adariel is invoked to amplify stupidity

Shhh, I'm hiding from the people I love and care about the most.

[emolumentsclause-deactivated201]

I hate that social media has commodified performative grief and outrage to the point that every fucking person thinks that every tragedy that happens needs to be addressed by them, personally. I hate that there’s an expectation that everyone make some grand statement and that if you don’t do it, you must be heartless or hate the victims. We’re not all celebrities or politicians. Not every voice needs to be heard at all times. The world probably doesn’t NEED anyone’s take if it doesn’t contain new information. Processing things silently isn’t bad and it doesn’t make anyone a bad person and I honestly much prefer it to a lot of the self-serving bullshit you see when something awful happens in the world.

I fall into that trap. Most people do. It’s shit and it produces a lot of shit sentiment. “WHY AREN’T PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THIS?!” is my least favorite sentence in the world right now. Most people, when it comes to tragedy, have nothing to say. Most uninvolved people, in these circumstances, should say less.

[bob-belcher]

[rhymewithrachel]

[photochoco]

Jackpot

[photochoco]

This is getting kind of ridiculous.

There are two five leaves in there somewhere 

[photochoco]

I lost count

[humunanunga]

This is the lucky clover bouquet. Reblog for seven days of good luck!

[buttnekkidblackgirl]

Y’all laugh but I actually end up doing pretty well once I go to work

[ashashi-corner]

Im gonna need it with how awkward I am .-.

[hoekage-deactivated20141204]

the main thing i look forward to in life is raising dogs w/ someone i love

[patheticgoth-deactivated2016062]

u ever feel so sad ur heart hurts

[inkskinned]

on a scale of one to ten how sad are you.

you almost say seven but the answer floats in your lungs like rising mud. you shift your shoulders. some part of you is already forming an excuse. that it’s not that bad sometimes. one, two, three on a day that the clouds are out. you’re just complaining about stuff. yesterday you laughed past a brick of a four, does that make the brick come down to a two-point-five.  the solid seven panic attack of last tuesday feels somehow like a little thorn, just a regular day full of a gentle three-point-nine earthquake rocking after yesterday’s close-to-an-eight. see but if tomorrow you have a real bad day, it will make today look simple.

and what if. what if tomorrow it’s a big old red eight-point-nine. like one of those days where sirens are going off in every part of you but you’re stuck behind a glass window watching it all burn down. like one of those days that your skin against the air feels foreign. like too much of everything. like sitting-in-the-shower, like can’t-eat, like the tide isn’t just coming in, it came while you were sleeping and now you’ve gotta learn how to swim. like bounce me against a bullet hole kind of day.

you keep numbers like nine and ten way out of reach. those are for the people who really are suffering. you’ve got no excuse. nine and ten are funeral numbers, for real problems, not yours, no. and sometimes you’re fine. and you’re kind of used to it. and it’s not sad, it’s just numb like a television caught on static. numb like i can’t remember if i care about this. numb like nothing works but i can’t be bothered to fix it. that’s not sad that’s every day stuff. everybody feels like this, right? feels like they’ve been shut off. right.  

maybe five. right in the middle. like not gonna shoot myself but i’m not wasting your time. a nonanswer. like could be worse could be better. like i need help but i don’t want you to worry even though i need someone to worry about me because i can’t worry about myself. maybe five. but what if five is too small. what if five is too big. what if -

“on a scale of one to ten,” he repeats into your silence, and then pauses. “and please be honest about this.”

[adariel]

I get scared every time he says my name.

[adariel]

a: I love you. I know you might not feel the same, and it's okay (we can work on it), but I just wanted to let you know.

k: Um, okay...can I be honest? I don't think we can really continue this because I just...don't love you anymore. Like, in the same way as before.

a: Oh, alright then. thanks for giving me the opportunity to be with you anyway. :)

(a: it's been lit)

[prosaversoearte]

Visit Original Link

You Are My Sunshine - Johnny Cash

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping I dreamed I held you in my arms When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken So I bowed my head and I cried You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are grey You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you Please, don’t take my sunshine away I’ve always loved you and made you happy And nothing else could come between But now you’ve left me to love another You have shattered all my dreams You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are grey You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you Please, don’t take my sunshine away

[likeaphoenixmagazine-blog]

Phoenix definition : a person or thing that has become renewed or restored after suffering calamity or apparent annihilation.

