& can't be.

lee jaehwan | '92 | mental link left with no reason, we come undone.

[advjaehwan-blog]

Ooh, sending hate when someone can’t message you back -- classy as hell, kids. Very clearly makes you look like the better person, not being remotely open to civil discourse and all that. Hope it makes you feel like one, yeah?

Bring on the hate, I say. It just makes you look like more of an absolute fool, especially when you literally have not a clue what you’re talking about.

[advjaehwan-blog]

Hello everyone! I’d just like to let you know, if you’re still following this account that is, that if you’ve heard any rumors about myself or my dear friends on the admin team, I’d prefer that you come talk to me personally about those! I’m sure we can resolve these in an honest, up-front, and perfectly reasonable way. Remember: talking about people behind their backs ain’t cool, kids -- I’d rather we all be friends here and any drama be left in the dust, you know? Keeping the air clear is important, and I am a firm believer in being completely honest about my actions and thoughts.

To be clear, what I mean by this is this: I know that there are rumors being spread about me, I am not blind. However, I would like you to know that these are based on false grounds.

First and foremost -- I have not been able to see the applications at the roleplay for the past few months, as mod. This was a decision the admins made purely in the interest of motivating themselves to deal with the applications faster and not push work off onto me, as they saw it. I myself was not a factor in this decision -- my fellow mod, Siryn, also did not have access to those applications. It was just decided that it should be an admin-only matter, and so it was.

Thus, and relatedly, any rumors of me making fun of applications are quite false.

Well, that is ever-so-slightly a lie. There were three applications which I did in fact make fun of, because frankly, they were funny in their own special ways -- but they were applications that either were never admitted into the roleplay, or had been dropped long before most of you joined. (Like, back in the summer.) So I feel like these are quite irrelevant to the point at hand, but again, as I said, honesty takes priority.

The admins are my friends, and between me and the team, there are no hard feelings whatsoever. We still like each other.

But I did start a fight with the admins -- again, about that I will be honest -- which is what lead to my removal from the admod team. But I did this only because I wished to squash the drama before it came to a head -- which ironically, it did after my exit from the roleplay. That breaks my heart more than I can say.

So for any of you who choose to read this -- please know that I was not some horrible terror-mod who the admins had to be rid of at all costs. Know that I have never started drama or made fun of anyone or ever been intentionally mean. I have only ever done what I thought best for advent as a whole, no matter what, even if that meant being argumentative and harsh at times -- yes, I was certainly those things. I am not a perfect person, either.

Know that I cared about you all so much more than I could ever say -- enough to stick my neck out repeatedly in an effort to keep this place alive. Because I was afraid of exactly this happening.

I am not two-faced; I am merely as civil of a person as I am an honest one, and do not believe that unnecessarily mean or backhanded comments are constructive to anyone at any point. I will always, if you speak to me, be completely honest about what I think and feel -- though I will attempt to be so while also speaking cordially, because that’s simply a matter of professionalism, for me.

Thank you, and I wish you the best -- even those of you who have been spreading these foolish rumors about me. Because as I said, I am not mean -- I merely appreciate clean air.

[advjaehwan-blog]

I never thought I’d be writing a message like this. I thought I’d be here until the world caved in or something -- but circumstances change, I suppose.

I love advent. I have loved advent from the beginning and I have done so much here -- had so many characters, so many plots, so many threads. I’ve put a lot of time and effort into this place and never felt burdened by it until recently. I’ve loved my time here more than I can say, and it saddens me to see it come to an end.

However things have changed, as I said -- and as it stands, due to a variety of reasons, I’ve experienced more stress in the recent months than I’ve been able to actually enjoy the rp. And with that in mind, it no longer makes sense for me to stay here. Roleplay should be fun first and foremost -- I won’t stay in an rp that doesn’t make me happy anymore, it’s not worth it.

To all of you who I have plotted with, threaded with, enjoyed this time with -- thank you. If you want to talk to me, keep up with me, find me in another rp sometime, write indie rp with me -- then by all means, I’d love if you did so. I have Skype (cdra1617), Twitter (cdrarps), Discord (cdra, #2810), a personal tumblr (trashcandragon), and an indie multimuse (shiritakute), all of which I’d be more than happy to keep in contact with you through. (I have an AIM too, but... please ask me if you specifically want it, because I’m not so sure I’ll be using it in the future.) I’m keeping most of my characters in some form or fashion -- though for some, what form that takes is yet to be seen.

And lastly, well, I have a confession to make. Some of you may know Chess, Soohyuk’s mun -- well, Chess is a pseudonym of mine. I decided, when I brought Soohyuk here, that I wanted to try doing things a bit differently and see how people reacted -- I worried that people were already overwhelmed trying to plot with someone who had four characters, and having five would just exacerbate the matter. I can in fact say that this is true -- it was a lot easier plotting as Chess a lot of times than it was to plot here, as Cdra with too many characters. I’m sorry for deceiving you all. I was never disingenuous as Chess, however -- anything he said reflects true to the way I feel. Perhaps, if there are any of you who feared that I disliked you, that will come as some relief.

Again, thank you all for the time we’ve spent together. These last ten months have been a lot of fun, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. But my health and happiness takes priority over being in this roleplay, no matter how much I’ve tried for its sake. I hope I’ll meet you all again in another rp, another time -- I genuinely do hope you’ll all keep in touch.

With love,

--- Mod Omega. Ω

[advjaehwan-blog]

&. symbiote.

--- a self para.

It lives in his genes, spreads its roots through his brain and makes him something that can’t quite be called “human”.

It’s not alive, but sometimes he thinks it is; it seems to drain the life out of him, seems to pick apart his psyche into countless pieces, seems to be killing him from the inside. It’s like a parasite, this thing inside him -- and for so, so long, Jaehwan has been so, so AFRAID of it.

He is not, anymore. (The shift was insidiously slow, as changes in people tend to be.)

It begun with an understanding: this is something I can control. Jay clung to that fact like a prayer, desperately affixed himself to it like a crux, and in time, it became true. In time, it became so that he could control it, at least most days -- that it was not in control of him. (He wonders if that’s really true -- because whatever it is that’s in control of him, for the most part, does not seem to be Jaehwan himself.)

He realized that he didn’t hate it. Fighting those drones -- he still remembers them, still sees flashes of sharpened metal out of the corner of his eye at night -- he didn’t have it, and at the time, he was thankful. And yet for the time after the mission, when the pain was holding the parasite at bay inside of him, not letting it out -- Jaehwan felt alone. He’s always liked being alone, but this -- this was the feeling of loneliness, not of “alone”. It was that empty feeling of being nowhere at all he’s come to hate so much, not that safety which solitude affords him.

