Ethereal♢Elysian

♡ Art | Romance | Diary | Mental Illness ♡

[sunsetquotes]

Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.

Jonathan Safran Foer; Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

[thezeroquotes]

“Do not bring people into your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts. Good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt.”

— Michelle Obama

[sunsetquotes]

Almost. It’s a big word for me. I feel it everywhere. Almost home. Almost happy. Almost changed. Almost, but not quite. Not yet. Soon, maybe.

Joan Bauer; Almost Home

[m00wd]

Sometimes you need to sleep, sleep a lot. Not to escape, but to rest your soul from your feelings. Because everything, absolutely everything devours you. Completely.

—Brain

[motivationquotesworld]

[lovinganddreaming]

asking myself “is this really who i want to be forever?” a lot lately

[thoughtkick]

“Nothing is quite as beautiful as someone who has survived losing everything and still has a tender heart.”

— Unknown

[vexheart]

[thoughtkick]

“When people don’t express themselves, they die one piece at a time. You’d be shocked at how many adults are really dead inside — walking through their days with no idea who they are.”

— Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak

[aeipathy-elysian]

My whole life has been spent just begging to be loved

[aeipathy-elysian]

I just don't understand

No matter what I do its never enough

I don't want to do it anymore

I'm exhausted

[aeipathy-elysian]

I'm still convinced I'm unlovable

[aeipathy-elysian]

I don't think love is real

Yanno, the love the poets write about, the love I've been craving my entire life.

The love that makes you feel welcome to be yourself, makes you feel safe in your manic thoughts. The love that extends past arguments and nastiness into sincerity and real understanding.

Unconditional love can't exist, surely?

Cause if it did, then surely I'd of seen some sort of evidence of it by now?

I've seen evidence from myself. Loving people even when they're been the worst, even when I've felt unloved and uncared for, even when my mental health has dropped to rock bottom, I've still loved.

Am I not deserving of the same?

Am I not worthy of true kindness, gentleness, compassion?

I feel like I'm cursed to a life without anything other than pain and discomfort.

[aeipathy-elysian]

Everything feels perfect with him. I've never been able to look at someone and see a proper future like this. Which would be awful for my long term exs to hear but, it's true. I've never felt like the world stops while looking into someone's eyes until I met him.

I never knew I could love the way someone says my name, or the way they do simple things like scratch their chin or play with their lip piercing when theyre bored or stressed. I never thought once that loving the feel of someone's body against mine at all moments of the day could be a thing for me. As someone autistic, and as someone who always thought they hated physical contact, I never thought I could do that.

I never thought anyone would be able to match my energy, to be able to keep up with my emotions being so haywire and toxic. I never thought someone would be able to make the worse days seem worth it?

Like I just want to love him more than he ever thought was possible, I wanna show him the world from my eyes and show him how much fun and exciting and spontaneous and positively chaotic it can be! I want to make him feel like glowing sapphires and show him why raindrops are beautiful and why the sea roaring is terrifyingly awesome, and show him how laying down in the middle of the road in the rain at 2am is so freeing snd makes you feel so alive

I wanna share the things with him that makes life better and I wanna show him how to fall in love with himself

I both love and hate this feeling because, everything feels right, the way he smells, the way he sounds  the way he feels, the way he makes me feel, the way he looks, the way he looks at me, I never thought all of it could feel so perfect and amazing and comforting.

And I'm so scared, I have never let someone back into my life this many times after hurt. Especially this early on. I'm so scared but, I just want him, I want the me I am when things are good when I'm with him.

I can feel the world stop and all my senses stop when he looks at me and I look in his eyes, when he smiles, when he laughs. Its like the moments I'm with him, nothing else matters, and when he makes me feel happy, I feel so safe. Just for that short while.

The fear hurts so much and I don't know what to do.

It's so unfair because, he doesn't feel the same way, he can't, I'm an option out of 2, and I can't explain the mental pain of knowing that.

It's ridiculous, falling for someone this fucking hard when you've only met them a couple of months ago, it's stupid really? Isn't it? How life just wouldn't be the same if they were a stranger again.

I just crave to love him, and crave for him to love me, but I just have this gut feeling that I'm fucking cursed or something.

[thoughtkick]

“It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.”

— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

[quotemadness]

“You will never be who you want to be, until you are happy with who you are.”

— Thomas F. Shubnell

[thoughtkick]

“Nothing’s changed. You’ll go home. You’ll be bored. You’ll be ignored. No one will listen to you, really listen to you. You’re too clever and too quiet for them to understand. They don’t even get your name right.”

— Neil Gaiman, Coraline