LIKE THIS

and none of it matters and none of it ends,

[adrenalinedemo]

hi everyone! jia here (s/h, also writing for @hotncoldz - sideblog!), presenting miss thang:

LEE RIEL. idol (hi/fi 4eva!!!!) struggling with the spotlight who listens to sad girl music while staring out of windows and pretending she's the main character to cope.

a rundown of her background will be under the cut, and if you'd like to plot, please like this, and i'll im you (disc 🆗 too!)

attempt #1 at her debut is... laughable. it's 4 months after she joins her first ever company, and her little 13yo ass with zero coordination? not a chance! it's a good learning opportunity if nothing. she's cut, and moves on.

#2 is just tiring. 2 years, give or take, of juggling her training with academia. her parents, both professors, aren't exactly happy that she's got this silly little distraction, but she's an angsty little 2nd year middle schooler, so they let it slide on the condition she doesn't let her grades slip. the debut lineup's ever-changing and never actually debuting.

#3 is quick and dirty--- she's transferred to a subsidiary of the company, realises she's not a good fit for the concept, and takes her leave to focus on school. mom and dad are over the moon-- if she's able to get into a foreign language high school while doing this idol nonsense, just imagine what she'd do with her full focus!

takes her csats... lives her life... develops her frontal lobe slowly.... and then canvas auditions are announced. she's free this saturday, anyway, so why not kill some time?

when she passes, she mulls it over for a week. brings her decision up over dinner, and her mom flips the table over. they come to a compromise: she'll just try it out one last time, and when she fails, she'll start uni the next sem. take it as a gap year.

except she DOESN'T FAIL!!!! after years of training and very nearly giving up on being an idol altogether, riel debuts as hi / fi's vocalist & visual. absolutely not a dozen ok!!!!!!!!!!!... don't call her that... she's sensitive about it....

born to act cute n kyuuuuuu... forced to be part of hag line. pour one out for riel.

cons of debuting with a slightly more developed brain: more retrospection. is this really what she wanted. she could've gone to a good university. become an english lecturer. instead she's talking to sweaty 40yo men and fighting off dating rumours whenever she looks sideways at someone.

so that's where she's at: absolute misery. she loves being on stage and her members, but has awfully complicated feelings about it. let's yap abt it

[feral-ballad]

Nishi Junko, tr. by Kenneth Rexroth & Ikuko Atsumi, from Women Poets of Japan; “Revolution”

[xmilkwee3dx-deactivated20260208]

Mentally floating face down in a river

[lovestereo]

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[infinitblaq]

[kosmogrl]

it's me and this feeling of emptiness against the world