Without this, I would not exist -- that is the understanding he reached next, then. (Strange, how something that seems to be destroying his very “self” is also so integral to his being that he would simply cease to BE without it.)

I am here because of this -- here, in a place that Jaehwan is almost willing to call home, yet he finds that he can’t consciously think that word with any confidence. What is a home to a boy who’s never stayed in one place for more than a few years, other than a place which he hated with every fiber of himself? A home is made of people, he can answer that question; so perhaps it’s true, then, that Daybreak is something like a home.

He was never afraid of being connected to Nabi. She is innocent and simple in a way humans cannot hope to be, even more so than Hoseok, who seems so flawless and pure next to any other person that Jaehwan has touched. Nabi has been his training partner from the time they met, and their bond is undeniable, written into his being as it is. It was with Nabi that he found his next realization, one that he realizes only hindsight the true nature of.

I can use this.

It’s an answer and a question in one: a purpose to pursue, a reason to be and something to live for, a question of what it means to “use” something like this. He can use this -- he can observe the world around him through a cat’s eye view, he can see the emotions roll off of the people around him in waves, he can sometimes even hear what they’re thinking. He can know everything about a person -- at least, everything about that exact pin-point in time -- he can pull knowledge out of someone else’s mind without them so much as speaking a word.

He can control Nabi’s actions, her feelings, not perfectly, but -- the more he does it, the more accurate it becomes, and he realizes that it’s as the instructors say -- applying this to a human should not be so different.

This is dangerous -- that is a realization he came to long ago, but the meaning of it has changed now. This is a part of me -- is the great common thread that binds together all of his newfound understandings.

The obvious conclusion comes, then: I am dangerous.

This conclusion is as insidious as the change to his state of mind was. It’s not quite conscious, but it’s there lurking in his mind -- the knowledge that if he wanted to, he could do more than just see what happens in people’s minds: he could tamper with it. He pretends the temptation isn’t there -- ignores it, puts it aside -- ignores that he still does it, in ways he doesn’t think will be noticed, much less harmful.

For the first time, he truly thinks of it as a “power” -- not a “mutation”, not the dryly-spoken “ability” or “potential” that he calls it just because the foundation has called it that -- but a POWER, something with which he can --

-- he can do what?

All Jaehwan has ever wanted is to feel safe -- with “power”, can he secure that for himself? For the people he cares about? Or is power, even in his hands, a danger -- to him, to them, to the world? (He doesn’t know. He hasn’t quite made it that far.)

[advhoseok-blog]

!! puppy eyes.

[advjaehwan-blog]

advhoseok:

Mutations are weird things, he thinks. They’re hard to understand, harder to figure out the purpose of, but they’re not bad things – he likes to think of them like that, at least, because it’s always easier to think of the good in things that can’t be changed instead of otherwise. It’s not just in respect to his own, either; he thinks the best of everyone’s mutations, no matter how intrusive or grotesque or harmful they might be. It’s only natural that he finds the benefits and strengths to Jaehwan’s just as easily, even though he’s aware of all that could go wrong with a power like that. 

Hearing Jaehwan’s confusion over his own power isn’t something Hoseok’s new to in the slightest, but that fact doesn’t stop him from blinking in turn. He’s quiet as he waits but it’s not out of some expectation or pressure for elaboration; it’s a simple silence that he’s accustomed to taking whenever he feels that someone’s trying to gather their thoughts about something. It’s been a while now (though it feels much longer than it truly is) since he’s been acquainted with Jaehwan, so it’s only natural that he’s picked up on things like that with the elder in specific – and as he waits, he continues idly scratching under Nabi’s chin.

When Jaehwan finally speaks up, Hoseok looks over, too, though once the words truly settle in, he finds himself smiling a little. His attention drops down to the flopped over puppy, and it takes no hesitation at all for him to start petting her with his unoccupied hand. “She seems like she’d be easy to work with,” he muses, a bit of that lingering coo in his voice as he talks of her. Though really, what could ever go wrong with such a sweet dog like her? Could anything really go wrong with linking with animals in the first place? That’s probably not possible, he thinks. He’s mostly sure of it. “If it does happen, then you’d be able to keep track of them both!” Mebi’s not nearly as adventurous as Nabi tends to be and would probably never go wandering around on her own, but – well, just in case she does, Jaehwan would be able to tell. Theoretically, that is. 

Not for a moment does he consider himself as a candidate of any sort for something like what Jaehwan had explained was with Nabi, despite the clairvoyant’s thoughts on the cause. It’s true – he’s linked with Jaehwan multiple times as practice in an attempt to help the other out, but that’s just practice right? He wouldn’t think too much on it even if it were a thought to cross his mind in the first place – as he sees it, it’s likely something that could only happen with animals (though he isn’t sure of that at all, not in the slightest). 

(Not that there’s anything to really be sure of in mutations at all, but at the very least, his optimistic outlook is set to ‘it can only get better!’, and he naturally believes in it more when it comes to Jaehwan than he would his own mutation.)

It keeps nagging at him, that thought -- this new facet of his mutation, what does it really mean? How will it really work, in the end -- can he really hope that it’ll only ever extend as far as animals? Indeed, there’s nothing Jaehwan’s found to be harmful about linking with animals -- their minds are simple, innocent in a way, and it doesn’t hurt as bad to think alongside them. There’s nothing weird or scary to be found about an animal’s mind because they don’t really think, not like people do; they just operate on instinct.

Jaehwan can’t help but smile at Hoseok’s outlook -- and he’s probably right. Mebi’s got a good sense about her; he’s sure they’ll get to know each other well in time, though he tries to tell himself he’ll break his terrible habits of spying on people before it really becomes an issue. He doesn’t really know if he believes in himself, there, but so it goes.

“Yeah, I think so too,” he hums, propping his chin on the backs of his hands so he can watch Hoseok’s hand along the dog’s fur. “And I guess that wouldn’t be so bad.” Jaehwan again finds himself drifting into thought -- that sense of “location”, it’s kind of strange, isn’t it? It’s something between a relative sense of where Nabi is to him at the moment and a sense of how she feels -- and something that tells him the environment she’s in. How is it that he’s able to fairly readily conclude her actual position, from that?

He’s sure if he tried to explain it to anyone else, it would sound like a lot of nonsense -- actually, does she get the same feeling about him? His power is a mess, he thinks -- the fact that it can drag others in so readily is really its own can of problems.

