These mornings were colder than usual, but the fire inside kept Rebekah warm and safe. Looking out of the window of her parents house, she saw the sun creating nice reflections on the fields that had, after winter passed them, no colours. She thought about how much she liked walking these grounds back then and her heart ached, because so much has changed after Dumbledore’s death. Taking a sip from her coffee, Rebekah looked at all the unopened letters in front of her, torn between smiling and feeling bad for not making an effort to open them. She scrammed through the pile and saw Draco’s name written on two of them, four of them were written by Alexander, one by Tate. The stamp on top of the envelope told her, that he was still in Russia, dealing with some stuff. Looking through her lashes, she scanned the mark on her left arm and kind of felt remorse for the past few months. After the curse of the necklace being broken, she just left it all behind. All the feelings, the good and bad ones, the memories, they all came back and tore her apart. Thinking about all the things she’s done to people she loved and cared about broke her into pieces. So she decided to leave and to never come back, because people were better of without her. In that moment she thought about that special person and wiped away the red lipstick, that marked her cup. Every single day passing by, not hearing the slightest thing from her best friend, made it even worse. Somehow that was the reason that she didn’t open all these letters. She was so scared to find a word about him, about what might have happened that she just left them unread. Thinking about that night, when the sky became dark, the air became cold, she remembers standing on the edge of the grounds, looking up to the tower where it was all going down. And when Dumbledore fell all death eaters disappeared immediately. She tried to look for him, tried to find him to tell him that it was all going to be alright, but he was gone too. Months have passed and there was no sign of him being anywhere, no sign that he was either alive or dead. Rebekah tried her best to find him, but no one knew where he was and not that she gave up, but maybe he doesn’t want to be found. With every morning that passed she was scared to find the answer to all those questions.
Taking another sip from her coffee as she was drowning in thoughts, the elf came in, holding another pile of new envelopes. “Don’t. "I don’t want..”, she said and stopped, looking at the amount of letters. “They are your friends and it seems to be urgent”, Rufus said, holding about fifteen letters inside of his hands. As the house elf tossed them into her lap, she noticed him looking at the Daily Prophet and it woke her interest. Rufus’ eyes widened, before he quickly began to fold the papers inside of his hands. “Give me that”, she commanded and pointed to the Daily Prophet, that he was hiding behind his back, “why are you hiding it from me?” Rebekah became suspicious, stood up and took a few steps forward, as he was taking a few steps back, “Rufus, I dare you.” The little elf seemed lost, not sure wether to give her the papers she was longing for, or to throw them into the oven. “Miss, you don’t want to see the news”, he said softly, “boring things only, nothing special.” Rebekah’s eyes became smaller, focused on whatever he was saying, “Rufus, don’t make me hurt you”, she said and jumped towards him. He disappeared to the other side of the kitchen. Pointing up the wand, she began “Aavada”, but then he reached out his hand, “ok, ok”, he said and looked down, “promise me to not make something stupid”, he said and helped her up, handing over the papers as he looked down.
And in that moment she knew. If he had to tell her not to do something stupid, it could only mean one thing and that would explain all these letters. Tears shot into her brown eyes, as she thought about not opening these pages. But then she did and froze, when she saw the headline. It felt like hundreds of needles pinching into her heart, it felt like knives stabbing her in the back. Her breath became irregular, heavier, uncontrolled. All she could hear was the blood pumping through her veins, humming inside of her ears. She lost all sense of surrounding and let herself drop to the ground. Stroking her thumb across the page, all these tears inside her eyes escaped, ran along her cheeks and fell onto her shirt, quickly soaking it all in. More and more tears followed. The title said: “Smith found dead.” Minutes passed and it felt like a lifetime, that she was staring at this moving picture of his face. His beautiful soft and loving face, that she often just stared at. The pain became more and more and maybe right in this moment she knew. In that moment she knew that it was her fault. All of it. He would still be alive, if he had never met her. And in that second this film inside of her head began, forming the past six years with him at her side. How she laid her eyes on him for the first time when he got sorted. How he was brave enough to talk to her, when everyone else told him not to. All the laughs, the small moments of pure happiness. How he made her a better person. A piece of herself died along with him just in that moment. “Leave”, she whispered to Rufus, who turned around and disappeared. She continued to scan the picture of his face. Seconds, minutes and hours passed. “Miss”, she heard someone say in the silence. Spinning around, she looked at Rufus’ face, the sun has already set and the fire almost expired, “you should get some sleep.” How could she ever sleep again? Knowing that she’s responsible for his death. A small smile crept onto her face, hearing his voice saying, that it was his decision and it had nothing to do with her. But Rebekah knew the truth and it was her fault and she hated herself for being his nightmare. “No”, she whispered, still holding on to the paper, “I…”, she swallowed down the sentence. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath she tossed the paper away and stood up, grabbing all these envelopes from the table and walking towards the front door. “Miss, where are you going?”, Rufus called and tried to catch up, knowing that nothing could stop a Rebekah McKenzie if she had made plans. “Revenge”, she said in a cold tone, pulling on her robe and disappearing into the night.