Calling all writers and artists of Tumblr! 

Like A Phoenix Magazine is an ezine that will focus on how people got through things like heartbreak, grief, or the loss of a loved one.

The first issue will be coming out for free next Spring, and we’re looking for contributors. It’ll be a hopefully therapeutic way to get your work in front of an audience. We’d like a variety of both writing and art to be featured in Like A Phoenix. You have the option to either remain anonymous or be credited for your work.

We’re currently looking for, in terms of writing, pieces ranging from 500 - 2,000 words on heartbreak or grief, hopefully including how you coped with it, or what it taught you. You have months to work on it, of course, but we’d love for submissions to be sent in earlier. So far we’ve had a wide range of submissions, including poetry and many other formats. You’re most definitely allowed to interpret it your own way, and think outside of the box.

We’re currently looking for, in terms of art, either A) pieces illustrating how grief or heartbreak affected you, or B) if you’d like to illustrate a piece of writing, let me know and I’ll keep you updated on that.

If you’d like to help in another way, sharing this post would be beneficial, and you can use the e-mail address below to enquire about lending your talents copy-editing, designing, etc.

You can send any questions into the Tumblr inbox or [email protected], and send any submissions to [email protected]. You’re also welcome to ask for the link to the Like A Phoenix Facebook group, where updates and calls for submissions will be posted.

Thank you so much!

[inkskinned]

there will be a moment when you realize you are more grown up than your parents are. this is the loss of childhood, my love. it is when you’re standing in the kitchen and one of your parents is screaming about something and you recognize: you will let them win the fight not because you are wrong, but simply because you know that they will keep shouting unless you drop the subject. you expect them to have childish understandings of things. they will hold onto their concept of the world as if it was not a changing thing. they must be right, and they must be somehow more right than you, always, in everything. their idea of control is so necessary to who they are that you just let it go.

this is the moment. you are 11 or 17 or 21. and you realize that you’re more mature than they ever were. 

and in some odd, sad way, this frees you. where they have stagnated, you continue.

[adariel]

Sounds really relatable, but I don’t know if it’s just because of the privilege of circumstance that I have at the moment.

[imperfectio]

[adariel]

If I could do this to the scars on my back, I would.

[unclebabie]

LINGERIE MASTERPOST

You guys asked for it, here it is! I’ll be editing this to organize it later.

Fifi Chachnil: A beautiful french brand making ultra glam girly lingerie. Unlike most lingerie stores, they also sell breathtaking clothing! I’m not very familiar with their sizing, so you would have to use a converter if you use western sizing.

Karolina Laskowska: Now this definitely isn’t a favourite brand of mine, as it isn’t quite my style. Though it’s very pricey for things like soft bras and harnesses, they have wonderful sales! (Or had…. they seem to have disappeared since the last time I checked? not sure). If you’re into strappy pieces, oriental print fabrics, and lace, I would check out this brand. Available size small-large.

Dotties Delights: A favourite brand of mine, I mean any brand that works with the wonderful Miss Mosh herself definitely has some credibility. They’re by no means cheap, running in at about 200$ a bra and 100$ for a pair of knickers (about 300$ for a bra and panty set). Their lingerie though, is surprisingly more affordable coming between about 80-150$. If you can afford this, I by all means encourage you to purchase so I can live through you (you should also buy me a set). They have a fairly large size range, but isn’t very plus sized friendly. 

What Katie Did: Definitely another favourite of mine. If you’re looking for beautiful vintage inspired pieces at an irresistible price look no further than this sob worthy brand. Their bras run between 50-70$ which is not bad at all for such beautiful products! You can get a full bra, panty, and garter set for about 150$ or less. Unreal! If you have a little money burning in your pocket check out their Gold Label collection. It runs a bit pricier but still absolutely nothing to scoff at. You can buy a whole set from that collection for about 175$. They offer sizes up to a DD!