Jaehwan sighs and leans back into the couch, blinking up at the ceiling before closing his eyes -- this feels like trying to solve a puzzle where the pieces don’t have definite shapes yet and you’re not even sure if you have all of them or if some fell out of the box while you were moving it around. Beside him, he can feel the steady buzz characteristic of the link -- but as Nabi leaves the room, patrolling for something Jaehwan doesn’t comprehend -- it becomes clear that there are two different frequencies.

Slowly, Jaehwan opens his eyes, then lets out a tired sigh -- of course there are.

[advjaehwan-blog]

&. love letter.

--- a self para for @yixingadv

Jaehwan needed time -- but he couldn’t bear to leave this tension in the air for long. Yixing’s words have been ringing in his ears since that day in the medical ward, begging for a response even though Yixing told him he would wait -- Jaehwan doesn’t want to make him wait. He’s not even sure how long he can deal with the pressure of waiting -- he can only imagine what Yixing must be feeling.

He thought about writing a letter -- afraid he’d get too nervous trying to speak, forget to say something important, panic and break again. But anything he tried to write came out too impersonal, long and winding and waffling as he still couldn’t quite find the words he wanted to say -- like they lost their weight on paper, or were just impossible to pin down to something so concrete anyway. It’s a strange feeling. Jaehwan doesn’t think he’s much of a writer anyway, though -- no, he has to do this in person, he has to say everything that’s been on his mind straight out of his own mouth no matter how much anxiety mounts at the thought of it.

He just needed to find his words -- he’d been looking for them for a long time prior to this, even, and hadn’t found them yet. It was, surprisingly enough, easier under pressure.

[ ✉ → yixing ] hey, do you have time to talk? [ ✉ → yixing ] i’ll come over there if you do

Jaehwan doesn’t really wait for a response before he’s heading out of his room, barely notices that he’s gotten the affirmative about the time he comes to rap his bony knuckles against Yixing’s door. At this point, there’s really no sense being patient -- neither of them are really ready, and yet, there’s no way this can keep waiting any longer.

In a strange way, this is like a breaking point of its own.

A few awkward words of pleasantries pass between the pair and they find themselves in Yixing’s room -- somewhere Jaehwan hasn’t been all that many times, but this feels right -- he’s the one approaching this time, so it should be so that he’s in Yixing’s space for a change. There’s something a bit theatrical about this, Jaehwan admits -- but in a way, this is dramatic enough to merit it, isn’t it?

Jaehwan takes a deep breath -- stares at his hands for a moment as he steels his nerves. He can’t bring himself to truly go numb, here. Rather, this might be the least numbness he’s ever shown -- and that’s the terrifying part about it all.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time,” he admits, voice unsteady already, “Longer than -- before all of this happened, even.” He wonders if Yixing understands, through this strange way that they’re linked, that this is no longer in reference to merely their previous conversation -- but before Halloween at all. “Probably since the summer. Maybe since I met you.”

He breathes in again, feeling the air flow through his lungs -- trying to keep himself from growing short of breath, in a strange way, to keep the gripping unease at bay long enough for him to say what he must. Jaehwan puts all his strength into looking Yixing in the eye; he has to do this right.

“I don’t believe in -- love at first sight, or anything silly like that. But even before you met me, I -- I was thinking about you. A lot. It’s embarrassing -- and kind of scary -- definitely creepy --” Jaehwan looks away, puts a hand partly over his face as his eyes narrow unpleasantly, “-- but I liked you, even then. And I still do -- more than I know how to say.”

He turns back to Yixing, drawing in another few heavy breaths, and moves his hand aside. “But I’m scared. I think that’s always true -- I’m always scared. But this scares me more than anything -- how much I care about you, and the fact that you could even possibly feel the same way -- I’d ignored that, almost on purpose, because I was scared.”

“But I want to try --” Jaehwan says, and he reaches forward, hand shaking, to take Yixing’s hand into his grasp, holding it tightly as he fights his instinctive desire to recoil, “-- I don’t want to be scared of being close to you.”

He stares for a second, inhumanly still, at their hands -- manages to even shift his grip so that their fingers intertwine, tries not to respond too strongly to just how shocked Yixing seems at the gesture. This is hard for him -- Yixing knows it. Yet Jaehwan’ll be damned if he doesn’t want to do this, too.

“I don’t have all the answers yet,” Jaehwan says, voice a bit stronger as if to spite itself, “to what that means, or what it is that I want, exactly. But I know that I want to try -- I want to be by your side, whenever I can.” He swallows the uncomfortable lump in his throat -- this is so ridiculous and cliche, over-dramatic in a way that really isn’t like him, and yet it’s so painfully honest that he can’t bring himself to hate it.

“I’m sorry for running off,” he says after a small pause, tone quieter as he sighs; “I’m sorry for making you wait. I just had to -- make sure I had all the right words, first.” Finally, Jaehwan smiles just barely, releasing Yixing’s hand in a strange combination of reluctance and relief. “Thank you -- for always being patient with me. You -- you were thanking me for so many things, but -- it’s weird, because I don’t really feel like I’ve done anything for you, while you always do so much for me.” He chuckles dryly and glances down at the space between them again. “So thank you for that.”

Things are quiet, for a moment; it’s tense still, with everything that’s been said, but Jaehwan feels strangely light, as well -- it’s a different sort of contradiction from the usual that he’s quite certain he likes far better. He’s not quite able to look Yixing in the eye, though -- not quite yet. But maybe that’s more because it’s embarrassing than anything, now.

“...Do you want to go get lunch?” Jaehwan asks, voice somehow small -- it would be good to just have things as normal again, despite the way things have almost certainly changed. “It’s been a while -- so -- it’d be nice.”

(Even if that does feel like asking Yixing to go on a date more than it ever has -- it’d hardly be the first time, Jaehwan thinks in amusement.)

[advjaehwan-blog]

& scar tissue.

[advjaehwan-blog]

advkyungsoo:

Kyungsoo though that his nightmares were already very well kept in some shut down corner of his mind; somewhere that nothing would be able to reach and let them free again, after all he has much more important to do with his life than to be haunted by old ghosts. However, Halloween was there to prove his wrong, not only forcing those old nightmares free and not only that, but actually adding some new material to not make Kyungsoo want to close his eyes at night. It’s been a while since the haunted house event but guilt still eats him up, remorse, shame, disappointment at himself because the dragon shifter can’t ever stop thinking about the flashes of those illusions, his fight with Baekhyun, or with the parasite that was inside Baekhyun — whatever —, about how he not only almost killed his roommate but also left him to die, alone. Kyungsoo ran away and abandoned Baekhyun in the middle of that mess.

