was able to pick up on I already appreciated it as a very strong and thoughtfully crafted piece of art.

What makes the video so interesting to me is how deeply yet softly it engages with queer imagery. Its themes are woven through isolation, masculinity, and the quiet longing to belong. Throughout the video, the protagonist boy is constantly surrounded by men moving together, dancing together, existing together, bound by a kind of collective masculinity that feels instinctive to everyone except him. While they remain unified, he wanders alone, observing from the outside and reaching toward something that always seems just beyond him, his counterpart, but also the sense of belonging. He feels different, yet in many ways he is exactly the same as the men surrounding him. They are dancers, and he dances too, yet there is still a lingering sense of unfamiliarity. Despite sharing the same outward actions and environment, he remains emotionally disconnected from the version of masculinity being performed around him.

The distance between him and the other men creates a sense of unfamiliarity as though he is witnessing the version of manhood he is expected to grow into while simultaneously realizing he cannot fully recognize himself within it. The men share the same posture, clothing, and body language, creating a visual sense of brotherhood that also feels very restrictive. There is closeness in between them but very little vulnerability. Everyone kind of appears unified yet pretty emotionally sealed.

The boy’s alienation within this environment mirrors the plot of Monster where queerness is not expressed through overt romance or explicit confession, but rather through estrangement, the feeling of existing within a world you are expected to “belong to” while quietly sensing that “something” essential within you exists outside of it (that “something” in this case being the boy’s freedom).

One of the most striking motifs in the video is this constant sort of drifting. The boy repeatedly latches onto what he believes he should want, only to slightly detach himself from it again, endlessly moving between longing and distance. It reflects the confusion of trying to mold yourself into expectations that never fully feel like your own, while still deeply yearning for the acceptance that comes with them.

The religious imagery adds another layer that felt impossible for me to ignore. It’s one of the motifs that says the most when you read between the lines, since religion and masculinity often operate together as systems of expectation, shaping ideas of what is considered acceptable, pure, or “normal.” Within that context the music video feels like a portrait of growing up surrounded by constant performances of masculinity and trying to imitate them, while never fully seeing yourself reflected back within them.

The feeling of carrying the weight of who you are expected to become and the understanding that acceptance may only come if you remain within those boundaries, instead of breaking away from them connects the mustache scene really well. It in fact made a huge impression on me too. To me, it feels almost symbolic of maturation and the pressure to “become” a man according to social expectations while still feeling emotionally disconnected from what that transformation is supposed to mean because of the way society has shaped it. It pictures the strange experience of looking at yourself and recognizing something deeper within you that others either cannot see or refuse to acknowledge.

This is why the video reminds me so incredibly much of Monster. Both works explore queerness through the perspective of someone who feels out of place long before they fully understand why. In Monster, Minato and Yori’s relationship is constantly misinterpreted by the adults around them who are turning innocence into something suspicious, simply because it has only existed of social norms. Heaven and Hell carries the same message: the loneliness of standing outside the collective and watching others fit naturally into roles and spaces that feel inaccessible to you. In this protagonists boy’s case, the role to be a free dancer and being in the space with the other unified men.

What connected them together to me as I tried to decipher the lyrics, is also their shared focus on purity. Daniel’s line about child purity “like a child, purity is the way” immediately brought me back to Monster’s center, that queer identity itself is never the corruption. The real corruption comes from shame, fear, and the projections society imposes onto pure and simple innocence. Neither Monster nor Heaven and Hell frame queerness as an act of rebellion, but instead they both portray it as a quiet, pure and deep human search for belonging and acceptance.

By the end of both narratives there is a sense of acceptance and freedom, the realization that home and solace is not found in forcing yourself into the majority but in existing honestly alongside others, even after spending so long feeling alienated from them.

The ending of the MV suggests that true freedom comes from breaking away from the expectations imposed onto you and allowing yourself to exist honestly, as you are, beside the people you love. The final scenes of the two boys running together capture this idea perfectly. As previously mentioned, not as an act of rebellion, but as a quiet and powerful liberation. As if the biggest and most important form of freedom you can possibly grant yourself, is to allowing yourself to simply be.

I loved this music video deeply. It left a lasting mark on me along with a few tear stains on my cheeks. I’ve had my fan card laminated since long ago. But this truly solidified my relationship with the band’s craft even more.

[adagioapassionato]

Adagio Apassionato is moving!

Hi everyone, thank you all for your support on this blog!! I'm really grateful to all the people reading :D While it's been fun posting here, I've been a bit annoyed at how Tumblr tends to gatekeep my work from people who don't have an account. I've thus found a solution - I've shifted all old posts from this blog onto Blogspot! I will be continuing to post new music reviews on the blog there and hope my passion can get a lot more reach and whoever wishes to read it can do so without being stopped. You can find the new blog here: https://adagioapassionato.blogspot.com/. Thank you for your support and see you over on Blogspot :))

[adagioapassionato]

Thinking about…Indigo by RM. (A letter to Namjoon)

(I wrote the original text of this on the day of the album release. Many of my thoughts are linked to my first impressions, but I have added a lot to ensure it fits the style and theme of this blog! Nonetheless, in honour of one year since the release of Indigo, here are the words I want to say to Namjoon about it!)

Dear Namjoon,

Wow…it’s been – 10 months? – since I last wrote to you? Crazy. I think, eventually, the things I was thinking about began to feel like too much to dump on your head. But when I heard you were going to release Indigo, I knew I needed to come talk to you again.

The thought of listening to your album pulled me out of bed on this cold winter morning. I struggle to get up with these late sunrises, but you gave me something to look forward to. With the way I loved ‘mono.’ and wrote so much about it, I thought it was fitting to write about your second solo work, ‘Indigo.’

‘An archive of your 20s’. It’s interesting that you release this just as you turn 30, and just as I turn 20. I think it’s always interesting to look back at how far you’ve come when you reach such a milestone. I truly love how I have seen your personality flourish since ‘mono.’ From the RM who wrote about navigating loneliness and solitude in the world to an RM who showed colours of being carefree, grounded, wise, creative, and is growing closer and closer to himself. Every song on this album felt like observing different works in an art gallery, in an exhibition about RM. So, what you thought to put across came right through! I loved it dearly and listened to it on the way to college today. I even played it while studying later!

I’ll talk about the songs now. The only problem when I wrote to you about ‘mono.’ was that I had to keep it short since I planned for you to actually take time and read it, though I had so, so much to say about it.

1. Yun (with Erykah Badu)

From the first note, I could hear that you had worked with Erykah Badu on this. It has a blues feel that I enjoyed. The first thing that struck me about the song were these lyrics – “a finger pointing to a mountain/saying it’s the place I need to go now” and “Why would you veer onto a trail from the highway”. I was shocked that it was similar to lines from a poem I had written about the year 2020 – I wrote,

“January

was like a never-ending line

looked like a measuring scale

marked by goals and not numbers.

in February

the line joined another to form a path

that led to a lofty mountain in the distance.”

I won’t write the rest here now, but it surprised me how similar this thought was across both our experiences and writings.

Besides this, the whole premise of the song was beautiful: ‘You gotta be a human before you do some art’. It reminds me of ‘ON’s’ lyrics – “you gotta go insane to stay sane” – throwing yourself into art to feel level-headed amongst the madness of the world. And yet, your song took a different spin on this – it could mean, “gotta be human,” grounded and aware, to express your feelings clearly and articulately through art. However, being human before you do art could also mean that “you gotta go insane” – being passionate through your art – “to stay sane”, or human – making art passionately is inherently what makes us human. I really love the way this song deals with trying to find your purpose and direction through the art you make, by taking inspiration from an artist that you look up to so greatly. You wrestle with the difficulties of going solo after years beside a team and then accept that it’s always been in you to do something different, unconventional and impactful – much like making a song based entirely on what it means to make art, drawing on the works of your favourite painter. This song felt like listening to a painting – it’s truly masterful and I’ve never heard anything written like this in my life!

2. Still Life (with Anderson .Paak)

I wrote so much about Yun and it wasn’t even my favourite song on the album! Okay, Still Life – it was a really fun number that was gentle and energising to listen to. I love the paradox of ‘Still Life’ being something that ‘carries on’, and embodying that in the way you live. My mother, who paints still life in the traditional Dutch technique, told me something interesting about it too. She said that still-life paintings came about with the rise of the merchant class, and they essentially portrayed their rich and decadent lifestyles. Each item portrayed in a still life has meaning – these meanings often relate to the fleeting nature of life, of wealth, of such decadence. So, in a way, still life is really something that is always “moving” and going forward. Though it’s “still”, capturing a specific setting or moment, it lets that moment carry on forever. But it also shows how fleeting every moment is through the objects it portrays. I wonder if you knew this, but when my mother told me this, I immediately thought about your song!

I’m thinking about the multiple ways you interpreted the words ‘still life’ in these lyrics. You describe yourself as a ‘still life’ as above – a painting, an artwork on display to others in all its grandeur as a famous member of BTS. But also, you’re “still life (still alive)” – your life continues to move and change – you “can’t be locked in the frame” and are always moving, changing and flowing with where life takes you. Where you also say “I calmly live errtime,” it made me think that the word ‘still life’ actually comes from the Dutch ‘stilleven,’ which literally means something like ‘quiet life,’ ‘still (as in silent, calm) life’ – despite everything you show off, you still try to find moments of calmness and stillness in an ever-changing life through your love for art and knowledge. As you end the verses with the lyrics “look at my stain,” I hear once again how you want to make an impact through your art – while you may change, your personality and life may change, the impact that your art has will be constant, much like a still life. Another incredibly insightful song made with beautiful metaphors from the art you are so passionate about!

3. All Day (with Tablo)

Can I first say that it warmed my heart that you worked with Tablo!! I know how you’ve looked up to him and it was beautiful to see you both come together – your voices mesh so well! This was another energising hip-hop number that I enjoyed. I particularly loved hearing Still Life transition into All Day – the similar rhythms and melodies at the beginning made it an excellent choice to put them one after another on the album.

This song sounds fun and energetic and always has me dancing along, but the lyrics are truly very insightful. I really enjoyed your take on the algorithm and information age – “Fuck the AI, fuck the algorithm/I need to think, fuck all the rhythm/My biorhythm gives me no time to think…” The poetry of these lyrics is amazing and wonderfully captures the repetitive way that AI and algorithms feed us information and content, preventing us from thinking on our own. Thus, we really are fighting to live life authentically and find our true selves when we’re surrounded by machines trying to tell us what to think. I love how these first few tracks focus on retaining your humanity, purpose and drive when the world is against you . In ‘Yun,’ you focus on the importance of ‘being human till the death of you', in ‘Still Life,’ on moving forward and not being locked into a single idea of yourself, and with ‘All Day,’ on the importance of dreaming, living and having your own perspective in an age where you’re constantly fed information, beliefs and thoughts. It was really a different perspective on things and I enjoyed listening to this song!

4. Forg_tful (with Kim Sawol)

I really liked this song a lot. It was one of my favourites with the gentle guitar melody and I felt so comforted by your wonderful singing voice! The song conveys an anxious sadness beautifully. I really like this lyric – “I’m sorry, I have so many thoughts/I don’t have enough memory.” The double metaphor between forgetting regular things when your mind is too cluttered with worries, and being a phone or laptop that’s running out of storage because it’s filled with too many things is wonderful. Trying to go through the motions when you’re struggling can make you feel much like you’re a machine running on empty. “With numerous thorns/The morning that comes and goes/In my own way/I am anesthetising myself…” I loved how this captures the feeling of your repeating thoughts taking over days and nights, such that you feel numb to everything and days pass by you. The song reminds me of a sudden moment of quiet contemplation – it feels like suddenly finding yourself alone in an empty field, and realising that the constant slew of your thoughts has made you numb, forgetful, and bare, much like this song’s simple accompaniment and melodies.

5. Closer (with Paul Blanco and Mahalia)

6. Change Pt. 2

Haha, it’s late and I’m getting tired now. But I really do want to mention each song.

I really enjoyed listening to Closer – it presented a completely different façade of your music that I hadn’t heard before. I really enjoyed listening to a painful love song from you – something I had not heard in a while! The song conveys a very deep sense of yearning and beautifully shows the feeling of parting from someone. The repetitive rhythms in your verses at the beginning convey frustration and pain. Meanwhile, Paul Blanco’s verse completely changes up the vibe of the song, creating a suave tone which feels like reminiscing on intimate moments spent with someone you lost. The outro, meanwhile, felt like a resigned acceptance of the situation – you’ve truly lost this person, there’s no “take two” and you force yourself to let them go despite how painful it is.

Change Pt.2 was a song with a very cool vibe! It grew on me after I listened to it a few times. The saw synth creates a very raw and angry noise when you sing "Fuck that wiki, fuck all those infos" and describe how people are stuck on old ideas of you and don't realise you have changed. The grating sound of the saw synth matches the anger you’re conveying to people who don’t see your growth. But suddenly, after the second chorus, "things change people change" I hear blues chords on piano – it's a refreshing and gentler sound, followed by "you gotta admit it/don't you get it still/someday a great grief will take over you.” Your anger seems to change into a calm, nonchalant acceptance that people who stick with the old versions of you and don't see your growth will face consequences. Those who treat you wrong will get their karma. All you can do is move on and accept that you will keep changing in the future. I truly loved how you used the music to convey these thoughts.

7. Lonely

This was my favourite song on the album! I think writing about loneliness is just so universal. As someone who has felt lonely a lot, I connected with the song easily.

The guitar and simple melody and beats were pleasing to my ears. I think this song paints a different picture of loneliness compared to other songs you have written about it. Songs like ‘uhgood’ sounded dark and grey, like a deep sadness. But ‘Lonely’ sounds blue, it contains sadness but also frustration and a wish for change. While the other songs seemed to skirt around the feeling of loneliness, (“feeling out place hurts so much/unless you experience it you won’t know it”) and approached it cautiously, as though not wanting to accept it, ‘Lonely’ screams it out loud and hits the heart instantly (“I’m fuckin’ lonely/somebody love me”). Something about the sound of the song gave off the vibes of a city of tall buildings passing by you in a car – you watch life pass by while you feel lonely and too small amongst the largeness of a foreign place.

