Its Getting Better All The Time

This blog used to be where I ranted and complained. But I'm starting a path to better myself. 🌻

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This is my forever person 💕

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I just don't feel understood these days.

And I'm trying to be okay with that. Sometimes I struggle more with my mental health than others. I not generally characterized by my mental illness, but it doesn't mean I don't feel what others feel.

I just need to breathe and try to push everything making me "have a moment" away. I'll be okay very soon.

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I plan on looking cute as hell for this wedding 😘

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I don't know why my lips cannot form a smile 😂 I don't think I've ever been able to master a true smile. So I typically think I look nicer without a smile but here's is both because I feel good. It doesn't happen too often so I may as post it somewhere no one will see it 😂

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It's weird to think that if Joe and I broke up, in like 5 years we would be like strangers to each other. And like thinking about friendships in my past it's just weird to not know what someone you used to know so well, is up to. Maybe it isn't that weird? Maybe it's just me. But god I just think people of his past would be SHOCKED at the boyfriend I have. That includes old friends, exes, and family. Like y'all really missed out on an amazing guy, and I'm so happy I didn't.

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My new lock screen is literally the fucking cutest thing.

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Joe started as a guy that was abused and using bad coping mechanisms, knowing it would probably kill him. And became a guy that lays in my arms waiting for his blood sugar to go up or down, holding my hand because he wants to live a full and happy life. That right there, is GROWTH.

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Today was a much needed family day. So glad the sun was out and we were able to enjoy the fresh air. Life is good 💕

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High anxiety tonight but here we are, and going nowhere.

We tell our stories in similar ways, but we can never seem to agree.

It doesn't matter what the doctors tell us, only we can say for sure

Some days are worse than others, but don't give up hope

Your mental health is yours, but I support you

I support you.

[adyingblog]

Revenge is another term for self harm

I think that's so clever, and I'm seeing it at a very needed time.

I can't let my bad mental health send me into a negative spiral. I'm allowed to feel my feelings, but acting on them just worsens how I feel. I don't want to be that person. I repeat IM NOT THAT PERSON. I cannot accept any other answer as truth. I have to keep to myself and not allow others that annoy me, any real substance in my brain.

Being the bigger person, and staying positive can be extremely hard.

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Unfortunately, sometimes the people that are closest to you make you the craziest.

I've mentioned a bad past with family. I honestly have PTSD about some of my family trauma, and I feel very gaslighted about how I was raised, but with recent events I'm feeling it now more than ever.

I feel sad but also don't feel connected, because I have somehow been shunned from the family. People want what's best for me but have never asked me what I need, never tell me what's going on. It's like I died and they can talk about me, but not to me. And it's stressful things like this that make me not okay mentally. And I hope everything works out almost mostly for the sake of not feeling worse. How selfish is that?

I just need to relax and let what happens, happen. But I cannot forget how I'm treated in these coming years. It's hard realizing most of your family doesn't actually care about your wellbeing. But even harder when you still do care for theirs.

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My love for this human just has no end. I want to marry him, get a house with him, vacation with him, have kids with him, and grow old with him. Plus I want everything in between all of that.

This guy has my whole heart and I trust him with it. Gahhh

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I had such an amazing holiday with my best fucking friend and it feels nice to be home and actually doing something productive!

I set up my gym/office today. It still needs some touch ups and just a few things to get it how I want it, but it's nice just having the space back and usable. Things are good and I just am manifesting good things.

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I swear they're friends

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VACATION IS HERE 😍😍😍

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I've been incredibly anxious all day after getting my hair cut, and finding out about the audit.

I just need to take a deep breath, and manifest good things. I'm okay and everything that happens is meant to happen. I also want to make sure Karma is on my side, so once again I am going to apologize for some of my behaviour in the past on socials. I WAS once a toxic person, but I am trying very hard to change that quickly. I want to be happy and healthy, and make others feel that way.

Idk who needs to hear this, but no matter what, someone out there is going to try and make you feel bad. There will be people who have had a worse day than you, or that are in too big of a rush, or whatever the case may be. Ignorance consistently comes to get you, and all you should do is walk away and let them realize how awful they are being.

Be safe and live life 💕

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A true look into this little family 💕 the only thing missing is our cat, Puddin. There is so much love in this house, and I am grateful everyday for all of it.

The past week has been rough mentally, but not a day goes by that I don't stop and think about the support I have. God, I'm just so freaking lucky 🌻