( He might as well have killed him, his mind supplies bitterly )

It’s hard, too hard to cope and face Baekhyun, especially when the last time he saw him was in a hospital bed unconscious, healing from wounds and some of them were from Kyungsoo himself because he almost lost control, he almost— It’s a little ridiculous, two people who live together avoiding each other like that ( and actually succeeding at that, of course there are traces of Baekhyun all around the apartment, the birthday present he left for Kyungsoo being more than enough to prove that he has been around, just not at the same that the older male which is fine, it’s good. Kyungsoo wouldn’t be able to face him anyway ). It’s also good because it means Kyungsoo has the excuse to meet his other acquaintances and check on them because it’s impossible for someone to be completely fine after that stupid haunted house. 

He’s taking care of the few plants that he has on his room when he feels it. It started as a fruitless attempt in keeping his bad thoughts away but it was actually only making it harder not to think about them, so Kyungsoo let himself think about them, a small moment of weakness, the flashes of Baekhyun dying are still there, his mom scared in a corner of his room like she has just seen a monster, the— stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. He takes a hand to his head and hopes, prays that Jaehwan hasn’t seen any of this. That he won’t ask. 

Kyungsoo knows that Jaehwan isn’t a prying person, would never intrude something as personal as someone’s mind without their consent if he could help it. He’s as much of a private person as Kyungsoo is, sometimes his power can be as untamed as Kyungsoo’s own. That’s why he wills himself to not scream for him to get out of his head, wills himself to calm down. It’s weird, trying to control his own thoughts, be so at guard because he can’t let anything slip and this time a simple poker face won’t be enough of a cover. “Hello, Jaehwan.” He greets back, awkwardly staring at his violets. “It’s alright. Want me to come over?” It’s Kyungsoo’s own way of asking if something happened, it wouldn’t be a surprise if Jaehwan’s power were triggered by any type of stress. 

He can’t help what he’s seen -- he knows he shouldn’t, he hates that he does. Jaehwan is so tired of seeing, of knowing things he didn’t want to know -- and yet between the difficulty of organizing his mind so that he won’t see and the hint of curiosity that thrums through him on realizing that he’s linked with Kyungsoo, someone he invariably considers a friend, Jaehwan can’t help but take note of his thoughts.

“You were there, too,” he mumbles absently into the air, though it’s quite unnecessary for him to say anything aloud at this point -- it just feels better. A weird habit. It’s not to say that Jaehwan is especially surprised to find that Kyungsoo, too, is reliving the terrors of Halloween night -- so many of them were there, and no one made it out unscathed. Jaehwan pushes his hair out of his face and sets his forehead on his knee; it’s disturbing just how clear the images are, despite being memories and not even his own at that -- but it seems like everything has been much too clear lately. That, or completely incomprehensible -- nothing in-between.

Jaehwan apologizes again -- he knows Kyungsoo doesn’t want him seeing these things, but his head’s not right and his power seems almost aware of that fact. It isn’t as though he’d ask to see those terrors -- Baekhyun’s body covered in blood, a woman who simply becomes the image of “mother” cowering in fear -- that loss of control, that fear, Jaehwan knows it, though it isn’t the same. It’s never quite the same, and yet it is, too.

“No, I’d rather you didn’t,” he explains, falling backwards onto his bed so he can stare at the ceiling. “I -- I haven’t been right, I shouldn’t be around people -- despite what my power seems to think.” It’s difficult to be anything other than terrifyingly honest when communicating this way, Jaehwan’s found -- he tries to pull the link a bit thinner, so there’s not room for much more than the thoughts that they intend to communicate, but he doesn’t feel like it’s working. Nothing’s quite working the way it should.

“Are you alright?” Jaehwan asks, trying to take the focus off of the storm inside his own mind for just a moment -- maybe that isn’t a bad idea. “I mean -- I know no one’s really doing well after all that, but -- how are you faring?”

[advsana-blog]

contested || +ljh

[advjaehwan-blog]

advsana:

with the ease of a fluid ballpoint pen dancing along paper, sana’s imagination spins ideas of what sort of mutation could lead to the equivalent of a mental microchip for locating a lost pet. could it be something like how she knows where her creations are? telepathy with animals? it’s nothing visible, she doesn’t think─ she at least doesn’t remember anything like that. she likes to think her memory is in good shape.

except it’s not; she’d forgotten herself and her tongue somewhere in these few moments and it doesn’t cross her mind until she’s met with his confusion. it leaves her confused in turn, blinking in a long, awkward pause. he doesn’t know her. while that is something she knows, fixing her blunder is a different thread to untangle─ but she can ignore that it happened, can’t she?

“minatozaki sana,” she supplies, ignoring the obvious delay she’d given. maybe if she pretends that it never happened, then it’d pass like that, too. they haven’t formally met, but bringing that up would be strange. hope resides in her chest; hope that his telepathic capabilities are limited to the cat at her feet.

the cat is the perfect distraction now that she remembers it. she breaks her awkward pausing by crouching down to scoop it up into her arms, giving a smile meant to cover up her mistakes. her time with his pet is coming to an end, so she takes the chance to scratch it behind the ears and under its chin. she’ll hand her over in a few moments; as soon as the improv diversion works the way intended.

“she’s, um, really sweet.” except for one glance up at him, her attention stays on patterned fur. “and cute. if i run into her again, i’ll bring her to your room…?” she hopes that it’s open ended enough to hide that she already knows which room that is.

The awkwardness is painfully obvious in the air; this is something Jaehwan is used to, and yet has no idea how to actually hope with. Mostly he tries to pretend that it isn’t -- following along as though there is not, in fact, anything horrendously strange about this situation, even though the both of them know that isn’t the case. He’s not a confrontational person; in fact, he rather hates the notion of it.

Minatozaki Sana. Jaehwan tips his head to the side at the name, the incredibly-precise way she pronounces it reminding him of the language she’d spoken previously. So she really is Japanese -- not that that comes as a surprise, it’s just interesting. He has to debate with himself for a moment if he wants to level to her native language to talk, but decides against it for now -- something tells him it’ll be advantageous in more ways than just socially.

Amid the awkwardness that’s possessing his thoughts, he finally manages to get his mind moving and puts two and two together -- that robot cat she has. It was downloading something onto her computer -- he couldn’t see very well (because Nabi isn’t exactly kind about giving him good angles), but the fact that it had to be surveillance videos hits him rather suddenly as she speaks. So that would explain why she knew his name, probably -- he’s not just being forgetful. He has to mask the sigh of relief he emits at that.

“Mm, I don’t mind,” he comments; Jaehwan instinctively reaches up to fidget with his shirt collar as he glances away. “You can play with her, if you want -- I’ll find her eventually. But if you do want to bring her back to me, I live in the male’s dorm -- room F2.” A nod -- he couldn’t be certain whether or not she knew that already. Sana seems to know a lot of things -- he’s definitely more on guard than he’d like to be.