I’m not sure when you wrote this among the years you’ve archived. But I do hope this feeling has passed you by. I wonder where you wrote this and which city inspired it. You helped me greatly during my times of loneliness – I truly hope that we, or anyone at all – can do the same as you did for me. I cherished this song since I first connected with your music over this feeling.

8. Hectic (with Colde)

I was most excited to see you working with Colde!! You introduced me to his music when you recommended his song ‘Poem (Shhh)’, and since then I have grown to really appreciate his music. I really liked this song too and I think your voice fits beautifully with Colde’s. You are both two of my favourite rappers/singers, so it was a collaboration I really awaited.

I thought the introductory 7 seconds of the song truly captured its essence. The tempo of the beats at the beginning seems to be getting faster, but really, their tempo is the same. The only thing that changes is the volume and the fade-in of the cymbal. I feel like that completely fits the theme of a stressful and hectic day. It specifically portrays the feeling of being stressed or burnt out because of familiarity, because of doing the same thing again and again. It feels like everything is speeding up around you and you can't keep up. But truly nothing's changed – it's the over-familiarity and stickiness of your routine which grows louder and seems to make everything so stressful. It's interesting because you speak of living in Seoul and your busy schedules and life in this song and convey it so simply in just 7 seconds.

I see a lot more frustration in the lyrics from Tracks 4/5. It was interesting to listen to this and think about how hectic city life gets. People often have long days that begin very early and end very late at night, with long commutes and busy work hours – ‘endless chasing’ to make their living that seems romantic at first in a big city, but really ends up being quite tiring. And yet, people in these big cities still have a strange attachment to the place they live in and the life they have, despite how crazily tiring it is – “we still love and hate this city”. I think you both captured this feeling beautifully and I was so happy to listen to how a collaboration between two of my favourite artists turned out!

9. Wild Flower (with youjeen)

This song broke my heart, honestly. I can barely bring myself to write about it because it’s so emotional and I’m not sure what I could say when you’ve expressed the deepest feelings of your heart so wonderfully to us. I remember listening to you during the Festa Dinner and I was pained because even then, I could sense the exhaustion you were feeling. But with this, you opened your heart up to us, and I truly hope your time away will give you some respite.

Your voice is open and filled with raw emotion as your describe how your passion, “yearning for flames” truly started to burn and you now wish for a “barren field.” A place where fame is not blooming, exploding, stimulating you constantly like a wild flower field, while you desperately try to figure out your next steps in a world that has its eyes on you. I love how you twist the lines “where’s your soul, where’s your dream” from your song Persona. Persona comments on the human sense of identity and how learning who you truly are is something you go through all your life, and thus you never truly know your “soul” or “dream” which constantly changes. However, Wild Flower uses these lines in a much more emotional way – asking them as serious questions with a sense of, “when did I lose my passion?” where did my soul and my love for my dreams go in the midst of achieving them?" Youjeen’s emotional voice on the chorus only adds to the beauty of this song and it truly reaches straight to the heart. I know you feel like you cannot go on and are losing touch, and in those moments, stopping is the best you can do. The fact that you continued with such vigour despite these feelings, for our sake, is so admirable, and I truly hope you know that we have been proud of you with every choice you have made.

I cannot convey how much I do think that whatever you did these past two years was impactful and that truly, I do not know what my life would be without you all. I have said it many times, and I will say it again, but you are indeed so, so impactful. You are not speaking silence at all. I hope you are able to rediscover your purpose, dreams, destination and happiness. We will wait for you till then and will always support what you do. You don’t have to be like others to us, we just want you to show us you, however you choose to do that. Thank you for sharing these very personal emotions with us. We will wait in the purple ocean for your return from the flower field.

10. No. 2 (with parkjiyoon)

This song felt like a direct opposite to Wild Flower – the opening notes are similar, but the message is completely different. With the previous one, you look back on the past, wondering where your passion and dreams went and how to move forward through the exhaustion. With No.2, you remind yourself that through everything, you’ve always done your best with what you know and thus it’s best to not look back at past mistakes constantly when life “remains like a bonus” to be lived right before you.

The first verse is unconventional, saying “I smile/that I ain’t gotta prove myself/That I ain’t the one/That I ain’t the shit” – usually these are compliments, but it seems you take the pressure off yourself, saying that it’s okay if you’re not perfect, if you’re not all that, so long as you learn, pick yourself up and move forward, living life just as it comes. This song feels so gentle, almost like a hug and a pat on the head. This was such a hopeful and reassuring ending to the album – a beautiful message about accepting yourself and all your past mistakes. I enjoyed the vibe of the song and it was definitely one of my favourites!

Overall, thank you for Indigo. I really enjoyed it and have been listening to it again and again in order, like you recommended. It flows beautifully, showing the beliefs, then the feelings, and lastly, the hopes of Namjoon in his twenties. You created it masterfully, with some very talented creators!

I hope you’re resting a bit after the album release. I hope you know we are really enjoying it. I loved seeing your thoughts about it on Weverse – reading a long letter from you always cheers me up. I hope you share some behind stories soon for the album – I would really love to hear more about it!

As always, I love you and miss you. I hope you’re staying warm and healthy in the winter.

Lots of love x

[mysunandmoon98]

Sending waves to wave to earth as we grow alongside each other across the ocean 🌊

(rambings from a while back, edited to be coherent, please share this time of love with me)

I am someone who often questions things about myself, especially the things I am into and enjoy. I like to figure about exaclty what it is that captivates me. Wave to earth have been on my mind a lot recently with their US tour kicking off. Subsequently I started to wonder a little, what is it about this band that I am so captivated by and feel so connected to? To put it simply, music is art, and I honestly live day to day examening and thinking about art. What draws me into art is typically one of two things: admiration to anothers dedication/view of life or its relatability and how I see myself in that art, how it fits with my daily life and thoughts. Wave to earth's music is one of those gems that fulfils both categories. What captured me was their specific nestling into a blur of genres, and their appreciation and dedication to art, as well as their lyrics about life and love.

The first live performance of theirs that I watched was purple lake. It was just daniel and donkgyu in a little room, I vividly remember the purple glow of the room, and the multi coloured lights dancing across the walls. Dongkyu had a pair of sunglasses hanging from his shirt. Watching that performance, when the camera pans to dongkyu on the drums, it felt like the whole universe had singled into this one person, fulfilling their passion and translating feelings into sound. I had never been so captivated in this way before.

I started getting more into the lyrics too. I had been a fan of Daniel for a little while before I heard wave to earth so was familiar with his voice and lyrical style from the little snippets of what I understood before. I vividly remember one day, sat at the kitchen table listening to seasons, just recently after its release. I sat there with the lyrics in front of me, and I felt my heart warm a little. A delicate hum of pain and nostalgia which stuck with, and resonated with me so strongly. "I'd give you all my life, my seasons" Listening to songs like light, wave, ride and surf made me fall more in love with life. The link of love and life with the sea and nature fit hand in hand so beautifully. It gives a sense of connection, a grounding feeling, whilst also somehow making me feel like i'm floating in the clouds, my mind completely at peace, even in the middle of a hectic day.

Then as the autumn and winter come, I grativiate to songs such as bonfire and bird. A couple years ago, on my journeys back home from college, I would listen to these songs as the sun set. I shut the door on a difficult day listening to music that made life feel beautiful again. "Bird, how does it feel to fly. Hey bird, do you look down or forward?" These lyrics stuck in my mind, as I felt stuck in the sickening routine my life had back then. Do I look down to my heart, do I look to myself, to this moment, or do I look into the future? How is everyone around me living, how do you see? I felt confused, life was a blur of one day to the next. I would listen so intently, every lyric, every chord. One listen for the lyrics, one for Daniel's voice, one for the drums, one for the bass, one for the harmonies, one for it all together. It was moments of peace in during a messy time. From this, I found one of my big happinesses in life: bass guitar. I was drawn into John Cha's bass lines. I always pondered on which was a favourite. For autumn, I like bonfire, the bass gives a rich yet fluttering feeling, like fireflies dancing in the night. There is a certain part in gold which I adore it's like velvet, so smooth, so deep but also powerful. Then in daisy, in this one break- where often the guitar gets centre stage, there is just this epic breakdown, giving that depth, that almost tangible grip on the song, all the desire and the love just bursts out, and I think its incredible. I came to realise how beatiful bass guitar is. I love the melodic charm of John's playing, the variations during live performances too (I remember learning the term 'bass fills' from his youtube, which I know I probably use incorrectly haha, but just that little extra something special, I love it). I'm not too educated on music, I really only write from the heart, but I feel like John's playing, it really feels like another voice, another vocal, another expression of the lyrics. I never understood music in this way before, so deeply, so interconnected, so beautifully.

From this, music became such a bigger part of my life. I started listening to more instrumental songs, and I gained a whole new outlook on music and instruments. Side B of flaws and all... it really is my everything, that lofi jazz sound they have.. it is everything to me, and sparked my love for a new kind of music. I listen to side A when its sunny and bright out, as well as when my gloomy days need some sunshine. "I'm broken, so take me to the evening glow, and lay me down on the sun, the tender sun" This song, their music, is like a warm ray of sunshine.

So I think about this a lot, as time passes and things change. I feel I have changed and grown, and I look and see their success as a band and see how they have changed and grown and I feel immense happiness. I adore how wave to earth craft their music, their performances, their albums covers. It is always a big creative inspiration in my life. So I just wanted to talk about it, I'm a little bit lost for words, but these days I find myself tearing up thinking about these things so I just wanted to try and express how my heart has been feeling :')

[adagioapassionato]

playlist focus…a-spec tunes!

Happy Ace Week! For this Ace Week, I wanted to make a special post of songs that I think speak to experiences on the a-spectrum. With just how hard it was to select my favourite ace-friendly songs, it’s clear there are not many songs a-spec folks can relate to, so I put together just a few for you all to enjoy with a little description for each. I tried to represent as many a-spec experiences as I could – for me, my ace and aro experiences are tied quite deeply together so a lot of the songs might represent both of these. Nonetheless, I hope you find some fun music that you can relate to from this post.

I think the ace/a-spec experience for me comprises a few different feelings, and I have chosen songs that represent each feeling for me. The first is a deep sense of confusion and maybe even dislike for the sex- and romance-obsessed society we live in. Wondering why everyone is so concerned with these things that we do not understand because we cannot really feel them, and wishing people did not keep expecting you to engage in something you don’t care about and aren’t interested in. The second is a sort of sadness and pain – these types of love and intimacy are so glorified that you wonder whether you’re missing out on something because you have never, and will never, feel this way – so do you truly feel anything at all? And lastly, (this might be specific to the aro-ace experience), is a sense of exhilaration when you discover and experience new types of attraction that you have not felt before, love that is truly unique to you but feels just as beautiful as the ideal described by society. And with that, let’s get into some a-spec songs!

1. Crush Culture by Conan Gray

Yes, a bit of a stereotypical first choice, but I had to bring it up as a certified Conan Gray fan! This song really represents the feeling of growing tired of hearing about crushes and romance, but at the same time, feeling somewhat lonely and jealous and wishing you could be part of it too. It’s a song that I feel accurately represents being sex-/romance-averse or -repulsed – wanting out from society’s obsession with “crush culture,” but still being constantly and annoyingly surrounded by it.

“I don’t care if I’m forever alone, I’m not falling for you,” “all this love is suffocating, just let me be sad and lonely…” – in school, having a crush, or being liked by someone, was always such a huge deal. I quickly learned that people loved talking about their crushes – it was a huge talking point, sharing about your crush made you friends. So, even though you may not even understand or care, one of the few ways you can ‘fit in’ and be social is to engage with crush culture – which you may not be able to do since you don’t feel that way. So, you’re shoved these things you don’t feel or care about constantly, told that you need to feel them and engage in them to be liked. You do feel lonely and left out watching everyone else engaging in “crush culture,” but you’d rather that than be part of this constant obsession with sex, romance and crushes because you dislike it so much and cannot even relate to it. You’re so “suffocated” by crush culture that you’d rather be lonely, sad, “forever alone,” than have to hear more about crushes, romance and love.

The bridge of the song perfectly expresses the frustration lots of a-spec people feel hearing romance and sex constantly spoken about around them: “Shut your damn mouth/you’re talking too loud/and no one cares if you two made out/oh, I’m sick of the kissing cult…” “Kissing cult” for me evoked these childhood games of ‘never have I ever’ or ‘truth or dare’ – a prime hub for “crush culture,” like sharing gossip about kissing, crushes and romance. When you don’t realise that it’s normal to not feel or want these things, you feel alienated and also just confused what the hype is – are you just “sad and lonely,” will you forever miss out, because you have never engaged in, understood or cared about crush culture? You just want to tune it out and have people stop going on and on about it.

No matter how you try to avoid it, crush culture finds you everywhere. A chorus sings the words “crush culture” in the background of the verses – it sounds almost like kids teasing someone about their crush in singsong voices. This shows how no matter how often you say you don’t have a crush and don’t care for “crush culture,” it continues to haunt you and hit you in the face. I personally remember trying to express to my classmates, who pestered me asking who my crush was, that I didn’t have one. But according to them, I “had to” have a crush – they didn’t even think it possible that I didn’t feel attracted to someone constantly! So, society continues to be obsessed with the idea that everyone feels, desires and needs romance or sex – whether or not they say they don’t care for it. Being surrounded by this constantly, especially at a young age, can create so much frustration that “crush culture” really does make you want to “spill your guts out.

2. We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off by Ella Eyre

I really love the sound and the message of this song – I feel like it accurately represents aces who feel romantic attraction. This song focuses on the emotional aspects of romance – quality time, knowing someone in and out and just enjoying a good time with someone you love, without having to be intimate: “We don’t have to take our clothes off/To have a good time/We could dance and party all night/And drink some cherry wine.” I love how this song subverts this expectation of needing intimate relations in a romantic relationship. Realising I was ace at a time when I still wanted romance was hard because I understood that most people thought sex was a requirement for a successful romantic relationship. But since it wasn’t something I ever wanted at all, would anyone want me? A lot of ace people can struggle with dating in the same way. This song speaks to our experience – “we don’t have to take our clothes off to have a good time…” “If the conversation’s good vibes through and through” – that focuses on more emotional bonds than physical attraction. The song is very simply but powerfully constructed. I really like Ella Eyre’s low, emotional voice that’s allowed to shine on its own. Her voice really showcases her desire to connect emotionally with this person and form a relationship that goes beyond just sex.