Agent Provocateur: Now I have a bit to say about this brand. It’s become one of the leading competitors in the luxury lingerie universe, and rightfully so. They were built up on beautiful high quality products. Now unfortunately, I would be more eager to suggest another brand. They’re switched their production to asia, and though their prices have gone up, their quality (and designs in my opinion, which appear to appeal to the mass market more like victoria’s secret) have gone down. They do still carry some beautiful pieces, but it feels like their designs are less than luxurious for the most part now. They have fairly limited sizes, with some styles (usually the prettiest ones, sigh) only going up to a C or a D. Others go up to an E. 

Arabel: Very sweet, feminine, and lacey. Lots of pastel colours and soft designs. Not very plus size friendly, but you may be able to contact the owner to have something made. Their bra sizing is tricky (and on the smaller size), so you may need to use a converter. 

Almeida: They don’t have a ton of stock, but I had to add them to my list. Season after season they produce wonderful designs. Right now, it’s all pink, black, and leather (with some lace). Again they’re quite pricey but so beautiful!

Gossard: As you guys know Gossard is a brand i have nothing but good things to say about. I own 4 bras from them (unfortunately the panties and garterbelt i wanted sold out). They offer a huge range of sizes, styles, and colourways. My favourite is the Retrolution line (you will die, honestly it’s beautiful). On top of it all, their prices are beyond reasonable. Not to mention they have unbelievable sales on old seasons. They’re definitely big-boob friendly, and have ultra flattering styles. 

Bordelle: Bordelle is definitely another favourite luxury brand of mine. Super strappy, lots of elastic and hardware (wonderful if you’re in the kink community). Their sizes go from small-large, so unfortunately it’s kind of limited. If you have the means, I would absolutely recommend purchasing from them. Be wary they can be quite pricey! But totally worth it.

Journelle: Journelle is basically a distributer of various luxury lingerie brands. If you want to browse a bunch of beautiful lingerie in one convenient website La Journelle is a great place to start. With the large variety of brands that also means you have a wider variety of sizing, designs, and colours. They have something to fit everyone’s budget. 

Lascivious: Drool worthy! Lascivious consistently pumps out beautiful designer products. They also have amazing sales from previous seasons, so any budget can get excellent designs. I have nothing bad to say about this brand, honestly haha. Please check them out! Their designs are so, so beautiful.

La Perla: Not a personal favourite of mine, but a classic. They’re very expensive, but if you’re looking for more basic designs in luxury quality La Perla is a wonderful option. Be wary that only some countries can access their website, so you may have to shop their products through other shops like Nancy Meyer. 

Astuko Kudo: More latex, couture latex. Out of all the latex shops i know this one is my favourite. Atsuko Kudo leaves me speechless; literally. I’m trying to find the right way to describe them but no words i can string together does this justice. They offer sizes XS-XL, or a made to fit option. In addition to lingerie they have dresses, skirts, jackets, tops and more. All of which are to die for. Do yourself a favour and browse around.

Buttress and Snatch: I really believe this brand has something for anyone. Their designs are just too adorable for words, taking obvious influence from disney, burlesque, and kitsch. Unfortunately their sizing isn’t very generous (for most products), but if you can fit I envy the heck out of you! The bra pricing runs from about 140$-500$. 

Bluebella: Ok bluebella is so absolutely adorable, and totally affordable. You can even get bras for as low as 20$. They have a huge variety of styles, and generous sizing up to an E cup. To say the least, I really want probably about 80% of their products, and am happy to say they will actually fit me.

True & Co.: True & Co. is honestly wonderful. They even offer a quiz at the beginning of your shopping experience to help you find out what bras are best suited for you based on how your current bras fit. Most of their bras  run between 50-65$. They have lots of basics, as well as some more elegant and pretty bras. Their lingerie sets are also super pretty and really really cheap. Like 50$ for a set kind of cheap. Jump on that.

Mise En Cage: Like Journelle, they’re a market place for fine luxury lingerie like Bordelle, Tatu, Mise En Cage originals, and Kriss Soonik.