Jaehwan reaches down and picks up the cat, tucking her against his chest -- she seems fairly content with that, though she still blinks knowingly at Sana a few times. Nabi seems to be gleaning an unusual level of intelligence from her links with Jaehwan -- he wonders if that’s a bad thing or not. “Thank you for taking care of her,” he manages to offer genuinely enough, despite how idiotic it is in full context, “She really is a troublesome kid.” Another nod; it’s really hard to look straight at Sana. Somewhere in his mind, Jaehwan’s still thinking about why she was following Yixing in particular.

“Well -- I’ll be going, I guess. Thank you again.”

[advjaehwan-blog]

&. two-player.

--- @adv-wonho​

Jaehwan wouldn’t say he’s someone who believes in fate – he tries to put more stock in things he can actually reason with. But to end out living in the same town as someone he’s played online games with, considering that they could be literally anywhere in the world – well, it’s certainly a coincidence he isn’t ignoring. It’s almost as compelling as the fact that he literally lives in the same dorm as Tama (err, Dosuk?) -- well, not quite, but it’s still quite the coincidence as far as he’s concerned.

Either way, people he already knows through some less-personal medium are far less painful to meet in real life than just meeting the nebulous concept of “new people”, so it doesn’t seem like he has incredibly much to lose by meeting up with Wonho (is that his real name? not that Jaehwan cares) at a PC room in town. It’ll probably be awkward, but -- awkwardness is just a fact of Jaehwan’s life, honestly.

He stretches a bit, leaning back against the relatively unoccupied wall he’s chosen – he pulls out his phone and fiddles with it a bit, glancing over his text conversation with Wonho indicating the location and timing of their arrangement. Jaehwan is always early to his appointments – rather by a silly amount, even, but that’s militaristic upbringing for you – so he doesn’t really expect his friend to arrive until about 15:00 on the dot, maybe even a bit later. With one earbud in his ear and the other dangling into space, he can easily kill time with a rhythm game on his phone -- better than being caught playing My Horse Prince, which he’ll be damned if he admits he’s been playing just to see how ridiculous it gets.

[yixingadv-blog]

– afterglow。

[advjaehwan-blog]

yixingadv:

Yixing is perfectly conscious of how strenuous his request is and of just how much he’s asking from the other. He feels it down to his very core – anxiety is not one-sided, but shared in between the two of them for different reasons. His mouth’s run dry, like parched soil on torrid summer day, his tongue felt heavy and if any other words were supposed to come out, then they were far from surfacing anytime soon.

Nervousness bubbles up, ripples through his entire body and causes him to shake when he feels fingers dip under the cloth. Yixing is supposed to be happy, isn’t he? To be excited for this long-awaited moment, yet he’s the furthest thing from that. Memories dating back by a week resurface, on how he was allowed to leave the medical ward only to be drawn back in due to his condition that wasn’t improving. Would the outcome be the same now? If so, he’d not know what to do with himself; he didn’t want to remain locked away for another day.

Hope is all that he has, for things to end up different this time around.

Keep reading

The seconds feel like hours; this is a sensation to which Jaehwan is accustomed, though that makes it no easier to cope with. The motion of removing Yixing’s blindfold seems to drain all of the energy from his muscles; he has no idea how it’s even possible, where he’s finding the strength to accomplish this from. Then again, he’s quite good at forcing himself into things, isn’t he?

It’s a relief to see Yixing’s face uncovered, but Jaehwan can’t breathe until he opens his eyes; too much is weighing on this moment, on him, and he feels like he could break at any second under that pressure. A few more hour-long seconds tick by, timed to the beeping of the heart monitor, the shrill sound that only makes Jaehwan’s springs wind tighter each time it rings out.

Then everything starts moving again.

It happens all at once -- Jaehwan breathes, Yixing takes his hands and manages to tie his throat up in knots again with the gesture, time starts to pass at a more normal rate. The beeping gets faster and more threatening; the lights are suddenly brighter and Jaehwan feels like he may pass out -- and yet he’s frozen, completely focused on what Yixing is saying despite all the other stimuli that drum at his mind. Whether this tunnel vision is a virtue or a flaw, he isn’t certain, but it’s keeping him here for now either way.

And yet it only gets harder to breathe -- he tries, but his breath comes so shallow that his chest hardly moves with each inhale and exhale. It’s so weird, so surreal -- these words are so powerful, but they seem more like they should be coming from Jaehwan than being said to him. His bond with Yixing is strange that way -- yet he’s so afraid of that, of what could come of this -- he feels as though he’s drowning, as if Yixing himself is drowning him and yet Yixing is the only source of air in the room.

His gaze is blank -- he sees Yixing, but he can’t quite focus on anything. His eyes are wide but they’re empty, confused; this is too much, every word of it is too much, the sights and sounds and the feeling of Yixing’s skin against his is far too much.

Jaehwan shrinks back as he starts to shake, desperately trying to hold onto this moment -- but it’s hard when the strain on his heart and mind is just too much to bear. He knew this would have to happen, he knew -- but he wasn’t ready, and he didn’t expect it this way -- he expected those to be his words first, the confession of all these insane and obsessive feelings that’ve made their home inside him.

“I---” he starts, but he can’t continue; his throat is dry and it hurts to speak. “I’m sorry, I -- I c-can’t --” too much, it’s too much.

He stands suddenly, pulling his hands away from Yixing; his body sways uneasily despite him. “I h-have to -- think,” he tries to explain himself, despite knowing it’s going to be heard wrong without a shadow of a doubt. “I'm not -- I wasn’t ready for --” Jaehwan shakes his head, taking a step backwards as he stares at the ground -- he’s panicking.

“G-give me -- a bit,” he stammers, clasping his hands together tightly enough that it almost hurts -- remembering the feeling of Yixing’s hands in his. He wants to be alone -- it’s all he can do not to bolt here and now -- but if he upsets Yixing further after all of this -- he’s not sure he’ll be able to live with himself.

[hansoladv-blog]

Curiosity And The Cat

[advjaehwan-blog]

hansoladv:

His plans seems to pan out alright. Jaehwan’s got that sympathetic look in his eyes. It’s a little harder to tell on such a shy guy, but Hansol lives for this kind of thing. He loves being able to pick up on the little quips and quirks. It’s not like Jaehwan’s even really hiding his emotions, just that he doesn’t seem to show them as strongly as some people. Hansol definitely wouldn’t call the guy hard to read or anything close to that. No, he’s just shy and more internal. It works out just fine. Hansol can see what he needs and that’s exactly what he does.

