Tsarina Lunanoff listened to him with lifted eyebrows, surprised to learn that he knew of Emily Jane’s whereabouts. She wondered what his relationship to her must be like… it seemed distant, not like her and Lunar. Ahh, her Lunar. Her darling boy. So grown up, so wise and patient. It was he that was the key to answering Pitch’s question, and she smiled to think of her son. He who had never had a nightmare– he who knew no fear, save the dread of it. He, who when everyone aboard the Moon Clipper had braced themselves for battle, had glanced up at Pitch and murmured a hopeful greeting, the only words he knew: “Toot toot?” He had seen the fury and hate in the Nightmare King’s eyes, and had extended to him an offer of friendship in the only way he knew how. If only his parents had been so brave! If only his parents had been so wise! Ahh, but Nightlight had not guarded their dreams as he had their little prince. The poison of fear had taken root in their hearts beyond any cure. They would rather fight than see their boy corrupted. If only they had realized there was a better way.
“It depends,” she answered with a sigh and a small shrug. "My own heart tends to be rather… relentless. Those longings and desires for a past that will never happen seem to have a sort of unprecedented and completely inexplicable longevity. I’ve buried them so many times, along with my regret and anger and bereavement, and yet they clamor to return– to trample down the door of my consciousness. They only seem to remain buried when Lunar reminds me to spend the time I have left in the present. Poor dear, he doesn’t know any differently. Though we’ve told him of all he’s lost, he can’t really fathom it. Too far gone are the memories for him to really think bitterly about it, or even know what it would have been like to have us there. Unlike children on Earth who grow up twice as lonely because they can see those around them who have what they do not, Lunar simply believed he was the only child in the world– left there by parents who loved him and smiled at him from the starts. He didn’t know that children were meant to have stories read to them while sat on a soft mother’s lap. He didn’t know that adventures were to be had on the shoulders of one’s father or that games were to be played with a jolly boy of light whose laugh was the most perfect in the universe. It is only I–“
Only she who remembered. Only she who knew. Even Nightlight, once Lunar had found him again, had no inkling of the boy he once was; the boy he was meant to be. She alone knew who he had been before so much was lost. Sometimes the grief was more than she could bear… but always, Lunar’s smile brought her back again.
”…Lunar is not sorry for how things happened. He considers it a backwards blessing, I think. Had the past not been what it was, the Guardians would never have existed. The children would never have been protected like they are. It’s all for the best. When he reminds me of this, when he looks at me with that serene gaze of his, and I can truly see no animosity or pain in his eyes… then I know he is right. It is gratitude for the present that allows me to keep those other things buried. But I could never do it alone. That is why,“ she gave Pitch’s shoulder a small tug of closeness, "we will not leave you to do it alone either.”
The moonbeam bounced in little hops in the air, a silent laugh at the fearling’s waving. How funny the small one was! So easily amazed! Drawing near, it dimmed itself to no more than the glow of a firefly, not wanting to hurt the fearling’s eyes, which had grown even larger upon seizing the balloon. Pressing itself to the smooth surface, the beam listened to the wish. Fascinated, and slightly disturbed, the beam heard the wish several times before pulling away, regaining a bit of its former light.
{Little Fear!} the beam flashed {The Man in the Moon left this for you maybes! This is a most strangest of wishes! This is a wish you can grant!!!}
Inside the balloon could be heard the voice of a boy and his sister, both of whom were clearly full of Belief in the extraordinary.
“Oh, Man in the Moon, please, please can we meet a ghost? Not a scary one, just a fun one!” the boy begged.
“Yes, a nice, young one,” added the sister. "Like the one in our comic book!“
"He doesn’t know what it is, this isn’t a video–” the brother interjected.
“Oh! Um… it’s called ‘Homer the Happy Ghost,’ and 'Casper’ too! Please Man in the Moon! We want a spooky friend!”
Now the man in question normally would not know what to make of such a wish– his best Guardian for the job would most likely be Katherine to write a new story for them, or Jack stirring up some leaves into a ghost formation to rattle the children’s windows, but neither of those would really grant what the children were asking. They wanted precisely what the moonbeam had found: a fearling of whom they need not be afraid.
{Think you can wear a sheet?“}
Pitch’s eyes glistened with fresh tears and he rubbed at them angrily, annoyed with himself. Crying again, and his cheeks hadn’t even dried from the last time. He didn’t want to garner undeserved pity. That poor boy had been alone and neglected for so long. His parents had been cast into the stars, and his valiant guardian gave his body and soul to send Pitch plummeting down to earth, and yet, after all of the struggle they endured to keep their boy safe, Lunar had still suffered.
“I didn’t even need to touch your son to do him harm. So many sacrifices were made to keep him safe, and despite being defeated I still destroyed his childhood.” Pitch clutched at the Tsarina’s hand. “Galatea, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, forcing himself to meet her gaze. It still petrified him, how young she looked, and it was so easy to imagine her face twisted with fear and pain. He’d always known how isolated Lunar had been, but he hadn’t given it much thought, especially in the absence of the shadows that had filled his head for so long. It would have killed him to think about it. There was once a time when the notion gave him a vicious satisfaction. Now the memory of such satisfaction only brought disgust. Had anything good really come from what he’d done? He didn’t dare try to hope, even as he was tugged closer. He hadn’t felt so warm in years.
“Lunar must have inherited your kindness tenfold if he truly feels no hatred towards me, after everything I’ve done. He would have made a fine Tsar…” Pitch lamented distantly. He couldn’t help but feel just the slightest bit envious of the Tsarina’s closeness with her son. From the sound of it, they saw each other often, and they even spoke with one another! Meanwhile… “Emily hates me. I’m sure she does. She has fewer memories of me as her father than I have of her as my daughter. She drifts by from time to time, but she doesn’t speak to me. She hardly even looks at me.” he sighed wearily, running a hand over his eyes. Even after all the time that had passed, he could never bear it when she gave him the silent treatment. It was easier back then, when he could dispel her displeasure with a well-timed quip, or a silly face. He’d lost count of the number of times he’d deliberately tripped himself on his own boots just to make her laugh. It had still hurt when even his best attempts did not immediately crack her sternness as a child, but it hurt so much less back then. Now, she wouldn’t even let him get close enough to see her scowl. He could fall on his face a hundred times and only earn himself a dismissive huff for his troubles, though he was tempted to try, nonetheless. He missed her smile.
“Would it be terribly hypocritical of me to admit that I yearn for the things that I destroyed?” he asked the Tsarina at last, lowering his hand from his eyes. “It’s only natural for me to ache for the ages long past to which I belong. I wasn’t supposed to keep living. I was supposed to die along with the rest of the Golden Age. I should have faded away by now at the very least, but…” he stared down at the fearling in his arms. Without him they would not survive. A spirit could come along and kill them, or they might venture into the light and be destroyed that way, or perhaps they would simply starve and disappear. They were as vulnerable as any child would be. He couldn’t abandon them.
The fearling peeled their face away from the balloon for a moment to peer at the moonbeam again. Could they wear a sheet? They thought so. A sheet was like a blanket, right? Their Papa’s bed had sheets on it, but those were much too big for the fearling to wear. It would have to be a small sheet. Their Papa wouldn’t mind if they borrowed part of his sheets, probably, since he let them play in his bed all the time! They could get a piece the next time their Papa cleaned his bed. Why did they need to wear a sheet though? They leaned back against the balloon again, listening to the nice sounds inside it. Wishes were very important, they knew, and this balloon had a lot of them since it had so much to say.