Too late. You broke it.

I'm obsessed and need an outlet.  This is it.

[poems-and-word]

“I guess that’s the problem when you really get to know someone. We learn all their triggers and emotional buttons, and unfortunately, in times of war, we press them.”

— Samantha Young, Down London Road (via books-n-quotes)

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

This.

[everythings-reminding-me-of-you]

“In my dreams you’re touching my face

And asking me if I want to try again with you.”

-22.17pm

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

He finds joy in silly things. He showed me one of his treasures and I wasn’t impressed. It was disinteresting to me. In retrospect I wish I’d done a better job in feigning enthusiasm. Because I find joy in him and his simple pleasures in silly things.

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

I have many people I could talk to but no one to tell about this overwhelming grief in my heart.

Today was wonderful. Yet all these hours later there is a deep seeded sadness. A black cloud overhead.

I think I felt joy. It’s so foreign to me that I’m moved to tears by it. And I’m reminded how much I miss all of you.

To feel joy is to remember you’re not here to share in it. And with that i wonder if I truly, fully, ever feel joy at all.

Maybe when God took you all, I shut it off. Joy, I mean. And now when it shows up I’m just not sure what to do.

What if I can never be happy. I thought age and time would fill in the gaps of of my broken soul and maybe to a degree that’s true, but not now. Not it this moment. The wounds are fresh and I wish you were here.

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

I’m really glad for you that you’re getting along without me. Im working on finding that place for getting along with out you, myself.

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

He has until midnight tomorrow before I turn back into a pumpkin and all the magic is gone for good.

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

He hasn’t thought of me once since Thursday. He’s a fuckface.

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

Your silence is affirmation that I was never crazy. It is proof that I wasn’t wrong. It is confirmation that you are a liar.

[quotemadness]

“I’m not sure which is worse: intense feeling, or the absence of it.”

— Margaret Atwood

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

Each time I feel myself missing you, my inner voice whispers:

“stop. it’s time to let go...”

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

Haven’t heard back from you in days. Just a week ago that would’ve had me in a panic.

Seeing you this past time, felt different; we were different. At first I let myself fantasize that things were going to go back as they were. And that didn’t feel the same either.

You did this. Put all this distance between us. I was merely a spectator watching you dismantle us piece by piece. It was confusing when I’d point it out, what was happening, and you’d assure me that wasn’t the case. It was though and I knew it. I trusted you more than myself because your story wrote the narrative I wanted to hear; and why shouldn’t I believe something said to me? Why would someone lie when they’ve been given an easy out? I knew though. I knew what you were saying was not accurate to the reality of it all. Such a bizarre state of mind this dynamic creates.

You haven’t answered me in days. It’s not breaking my heart and sending me spinning. Instead, it saddens me. I think I’m done trying fix what’s broken here; we don’t hate each other, and that is where we are. I think it’s best I leave it there.

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

“If I move far away, do you think we’ll have visits?” I want to ask him. His answer wouldn’t affect my choice, whether to stay or go, but it could make me smile.

There is a part of this thought that feels romantic. Meeting secretly a few times per year for a weekend spent in a bubble of just us two.

I think we would have visits. At least one. We’d try it. Then I imagine life would become too busy, plans would be made and forgotten, eventually without even intention of effort. But man, that one time; that one time would be something.

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

Have I no bottom? Honestly. You ever sent something inappropriate and then not get any response? Like, you were hoping for sexy, but now it appears an epic fail? Me either.

Ugh. I need an intervention.

https://66.media.tumblr.com/9e52a90c88323f737dd652f8c1763bbf/tumblr_ntxafq0v3v1u7uyjqo1_400.gif

[poems-and-word]

[lnane-deactivated20200414]

“Every 7 years, the cells in your entire body will be destroyed and replaced with new cells. One day I will have a body you will have never touched.”

— 3 am thoughts. (via impatapoon)

[addicted-t0-l0ve]

“How are you sure you really loved him?”

“I grieved when it ended. It felt like someone died.”