Things do tend to change when someone’s relationship is brought up, though. Jaehwan’s clearly shocked that Hansol would imply that he’s dating Yixing, and that just makes the contractor smile on the inside. It’s funny that he’s jumping so much, but he won’t even begin to let that show. Hansol’s eyes widen just a bit too- a less nervous brand of shocked. He comes across more as just curious and surprised than anything else. Jaehwan’s stumbling over his words and Hansol puts up his hands just a little defensively. He doesn’t want Jaehwan to take him for being too aggressive. It wouldn’t be fun to get the door slammed in his face over this.

“Y-You two aren’t… dating?” His voice is exceptionally nervous sounding. “Oh! I didn’t mean to imply anything bad! I just– you looked so- I mean you were…” He looks to the ground, face turning a little red. He’s still playing his role, though this part is slightly more difficult than the other was. He looks back up again- once again only using his eyes. His hand slowly grasps his upper arm and he lets out a sigh.

“I just could’ve sworn you two were. You had that spark in your eyes, you know? I thought it was so cute and romantic… I–” He shakes his head now. “Aghh! Here I go with my stupid romance crap! I’m very sorry for the mistake! I didn’t mean to make you feel awkward! Gosh… Imagine if I had run into him first! I don’t want to unintentionally tell him about your crush. I’m glad I talked to you first…”

This all feels odd. His intuition is telling him something is weird about this conversation -- about what Hansol is saying, because for as emphatic as his voice sounds, that degree of emotion doesn’t quite seem to match up with his intentions. It makes Jaehwan’s hair stand on end -- he doesn’t know what to make out of it, out of the mismatch between what his natural and unnatural senses tell him. He’s on edge a bit more than usual -- not that he isn’t always on edge, though.

“No, we’re not,” he states flatly, a tiny hint of irritation in his tone; it seems like such a ludicrous assumption, honestly, that Jaehwan is even less sure what to do with it. Just because he has feelings for Yixing -- argh, is that even right?! -- just because they’re close and maybe Jaehwan’s a little strange, then, is that really grounds to make such an assumption? They’re both guys, too. He doesn’t like it.

“He’s a very good friend of mine, but it’s not anything like that,” he says again, crossing his arms now -- defensive. “Please don’t start any rumors like that -- I don’t want the trouble.” Jaehwan sighs, a bit defeated; if Hansol made that assumption, who else might have? He really doesn’t want to deal with this -- he doesn’t even think he had some “spark in his eyes” or whatever, but he’s surely going to try to keep a handle on any appearance of that now.

“I’m glad I cleared it up, too,” he meets Hansol’s gaze briefly, only to glance away again. “Because -- look, I don’t -- I don’t have a crush on him, okay?” Jaehwan retorts, having caught the implication of Hansol’s statements a moment late. “It’s really not like that -- please believe me.” He doesn’t really believe himself -- drops an arm uneasily -- but he definitely doesn’t want anyone thinking that.

[advluhan]

rush 💨

@advjaehwan !

“Late, I’m so late—There is no time!”

Ends of the month were always ridiculously packed for an accountant, because they had to keep track of everything dating back from the beginning of the month until the respective point in time. Not only that, but if one also had to juggle with more than one company, things increased in difficulty considerably. If the companies operated in different domains, then the level of difficulty and the amount of work necessary to keep track of all of their entries and transactions.

As a result, Lu Han worked on a tight schedule in those days. He was constantly busy, constantly working on papers and logging various information into online platforms, only to then have to travel around town to either pick up portfolios or drop them off at their respective companies – some were easier to tackle than others, so they always got finished first. In his rush, there was only one thing on his mind and that was how he had to keep to the schedule he set up for himself, otherwise things could risk getting out of control.

A small traffic jam is enough to throw his plans off balance.

By the time he reaches Daybreak, he is nothing but a disheveled mess – rushing, running through its grounds. Continuously, he whispers to himself that he is late, that he needs to keep going and move faster; the sight is, in a way, similar to that of the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. Of course, he is not fated to have things go his way, for Lu Han is quick to discover that the elevator to the Male Dorm ended up malfunctioning somewhere in between the time that he was away. Were he to not have a good enough control over himself, then he would’ve surely allow a loud, distressed noise to leave his lips – there is no time for that.

Swiftly, Lu Han turns to the side and rushes in the direction of the stairs. It was now that he hated living at the top floor of a building, because there was a long way up and the time that it will take him to get there will turn out to be nothing else but wasted – oh well. Right as he is about to go around the corner and take it up the flight of stairs, he collides with a person that was going downstairs. The impact doesn’t only send him off balance and has him fall to the floor, but his glasses are knocked off in the process and the portfolios fly out of his hold, papers scattering all around the two of them. “Sorry, I am so sorry—“ he is already on all fours while speaking up words of apology, hands desperately palming around the ground in search for his glasses.

This just wasn’t his day.

[advjaehwan-blog]

Bit by bit, he’s picking up the pieces left behind by the events at Halloween. It’s remarkable how resilient Jaehwan really is, despite not feeling the part in the slightest; despite what a splintered mess he’d become in the aftermath of the trauma and the destruction of his personality as caused by his own ability, a few more weeks have passed and he can almost pass for well. Almost – he’s still shaky, it just doesn’t show like it did before.

But at the least, Jaehwan is going to his training again – even if last time he went he did get sent back to his dorm midway through after he snapped. He doesn’t really remember it happening, but that’s gotten to be normal, too. It’s like there isn’t enough room in his head to actually hold onto things – most of the information in there just falls through the cracks.

He’ll come to cope with this somehow, for better or worse.

He’s preoccupied with nothing in particular as he heads out today, perhaps thinking about nothing at all – it doesn’t much matter at the point that someone runs into him, completely derailing any thoughts he could’ve possibly had. Jaehwan reacts too sharply, stumbling back a few steps and pressing himself against the wall as his muscles tense up; he’d been getting better about this fear of his, too, but he’s too fragile and it shows, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up and cold sweat gathering there just from the surprise of it all.

For a moment he breathes, blinking into space; he looks down a few seconds later to see a man he barely recognizes apologizing. Jaehwan shakes his head – it’s fine, isn’t it? Neither of them were really paying attention. Yet, that wasn’t his first thought, was it? “No, it’s okay,” he breathes, tone a little unsteady; he finds the spectacles that the other man is searching for and leans down to pick them up, gingerly offering them toward the other.

“I – I should’ve been paying attention, too,” he manages; it’s strained, like just this degree of normal interaction is impossibly difficult for him.