3. SDL by Agust D

I’ve talked at length about SDL in my review of D-Day, but it spoke to me as an aspec person and so I thought I’d bring it up again! SDL focuses on how difficult it is to define ‘love,’ and from an aspec perspective, could show how we reflect on past relationships and experiences of attraction in trying to understand how we experience the all-pervasive “love” that’s so important to society today.

First, SDL tries to define love with extreme emotions – “Who do you smile for? Who do you cry for? Could this be love?” Seeing dramatised descriptions of ‘love’ in media, through extreme emotions like crying over someone, making huge sacrifices for love, and so on – we tend to wonder what love really is, and whether we feel it at all, since our experience may not match with these deep and extreme feelings. The song recognizes how glorified the word ‘love’ has become: “Thanks to the grandeur of the word love/What is easily forgotten is called love.” Aspecs can feel like this obsession with sex and romance is overhyped – it seems grandiose, glorified and unreachable, especially since most of what we understand of it comes from media. There are so many expectations surrounding it and it’s given so much precedence and value – almost as though experiencing and finding such love is what makes life worth living at all. We spend a lot of time trying to figure out why we don’t feel this grand, moving feeling of romantic or sexual love, and whether we’re broken or missing out on something. In doing this, though, we forget about the various other kinds of love that we do feel, that make our experience of attraction and love whole and perfect anyway.

I think the song also accurately represents the experience of questioning your a-spec identity – looking back at past relationships and wondering whether you really felt “love,” or something else entirely. “Somebody does love/But I’m thinking about you…” – Yoongi compares this so-called “love,” and he thinks about the feelings he experienced, which don’t seem to align with traditional romantic or sexual love. Questioning whether you’re on the a-spectrum often involves the similar experience of re-analysing your past relationships and realising that your experience of attraction is different – you’ve been mistaking ‘sexual’ or ‘romantic’ love for something else entirely. You end up questioning the life you’d envisioned for yourself – many of us think about marriage or relationships because we’re told we are supposed to want those things. You wonder if you truly miss or desire these relationships, or just the memory or idea of love that you’re taught is so valuable – “Is it you that you miss/Or is it that time on the other side of the glorified memory?”

The song has a bright and gentle feel, so while it really deeply speaks to my experience, it is also very comforting and like a calm reflection on questioning your a-spec identity. In some way, it holds up a mirror to our experiences while also telling us that what we feel is valid. The rest of the song focuses on how relationships and love can be fleeting and difficult to understand and maintain – so there’s no point hanging on to the glorified ideals of love. Loving the small and trivial things is just as valid and wonderful, and so Yoongi truly speaks to the a-spec experience with this song

4. People Watching by Conan Gray

I know this might be a slightly unconventional choice, but I think this is the song that truly encapsulates my entire experience as an a-spec person. On the surface, the song is just about feeling ‘single’ or wanting to experience romantic love, but I associate it with a time where I was ace and desired romance, but also with realising I am arospec and trying to accept that I wasn’t exactly looking for romance.

The song opens with describing a couple’s interactions with one another – “They met in class for metaphysical philosophy/He tells his friends ‘I like her cause she’s so much smarter than me’/They’re having talks about their futures until 4 AM/And I’m happy for them.” This shows how we see and desire romantic experiences so much – to us, they may look beautiful and desirable, and we’re even happy for those experiencing them. But at the same time, Conan sings “I’m happy for them” with a slight bitterness in his tone – some part of us wonders why not me experiencing these things, why not me able to feel something so wonderful?

The chorus is so special and hard-hitting for me. “I wanna feel all that love and emotion/Be that attached to the person I’m holding…” I relate to this so much because at one time, I wanted to experience romance too, but I worried I wouldn’t be able to find someone that would accept me that way because I’m ace. Later I realised I’m on the aromantic spectrum. I still desired the idea of romance, but I didn’t really feel that kind of attraction – I wanted to be “that attached” to someone, I wanted my emotions to be enough so that I could experience the romance that I’m told is such a beautiful and life-changing experience. But turns out, “for now, I’m only people watching…” I’m watching romance surround me as I struggle to accept my identities, and simply wishing that one day I’ll feel that way too.

Recognising your a-spec identity can be a bit disillusioning. Conan recognises this when he says “I had a dream about a house behind a picket fence/Next one I choose to trust I hope I use some common sense.” We do dream of experiencing love at first sight, one-night stands, or these other tropes that we hear so much about and seem so wonderful and amazing. But as we realise our identities, it becomes clear that that cliched stuff isn’t going to work out for us. With the way the world is obsessed with sex and romance and even sees it as a requirement in relationships, people who experience these things differently or not at all won’t fit these conventional tropes. So, we have to accept that love and romance might look a little different for us, and we need to be careful what we expect when seeking out partnership.

My favourite line in the song comes up at the end of the bridge. Conan sings this line in an interesting way – it’s unclear whether he says, “I feel love emotion” or “I feel no emotion.” I really love this because I’ve felt both ways at different stages in my journey of accepting I’m a-spec. Upon just recognizing my identity, I felt as though “I feel no emotion” – that I’m heartless, loveless, and feel nothing because I cannot experience these feelings. But as I’m growing closer to accepting myself, I realise I do feel “love emotion” too – I just experience it differently, and in different forms, which are just as valid!

5. Kalmia Kid by chloe moriondo

This is a sweet and simple song that I ended up rediscovering while writing this post. I feel like it really encapsulates the experience of questioning and sifting through the various different labels that are common in the aspec circles, and feeling like nothing really fits your experience.

Chloe sings, “Feelings are hard to ignore/especially when you don’t know what they’re for…” This really relates to the experience of trying to identify what kind of attraction you’re feeling. It can be so confusing – you have feelings, but you don’t know what to do with them, you don’t know what they’re for or what they mean, and yet you can’t ignore them. They just keep bothering you as you get further into your head trying to figure out what it is you’re actually feeling.

The verses of this song seem to describe trying to identify with different labels, but feeling like nothing fits. They open with – “It’s lonely in the forest that I grow in/I wish I could dive into the sea” then, “it’s lonely in the coral reef I float in…” You think you relate to one label – “I guess the weather’s warm enough to bear,” “I guess the water’s warm enough to bear/and I never have to wash or dry my hair.” But you then see another one and think maybe that one will fit better, more accurately – you feel lonely with your current one and want to “dive into” using a new one. You’re just “bearing” with your current label – it sort of fits, but every new one you discover seems to fit your experience better, that is, until you discover where it falls short too. I know I and definitely other aspecs can struggle learning about all the different labels and attractions that exist. While they can help you to describe your identity better, it can also be a bit overwhelming when you’re not really sure where you fall on the spectrum and what accurately describes your experience. It can even feel like you don’t fit anywhere at all.

The chorus is filled with a somewhat sweet sadness – “If the only love I’ll feel is for bumblebees/that’s fine with me/that’s fine with me/And if I’ll only ever dance with pine trees/That’s fine with me/That’s fine with me.” It accurately describes feeling a bit disappointed that you’ll never be able to experience strong sexual or romantic love, but trying to accept the other kinds of love that you do feel. I love how the tone of these lyrics describes the dilemma between feeling like you’re missing out on important feelings, but also trying to love the confusing yet new and exciting identity that you have just discovered!

6. What Was I Made For? by Billie Eilish

This is another slightly unconventional choice, but it was a song that came to my mind when I was struggling to accept being arospec and ace.

When you’re on the a-spectrum, it’s really common for people to think you’re inhuman, unfeeling or robotic. This, coupled with struggling to understand your own feelings for others, can be really confusing and gives an entirely new meaning to the lines “I don’t know how to feel, but I wanna try.” On the one hand, “I don’t know how to feel, but I wanna try” – being ace can make you feel like you don’t do “feeling” right, you don’t feel emotions in the right way. However, you so desperately wish you could – you can feel like you wish you weren’t ace, or that you did feel sexual attraction so that you could be “normal” and know how to feel the same things everyone else does. On the other, “I don’t know how to feel, but I wanna try” – when you give in to aphobic messaging, being aspec can make you feel like you’re robotic or inhumane because you don’t experience attraction conventionally. You don’t know how to behave like others, how to feel like them – so maybe you don’t know how to feel anything at all. But you don’t want to be someone so inhuman that they don’t even know how to feel – you want to try and feel these things that seem so wonderful and important to making life beautiful.

I’ve mentioned how realising you’re a-spec forces you to confront the fact that your life may not pan out the way you planned before you discovered your identity. So, you ask – “what was I made for?” You’re told all your life that one day, you’ll find “the one,” that people are “made for” each other to find and have one consistent love that lasts forever. However, you’ve never felt that about anyone – so were you “made for” anyone at all? Were you “made for” experiencing this everlasting love, because you can’t ever seem to feel it? You end up feeling really disillusioned when you realise you won’t experience the glorious “one true love” that everyone seems to suggest is what makes life worth living. Billie’s emotional voice, which sounds almost tearful at the chorus, really stirs these emotions in my heart. It can be really hard to try and confront that maybe your life won’t be exactly what you envisioned – what you thought you were “made for” isn’t what you’re actually “made for.”

7. A Long Dream by SE SO NEON

I’ve talked about this song before too, but I want to explain why I resonate so much with it! It’s a song about discovering a growing attachment to a person – its lyrics break the boundaries between different kinds of attraction. It’s not clear whether the bond described here is platonic, romantic, queerplatonic, or something else entirely – it just shows that the singer is attached to someone, feels happy around them, and enjoys this feeling. I really love that it’s open to interpretation in that way, especially as I’ve often struggled to label and identify different types of attraction. Just thinking that I enjoy someone’s company and they make me happy, and enjoying feeling the way I feel about them – takes some of the pressure off trying to figure out ‘what’ I’m feeling!

Both verses feature the lyric “at some point I had changed a bit.” This shows that you’re experiencing a new kind of attraction to someone – a change in your heart and mind. It’s a realisation that this feeling is unlike anything you’ve ever felt, and feeling it feels like a change within your very being. At the same time, it can mean that recognising your identity as an aspec person can help you understand that your perception of yourself has also changed such that you can identify these new types of attraction. The realisation that this feeling is different, but interesting, is also shown in the lyrics – “the heart inside me got curious about you a little bit…” “it’s a bit strange I want to stop time like this for a while.” We’re conditioned to understand certain types of attraction (romantic, platonic, etc.) in certain ways – so I love how this implies that your feelings are somewhat taking you by surprise. You realise they’re different, you aren’t sure what they are, but at the same time, you enjoy it and want to go along with what you’re feeling.

The lyrics of the chorus are unconventional and kind of weird to hear at the first go – “I want to shoot a movie with you/Hold your hand, and walk, run, fly with you…” You wouldn’t normally say you want to “shoot a movie” with someone you love, but it’s really such a sweet sentiment – it conveys wanting to capture every moment with someone, wanting it to be beautiful and picturesque like a movie, which is what being with them feels like. These unconventional lyrics seem to mirror the unconventional ways aspec people experience attraction and partnership in their lives too! Soyoon also sings, “I can change the world to be with you,” which also seems to be about breaking the bounds of attraction. It’s as though she says, “I want to be with you, I don’t care to categorise what I’m feeling by societal standards. I want to change those conventions and labels imposed by ‘the world,’ forsake them all so I can feel these beautiful feelings and be with you!”

This song’s bright sound and sweet lyrics that are completely open to interpretation have a unique way of instantly sparking so much joy in my heart. I really love listening to it and watching it played live was even better – it makes us feel connected by the bonds we share simply cherishing each other as humans, regardless of conventional relationship structures or attractions

8. My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski and

9. love. by wave to earth

I truly fell in love with My Love Mine All Mine the minute I heard it. The first time I heard the lyrics “my love is mine, all mine…,” I thought of “my love” as referring not to a special person, but to love itself: “my love,” that is, the love I hold in my heart and feel towards the world. I was pleasantly surprised to hear Mitski confirm this in her Genius interview too and felt even more connected to it!

I love how the first verse and the chorus together show that while everything in the world is fleeting, the feeling of love that’s unique to you will always outlast everything: “Moon, tell me if I could/Send up my heart to you/So when I die, which I must do/Could it shine down here with you?/Cause my love is mine all mine.” You may die, but your unique way of loving will always leave an impression on those who receive it – it’ll shine on beautifully like the moon.

My Love Mine All Mine shows that the love you feel is yours and yours alone. The way you experience it is unique to you – even if you don’t identify with certain kinds of love, that’s an experience unique to you that will stay with you forever. It’ll fill up your heart in a special way only you can feel, and it’ll outlast you in the people you’ve shared it with in a unique way that only your presence can elicit. We as a-specs get so caught up in wondering what love we’re feeling, if we don’t feel enough love, if people won’t understand and accept us for experiencing love differently or not at all – this song denounces all of those questions to say that your love is yours alone to share, give, feel and understand. It’s an experience that’s your very own, and that in itself makes it enough, whole, complete and valuable! This beautiful message made me feel so content and valid in my own identity.

I associate this song with love. by wave to earth as well, which I’ve also talked about before. This song is equally beautiful at showing how love is a unique but valuable experience. It shows how love can be confusing and cause a shift in your very being, describing it as “a small wave in my small heart” that “breaks, hardens and melts.” Many notes are flat with an unexpected pitch, but sound beautiful and harmonious with the rest of the song, showing that love is imperfect, and yet, with it, “finally our world is perfect,” and we can “see [our] eternity.” Thus, much like Mitski, wave to earth describe love as imperfect and confusing, as it so often is to aspecs, but yet, it is ours alone to feel, and it is our unique experience of it, no matter what that is to us, that can make our world feel perfect!

