Who Wants To Live Forever
Sam didn't know why he waited. No, that wasn't true. He knew. He knew quite well why he waited. He didn't want to. No, that wasn't quite true either. He would wait for her. He’d wait for her forever. He hoped she never came. Not because he didn't want to see her, but because he wanted to truly see her again when they reunited. He didn't want to her to come see him alive. He didn't want her to ever have to set foot here again. But she came. Of course she came. Because she was Celaena Sardothien. And she loved him.
He knew the second she breached the gate. He knew and knew and knew. He had suspected for a while now. Had had it confirmed by Wesley. But now… She walked confidently, but Sam could see the underlying nerves, the grief that weighed her every step. He wanted to take it all away… but he knew he couldn't. The green… it was telling, if the eyes and hair weren't enough. Sam had suspected even when he was alive, but it was her secret to tell, even now. She walked for him, straight footed and sure, bending to pick up tiny rocks every so often, and Sam couldn't hold back his sob at the life in every step. It poured from her, life, love, she wasn't just surviving anymore. She was alive.
When she reached him, Sam couldn't stop himself. He reached for her. She didn't feel it, of course, but that hardly mattered to him, not as he finally, after so long, got to look at her beautiful blue eyes. As he got to twirl some of that intoxicating, beautiful blond hair between his fingers. He sent a breeze to ruffle her hair, smiling at that oh so familiar face. But it had changed. Was older. More hardened. Sam hated that. Hated that he hadn't been there for her. She stood before his grave stone for a few silent seconds, just looking at it. “I know its not up to your level,” He offered with a grin, winking at her. “But I think Wesley did a good job. I like it.” He tried, as much as he was able in this strange realmed form, to push all his love toward her. To let her feel, one last time, that he loved her. That he knew her. That he accepted her.
She opened her hand and picked out three of the prettiest pebbles, placing them carefully at the apex of the stone. Sam felt his heart throb in pain at the gesture. Two for the years he had been taken from her. One for the year they'd been together. Then she sat, pressing her forehead against the rock, her body curling against it. Sam knew it was selfish, and crude, but he folded himself into the rock, leaning back against her as much as he was able since he couldn't actually touch her.
They sat there, together, for a while. Sam just cherished her being so near again. He didn't know quite when she started talking, but suddenly a story was unraveling before him, her story.
“Once upon a time,” he whispered. “in a land long since burned to ash, there lived a young princess who loved her kingdom . . . very much.”
He had… he hadn't known, then, when she had said it… Sam pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“I miss you.” She said. “I know love, I know. I miss you too.” He smiled sadly. “Every day, I miss you.” Sam shook his head, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Its alright my love. You’re going to be alright.” One day, he didn't add. But one day, if he had to force the gods themselves, she would be okay.
“And I wonder what you would have made of all this. Made of me.” “I love you.” Sam answered simply. “You are… so brave, my little dove, you are so brave. But you need to be brave for just a while longer. Just a little longer.” tears choked his words, but she couldn't hear them anyway.
“I think- I think you would have been a wonderful King.” Sobs choked him, but he didn't move away. “I think they would have liked you more than me, actually.” A broken laugh tumbled out of her and Sam reached for her cheek, brushing at the tears there. “You are such a wonderful Queen, my love. Such a wonderful Queen. And your people? They’re going to love you. They already do.”
Celaena inhaled shakily, or maybe it was Aelin, but Sam didn't care, not as long as she was here, not so long as she was still herself.
“I never told you- how I felt.” Sam no longer fought his tears. “But I loved you, and I think a part of me might always love you.” “I'd be honored.” Sam breathed, stroking her hair as her eyes closed in an attempt to remain composed.
“Maybe you were my mate, and I never knew it.” At that, Sam finally laughed. “Oh baby, you know that's not true. He’s your mate. You know it too. You just don't want to admit it yet. And that's okay.” He smiled. “He’ll wait for you. And you’ll wait for him. I know you will. And the two of you are going to rattle the stars.”
“Maybe I’ll see you in the Afterworld and then I’ll know for sure. But until then… until then I’ll miss you, and I’ll wish you were here.” Sam smiled. “I’ll be waiting. You can count on that.” She did not apologize, and Sam did not expect her to. He did not want her to.
She stood, and Sam remained seated. Watched as she dried her tears, lifted her face to the sun.
He had sensed the male the second he had stepped into the graveyard. Celaena noticed him too, turning. “He was-” “I know who he was to you.” The male returned quietly. Quickly. Saving her from having to explain. To go through the pain she had just settled again. The male held out a hand. Not for her hand, Sam noted with a smile, but for a stone. He watched, silent, as something on Celaena's face shuddered, as he placed the small, smooth, stone onto the gravestone next to hers.
“You’re going to kill Arobynn tonight, aren't you?” the male asked, with an insightfulness Sam appreciated.
“After the dinner. When he’s gone to bed. I’m going back to the Keep to end it.” Sam’s heart broke for her, for what she was doing for him, but he knew she would do it whether or not he said he needed it. And besides, it was as much for her as it was for him.
“And the Amulet of Orynth?” Sam knew, vaguely, what they discussed, but he was more concerned about her. “An Endgame, but also a distraction.” She looked out across the Avery, sunlight dancing in her hair.
“You’re ready to do it?” The male asked, with a gentle and supportiveness that sealed the deal for Sam. Celaena looked back at him, at the stone, and at the patch of grave where his body rested, and Sam swore she was looking right at him as she spoke.
“I have no choice but to be ready.”
They left, then, together. The male so close to her that they almost tripped, but Sam was glad for his closeness. For his support. And he sat there, on his grave, watching Celaena Sardothien walk away. The way he always had. The way he always would. Sam smiled. “Rattle the stars for me, my love.”