Bella Bella Boutique: Probably my favourite market for lingerie, they have unreal prices that give a total range. They stock some of my favourite brands and the most beautiful pieces so you can do all your shopping in one place. Mind you, the website isn’t much to look at, but their products are amazing.

Angela Friedman: Luxurious, beautiful, lavish pieces for beautiful ladies. Unfortunately it’s way out of my price range, but if you have some extra money kicking around and would like to give it to a small designer, Angela Friedman offers great lingerie and wonderful designs.

LaBellaFairy: For the corset loving crowd, they offer impeccable corsets. I would do just about anything for one of these. They’re ultra luxurious, beautiful, and have options from edwardian, to off the rack, to wedding pieces. 

La Lilouche: Ultra beautiful, girly, feminine pieces. If you love ruffles, satin, pastels and jewels this brand is definitely for you. They’re on the pricier side, but are still completely worth it to buy from such a talented small designer. 

Coco’s Retro Closet: Speechless! They are by far my favourite vintage inspired independent designer. They’re a smaller company, operating off etsy, but their designs are impeccable and absolutely gorgeous. This list would not be complete without them.

Ohhh Lulu: Softbras and panties galore! Tons of cute panties and bras in delightful prints, and pretty sleep masks. Mind you, if you’re a larger cup size I probably wouldn’t suggest their bras as soft bras give little to no support. They do offer custom sizing though which is nice if you’re looking for something more to just wear around the house or over another bra! They also have quite reasonable pricing. 

Sugar Lace Lingerie: Marie Antoinette would blush at these beautiful pieces. They are pastel, pretty, luxurious and ultra feminine. They currently don’t have a huge selection of products but I would encourage everyone to check out this new designer with tons of potential. 

Lonely Lingerie: Lonely lingerie is a great brand for people who, like myself, aren’t a fan of bright overbearing colours and patterns. Instead, their detail is added into beautiful lace, straps, and interesting designs. Their bras are soft or unpadded bras. Unfortunately, this bra is quite obviously for girl’s with smaller cup sizes. Their bras appear to offer little support, and only go up to a D (sorry largest chested girl). If you are a smaller cup size, this brand is a cool one to look into.

Playful Promises: Pretty designs, and gorgeous models are found here. Though I’m not usually a fan of some of the colours they use (and I really don’t like their patterned fabrics), their lingerie designs themselves are beautiful, AND they offer a larger variety of cup sizes! They have lots of open cup, soft, balconette and longline bras. I’m personally a fan of this brand and follow their releases. There’s always at least one piece I tend to fall in love with.

Marlies Dekkers: You’ve definitely seen knock off’s of their designs on cheap sites, but i encourage you to take a proper look into their line. Dekkers work can be described as simple, strappy, and sensual. I really like the shapes of bras they offer, and the slight fetish-y vibe they give off!

Panache Lingerie: D+ girls! This one’s for you. Whether you want your lingerie simple and supportive, stylish and colourful, or more of an elegant sexy, panache has a huge array of options for stylish lingerie. As a larger breasted girl myself, I find it really difficult to find super sexy bras that can actually still support me. I’ve fallen in love with this brand and plan on making an order as soon as I can.

intimissimi: So much pretty lingerie in one place. Even the name feels luxurious to say, but the prices are fabulous! No more than you’d pay on a cheap VS bra, you can get something more unique. The only issue is that their collections (in my opinion) are hit or miss. Sometimes I’ll want everything, sometimes I’ll find it painfully dull or cheap looking. Check back frequently so you don’t miss out on the good stuff.

For Love and Lemons: I have mixed feelings about this brand, mostly because it definitely feels like it caters to small girls. Offering sizes XS-L, it’s definitely leaving out larger chested ladies. There’s lots and lots of lace which I love. Everything looks super delicate and feminine. If you’re on the small size, I’d give it a little peak.

Myla: Definitely on the more expensive side, but it just screams luxury. Beautiful silks and fine laces adorn bras, panties and more. Luckily, if you aren’t willing to break the bank they do have a sale section where you can find pieces for up to 75% off. If you’re into the more elegant sexy, this brand is worth looking at.