I hope these songs validate your aspec identity a little more – and are a great soundtrack for this Ace Week! It was a bit hard to write this post as I worried about representing as many people on the a-spectrum as I could – but after all, I’m just one person and what I can speak of best is my own experience. However, whatever you experience as an asexual/a-spec person is valid and wonderful, and you are a valuable part of this community! I hope this post could bring a little more of that community to you. I compiled a longer playlist featuring some other songs about platonic attraction and other a-spec feelings that you can find linked below! [hyperlink] Thanks for reading and Happy Ace Week!

playlist:

Spotify

Youtube Music

References:

SDL

A Long Dream

[adagioapassionato]

concert spotlight...se so neon

Seeing a band called 새소년, which means 'new youth,' right as I enter a new chapter of my youth, felt incredibly fitting and exciting. It was a nearly perfect experience that I’ll never forget. This was the first concert of an actual band that I had been to and not just a singer. Thus, I felt like I could enjoy how the musical arrangements were improvised and tailored to be played live, and not just the vocal performances. There was so much to pay attention to – I found myself glancing back and forth between the members Soyoon who was centre stage singing and playing guitar and Hyunjin playing the bass (sadly I was too far left of the stage to see the drummer!). It was wonderful to get to know them even better by seeing them live – I definitely want to go to more concerts like this one in the future!

I started listening to Se So Neon only recently, and when they announced their tour in Europe, I had heard only a few of their songs. I bought tickets anyway and used the time between the ticket release and the show to listen to all their music and ‘prepare’ myself for the show, as I like to call it! I discovered that their songs are bright with poetic lyrics that are very open to interpretation. I was particularly excited to see them perform ‘The Wave’ live, but before the tour started they released their single ‘Kidd.’ On hearing it, I instantly knew it would be beautiful to hear live. So those ended up being the songs I most looked forward to seeing at the show!

The entire experience of the concert – from standing in line to the entire show – felt like everything I could ever have hoped would happen. I was a bit apprehensive about going to the show alone as I didn’t know anyone else who likes Se So Neon. I arrived at the venue to a small group of about ten people waiting outside – amongst them I met some truly wonderful and interesting people who I so enjoyed talking to. I had to queue about five and a half hours until the doors opened, and with them I was not bored even a minute! I met one girl who was a concert veteran – she showed us so many pictures and videos of the different concerts she had been to and her interactions with the artists. I thought it was so cool that she was able to live such that she could enjoy all her favourite music like this. She seemed to be living my dream life. I also met some other wave to earth fans who have been so hard to find offline – they were so cool and I really enjoyed meeting them. I’ve always wanted to meet cool people in a concert line, and I guess I finally did! 

While waiting in line, we ended up seeing Hyunjin twice. The first time, we saw him entering the venue, I didn’t really know what to do and awkwardly waved at him but somehow, he waved back! It was a cute interaction that I still think about. So in some way, I ended up interacting with the band members or at least spotting them before the show!

I have never stood barricade at a concert ever in my life, and was determined to make that happen this time. I was 11th in line, so I entered an almost empty concert hall and basically ran to take my spot right in front of the stage! I was close enough to touch the stage and was standing in between Soyoon (vocalist/guitarist) and Hyunjin – an ideal view and spot! It was absolutely crazy to watch them from so close by. Whenever they stepped forward to play their solos, I absolutely went crazy – they were basically right above my head, it was both scary and really cool! Se So Neon released two versions of their setlist before the shows. While both were amazing, I was really hoping that they would play the first version. Waiting to see which song they’d play first – and thus which setlist they would play – created so much excitement and anticipation for me! Just as I wished, they ended up playing the first version – hearing the opening notes of ‘joke!’ as the first song made me so happy.

As for the performances themselves, they were so amazing to watch. Soyoon is a joy to watch when she performs. She has an amazing stage persona and looks so cool when she is playing. She seems like she genuinely enjoys being on stage and you can see it in every aspect of her expressions, demeanour and body language as she plays. I noticed this in videos of Se So Neon’s live performances – Soyoon always has a wide smile and seems to lose herself in the joy of what she’s playing, but it’s even more pronounced when you see her in person! Her energy is so palpable and contagious, that you cannot help but sing, dance and jump along with her!

Watching the performances from so close to the stage also ensured a closer connection with the band and allowed me to enjoy the live arrangements even better. I’ll talk about my favourite performances from the show now, although it’s very hard to choose as I wanted to capture every moment of every song while I was there!

Summer Plumage 여름깃: This song and the album with the same title are probably my favourite work by Se So Neon. This song is, once again, bright and fun to listen to – the lyrics are a bit hard for me to understand, but seem to be about the fleeting nature of time that still seems to leave its marks on us. I didn’t know how this song sounded when performed live, but it was honestly such a wonderful experience and sounded even better than the studio version! There’s an interlude after the first chorus, with a bass solo that Hyunjin played right above my head! It was so special and such a groovy melody – it added so much to the song and I kind of wished it was in the original too. Soyoon’s improvisation on guitar was also so much fun to listen to. I actually really love when bands improvise guitar solos – they are different each time and add such a fun and exciting element to the performance. I really enjoyed watching one of my favourite tracks from my favourite Se So Neon album come to life like this!

The Wave 파도: I absolutely LOVE The Wave – it’s probably one of my favourite Se So Neon songs ever! It’s a song that sounds adventurous and lively, which is exactly what I love about it. The use of rhythm and the drum sound is very unconventional. I think the best part of the song starts after the second chorus where the drum sound changes before the guitar solo. Watching how Soyoon improvised these parts live was absolutely crazy. She played the part before the ending guitar solo standing right above me, which made it all the more special and cool! She completely loses herself in this song while performing, which makes it just as fun to go crazy to it while watching her shred on the guitar! To me, it’s a song about being wild and carefree, which is definitely what I felt as I watched it performed before me – I mostly remember singing the lyrics at the top of my lungs with excitement and happiness. Watching my favourite song by them played like this was truly an unforgettable memory.

A Long Dream 긴 꿈: I don’t think there was a better song to perform for the encore than this one. This song is just so full of serotonin that it felt like spending golden moments together before a goodbye hug since it was the (second) last song. Its lyrics about exploring feelings of growing attachment and love to someone resonate with me a lot, and I love its bright sounds and joyful rhythms. Hearing it live was truly so beautiful – I couldn’t help but jump and sing along loudly (which fills the videos with my shouting rather than the song…). I love how we were able to interact with the band during this performance, especially when we sang the ending melodies with Soyoon live instead of how it is played on keys in the studio version. There’s something so heartwarming about singing along with so many people – this song really feels like a long dream come to life when you watch it live. I’ll never forget how enjoyable it was and how excited I was to hear it!

Kidd: When I first heard Kidd, the song felt so rousing, as though it was calling comfortingly to the entire world. The post-chorus lyrics with “빼꼼, 빼꼼 Are you waiting for (Peeking out, peeking out, are you waiting for)” sung by a huge chorus made me think that this song was meant to be sung live, with a big audience supporting the artist almost as if we are performing the song together. How fitting for a song about overcoming sadness and hardship hand-in-hand. Even at our small show, being part of Kidd live was the most beautiful experience ever. Shouting the post-chorus from the bottom of my heart with hundreds of others felt like coming to life. Soyoon’s voice is truly stunning at conveying the gentle emotions of this song, and I felt so touched listening to her sing this. This was so memorable because of just how exciting and emotional it was to be part of the crowd and be able to add to the performance – not just to watch the band play it before you on stage. It made us all feel connected and whole in that moment – and that’s why I think it was the most stunning performance at the show!

The show ended with the song Winter 눈, originally not included in the setlist – it was such a wonderful surprise especially since I had not even expected them to perform that. Once the show ended, I felt so exhilarated. I really loved how I could enjoy Se So Neon’s music in such a versatile manner, and so intimately too by seeing them play standing right before me. Originally, when I booked the tickets, I could simply hope that I would actually be able to see them and wouldn’t need to leave the country for good. In a way, I tried to manifest that I could continue my life here by preparing myself to attend this show. And somehow, everything fell perfectly in place and set my life here in the days leading up to this show. So, seeing Se So Neon and spending time with them felt like opening up a new phase of my youth, and celebrating that I could continue living in the best and happiest way possible. I hope I’ll see them again…maybe at an even larger scale next time!

References:

Summer Plumage

The Wave

A Long Dream

Kidd

[adagioapassionato]

playlist focus. 사는게 지겨워질 때쯤 (when living gets tiring)

So…you’d think that getting recognition from a band you’ve idolised for a year would push you to create more of the same type of content…right? Not for me, apparently. It’s not that I didn’t want to, or don’t have multiple almost-finished pieces about the music I love ready to share with the world. I suppose life got in the way – and when living itself felt exhausting and confusing, I couldn’t focus on creating the way I wanted to.

But I realized a few days ago that music had still carried me through this confusing and tough time in my life. Early in June, when I’d find myself in tears multiple times a week, I compiled a playlist of songs for when the going got too hard and I didn’t feel like carrying on. In this post I describe a few select songs from that list that are particularly close to my heart!

The playlist is named in Korean, after the lyrics of Find Me! by The Poles (of course, one of Daniel’s songs again!) – 사는게 지겨워질 때쯤 , which means ‘when living gets tiring.’ The entire first verse goes, “when living gets tiring/and the world feels like its ending/and taking a breath feels like imagining/because that would be better/find me in this world.” So I guess, it’s the music I come back to when I don’t feel like carrying on, so that I find the strength to move forward again.

There are two categories of songs I added to the playlist. While we feel tired and stressed often, we may look for different kinds of catharsis and comfort, even if the feeling is essentially the same. The first category encompassed sad songs that really describe breaking down, being stressed, being uncertain. They provide a mirror that suggests you’re not alone in your feelings, without forcing any solutions or positivity in your face. The second group of songs provide comforting reassurance: they accept that times are hard, but also feel like a warm hug from a friend assuring you that everything will work out soon.

1. What If… by j-hope

I ended up listening to j-hope’s Jack In The Box album for the first time almost a year after he released it. When I did, I wondered why I’d been depriving myself of listening to an album made with so much heart and emotion. At the same time, though, I felt like his songs had found me at the perfect time – I wouldn’t have connected to them a year ago the way I did now.

The whole album focuses on j-hope’s worries for the future, but the desperation and anxiety for the future conveyed in ‘What If…’ is palpable, from the desperate piano riff to the repeating shouts of “what if, what if, I have no…” in the chorus. j-hope’s focus on the dilemma between staying positive and giving into spiraling anxiety about the future particularly stood out to me. He reflects on whether he can truly call himself by the name ‘hope’, when he often does not really feel hopeful about the future. During a period of uncertainty, I was often told to ‘be positive,’ ‘stay optimistic’ and keep moving forward. However, you’re bound to get exhausted by being positive all the time. This song connected to the frequent periods of confusion and worry I faced, where I wondered whether it was pointless to be so positive all the time in case I’d just end up with nothing anyway. After all, I could hardly see where the road ahead of me was leading. The repeating questions throughout the song – ‘Can I do this? (Let me think) Can I do it?’, “What if I have no hope? What if I have no dream? What I have no house?” echoed my exact worries about beginning a new chapter of my life.

j-hope is someone who can truly call himself ‘hope’, because he understands what it is to want to move forward with optimism, but struggle with it at the same time; to wonder what would happen if all of a sudden, despite your best efforts, you were to lose everything – “what if I have nothing? Can I do that shit?” Even in a song where he expresses the deepest worries of his heart, he echoed my own worries and provided me comfort. I thus held this song, and the Jack In The Box album, very close during this time!

2. Ajj Din Chadheya by Rahat Fateh Ali Khan

This song unexpectedly touched my heart during this period too. It directly addresses God, and begs him to end a long period of suffering and frustration. I grew to become more spiritual during this period of my life as it gave me hope, thus, I could see myself asking the very same things of God that this song does. The melodies of the song are sweet and accompanied by a harmonious piano, as though kindly expressing one’s frustrations to God and requesting him to give us his blessings.

The second verse of the song particularly struck me. He sings (translated from Hindi):

“I only asked for what’s mine, What is it to you? It’s not as though I’ve asked you to give me heaven What sort of a God are you, Who only exists in name, That you couldn’t do even this much for me? Please, just let me receive what I want.”

This verse really resonated with me – when you feel as though you’re trying everything you can to get what you want, what you believe you even deserve, but somehow the universe seems to keep it from you. At this point, you can do nothing but ask the universe what is preventing you from getting what you’ve desired for so long. The song beautifully conveys frustration with God by questioning if he even exists, but also has a pleading tone that requests him to finally end this pain and stress. It’s a beautiful take on faith that shows even the most difficult parts of trying to keep it, while still relying on it to pull through a difficult time. Rahat Fateh Ali Khan’s open, emotional voice beautifully conveys this spiritual but incredibly human conversation with God.

I truly love how many Hindi songs outline a similar conversation with God. I wanted to include more in this post, but I wanted to vary the selection I describe here a bit. If you listen to the playlist, do check out ‘Arziyan’ by Javed Ali for some very heartrending but beautiful music!

3. everythingoes by RM

RM’s ‘mono.’ playlist always has so much emotional meaning to me for being with me during every one of my tough times. I think Namjoon’s music has a beautiful quality of mirroring your pain and struggles in the most comforting way possible. With this song, he takes even the cliched statement of “this too shall pass” or “everything will pass” and turns it into a message of perseverance and hope.

The gentle tones of Namjoon’s singing that repeat the words, “It all passes, someday, for sure, certainly…It passes” really ensure this simple message is ingrained in our minds. His soft singing contrasts the increasing desperation of his voice during the rap section. While he uses beautiful imagery of change – “Just as night leaves and morning comes/The spring leaves and summer comes, but/Just like the flower wilts and the fruit grows ripe” – he states, contrastingly, that “everything needs to go through pain.” Thus, he accepts that even beautiful experiences pass and change. Similarly, while endings and change feel painful and sad, they pass to reveal something even more beautiful, that will then go through the same cycle of ending and change.

Namjoon also suggests that while it can be hard to believe in “unclear words saying to have strength” and “the lies that it’s all just the way things are,” we can simply pray that we become “better adults,” or people who can control our responses and accept that everything changes and passes. I love how he subverts cliched words of comfort and instead tells us to hold on with hope for a better future. The song is truly such a balm for troubling times and I always revisit it when I feel low.