[advjaehwan-blog]

& scar tissue.

--- @advkyungsoo

Everything is a blur.

The past weeks, days, hours -- it’s all fuzzy, a mess of thoughts and memories and this and that, impossible to pick apart into anything sensible. Even the time he’s spent outside of his room doesn’t stand out clearly; those few moments, too, are blurry and strange, almost as if they weren’t real at all, simply some mechanical entity taking control of Jaehwan’s body and jerking him through the motions of a normal life.

Even that takes everything Jaehwan has; it’s easier to just stay inside his room, the lights off, mindlessly scrolling on his phone -- it isn’t as though he can focus on much of anything when everything demands far too much attention. He’s on edge and has been ever since Halloween -- he doesn’t know when he ever wasn’t on edge, when he might ever not be on edge. At least he feels a little bit like himself today; that’s more of a relief than it should be.

He feels guilty, trapped by his own head here; it isn’t as though his physical injuries are bad enough to keep him bedridden, not anything close to what he’s sure many of the others suffered at the very least. His mental wounds he can’t speak for -- everyone’s must run deep. Part of him worries about what’s going on outside, how those people are -- that’s new, really. Getting lost in himself is far more common to Jaehwan’s habits; even these recent days, that’s been his state the majority of the time. It’s strange being cognizant of that; it feels like he’s talking about someone else.

It’s as he’s thinking to himself about the people he knows at Daybreak that the familiar lurching sensation grabs him -- panic accompanies it. He sits up suddenly, biting out a string of mumbled “no”s; he thought he had this under control, thought this had stopped. Even when he was at the haunted house his abuse of his power had been more intentional than not -- he isn’t ready to deal with this, never is, but now least of all.

What is it that helps about pulling his fingers into his hair he’ll never know, but Jaehwan does so as he closes his eyes and scrambles for mental footing -- thankfully, it’s gotten more intuitive. The only reason he manages to reel himself in from completely panicking is that what he sees through his partner’s eyes is familiar -- which means this is someone he knows well enough to have seen their room before, and that takes the edge off of the problem. He blinks a few times, not seeing from his own perspective; his thoughts are moving sluggishly, but at least he can think.

“...Kyungsoo?” he realizes, trying to level out his breathing. “It’s -- I’m sorry, my power’s gotten hard to control again, I guess.” Jaehwan lets out a long sigh. He rather liked the fact that this had stopped happening. “It’s Jaehwan -- just so you know, I mean.”

[advjaehwan-blog]

— spiral.

[advjaehwan-blog]

advhoseok

Somewhere, some part of him wonders if his words are getting through to Jaehwan at all. If they are, are they helping? Are they making everything worse? Is nothing coming out of this, leaving him as being little more than a pointless roadblock that only hinders instead of supporting? Is that all he’s capable of being?

There’s a stinging in his eyes and a dull pounding in his skull. When he bites into his lip, the only thing that keeps him from releasing Jaehwan and giving up on this bleak attempt at being useful is that stabbing thought of anything worse happening to his best friend.

(He can’t lose another ─ not now, not ever, not when he’s standing right here.)

Keep reading

It’s surprising, really, how he can still fall apart more at this point -- when it already seems like any semblance of him has been reduced to dust, he still finds ways to grow more scattered, to continue to break as if to prove that he wasn’t gone just yet. Where is the end to that, then? At what point will he not be able to put himself back together -- surely there’s an end to it, surely there’s a lowest unit of his self to which he can be broken down.

He’s not there yet; were it not for the fact that he’s really not thinking about anything at all, perhaps he’d find a bit of relief in that realization, but as it stands, he can’t hold onto it in his consciousness for even a second to contemplate it.

(Or perhaps that’s the most tiresome thing about it -- perhaps the end of the road would mean the end of all this stress and pain.)

He wants to take comfort in Hoseok, wants to rely on him -- but how would he do that? What is it he can gain from someone else when the problem is inside him, the haunting images that’ve taken up residence in all the fractures in his psyche? Would it be possible for someone else to exorcise those demons where he can’t? Jaehwan doesn’t know; he wishes he knew, but all he knows right now is that he feels like he’s suffocating and freezing all at once -- drowning in the spiraling whirlpool of his own mind.

Jaehwan sinks to the ground clumsily, sliding downward along the wall, seeming to put all his effort into just maintaining a pattern of inhales and exhales into his hands -- just breathe, just breathe. He can hear Hoseok now, but it’s hard to hold onto his words for any length of time -- just the sound of his own blood pumping is too loud to distinguish much else over it. His skin is cold and oddly numb, but he swears he can feel everything despite that.

But the worst of it is through, isn’t it? This is familiar; this is a constant. Panic is a friend as old as it is cruel. This cycle has been put on repeat enough times that he remembers how to pick up the scattered pieces -- seconds tick past, and it eases up. He hates it -- but as long as the phantoms don’t come back, as long as he’s here in this over-stimulating reality, he’ll survive. The danger recedes, as it always does; it becomes a figment haunting his unconscious, sure to rear its head whenever it so chooses.

Everything’s going to be fine -- Jaehwan really wants to believe that, even if he can’t.

[advjaehwan-blog]

&. speaking sense.

[advjaehwan-blog]

advxminhyuk:

Drama runs far too deep in Minhyuk’s blood. He’s way too big on overacting and he feels things way harder than he logically should. This whole English thing has got him reeling and he really does wish that the guy who’s so kind as to give him help could be of any assistance. He can’t, though. Minhyuk had decided that moments ago and that sort of set his opinion in stone… That is until the guy says that he might actually be of some help.

Minhyuk’s a simple creature. He believes things just as easily in any situation, so when the guy says he might be of some use Minhyuk gets his hopes way up in a split second. He jumps up again- grinning now despite the tears. He sort of repeats his mistake of slamming his head into the table and groans again- this time hunching over in his now seated position and rubbing his head to try to alleviate the pain. There’s a small “Fuck fuck ow ow ow~” but he doesn’t say it nearly as loudly. After a moment he cracks one eye opened- smile lop sided and goofy. Does this guy actually have super language granting powers? That’s pretty bad ass, honestly. Minhyuk didn’t really think that sort of thing was possible when he said it, but now that he’s thinking about it there’s no way it couldn’t be! This place is full of such crazy stuff! He’s just lucky today.

“Ya’ really think ya’ can help me out?!” He’s about six times too loud. “You’ve got language powers AND y’know English?! BRO! You’re like… Seven colors of awesome! I swear I could kiss you!” A small pause. “No homo though.” He shuffles his way out from under the table- at least slightly. His legs are sort of weak from the way he was previously laying. They definitely feel tingly and it makes him a little less stable when he finally gets up. It doesn’t stop him, though. Very little will stop Lee Minhyuk when he’s got his empty head set on doing something. 