SIL: A new favourite of mine, this brand is so worth checking out! There are tons of gorgeous retro-looking finds that make my inner pinup girl scream with excitement. They have a great stock of sizes, styles and colours, and their prices are pretty great. Not too high, but not cheap. I made my first order of two bras and a garterbelt and I am over the moon with how great I look in them. 

Chantal Thomas: I’m a big fan of this designer, every season she puts out beautiful pieces of lingerie. I have yet to purchase something for myself, but I definitely have my eye on a few pieces. Her brand is relatively easy to find and stocked at a variety of places. 

Jolidon: *heart eyes* I am never disappointed by Jolidon. I could probably pick something out of a hat and be happy with anything I got from it. They have something for everyone. Really. Whether you’re into simple elegance, luxurious laces and silks, more young and flirty styles, or simple and sensual there is literally something for any style. Just beautiful!

Aubade:  Love love love! They offer some of my favourite kinds of bras (black and white lace, in extraordinarily sexy designs) as well as bright patterns, colours and styles following the seasons. They definitely aren’t cheap but they’re a brand I personally cannot wait to add to my collection.

Von Follies (by Dita Von Teese): well…. What to say of this brand…. it’s quickly become one of my favourites. The quality is great and the designs are impeccable. It screams luxury. I can’t wait to buy even more from the lovely Dita! Be careful though, it definitely runs small in terms of sizing. If you’re between sizes, I would suggest sizing up. Be generous, because buying lingerie only to have it be too small is never fun!

Fraulein Annie: I recently stumbled across this brand and have slowly become obsessed. The colour schemes and styles are absolutely fabulous, right up my alley. Very classic, beautiful, super flattering… The next bit of money that comes by way will most definitely be going to this brand. I’m hoping to have quite a few pieces from their current collection.

Else: Lace lovers, rejoice! This brand will have you drooling. Handmade in Istanbul, they offer superb styles in fashionable fabrics and lovely colours. Whether you like soft bras, light support, or wires, they have a great variety of options. Unfortunately for my fellow bigger busted ladies, this brand is definitely geared towards smaller chested girls.

Chantelle: A brand a can personally stand behind, I would highly suggest taking a look. I sell Chantelle in high qualities at the bra shop I work at and my customers love the quality! You’re guaranteed to love your purchase. They offer lots of sizes, colours, and styles for everyone. Whether you’re looking for a great supportive bra, something conservative, something colourful, or something sexy, you’re bound to find something you will love from Chantelle.

Curvy Kate: Yay! A great brand dedicated to large breasted girls (especially girls who love colour, because they offer lots of that). They’re very well known for having one of the best strapless bras for large chested girls! 

[tosugarqueen]

So many brands I never knew! As a DD girl, this was highly needed! Thanks :)

[adariel]

Whoaaa so many brands. :D

[breastforce]

“Particularly prone to serious procrastination problems are children who grew up with unusually high expectations placed on them…or else they exhibited exceptional talents early on, and thereafter “average” performances were met with concern and suspicion from parents and teachers.”

Holy SHIT

[t-ycho]

WELL THEN

[appropriately-inappropriate]

Yep.

They actually tested me for a learning disability in high school because I was consistently failing math.

They discovered that I actually scored in the 80th percentile in that sort of learning.

Problem was, in every other subject, I was in the 99.8th percentile.

I had never learned how to study because I never needed to—and then, when something proved to be even the slightest bit challenging, my brain went

“LOL nope this is impossible abort”

Meanwhile, this entire time I’m scraping by in subjects like English. The assignments I did turn in, I’d score top marks—but I’d avoid turning in projects I didn’t think were “good” enough.

Essentially, my brain had two settings: “100%” or “0%”.

This sort of Baby Genius shit makes kids and adolescents neurotic and self-destructive.

[cassiebones]

We learned about this in Child Development. And we learned to reward hard work and not good job. Like don’t say to a child, “oh you are so smart.” Say “Oh did worked so hard.” Be proud of the child, not the achievement.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

Be proud of the child, not the achievement.