4. The Story by Conan Gray

A lot of Conan’s music feels like it was written just for me. The whole ‘Kid Krow’ album especially has a lot of songs that really felt like a hug through my hard times. I’m really happy to say that I watched Conan perform this song live, and it was absolutely beautiful to sing it with him and feel with him the hopeful tones of his music. Before performing it, he explained that the song was very personal to him – he said that although he went through a lot as a child and was tired of being told he should ‘be strong’, the fact that he was able to perform for us like this showed just how much better things could get, and even if it feels like it, it’s really not the end of the story.

The lyrics of the song focus on love and friendship, and tell each story briefly but impactfully such that they really strike the heart – the first verse, for example:

“Let me tell you a story about a boy and a girl It’s kinda short, kinda boring, but the end is a whirl They were just sixteen and the people were mean So they didn’t love themselves, and now they’re gone Headstones on a lawn…”

I really love the way Conan assures us that even though the world is harsh and life can be hard, it’s still “not the end of the story” – “Oh and I’m afraid that’s just the way the world works/But I think that it could work for you and me/Just wait and see/It’s not the end of the story.” The song is very simply composed – Conan’s voice is left bare an accompanied by just a piano and guitar, which makes it feel more personal as though he’s telling these stories only to you. This song feels like a conversation with your best friend late at night as you pour your hearts out to each other – and that’s one of the many reasons it gives me so much hope and reassurance.

5. New Youth (새소년) by SE SO NEON

I ended up discovering Se So Neon when I more recently got into the Korean indie scene – I truly enjoy Hwang Soyoon’s silvery voice that manages to convey a versatile range of emotions. Through its sound alone, this song feels like a lullaby. The song is titled Se So Neon (새소년) in Korean too – thus, the band’s name and this song both signify ‘new youth.’

The song touched me because of its focus on the ‘new youth’ of today – it spoke to me as someone in their ‘youth’ who was rather struggling with being in that phase of life. I think many young people experience disillusionment with their dreams – they want to achieve so much, but they realise how difficult it is to build one’s own life in today’s world and society. I love how Soyoon captures this when she sings, “The time you had hoped for passes by/We walked on without a word/I guess we had already been forsaken.” Having gone through a global pandemic and then trying to regain your footing in the world after it ends, it feels like all the moments we’ve hoped for never seem to go the way we expect, and all we can do is walk ahead wondering if this was how it was always meant to be.

I also really liked the bridge of the song:

“Ah, new youth, we’ve already been born Ah, let’s breathe in deeply Ah, us forsaken new youth, Ah, let’s breathe in deeply”

It feels so gentle and comforting – it accepts the feeling of being left out, forsaken and struggling to make a life for yourself. It then asks you to just take a breath for a minute and feel that you are alive. And yet, somehow, we still find it in us to run towards the future – “the future sees a light, far over there/It keeps illuminating me, it calls to me, I run to it” “I aimed for and ran away to the time that was visible to me.” Thus, she asks us to keep going as best we can, to move forward and make the choices that we know best despite struggling and feeling forsaken. The regular rhythms, soothing melodies and Soyoon’s voice like a lullaby all make this such a wonderful song to listen to during times like these.

6. The Same (우리에게 필요한건) by The Poles

And finally, the song that inspired me to make this entire post! I heard this song a long time ago, but on a particularly hard day, the lyrics of the chorus played on my mind continuously – “어지러운 날들이 다시 괜찮아질 거야” (those dizzy days will become okay once again). I listened to the song and checked what the lyrics meant, and somehow, it was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment, just like the song’s Korean title, 우리에게 필요한건 (What we/I need). The chorus is particularly so special: “As we look at the same place/We’ll once again walk the same path/Those dizzy days/Will be okay again.” What a beautiful way to say: remember where it is you want to go and what you are moving towards, and before you know it, the dizziness of uncertainty will settle down again.

It also reminds me not to try to control the future. The second verse:

“Let’s be swept away If we float to that place far away Not needing anything at all […] Let’s float without getting hurt…”

It urges you to do what you can and just allow the present to happen around you – float with it and see where it takes you into the future. Go without expectation, “not needing anything at all.” It’s beautiful how a song called “what we need” shows that what we truly need is to not need anything at all – to not expect anything of the world and float with it, seeing where life takes you.

Daniel’s music, especially with The Poles, has a particularly beautiful way of providing comfort. Here, the loud rhythm of the drums and guitar, and the powerful vocals really contrast the soothing vibe of the lyrics. I like to think that it’s a symbol of the strength it takes to move ahead in life with no expectations even while you’re struggling. The way this song came back to me when I felt low makes it so special to me – I really dream of seeing The Poles performing it live, though I think it would make me tear up a lot!

These are a few songs that helped me through hard and stressful times – I really enjoyed compiling this playlist and listening to it be exactly what I needed when I was struggling. I hope it can be some comfort to you too – thank god we always have music no matter how hard life gets!

Here’s the whole playlist if you would like to listen to it, I will keep updating it:

Spotify

YouTube Music

(P.S.: I will try and write more posts in the coming months – I have quite a few ideas, and now that my brain is working again I think I’ll be able to execute them too!! Please look forward to them!)

References for translated lyrics (if it’s not linked, I translated it myself!):

What If

everythingoes

New Youth

The Same

[adagioapassionato]

Thinking about...Reflection by RM.

I would today like to talk about the multiple ways in which ‘Reflection’ breaks my heart and what it means to me. I seriously cannot listen to it without feeling completely broken inside and wanting to cry because I hate that Namjoon has felt like this and I also hate that I know exactly the feeling he tries to portray here. I think the way this song is constructed is incredibly beautiful. Namjoon begins with the words "I know every life's a movie..." and the entire song is constructed exactly like a movie scene.

The song begins with background noise that sets the scene: a bar, noise, talking, and as the music begins to fade in, it’s as though a camera zooms in on Namjoon, who then begins a sort of monologue. "I know every life's a movie, we got different stars and stories..." Although he wants to continue “shooting the movie (of his life) well,” he can’t help but hate himself. It’s a beautiful way to describe attempts to ‘romanticise’ your loneliness. That’s something common people say these days – to ‘romanticise’ and fall in love with your alone time, pretending you’re a ‘main character’ in a movie or a story. However, doing this also overlooks the feelings of self-hatred that come with loneliness and make it hard to continue pretending your life is a movie. He goes on to talk about why he comes to this bar in Dduksum when he hates himself. It reminded me of going out and surrounding myself with people when I felt lonely, which hardly helped and often made me feel worse and even more like I didn’t fit in. However, doing this is something of a guilty pleasure – “when I hate myself I come to Dduksum...fear, which holds my hand/it's alright if everyone is in 2s and 3s/it's good that I have a friend too." Although he hates himself, although coming to a noisy bar reminds him of the very self-hatred and loneliness consuming him, he still returns each time he feels this way. He almost romanticises fear holding his hand as his only friend – as he tries to maintain this movie-like, romantic aura around his loneliness, he ends up creating an eerily sad image.

After he says this, the instrumental break is cinematic and adds further to conjuring a scene that seems to zoom out from Namjoon – the music is emotional and sad, creating the feeling of gazing on as the world passes by around you. We observe the whole scene of the bar while also focusing on Namjoon who is alone in a crowd, and how his fear, loneliness and pain are mixed in with the scene. In the following verses, he progressively breaks down and overthinks about his loneliness, getting further into his head. Where the first verse was like a slow description of his feelings, the second verse gets more desperate as the tone of his voice and his rap flow get louder and faster: "the world is just another name for despair/my height is a diameter of the earth/I'm all my joy and hate." He desperately describes how he feels too big for his body, too distant and out of place, an outsider and alone even when he surrounds himself with people. He captures loneliness accurately with heart-wrenching lyrics: “Everyone else knows where they’re supposed to be/But only I walk without purpose” “I want to be free/I want to be free from freedom.” Loneliness, being on your own, is often considered as you being ‘free’ to do what you want without being bound to anyone, but it can also be disorienting and feel like you’re suspended in time without an idea of where you want to go. The record scratch before the instrumental break is jarring here – it’s as though he is suddenly jerked out of his thought spiral and returns to a reflective state of watching the world pass by him in his loneliness.

The last verse, which contains only one line, is the most desperate of all: "I wish I could love myself." He repeats this over and over – a solution he knows would end these feelings, but one he simply doesn't know how to reach. He seems to rap this melodically, blurring the lines between whether he’s singing or rapping – creating further this dichotomy between romanticising and loving loneliness and screaming the pain that it brings. Then the music fades out as a camera would in a movie, zooming out of this sad, upset character to the general scene before it turns black and ends the song.

I've cried to this song playing on repeat, and it now brings that memory to mind. I interpret the song in this way because my emotions while listening to it progressed in much the same way. It reminds me of a day when I was slapped in the face by the realization that I. Didn’t. Have. Friends. To add insult to injury, I decided to listen to Reflection on repeat that day. I sat there sobbing my eyes out every time Namjoon said "I wish I could love myself," because God, I wished I could love myself, but how, when I felt like no one would ever love me? The instrumental break too, I sat sobbing as the ambient music of life passing by me played behind me. It was such a painful and heartrending experience that I don’t think I'll ever forget how understood I felt by the song. There are some days where I cannot bring myself to listen to it because it brings this feeling back to me. It's truly amazing how he captures one feeling in so many different ways and yet makes it so relatable for everyone. Thus, this song reflects my own feelings of loneliness, of being alone when surrounded by so-called friends, of watching the world pass happily by around you while you stay stuck in your head wishing that for once in your life that you could just be part of that world, but you can’t.

Reflection. You reflect and think a bit too much as the world passes by you. Reflection. You watch the world as though it is reflected in a mirror – it seems like you know it and recognise it like it’s facing you, but you still can’t touch it: it’s far away, distant, alien. This song breaks me so much that I often struggle to listen to it without feeling hurt and sad, but it is so beautiful, just like everything else Namjoon writes.

-a slightly old piece of writing, but this song means a lot to me. i hope you enjoy my take on it :)

References:

Reflection English Lyrics

[adagioapassionato]

Thinking about…0.1 flaws and all by wave to earth

Having grown to love wave to earth in the last year, I was so, so excited for their first ever studio album! It did not disappoint at all and I have been playing it on repeat since it came out. If I were to sum up this album in a few words, they would be “love in a day.” The two sides of the album come together beautifully to represent the many ways of experiencing love and heartbreak, while associating them with the progression of a single day. wave to earth’s music is unique because it always evokes not just a specific feeling, but a specific picture or scene in my mind.

1. bad

The first track on A-side, ‘bad’, begins with an almost playful melody on the guitar, and is perfect for signaling the start of this day of love. The narrator sings of deciding to let themselves out of the house on this day, which seemingly turns into the best decision they could have made – they meet the person they love, and realize that their day could only go well if they spend it with them. The music used beautifully conveys this very message. The first verse, where they describe “Lately, life’s so boring/I’ve been watching Netflix all day alone…”, is accompanied by somewhat melancholy tones on the guitar, alongside a softer drum accompaniment and bass. However, the tone of the music brightens with “When I went to the park/I recognized you at a glance”, and as they end the pre-chorus with “We already know that we’ll be together”, the drums and bass play the same rhythm together, much louder, conveying the happiness of finally meeting someone you love. Similarly, the tone of the music is brighter through the second verse, which describes being with this person. wave to earth’s English lyrics rarely rhyme – but in the second pre-chorus, vocalist Daniel rhymes “I recognized you at a glance/Face to face, we smiled/And I finally held your hands” – as though his day and life fall into the right rhythm when he’s with this person. Also, while his voice is bare and unaccompanied through the first part of the chorus, he adds harmonies on the final line ‘And I finally held your hands,’ giving the impression that this same harmony enters his life as soon as he holds hands with the one he loves. The playful melody of the guitar, and the slow description of Daniel moving out of his house alongside the lyrics “coffee in the morning” create the perfect atmosphere of the beginning of a sunny morning of happiness, and starts off our journey with wave to earth through their day of love.

2. sunny days

The next two tracks, ‘sunny days’ and ‘peach eyes’, could signify the passing of a sunny morning and afternoon with someone you love. sunny days has a bright and refreshing sound. I particularly liked the lyric, “we melt this love and recreate it/as we imagine it/that’s how we make sunny days.” I always enjoy how Daniel writes lyrics that transcend the boundaries of different kinds of love. This one suggests that love can be whatever you want it to be, whatever you make it to be, and that’s how you create a lasting love with someone that adds sunlight and happiness to your life. Although the songs have romantic undertones, I found it just as easy to relate songs like ‘bad’ and ‘sunny days’ to spending a fun day with my friends. I think Daniel really does “melt love and recreate it” with such lyrics! The most evocative part of these songs, I think, is that the use of imagery in the lyrics brings to life the yellow glow of sunlight, “the beautiful scenery of the streets” and “the chirping of birds.”

3. peach eyes

‘peach eyes’ continues a similar theme, with a slightly lower sound that resembles admiring the one you love. This contrasts the higher and brighter tone of ‘sunny days’ that conveys the joy of being with your favourite person. The lyric “peach eyes” was a bit confusing to me at first, but bassist John Cha describes that the song was inspired by the band’s first international performance at a festival in Thailand, where the innocent happiness of the fans’ eyes evoked the phrase “peach eyes”. With this context, the song was even more heartwarming – ‘peach eyes’ suggests a softness, gentleness and calmness in the eyes of someone you love. The song suggests that this person grows ever more important to the narrator, with lyrics like “how many songs I write”, “how could I not rely/on you, peach eyes”, and finally “besides I won’t find nobody/to give my whole life, it’s you.” ‘peach eyes’ has a more late-afternoon vibe – the narrator describes “blue skies”, but then “you’ll be my sunlight” – although the sun is setting slowly, the brightness of their companion’s existence makes it feel as though the sun is still lighting up their day. This song comforts me and makes me smile and dance along a lot!

Together, I think these songs show the peaking and climax of a day, alongside the peak of love in a relationship – as the sun reaches its peak, so does the love the narrator has for the person they sing about.