He wipes his eyes- still crying for whatever reason. His voice has still got that stupid wiggling tone to it and he’s trying to force it away. “If you’re offerin’ help I’d take it in like… now. I’d take it now.” He nods and looks around the room- suddenly unsure where his supplies went in his tirade. 

“OR uh…. after I find my shit. Geez. Uhh… Sorry ‘bout the room.” There’s a laugh. “But… legit, man. Thanks for doin’ this. I mean, what yer’ about t’ do. You… are gonna’ help right? I gotta’ write an essay. I suck at em’ can’t read for shit. Head’s full’a…. uhh. Rocks or somethin’.” He’s rambling now, but he’s unaware of it. He’s way to busy trying to figure out where the hell his book went.

Jaehwan is immediately stricken with a tinge of confusion and regret when the other begins to speak -- mostly because he’s very loud, and Jaehwan is not so good with very loud people. At least he seems to be pretty good-natured; that’s something Jaehwan can work with for sure, not that there’s anyone who can’t, really -- still, he can’t help that his expression is a bit overly startled after he’s nearly yelled at. He’s sure the slightly-horrified look on his face communicates “please don’t kiss me” far more effectively than speaking those words would, too.

He slips backwards to allow the stranger to escape from his under-table cavern; Jaehwan certainly still doesn’t want to get too close to him, after all. It’s hard to know what to say to this guy -- he has a lot of energy and a lot of emotion. It’s not really a bad thing, it’s just somehow a bit baffling for its straightforwardness.

“Yeah, I -- I don’t really have any plans,” he says softly, managing a smile and a slight shrug, “I can help you out now, but let’s not use my power except as a last resort, yeah? It’s a little...” he gestures awkwardly, “...unpredictable.”

“And you don’t have to thank me -- I just want to help.” Jaehwan settles into one of the chairs beside the table after he realigns it properly. School shouldn’t upset anyone this badly, right? No one really deserves to be that stressed out over anything preventable, at that. “At the very least I can proof your essay, yeah?” For as loud as this guy is, it’s easy enough to be friendly with him because he’s so friendly in turn -- it’ll work out, then.

“What... what’re you looking for, exactly? Hm, maybe I should help you clean up in here before we start with this...”

[advxsanghyuk-blog]

delivery for you

[advjaehwan-blog]

advxsanghyuk:

He casually looked between Jaehwan and the cat while finishing up a donut, and the more he stared at them both the more obvious it was that Sanghyuk wanted to ask questions, but restrained himself out of courtesy. There were a handful of theories brewing in his thoughts at the moment, but he was pretty sure this man was not zealous enough to randomly spout cat sounds during official business.

The stranger flushed a dark red, and he quickly brought more coffee to his smiling lips. For appearance’s sake he’d tried to act nice on the stranger’s behalf, but this wasn’t a bad outcome either. He actually kind of liked it.

“I think most pets have a habit of being nosy.” He snickered. “But you pet owners keep them around anyways. I guess it’s not as painful as you say.”

If the other man had made it a point to avoid eye contact with Sanghyuk, it was painfully clear now—not that this deterred the intern from intently boring into the back of Jaehwan’s head for shits and giggles. “Seriously? Does that mean you get this entire place to yourself for free then?” He made a point of huffing loudly before sinking deeper into his seat. “I wish I was smart enough to get a scholarship somewhere, but I never even finished high school.” Sanghyuk puckered his lips into a sad pout, but then he grinned and leaned forward, perhaps a bit too much for Jaehwan’s liking. “Hey, you’re a freelancer, right? Tell me the secrets to being your own boss.”

It’s hard to focus like this. Jaehwan feels himself shrinking smaller and smaller under Sanghyuk’s gaze -- it’s far too much to have someone even present at this particular moment in time, much less someone who’s so very clearly staring him down in amusement. He doesn’t so much as look at the younger man, focusing all of his attention onto the contract to try to escape the embarrassment that’s settled so hotly into his skin.

But it’s hard, on top of the occasional mild throb of the veins in his head, to focus like this -- why did this have to happen? Why did Sanghyuk have to be here, why did Nabi have to activate the link right now, and why of all things can’t Jaehwan keep to his own damn head?

Jaehwan’s eyes drift over toward Sanghyuk for just a second, but don’t quite make eye contact. “Nosy... something like that,” he mumbles, glancing back at the paperwork. “It’s like I’d imagine having kids to be. Some days are worse than others.” Like when they decide to literally invade your head, if somewhat accidentally.

With a sigh, Jaehwan decides it’s probably fair to rest his head for a moment since the headache from snapping off his link with Nabi is definitely starting to get stronger the more he squints -- he leans back, gaze drifting toward the ceiling. “Yeah, I do. Well, I have a roommate -- he’s the reason there are so many stuffies in here -- but it’s plenty of space for two people.” There are, in fact, so many Gudetama plushies -- Nabi, the unmentioned resident of the apartment, seems to have settled for sleeping in a pile of them.

“Secrets?” Jaehwan’s distracted enough by that that the embarrassment finally seems to be leaving his system -- good riddance. “Mm... well, I’ve always been good at managing my time, so setting my own work schedule comes naturally.” He glances back at the contract -- still doesn’t want to make eye contact. “It’s mostly a matter of finding jobs -- which is mostly a matter of knowing people and being in good standing with them, I guess.” It doesn’t hurt that Jaehwan doesn’t have particularly high living expenses -- honestly, the foundation allowance covers most of it. But he’s not going to try to explain that, for sure.

[advjaehwan-blog]

&. tracker! (all characters)

JAEHWAN !

writing: sana queue: luhan, sanghyuk, minhyuk, hoseok (spiral), kyungsoo (starter), hansol, yixing, wonho (starter) awaiting: yifan (au), yifan, namjoon, hoseok (puppy eyes) (?)

YEJI !

writing: woohyun, taekwoon queue: hyuna, yixing, joy, yoongi, changsub awaiting: hongbin, jinah/hansol (past event)

TAEMIN !

writing: hyejin (past event), zitao (past event) queue: zitao, bingbing awaiting: show (?)

GYURI !

writing: yongsun, namjoon, jonghyun (i’m blue) queue: joy, sana, baekhyun (hepatica), bingbing, baekhyun (white lilies), taekwoon (starter), jaehyun awaiting: jonghyun (rosy cheeks) (?), hyuna (past event), minhyuk, kangjoon (starter)

PLOTTING !

minhyung (-> jaehwan), wonho (-> taemin), ???