[thalassarche]

Decades of research have been done on this by Dr. Carol Dweck. When the emphasis is placed on effort (a factor people can control) rather than talent (an innate skill), it’s a lot easier to see mistakes as a learning opportunity rather than something you just won’t ever be good at. And kids who were encouraged by effort were also more willing to take on more challenging work and considered it a lot more fun, while the kids who were praised for their intelligence were reluctant to put themselves in a situation where they might lose that identifier as a “smart kid” by making mistakes, so they preferred to do work they were confident they could master. Also, the kids praised for effort wanted to compare their results to kids who got higher scores, to see where they made their mistakes, while those praised for intelligence wanted to compare their results to kids who scored lower, to reassure themselves.

Not only does this set up “smart” students for a lot of trouble when they enter college and start being regularly challenged, the effects last long beyond that. It can be very hard for the “you’re so smart!” kids to unlearn as they become adults and struggle with even common adult things, and are afraid to ask for help because of that lesson they learned from misguided praise that they are supposed to be smart and supposed to know the answers. 

[kyanve]

…Honestly +1 here.  It’s very well researched and documented and yeah.  Making the emphasis on “You succeed and we are proud of you b/c you are SMART as an intrinsic quality!” makes failure/setbacks/difficulty -TERRIFYING- b/c if you’re “smart” it doesn’t happen and if you fail that means you’re not smart and that’s what everyone’s drilled into you as your main point of worth.

And the rates of anxiety disorders among “gifted student” kids are kinda horrifying.    

[out-there-on-the-maroon]

I mean, if all your life you’re told “you’re so smart!” by teachers, parents, friends, etc., when you run into a situation you can’t just glide through like normal … you kind of go into this personal crisis of identity thing. Like: 

You can’t do this. So you aren’t smart. But everyone’s always said you’re smart. But you’re not smart anymore. So … what are you?

Not a fun time.

[elljayvee]

I had a huge argument with my mother over this.

“but how will your kids know they are smart if you don’t tell them”

i don’t fuckin care if they know they’re smart, mom

[amireal2u]

You really think kids don’t start learning they know more than their peers? You really think they don’t know to start altering their vocabulary or understand what it means when their classmates start to expect them to break the curves? You really think kids don’t understand that they may get the material on question one of the homework but there are 10 questions because that’s not how quick everyone else is? Please. I’m not saying never to encourage or never to remark on their achievements. But trust me, kids know. You stick them in the type of school settings the US (and abroad) favors and they’ll know.

[lilyrose225writes]

Fuck.

[jazzybot4]

It also leads to the dichotomy of “You know how to do this, why can’t you do it?!”  Knowledge and ability are two different animals, and if you’re riding in lifes rodeo, sometimes you’re not gonna be able to saddle the big one. If you don’t have the ability to do something, all the knowledge of it in the world isn’t going to make a damn lick of difference. I’m coming against this again and again as an adult. I know /how/ to do something, but I don’t have the muscle memory, the repetition, the /ability/ to do it.  Also the concept of practicing something. Like getting good at something because you practice, you make mistakes. If you’re taught as a kid that you can’t afford to make mistakes (financially, socially, etc.) then you’re never going to  be able to practice at shit.  “If you’re so smart, why can’t you *insert random task here*! Everyone else can do it?”  No. No, not everybody else can do it. “Practice makes perfect” isn’t something ‘Smart’ kids are allowed to have. You have to be perfect the first time, or not at all. “Good enough” is also a concept that smart kids are denied.  I’m not bitter or anything, right? *sarcasm*

[lunarriviera]

this explains my entire career (like a pinball, slaloming around helplessly) in freelance/newspaper writing/editing + academic writing

[adariel]

:((((

[adariel]

Okay, this isn’t going to cut it. We need to talk about this, but I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know how this information will affect our relationship. I don’t know of a solution to the problem I have. 

What can I do?

[adariel]

take 2

how do you date someone while constantly wondering when they’ll next leave you?