4. evening glow 

‘evening glow’ is an interestingly contrasting song that sounds like a transition between the former sunny glow of the album, towards a slowly setting sun and a slowly ending love. The melodies of the song are soothing and have a nostalgic, romantic feel, but the lyrics are laced with twinges of sadness. The bright electric piano at the beginning, along with the lyrics, “If I feel broken/you will find me” create the impression of a love song, but the following lyrics – “Those useless words were falling apart on me/I’m struggling in my world” immediately destroy those impressions and come as a shock. While the opening melodies are soothing to the ear, the line “I might be full of flaws” sounds dissonant, almost out of tune – it conveys a theme like ‘flaws and all’ perfectly, and the next line “but you will crave my heart” is sung in a soothing, gentle tone, seemingly a comforting acceptance of those very flaws.

This song sounds like a mix between sadness and denial over being hurt by someone you love. The first verses use lyrics with an imperative tone: “you will find me”, “I might be full of flaws/ but you will crave my heart” – as though trying to convince oneself that this person couldn’t truly hurt you, they’d continue loving you as you are and save you when you feel broken. But the chorus reflects on being hurt by the person in a painfully sad way – “I’m broken/So take me to the evening glow/And lay me down on the sun/The tender sun.” It makes the pain caused seem almost romantic, desirable and something that the narrator wants to hold close and accept. The narrator seems to hope that if they get close enough to the “sun” that brightened up their days earlier, laying down on it despite its heat, they may feel less broken. They hope that the hurt this person caused them may lessen as they try and hold on to the glow of the setting sun, to the beauty of their fading love.

5. pink horizon and

6. pink

Hearing the studio version of this years-old song was the most satisfying thing about this album, and ‘pink’ is definitely my favourite song! Combining ‘pink’ with its intro, ‘pink horizon,’ is perfect in creating a dream-like feel. The experience of listening to ‘pink’ was a hundred times more amazing with ‘pink horizon’ to go with it, and I rarely listen to the two songs separately now. ‘pink horizon’ creates a cinematic picture of a pink sunset in my mind, from the fading in of the scene to a full shot of a field bathed in pink light, an image created by the soft piano at the beginning. As other instruments join in, the image grows clearer and paints itself, transitioning into the beginnings of ‘pink’.

‘pink’ feels like a memory remembered while experiencing the sunset. The lyrics seem to construct a dream world – “Everything is free here/A heart that spreads and flies.” The narrator seems to run trying to hold on to this dream – “I ran through the grass until my shoes were worn out/While the sun sets” – they try to grasp the fading love as they run towards the setting sun, holding on to this last beautiful memory. “I drew you/Your beautiful appearance,” they say – they need to draw in the image of the person they love, create this last beautiful memory so they can find a reason to hold on to a love that is fading. The fleeting nature of the relationship and the day is seen as the narrator goes on to say “The day passes by so fast/Almost as if it will be forgotten.”

The romantic vibes created by the melodies on the chorus, and the gentle guitar and saxophone at the end of the song, add to its dreamy vibe and create an even deeper sense of nostalgia, but also one of yearning and grasping for something faraway. With this song, we see the end of the day – the sun sets and it begins to rain, as the narrator sings “Around the time the raindrops burst/Will I miss you?” This song is beautifully comforting and the melodies are truly so satisfying to listen to. It’s a song that I hold so close to my heart – I played it on repeat once I’d had a few listens out of the album!

7. calla

‘calla’ continues on from the previous track, beginning with “It’s raining hard today…” The song continues the theme of a fading love, this time with the narrator giving their all to saving this fading relationship. “It’s raining hard today/It’s a bit too much for me/I know it will make you smile/So let ourselves get wet inside the rain.” The narrator allows themselves to be wet in the rain although it isn’t what they enjoy, just to see a smile on the face of the one they love. As their world “fills with the scent” of the one they love – as they see them happy, they glimpse their past love in their lover’s smile, they hope this moment is forever, and not a “daydream.”

The narrator describes their relationship as a calla lily – after they grow, these flowers enter a period of dormancy after which they regrow and bloom again. Thus, they see their fading love as something temporary – they hope that just like a calla lily, this love can grow back after its temporary death. Maybe this moment of happiness means that their love can be saved, that it can grow back to be the beautiful calla lily it once was. The narrator wants to put in every effort to ensure their love grows back – “If you don’t have enough sunlight/I’ll blow the clouds away/Calla.” They try to bring back the sunny days and bright light that characterised the beginning of their relationship, as described in the first few tracks of the album. Although the narrator tries to ‘get wet inside the rain’ at the beginning of this song, catering to their companion’s feelings, they once again try to bring the sun, their conception of happiness, back into their love and relationship.

The tone of this song is decidedly sadder compared to the previous ones – while they contained a nostalgic yet dreamy and romantic feel, this song’s melodies speak purely of yearning, of pain that stems from love. The song ends with the plain sound of only the bass and the drums – these instruments, which usually create rhythm, play with no accompaniment. This could show that the relationship has truly ended – without the melody and music holding it together and drawing it forward, all that’s left is the rhythm, the structure: the memory of what once was.

8. love.

From the outset, I could tell this was a song that was filled with emotion and had been made with a lot of effort, heart, and, well, love. The melodies convey a love so overwhelming and powerful. I learned that the song is very special and describes the love Daniel has for his fellow band members and others he loves, and describes how they help him live with love. I read the lyrics in English and I almost felt that there was nothing more I can say that he hasn’t already said. There’s nothing more I can add that wouldn’t tamper with the deep feeling and pure heart Daniel put into this song. But I love this song so much I had to write something about it.

The song progresses in a crescendo that seems to match the growing love and gratefulness in Daniel’s heart towards the people he loves. The first verse starts with a soft tone and mellow music, while the pre-chorus picks up both in loudness and as the notes progress upwards in pitch. As it transitions into the chorus, with the lines “Finally, the world is mine,” we hear a clear declaration of this love. The second pre-chorus and chorus truly showcase the rising and peaking of the crescendo – “Finally, our world is perfect/With love/With love”. Once again, the notes progress upwards in pitch and sound harmonious, reflecting this world that feels perfect just by being filled with love.

The choruses, with the lyrics “After I grew and healed in my small heart/It breaks, hardens and melts/Only then can I see my eternity.” And then, “Like a small wave/My small heart/Is broken and pushed/And melts into you/Only then can I see my eternity.” These lyrics seem to describe the healing force of love – how it helps you grow and heal but also can truly shake your heart and alter the way you feel and see the world, causing a shift in your mind that really does last for eternity. He captures beautifully the sudden, lasting change, but also the comfort and healing that a long-lasting love can bring.

Especially during the second chorus, the main melody on the guitar sounds to me like an incoming and retreating wave, mirroring the lyrics and the nature of the love Daniel sings about here. Another thing I love about this song is how harmonious it sounds – the melodies are very pleasing to my ears and feel consonant enough to be from the same scale. But when I tried to sing this song, I realized how many notes are actually flat and require you to take on a pitch you would not normally expect. I think that conveys so much meaning. That when you love someone, you’re willing to subvert your own comforts and expectations if it means it’d make them happy. It also shows that though any love and person is flawed, it will always seem perfect to you because you value it so much. You accept it with all its quirks and imperfections.

I’m really moved by how genuinely and beautifully love is conveyed in this song, and yet it is left open to interpretation what kind of love one associates this with. I think that this is a beautiful conclusion to the A-side. Even through growing to love and value someone, being hurt by them and trying to save a relationship that fails, there are different kinds of love, and even through all the pain and flaws that come with it, it’s still truly what makes our world perfect and worth living in.

9. homesick

This track opens B-side, its melodies creating a forlorn feeling of a misty, freezing winter day. As A-side transitions from day to night, it can also transition from sunny, happy days of love to rainy, cold days of heartbreak and loneliness.

This song seems to convey remembering a lost love in a more painful manner, seeing the dreams of the relationship you hoped to have break in front of you – “all I wanted was to fly high/I can’t believe my wings are broken/and fell against the sky”. The chord progression on piano for this sounds dark and purposefully dissonant, as though signifying a deeply entrenched pain. Similarly, the rhythms are slow and seem almost to stick, as though they refuse to move forward, resembling the freezing, misty tones of this song. The tone with which Daniel sings this is also something I’d never heard him do before – it really amazed me! His voice sounds silvery and fairy-like, resembling ice crystallising on tree branches. In this way, he really conveys the feeling of being heartbroken on a cold winter day, wishing to return “home”, to the dreams he created, although his house is now “gone.”

The lyrics “I can’t believe my wings are broken/and fell against the sky”, when contrasted with the songs on the A-side of the album, really reminded me of the story of Icarus. It seems as though in chasing this love that resembled the sun and holding it close, even laying on it (evening glow), he flew too close to the sun, and the wings of love that helped him fly and dream melted, much like Icarus’. He now freezes in the cold, starkly contrasting the warmth of the sun that he had just been experiencing.

10. dried flower

This was a song I was already planning to write about! wave to earth released the songs ‘daisy.’, ‘calla’ and ‘dried flower’, which beautifully describe the flowering and withering of love. ‘dried flower’ seems to serve the same purpose here, following the song ‘calla’ with its story.

While the lyrics of ‘calla’ conveyed some hope of saving the relationship, this song seems to show the narrator finally accepting that what they so cherished has now withered away, beyond saving. ‘calla’ suggested, “the whole world/is getting filled with your scent”, but ‘dried flower’ contrasts this with “the scent of love has been dried out/the words you gave me have been already dried out.” A similar contrast is seen with “If you don’t have enough sunlight/I’ll blow the clouds away, calla”, and “There will be no blossoms for us/We don’t have any wetness, no sunlight.” While in ‘calla’, the narrator tried to enjoy the rain and bring the sun back to rejuvenate the dying flower of the relationship, they now accept that there’s nothing that could possibly allow their love to grow back like a calla lily – there isn’t even a semblance of a flower left to shower with sunshine or rain, there’s no love left to save.

Here too, the melodies are dark and dissonant, which emphasises the sadness of the song, but also the distance between the narrator and their companion. Particularly, the notes of the saxophone at the end add to this dark, painful aura. I wished ‘daisy.’ had been on the album somewhere too to complete this beautiful trio of songs – all the same, dried flower is painfully beautiful!

11. sunburn

‘sunburn’ seems to describe the delayed pain of being too close to someone who was like the sun – finally feeling the unbearable pain of aloneness, of loving someone too bright for you. The song puts a different spin on the ‘sunny days’ of A-side – instead of beautiful scenery, the surroundings, much like their feelings, are like a wasteland of “rubbish filth” where the sun has “gone black”, throwing “smoky haze” in their eyes. Although it’s dark, late at night, the narrator still feels the burning pain of the sunburn. They wait for the morning to cool down the unbearable heat – they hope tomorrow will be better, but the air still feels hot, they cannot escape the painful memories of a lost love.

Once again, Daniel’s tone of voice conveys these emotions perfectly. He uses a raspy tone when he sings, “smoky haze in my eyes”, as though it is in fact burning him as he tries to see. Additionally, his voice is subdued and seems to blend with the instruments – rather than the focus being on his singing, the production of the song creates a slight clash between the vocals and the instruments, as though he really is being suffocated in a wasteland of heat and burning sunlight.

The instrumental break before the final chorus and outro was also really interesting to listen to. The saxophone sound seems dissonant alongside the other instruments, and the use of pitch bends further add to the pain that the song conveys. It suggests confusion and hurt, a multitude of thoughts and memories that don’t seem to agree with each other. The fast beats on the drums also suggest spiraling through your mind as you sift through past memories and relive the hurt they put you through. I truly love the way this song is sung, written and arranged with its evocative sounds and imagery!

12. akira

‘akira’ is an interlude that presents a calmer mood compared to the highly emotional and painful tones of the previous tracks on B-side. It has a cleaner, brighter sound. It was interesting to hear a track by wave to earth arranged without a guitar, but the bright piano sound with the drums and bass adds to the calmer, lo-fi feel of this interlude. I enjoyed how I could identify the melodies and sounds that each instrument was playing on its own while also forming a whole. The bouncy rhythms come together with the brighter melodies, possibly to symbolise a sort of slow acceptance of the confusion and pain conveyed in the past few tracks.

13. nouvelle vague

Continuing on from ‘akira’s’ more hopeful tones, nouvelle vague (which means new wave, I just found out to write this!) seems to describe a change of heart, a sudden seed of hope that begins to grow. The narrator seems to realise that although they have been through such hardships before, it’s an opportunity for them to learn and grow again – “It seems like we’ve been on this sharp road before/If the soles of your feet are worn out/You’ll grow all over again.” They want to move ahead now with no expectations for the future, leaving behind a past of pain and simply taking life as it comes (“The place to go back to is fogged up now/If we go forward, will there be something to see?/I really have no expectations”). The narrator tries to hold on to this ‘new wave’ of hope, hoping it doesn’t fade away and they can truly ensure it grows and fills their heart up completely. The melodies seem to convey excitement, mystery and anticipation. The saxophone is used in a versatile way in this album – first conveying nostalgia, romance, confusion, and now, in this song, hope.

14. so real

‘so real’ is really a magnificent conclusion to this album. The sound was beyond anything I expected. The beginning starts out soft, resembling the melodies of wave to earth’s ‘ocean floor’. The verses have a reflective tone – the narrator has been changed by the pain they have been through, in a way that’s difficult for them to explain. However, it seems they wonder about what could’ve been had they done something different – “take me to the bridge/I just wanna see the river/Tell me what’s your wish/I can’t make it real/But I’m just curious.” While they can’t change how things are now, they can’t help but wonder what could’ve been if they’d been able to fulfill their wish. The river seems to represent something of a crystal ball to me here – they can gaze into its waters and visualise all the things that could have been.

In my mind, I saw the song progress such that the narrator peers into the river and sees all the possibilities of love, heartbreak, everything that could’ve happened if things had worked out differently for them, all at once. I see the silence in the middle of the song, followed by the fast-paced instrumental break, to convey just this. The fast, jerky drum beats and the smoother rhythm on the saxophone seem to show a speeding reel of possibilities and scenarios – just as one imagines all the things that could have, but did not happen, rushing through their mind, the music conveys this same experience. I think the title ‘so real’ thus encompasses this perfectly. It’s an experience that is ‘so real’ – it’s real, relatable to everyone who wonders how they got to the point they’re currently at. It’s an experience that feels ‘so real’ – imagining things that could have happened in such detail that they almost come to life before you, but they are still in your head. It is a track that truly brings together all facets of wave to earth’s expression, and is a perfect conclusion to this album.

