Solo Mama

Single lesbian mama to Evelyn Jean, born at home on February 2013. 34-year-old American living in Canada. Join me on my adventures in single motherhood. Currently blogging at www.solomamalife.wordpress.com - come say 'hi' over there!

[adventureswithevie]

If you don't mind me asking, why did you and your surro babies parents decide to use your own egg instead of a donor egg?

I didn’t want to go through the IVF process and frankly - I was young and dumb. (22 and 23).

I know both sets of surro-parents wanted to have that direct connection with the mother of their child(ren) rather than going through finding a gestational surrogate and an egg donor. Plus, it’s just more straightforward (and affordable!) to do it all at home (home inseminations).

[adventureswithevie]

I would love to know all about your homebirth!!Please tell us the whole story!!! Dying to know the story's of your previous two births as well if you have the time :) I'm a birth junkie! Haha

My home birth was easily the best experience of my life. Empowering, healing, beautiful, peaceful and...(of course) painful as hell!

You can read the full birth story here, if you’re curious:

https://solomamalife.wordpress.com/2013/02/15/evelyns-birth-story/

My first birth with Noa was nearly 48 hours long. After a day and a half of labouring off and on, going to the hospital, going home, back to the hospital again - I got an epidural. Noa didn’t come for another 12 hours after that, and I pushed for nearly 2 hours. I firmly believe her labour took so long not only because it was my first time giving birth, but because I was scared, and sad. I wasn’t ready to let go yet, and my body clung on to that fear and sadness and it restricted progression for quite a while.

My second birth with Dahlia was fantastic! It was 7 hours from start to finish. I did most of my labouring at home in the shower. By the time we arrived at the hospital at midnight, it was too late for me to get any pain medications. She was born at 1:38 am after only 12 minutes of pushing.

My third and most favourite labour is, of course, Evelyn’s home birth. My water broke at 10 pm on the 6th, and she was born at 1:11 am on the 8th. I didn’t go into labour for almost another day after my water broke. And when I did, it came fast & furious.

I’m happy to answer any specific questions if you have them! Thanks for asking - I love reliving the births of all of the girls. Although labour is the most painful experience I’ve ever gone through, it is also the most beautiful. Giving life to those three girls is amongst my most proud accomplishments.

[somethingwonderfulishappening]

Gnome numero uno. Just a bit left but I’m tired.

[hellno-fromthisside]

 Is it terribly hard to do this? I really love it and wanna make all the things.

[somethingwonderfulishappening]

No its super easy. It’s frustrating as hell though. But it’s relatively inexpensive, takes very little supplies, and pinterest is filled with holy AMAZINGNESS of patterns.

[adventureswithevie]

Brin is the crafting queen, so her saying it’s “super easy” means it’s super hard for the rest of us. Trust me on this. I started a project and threw it down in frustration approximately 4,273 times in the span of a week before I said “fuck it” and picked up my knitting needles again. 

Plus, it made my eyes all: 

[adventureswithevie]

How do you and Evelyn refer to her donor, and what is the reason behind whatever you've chosen to call him? Donor, Uncle, Dad, Daddy, etc..?? I used a donor and my daughter is still a baby so I'm not sure yet what I should be calling her partially open donor as she gets older.

When Evelyn was first born, we were calling him ‘Papa’ as a nod to his heritage (he’s from Argentina originally). But when Evelyn was just 2, she heard a lot of other children at daycare/preschool calling their fathers “daddy”. 

So, during one of our monthly Skyping sessions with her donor-dad, she started calling him “Daddy” and has ever since. Maybe that’ll change as she grows, but that’s who he is to her for now! 

[adventureswithevie]

What was Evie's dad's motivation for becoming your donor? What kind of relationship was he wanting with you and her?

He wanted to see himself and his family reflected in a child but didn’t want to raise a child full-time. I guess you could say he wanted to “spread his seed”.

My relationship with her dad has improved a hundred times over over the past couple years. I’m so grateful he loves her from afar and is a part of our lives. He prays for her, sends her gifts, Skypes with us once a month, and is available to answer any questions I have about his family health history.

[adventureswithevie]

I am embarking on becoming a single mom by choice via donor sperm. I should add that I am only 21. You talked about deeply desiring to be pregnant when you first decided to become a surrogate. Well I feel the exact same, however I will be keeping and raising this baby because I know that I am capable and ready with plenty of family support. Do you have any advice for me? What are things you wish you knew before having Evelyn?

Oh, dear. I can’t imagine I would have been a very good mother at the age of 21. I was barely legal! My advice would be to wait until you’ve had some more life experience. Go out and sow your wild oats! Travel! Experience what this world has to offer before becoming a parent.

I have far more emotional maturity in my 30s than I did in my 20s. Some of the things I deal with as a solo/single parent are HARD. I would’ve LOST MY SHIT if I was 21 years old and dealing with this heavy stuff.

Do you have family nearby who will help you raise your little? I suggest you build your village - find local moms who will support you as you raise your child. Make sure you’re financially secure. And above all, make all your decisions based on what is best for your child, and not what you want/need.

[adventureswithevie]

I am pregnant and single (not on purpose, because of a jerk guy)! I am terrified I will have a complication and have no one to take me to the hospital. What if i go into labor and I'm totally alone and can't drive because it's progressing too fast? It's constant anxiety. Advice? I have no family near me.