This was a review that I was both scared to write, and that took me ages to write. Life meddles with things and I kept getting interrupted while writing this, although I love this album with my whole heart and wanted desperately to write a review since even before it came out. It was difficult to convey my thoughts when I wasn’t able to anchor myself purely on analyzing the meanings of lyrics. wave to earth use music and melodies as much as their lyrics to convey the emotions in their songs, and with my slightly limited knowledge of how to explain certain musical concepts and sounds, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to convey my impressions clearly. Overall, though, I think ‘flaws and all’ truly is filled with every single aspect and feeling of wave to earth. It’s an album made with a lot of love and care, and I feel that each musical choice was intentional and conveys something deeply meaningful. It’s an album that I hold very close to my heart – I hope I have been able to express my impressions of it clearly!

References:

pink - adapted from pink english lyric video

love. - adapted from love. english lyric video

nouvelle vague

[adagioapassionato]

Thinking about...D-Day by Agust D.

With his third album, ‘D-Day’, Agust D critiques today’s society and calls for a new age where we liberate ourselves from restrictive conventions. He reflects on the information age, the nature of love, his own pain, and ends with messages of hope for his juniors and those he loves with this final solo album before he enlists in the military. I wrote a (very long!) analysis of each track, because Yoongi’s lyrics and musical choices are insightful and convey his thoughts truly and beautifully.

1. D-Day

D-Day creates an upbeat, energetic start to the album. The song, interestingly, is one that is uplifting, motivational and somewhat comforting, but uses strong beats and sounds. It is interesting that the song is called ‘D-Day’, usually synonymous with something dangerous, ominous, or bringing doom – yet, he begins the song with “Future’s gonna be okay,” and “D-Day’s coming, it’s a fucking good day.” His optimism for the future is seen in a wordplay on the lyric, “look at the mirror and I see no pain.” The way he pronounces “mirror” resembles the Korean 미래 (mi-rae, future). Thus, he suggests that he both looks in the mirror, at himself, and feels no pain – he accepts himself; he also looks at the future and feels no pain, he accepts what comes to him on this D-Day. He sees D-Day not as a day of death or pain, but of rebirth – he says, “the stupid past is over now, let’s toast again to us who will be reborn.” He reclaims D-Day as the day we kill hatred for ourselves and learn to accept ourselves as whole. Once we learn not to “regret the past, don’t be afraid of the future”, that’s the day we kill an essentialist notion of ourselves that sees only our flaws and pain. It is with this outlook he begins the album – he looks forward to a future of love, where we bloom as “lotus flowers” even in a world full of hate

2. Haegeum

Haegeum is a multifaceted title track filled with myriad meanings. Haegeum is a Korean instrument, but is also a word that suggests lifting a ban on something that was previously forbidden. Another more literal interpretation I found as a Korean learner was 해 + 금, where 해 (hae) means ‘sun’, and 금 (geum) means ‘gold’. The title of this song thus suggests the sun rising over a new golden age, where Yoongi is “liberated from the forbidden”, in his own words. With this song, he rejects the state of the world today and the stereotypes that are forced onto him in an extremely interesting way.

Reflecting on ‘Daechwita’, the title track of his previous album ‘D-2’, I could immediately see its similarities with Haegeum. The title tracks both heavily feature themes of Korean culture. ‘Daechwita’ is a genre of Korean music, but also means “a big blow,” which fits perfectly with its theme of speaking out against the criticism and backlash Yoongi receives as an idol. The title of this song features a wordplay similar to Haegeum’s – while at first glance appearing to describe Korean music, they also suggest Yoongi’s intentions and message for the song.

Haegeum is generally very similar in sound to Daechwita, but presents almost an opposite theme. With Daechwita, Yoongi sets himself apart. He describes, through the song, his rise to success. He emphasises his effort and struggles to reach where he is, and distance himself from those who criticise and hate him without reason. He also showcases such a theme in the music video – he portrays himself as a king with a scar, typically not someone who would have been allowed to rule in Korea. Thus, he rose to success and power despite his differences and hardships.

Haegeum, however, brings Yoongi back to his roots. He is no longer a king, and in the music video, even portrays himself as a criminal who kills a version of himself in a position of power (this time, a policeman). In the song, he says “this lively rhythm”, whose Korean tones are similar to Daechwita’s, “is a new kind of Haegeum.” He thus restyles and reforms ‘Daechwita,’ which reinforced his success and position as an idol, into a rejection of the very conventions that define and restrain him. The music video mirrors this by showing typically taboo, mature themes, resembling an action movie. A scene he pointed out was of him smoking – something typically looked down on for idols like him, but he rejects things that are supposedly ‘forbidden’ for him as he accepts a new style and era for himself.

Generally, Yoongi seems to be tired of the ‘information age’ today. He sees this as something that constrains and restricts us. It forces people into constant purposeless debate and controversy online, and this excess of information makes it difficult to make a clear judgement about what you truly believe in. He tries to determine the source of this restriction – why are we so bound to money, hatred, prejudice and validation? Is it possible that we put ourselves in this position? He recognises the dangers of this dependence and how fickle opinions and discourse are in this sea of information. He thus uses the song to advocate for a new age – one where we reject what restricts us, where we speak for what we believe in and do not pointlessly spew hatred or create baseless debates and discourse. In this way, he once again looks toward a better future, a new golden age, filled with more realism and less superficial tendencies.

3. HUH?! (ft. j-hope)

The third track, featuring BTS member j-hope, continues these themes of rejection and annoyance, this time, addressing people who constantly have something to say about things that have nothing to do with them.

This song starts out like a typical ‘diss track’ – Yoongi asserts that the people who hate him in fact desperately want to be like him. They know nothing about him and claim to hate him so much, yet they’re ‘all about him’ – after all, it takes energy to consistently seek someone out and openly dislike them. He suggests that they’re wasting time and ruining their lives focusing all their energy on spewing hate. He asserts to them, “the Internet world and reality are quite different” – a common theme in discourse online today, where often, people who spend too much time online seem to have lost the ability to detect nuance and critically think and understand the things happening around them.

j-hope’s verse on the song responds directly to these people. He repeats the word “huh?” as he asks them about the things they think, do and say towards him. He seems to question them – with a casual tone of confusion when he says “huh?” again and again, he shuts down people who critique his every move and want him to engage with them, showing that he can’t understand their obsession with him, and is too nonchalant to care.

The theme of the ‘information age’ recurs in these first three tracks. Yoongi suggests that the sea of information around us hinders us from recognizing and critiquing structures of oppression like capitalism, which he explicitly mentions in ‘Haegeum’. Through his anger, though, he still wishes such people well – “If reality is a gutter, get out of it/I pray that even you’ll do well,” and hopes that they will grow from these habits.

4. AMYGDALA

AMYGDALA is a painfully emotional and reflective track. The amygdala is the part of the brain that processes fear and anger. With this song, Yoongi reflects on particularly painful situations in his life and wonders if he made the right choice. The lyrics and sound of the song perfectly describe his turbulent mental state and mirror the all-too-familiar feeling of such a breakdown.

The song opens with Yoongi’s voice laid bare accompanied only by the guitar, as he says, “I don’t know your name/Travelling through my memories.” The hypnotic sounds he uses to produce his vocals give off the feeling of being alone and lost in his mind, sifting through his memories in a void all alone. After this, he begins rapping, describing events like his mother’s heart surgery – he truly travels through his memories, and as he does, the music speeds up as does his flow. His thoughts are racing as he sifts through his memories and re-analyses the pain he felt again and again.

The pre-chorus, with the lines “The best choice/the choices of next lanes/choice, choice, choose the lines,” are pronounced similarly in Korean (최선들의 선택/다음 차선들의 선택/차차 선들의 선택, 선택, 선택) (choiseondeur-ui seontaek/daeum chaseondeur-ui seontaek/chacha seondeur-ui seontaek, seontaek, seontaek). This shows how he is oscillating between the past and the future: he thinks about the best choice he made in the past, the choices he should make in the future, all while stuck in a thought process that seems to sound the same to an outsider – but really, he shifts back and forth between his memories and where he is today.

The chorus reaches the peak of this buildup – he almost screams the lyrics, “My amygdala/My amygdala/Come on save me/My amygdala/My amygdala/Hurry up and get me out of here.” He seems to have reached the peak of losing himself in this madness, as though his mind is about to explode with these thoughts, shown by the peaking of the mic as he screams, but the auto-tune shows that even his screams are suppressed. He begs to feel any emotion, he begs the fear and pain that these memories should induce in him to come back and shock him out of reliving these experiences. With this song, he opens up his deepest emotions and memories, perfectly capturing the pain of reliving traumatic events and wondering how you reached your current point in life, and if things would be different had you made a different choice

5 &6. SDL and People Pt. 2 (ft. IU)

I grouped these songs together in my analysis because they are auditorily and structurally very similar. Additionally, they resonate with me a lot as someone who has often experienced loneliness and as someone on the aromantic spectrum.

Both songs first tackle the difficulty of defining the world love. “This thing called love/Maybe it’s just a fleeting list of emotions” (People Pt. 2), alongside “Who else are you smiling for?/ Who do you cry for?/Could this be love?” (SDL) Yoongi examines how glorified the word ‘love’ has become in our society. It is difficult to understand what love truly is when we place so much value on romantic love and create so many expectations surrounding it. Thus, Yoongi asks in People Pt. 2, “Is love wholly perfect on its own?” Such questions are common for arospec people. Due to society’s conceptions of grandeur surrounding romantic love, the depth and strength this feeling is supposed to create, we often are confused if we experience any love at all, since we do not identify with the conventional descriptions of such love shown in media. We wonder if it’s just something fleeting that is meant to pass by us unnoticed, and we will never get to experience this grand feeling. Indeed, Yoongi recognises this too in SDL – “Thanks to the grandeur of the word love/What is easily forgotten is called love.” He suggests that by placing so much expectation and worth on grandiose depictions of love, we lose sight of the love that we can feel for simple, small things. And thus, as arospecs learn more about themselves, we recognise that there’s not just one kind of love, and love doesn’t need to be something huge and grand – we can feel it towards anyone and live a satisfying life even if we don’t experience the romantic version of it, or feel it conventionally.

The songs also speak similarly about the difficulty of maintaining close relationships. “Relationships are really difficult/It wasn't right from the start/The gap between the two of us/Trying to narrow it down is unreasonable” (SDL), meanwhile “I want it, a sincere connection with others/Forever’s something like a sandcastle, you know/It comes crumbling down at the calmest of waves” (People Pt. 2). In SDL, Yoongi recognises that, upon revisiting certain relationships, you realise that they were never meant to work anyway, and holding on trying to salvage them is more painful than letting go. Similarly, in People Pt. 2, he describes the hope of ‘forever’ in a relationship as a sandcastle. You can construct a sandcastle so easily on a beach with a sand bucket or even just your hands, but it falls apart due to a wave that you would never expect. Waves and tides, just like time, keep coming and washing away relationships you easily built into sandcastles of forever.

He says, loss is scary to us not because of the loss itself, but rather because being alone is scary. That’s why, to him, life is “a struggle against loneliness” (People Pt. 2). We fight to hold on to relationships we cherish, but that fall away despite our best efforts. The English verses of these songs break grammatical conventions, and seem to describe this fleeting nature of love. “Somebody does love/But I’m thinking about you” (SDL) and “So time is yet now/Right here to go/I know, you know, anything does know.” While SDL seems to compare the love Yoongi sees around him to the relationships he has had in the past, and questions what love really is, People Pt. 2 emphasises living in the now – time is fleeting and always ready to go, and the only time to cherish is now.

Thus, through both songs, Yoongi emphasises that people and relationships are indeed fleeting, so it’s best to cherish what we have in the present.  He urges us not to reduce all our love to “glorified memories” (SDL). He wants us to learn that even though love is fleeting and relationships can be difficult to maintain, we are still “more than enough to be loved (People Pt. 2).” In this way, he assures me that loneliness comes with life and it doesn’t change that I deserve love. He also shows that love need not be something glorious and grand, it can be in the small things and still leave me satisfied, no matter what kind of love I feel.

7. Polar Night

Polar Night was a song that took me some time to interpret and understand. I think Yoongi uses this song to address people who see a polarized, black-and-white world – a world that features their truth as the right one, and anything else as darkness. “I’m not interested in facts, if you’re not on my side”, “If you’re not on my side, you’re my enemies”. He addresses people who advocate strongly only for their own view without seeing a complete perspective. He describes their “selective hypocrisy” and their choice of “interpretation that only suits [their] mood”. He suggests that they advocate for “a cheap justice” that doesn’t actually call for fairness, but only furthers their agendas and positions of power. They thus do not truly understand that the world around them is nuanced – they don’t allow people to speak for themselves and understand other worldviews, as they’re too busy forcing their version of truth onto others.

Indeed, he asks if we truly interpret the world correctly at all when caught up among so many conceptions of truth and lies held by different people. “Between so many truths and so many lies/Are we seeing this world right?” He suggests that there’s nothing true or false at all and no way to push for only one objective truth – we are all under an oppressive system, so none of us are truly the makers of an ultimate, right truth. We all make mistakes and are all caught under oppression, tainted by the tough world that surrounds us – “It is all dirty,” he says, and almost as a hidden, softer afterthought in the backing vocals, he adds, “Am I also clean?” “Are you clean?” Possibly, we are not, as nothing we do under an oppressive system can be truly ‘clean,’ or ‘unethical’. He suggests that we are shaped by the world we live in, which is all ‘dirty’, it’s all dark like a polar night. There is thus no way to call out for your own perspective without placing yourself in the context of the environment that shapes you. Yoongi never answers the questions “Am I also clean?” and “Are you clean?” He ends the song with these questions, leaving us to think over them and about the systems we live in today.

8. Interlude: Dawn

This song seems to pick up where the previous one left off. It is an instrumental that seems to signal the coming of the dawn and the sunrise, with a sound that is very similar to its title. It starts out soft and slow, but has a deep, dreamy aura, as though the sky is just lightening with the first strokes of dawn. As more instruments join in, the song grows louder and crescendos into a rousing theme, as though signaling a sunrise after a “Polar Night.” The image this song created in my mind resembled a timelapse of a polar night of stars over the snow slowly turning into a beautiful sunrise.

9. Snooze (ft. Ryuichi Sakamoto and WOOSUNG)

Snooze seems to lay out Yoongi’s advice as a senior idol to his juniors in the industry, who must go through rigorous training and face the very high expectations of their company and their fans. BTS frequently mentions the theme of dreams in their songs. From beginning with No More Dream and questioning, “what’s your dream?”, urging youngsters to not waste their lives without dreaming of a future, they moved to Paradise, which suggested that a dream need not be something grand – “it can even be what you see in your sleep,” and having no dreams is really okay too. With Snooze, Yoongi brings both these themes together as he addresses young idols from a position of experience. He assures them that while they should dream as they try to make it big as an idol, this is a tough path ridden with struggles. Thus, it is okay to rest, it is okay, “to not even dream” for few moments, as they take a step back from the demanding life path they have chosen.

He explains that though they look up to him, the path of being an idol is rarely easy. He says that criticism is rife in his industry – “when the hand that greeted you turned into a pointing finger.” He provides them with advice from his years in the industry – not to laugh at others’ scandals, not to forget those who eternally support them, and the double-edged sword that success can be. He lets them know that although the road of being an idol is “painful and lonely”, being affected by it is normal, and they deserve to cry, feel the pain that comes with it, and that he will always be there to support them and pray that their dreams come true no matter what they go through. His descriptions of “falling petals” and “flower roads” allude to previous descriptions of BTS as ‘six petals’ by eldest member Jin, who asserts that he holds on to BTS like “six petals.” Yoongi seems to take on this metaphor, suggesting that he holds on to juniors as ‘petals’ – whether they fall or bloom with their dreams, he will support them and cheer them on from his position of experience and love towards what they go through.

Eventually, he assures them, again and again with the repeating words, “Everything will be okay.” The repetition of this line is powerfully comforting – it is a strong reinforcement that even through all their pain, they will survive, and it will all work out at the end. With the final verse, he leaves them with hope – “you will fully bloom after the hardships/Dream/the beginning may be weak, but the end may be great/Dream.” He urges them to keep dreaming, but also ensure that they take time to process the hardships that they will go through. He hopes that at the end of it all, they will finally bloom and reach the heights they wish to. The emotional tones of his rap, laid bare, with no edits as in the first few songs, complement WOOSUNG’s emotional belting voice to beautifully convey this message of love and hope to his juniors.

10. Life Goes On

Life Goes On puts a different spin on the original ‘Life Goes On’ by BTS. The original song was about staying together despite troubling times and difficulties like the pandemic. However, with his version of the song, Yoongi accepts the inevitability of growing apart from someone while still loving them. In a way, this song is possibly his goodbye to BTS and ARMY before he enlists in the military. “Let’s say good bye, not bye, hello/ Even if the world doesn't go my way/Let's count just a few nights as we wish/I'll never forget the day we meet again.” “Time is like a wave/It will be washed away like the ebb/But don't forget to find me.” He accepts that he drifts apart from us and must leave us behind, but he knows that eventually, we will come back together as one. He says, “I've been running like it was the last time but I'm still scared/I know, I know this place right now/A place that will soon become a memory/Don't be afraid until the end of my life/Because life will go on forever.” He thus accepts that although his first 10 years with BTS end, life will go on to bring him to new heights where he will make new memories on his return from the military. He thus ends the album with a hopeful, loving tone with this song, assuring us and his members that life goes on, healing all things at the end.

Yoongi’s albums are always insightful in how they critique today’s society. However, his music is also reassuringly human – by exposing his own vulnerable feelings and thoughts, he provides comfort and understanding of things that many people have experienced and been through. With this album, then, he seems to hope for a new age – he released this as a D-Day, the last day of an old age of being repressed and tied in. With D-Day, he is ready to move forward with hope, be liberated and accept what life brings to him, and urges us to do the same.

References:

D-Day (Album) Lyrics English Translations

[adagioapassionato]

tunes of the week:

1.https://open.spotify.com/track/6rqot498PSzyAq1tEn4BFD?si=-NkIpIhRQuiAqOp_uIuWEg&dd=1

2. https://open.spotify.com/track/2BYL7Z9y5DB03fnjMgHcGh?si=V8hUJsEAQLisAnH_QlPAUQ&dd=1

3. https://open.spotify.com/track/5EE57hdVbfwSnLOywQYQrS?si=YkE1gTYATcOqdzbCUwHPKQ&dd=1

4. https://open.spotify.com/track/0UXLLeFAFbo5JbSR9C4STe?si=0wAplnPrT12I9Oa11LtQ3g&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1DX4FcAKI5Nhzq&dd=1

[adagioapassionato]

Thinking about...FACE by Jimin

FACE by Jimin recounts his struggle with escapism and how he eventually learns to accept his painful emotions and move forward with them by his side. The tracks, when listened to in order, create this narrative perfectly through their lyrics and sound. 

‘Face-Off’ is the beginning of a madness in the mind that you try to satiate with alcohol (or any unhealthy coping/escapist mechanism). The jaunty and mischievous melody at the beginning suggests a kind of disturbance, a dissonance, as if the mind is playing its own tricks and pranks on you. The song sounds distinctly like a drunken, confused argument. He describes a masquerade party and being drunk in the first verse, then screams “I don’t care about you” in the second, as though he’s trying to explain his feelings and justify himself to his own mind, to his own confusions, but his mind is addled by the disturbance taking over him, and he can’t clearly say what it is he’s trying to escape from. “Tonight I don't wanna be sober,” this line shows the face-off between negative and painful thoughts and wanting to avoid them and turning to alcohol or escapism instead. The repeating words in the chorus “Break it down/Get it out/Pour it out/Pour it down,” also suggest that Jimin is trying to escape the confusion and disturbance that is taking over him. He tries to escape it at first – breaking it down, getting it out, but soon he settles on ‘pour it out’ – he pours out the alcohol, and as he does so, (he thinks) he is pouring out his sorrows and confusion from his mind and setting them free. 

Then we have ‘Interlude: Drive’... it almost feels like we're travelling with the alcohol through Jimin’s veins into his mind and watching it take over him and slip into his dream that takes him away from the harsh reality. The music sounds hypnotic, silvery and fairy-like, as though a spell has been cast and you are slowly disconnecting from reality as it takes effect. The song also shows his confusion through the noises of various doors opening, as if he is trying different methods of drowning out his pain, or alternatively, different methods of escaping the spell the alcohol casts on him. However, he doesn’t succeed – he can’t find a way out. So, he finally settles into the spell of the alcohol at the end of the song – he pours it out into a glass and gulps it all down – almost in one go as he tries to escape the confusion and pain in his mind. 

The next track, ‘Like Crazy’, is the effect of the escapism working for a short time – he is lost in a dream in his head, he's escaped reality and is immersed in the bright lights of a party. Indeed, the very first line states “Baby, don’t think about it/There’s not a bad thing here tonight,” an illusion brought on by the alcohol that everything is perfect and he can simply push out his problems if he doesn’t think about them. He loses himself in the loud music and imagines himself in a “drama-like story.”  The song progresses as he loses himself in a night of drinking, and for a short while, he feels insanely happy – however, the end of the song shows how the drunkenness slowly wears off him, and he struggles to hold on to the last remnants of the intoxicating feeling – “No don’t you wake me/I wanna stay in this dream,” “Don’t you try to save me/I need a way we can dream on”. Interestingly, the song ends with “Alone again, what’s the point?” – seemingly a conclusion to this night of escapism, where he’s forced back into combating his loneliness and facing the fact that truly, he’s alone again. 

And sure enough, the next track is called ‘Alone.’ It describes what happens when the headiness of the escapism wears off and the reality comes crashing back around you. The focus here on Jimin’s plain, unedited voice with low accompaniment music shows the rawness of his emotion and problems. It can be contrasted with the use of auto-tune in the other tracks like Face-off – it is used over angrier parts, as though he wants his true emotions to escape but suppresses them under alcohol and escaping them, so you can't hear them clearly. But in ‘Alone’, he is laid bare and raw after everything wears off and he is forced to face it. The lyrics also reflect this struggle – Jimin finally confronts his problems, and realises, “I’m pretending to be okay every time/I’m so pathetic.” The chorus, with “The same day (the same day)/Flows again (flows again)”, captures the viciousness and stickiness of living through the same pain again and again, unable to escape. The post-chorus and refrain also perfectly describe such a breakdown – “Make it right/it’s gonna be alright/Lie, lie, lie, lie.” Although he tries to comfort himself and convince himself that he can make things right, that he will feel better and emerge from his pain, he can’t help but feel that all this is a lie and that he’ll be stuck here forever. 

The last track, ‘Set Me Free Pt. 2,’ is a resolution of all the above emotions. Jimin is set free of his desire to escape what he's going through. He accepts it and reconciles his emotions and then realises this is what will truly set him free from pain, not escapism. He realises how he’s been escaping his problems – “I wandered into a maze/Hennessy and night” – but now decides to move forward once he’s free of the pain – “I won’t look back/Fly away, butterfly/Finally free.” The pre-chorus captures clearly his reconciliation with his emotions – “I won’t hide anymore, even if it hurts/Going insane to stay sane/Raise your hands for the past me.” He accepts his past pain and problems and moves forward. He continues to throw himself into his passions and the things he loves, he would rather go insane with passion than insane with pain and escapism. This allusion to the lyrics from BTS’ ‘ON’, which suggested how they wanted to carry on by focusing on their love for music despite the hardships of success, fits perfectly as he explores these feelings through his personal lens rather than as a part of the group. The virtuosic music, contrasting with the gentle tones of ‘Alone,’ shows all his emotions coming together and a rejection of avoiding his problems, and the relief he feels at finally being free. 

I thus see FACE as a struggle against escapism, and a journey towards reconciling with one’s pain. Jimin’s ability to create a coherent narrative that was apparent to me before I even read the translations of the lyrics is incredible. The way he used the music, the lyrics and the emotion in his voice to convey these messages made me truly enjoy and love this album, and I particularly enjoy listening to the album in order, just so I can go through this journey with him each time. 

References:

FACE Album Lyrics English Translations

[adagioapassionato]

/overgrown beauty/

she was a garden,

overflowing with the prettiest of flowers

it was all one could do but to inhale

the various scents around.

on first sight, everything there

was an eye-catcher.

everything turned heads.

there was not one who didn’t stop

to admire the beauty she spread.

the roses were her blush,

the sunflowers her smile,

the violets reflected her eyes

in their periwinkle shine.

but walk a little further,

explore a little deeper,

and the roses would cut with their thorns,

the sunflowers turned brown at the edges,

and weeds consumed the violets

to reveal the overgrown forest that was her true home.

then what was this beauty, I asked?

where did it come from?

and how was it so vibrant, so elegant, and yet

so fragile?

“pain,” she said.

pain, held in too long.

pain, that had made her strong,

pain, that protected her

by creating this garden

of overgrown beauty.

“i will be your gardener,” said I,

“I will prune your roses,

and tend your sunflowers,

and clear your weeds.”

“I will tame this wilderness

and I will tend this forest

until it becomes just as beautiful

and just as vibrant

as the garden that lures all to you.”

you don’t have to live

in this mess of a home,

you don’t have to hide

in this tangle of brown

you can become

as vibrant and beautiful

as the garden you couldn’t call home

your beauty is overgrown.

don’t hide what lies inside any more

love yourself, care for yourself,

and grow into your true home.

- s.m.

i hope you guys liked this :) it’s basically about someone who seems happy, colourful and vibrant when truly they hold a lot of pain within themselves and aren’t ready to accept it, open up and show that that’s who they truly are. they pretend they’re fine when they’re not, and thus loving and caring for themselves would help them grow happier and into a better person :) 

inspired by ‘the truth untold - bts’

[adagioapassionato]

it's been too long. Too long I've been wallowing in my self pity. Too long I've spent in sadness. Too long I've spent wondering how I could've hurt you less and still saved my self. Too long I've spent keeping myself from my goals. Too long I've spent without wanting. Too long I've spent having given up. I changed, I know I did. I'm not the same naive young girl that wanted to change her fate a few months back because she thought she could do better than the "great" she'd achieved. I was hurt, I bled, I lived with pain. But it seems I forgot that my scars, though still there, do bleed no more, they haven't healed, but they bleed no more. They bleed no more, and I now have the strength to pick myself up, so I might as well use it. I'm not the same naive young girl that wanted to change her fate a few months back, but I do know that that naive young girl made herself a promise. A promise to make things better, to never give up on getting what she wanted. And if anything motivates me to move forward, it's that promise, the one promise that I made without a trace of fear in my heart. I would change it, because I can, and because I know I can.

[adagioapassionato]

Books.

Books, to me, aren’t just...bundles of paper. They’re so much more than just a bunch of pages, or paper, or if you’re that person that reads a Kindle, more than just a metal tablet. 

They’re the characters, the twists and turns, the story as it unfolds. And as I read, I’m transported, taken away to other worlds, with these characters that are suddenly so close to me, the ones I couldn’t bear to be separated from. 

Have you ever been so attached to a character, they inspire you? Have you ever loved a character, understood a character, and felt for them almost as though they were...real? I’m not talking about the way you open up your phone and start screaming in caps lock about them all the time. No, I mean when you feel sad or down, but you remember them for guidance, when you know you’re so much like them, when you can relate to them on a level that lets you have almost a first-person insight into their life. 

And for non-readers, or not avid readers, this could be potentially weird to read. Like, why are you attached to them? They’re not even real. How can they ‘inspire’ you like that, when they don’t even exist?

Well, here is how they can do all those things for me - it’s just the magic of books, the magic that lets me absorb myself in my most favourite teleportation device.