My advice is to find your “village”. Try to find other moms in your area - they don’t have to be single, but someone who “gets” it is important.

Get yourself a doula - someone who can drive you to the hospital and be with you throughout your labour and delivery. Lots of doulas in training offer their services for free or for a nominal fee, if finances are a concern.

[adventureswithevie]

HOW do you maintain sanity?! I'm not even a single mom and I have a hard time with this. I am so stressed and tired all the fricken time. I LOVE being a mama and wouldn't have it any other way but seriously! Sometimes I want my kids to leave me alone. Is that terrible?

Of course it’s not terrible of you. Every mom needs her alone, quiet time to recharge her batteries.

How do I maintain sanity? Some days, I don’t! I have a best friend I talk with all day, every day, who keeps me sane. I make sure I make self-care a priority. I take mental health days from work/life and drop the kiddo off at daycare. I let the dishes sit in the sink overnight some nights. And I remind myself that no matter what I’m going through, “This too shall pass.”

[adventureswithevie]

I would love to know about your surrogacy journeys! I really admire you for being able to do that. So were you also the egg donor for the babies or were you only a gestational carrier? And I always thought the rules for surrogacy were that you had to give birth to your own kid first before being a surro. But they were your first two pregnancies? SO curious and fascinated by surrogacy I think I just might be one if I meet the right family.

Hi & thanks for your question! 

I blogged about my surrogacy experiences - honestly and somewhat vulnerably - because so many folks seem to have questions about it: the process, the emotion, why I did it before I had my own child(ren), etc...

You can read about that here, if you’re curious:

 https://solomamalife.wordpress.com/2015/04/22/thoughts-on-being-a-traditional-surrogate-a-decade-later/

You are right: you are *supposed* to have your own kids before you become a surrogate. But when you do it independent of an agency, and do home inseminations, there is no institution to stop you from doing as you please. My advice: don’t do it until you’ve had kids. Please don’t. 

[thedigimomsx]

Any moms over 25? Looking for some to follow!

Roll call mamas!

[emrysina]

26 over here! About to be 27 in a few months!

[lovetusk]

28 in july

*shudders*

[ewfwefewf-deactivated20150911]

27 right here 😃

[bennyjandmommy]

28 in May

[astraev]

29 in August.

[organicmommy]

I’m 28. 4 year old girl and almost 2 year old boy. And 2 handsome wieners

[annasmusings-deactivated2022101]

30 I’m like the crypt keeper!

[chrystielynn]

Almost 26!

[megandoeshair]

32 in less than 2 weeks!!!

[crazylittlethingcalledlove-deac]

I freaking did it again!!! This is my regular tumblr.

[adventureswithevie]

35 this summer (eek!). I mostly blog over at Wordpress, though (link in my bio).

[somethingwonderfulishappening]

adventureswithevie, guess who is on the iMax screen right now?!

AWESOME!

[adventureswithevie]

Oh, so cool! Blows my mind to see her sweet face up on the screen like that. 

[somethingwonderfulishappening]

And all the way in Idaho! You should have seen me screaming through my purse trying to find my phone get a picture! Lol

[adventureswithevie]

LOL! You’re amazing. Thanks so much for showing me. 

[somethingwonderfulishappening]

adventureswithevie, guess who is on the iMax screen right now?!

AWESOME!

[adventureswithevie]

Oh, so cool! Blows my mind to see her sweet face up on the screen like that. 

[sizvideos]

Girls Do Science

Video

[laffinggasses-deactivated202211]

Women Empowerment!

[somethingwonderfulishappening]

Hey hey hey! Do you guys remember adventures with evie? The first kid is her daughter!!! Well her first surrogacy daughter… I’m not sure I know what the politically correct term is but anyways, that’s her! Super cool!

[somethingwonderfulishappening]

Hey hey hey! Do you guys remember adventureswithevie? The first girl is her daughter!!! Well her first surrogacy daughter, I’m not sure I know what the politically correct term is but anyways, that’s her! She posted the video a few days ago on her Wordpress blog. Super cool! (Re logging with link because I suck at technology)

[adventureswithevie]

Absolutely that IS my bio/surro daughter - my 2nd born! I’m so proud of her!

[adventureswithevie]

Just wanted to pop you a note and let you know that I was thinking about you and Miss Evie today. I hope you're both well.

I have no idea when you sent this, but I only just picked it up today! I was just wondering about you and your family, too. Off to catch up on your blog! I blog over at Wordpress now:

www.solomamalife.wordpress.com

[adventureswithevie]

Do you use dr bronners soaps?

Yes, I do! I use it for shampoo, soap and even making laundry detergent from time to time. 

[adventureswithevie]

Evelyn Jean: 7 months old

[adventureswithevie]

Single lesbian mom by choice

Hey, tumblr friends! Miss all of you and keep up to date as much as I can with everyone's blogs. Turns out, this parenthood thing gets a little harder as the baby gets more aware, awake and mobile. 

I'm still blogging, just over at Wordpress these days. 

For those of you who don't wanna bother clicking over to WP, I'll post a couple pics of Evelyn in the next post. (Tumblr won't let me put them here, for some reason).