Jezebel’s name was written on the first envelope, that she held between her cold fingers as she opened it from one side. It was one line that broke her heart immediately. Her letter said, “It tears me apart knowing that you loved him all along without even knowing yourself.” And it went on like this with all these letters. Even Tate sent one, saying he was sorry for her loss. He’s been never the emotional kind of man, but she knew he really felt bad for her. Opening one letter after another, wiping away all the tears that followed each new envelope, the moon was on the middle of it’s way when Rebekah reached the Forbidden Forest, the place that was her home for so many years. She hasn’t been her for months, avoiding that place more than ever, because after it all went down these woods reminded her about too many things. She thought about all the times Zacharias and her were playing hide and seek and it made her laugh and cry at the same time. And it made her think of all these people she’s tortured and killed. She’s been a bitch to mostly everyone she knew and she hated to be confronted with that. Zacharias was the only one who admired even her bad side. Rebekah shook off the thought of it and continued to make her way through the forest, looking for the entrance to her secret home, that she’s spent so much time in. As she reached the steps, she turned around to see if someone followed her and went down, pulling out her wand to unlock the door and to ignite the fire as she went it. This room held so many things, so many memories, it flushed all over her as she turned her head to gaze around. Webs covered most things, but it was still all in place just like she left it. This room contained all of her most important things and memories. Spending a lot of nights outside the dorm and inside these walls, she felt sadness come upon her. Walking throughout the room, stroking her hand along her stuff, she closed her eyes for a second to think about what to do, how to find the person who killed him.
Opening the boards as she walked over, she looked through all the potions left, trying to find some that might be useful for her. Between parts of dead animals, useless brews and books, she found her stash of memories, that she thought were important to keep. Looking at the tags, she found one with Zacharias’ name on it. Looking over to the pensieve, she thought about pouring it into the bowl. Rebekah was always that kind of girl who loved to torture herself, not just others. In that moment, she felt so numb already and wanted to drown herself in a happy memory, a moment of pure happiness. Standing up again, she poured in the blue liquid and watched it swirl around, creating nice colours and structures inside the bowl. Taking a deep breath, Rebekah moved her head inside the water and sunk into the memory, that she decided to keep a few years ago. She saw herself, in the common room, next to Zacharias. Laughter was filling up the air, the smell of fire and alcohol as well. The next picture is how the friends got up and ran into the Forest, ending up in this room, sitting down to the couch next to the fire. Tears were running down her cheeks, as she swung her legs around Zacharias. As she wiped away her tears, she said “this is probably just my way to tell you that I love you and that I am so proud of what you are.” - “I love you, too”, Zach said. The next sequence, her head buried in his neck. “I would never want you to get hurt, Zach. I would go mad, I’d kill every single person that touches you”, “You’ll be there for me, won’t you?”, “always and forever”, she said, cupping his face, before he told her again, that he loved her. Pulling out her head from the water, she just stared into the darkness for a few seconds, “always and forever”, she whispered, before she started to sob uncontrollably. Letting herself drop to the ground again as her knees became weak, she moved her hands up to her face. “Why?”, she cried out loud, remembering all the little details about the night she just saw and realising once again, that she failed. She did not keep him save, she was not there for him and she couldn’t move. Staring at the fire inside of his small room, she froze and stayed liked this for minutes, or hours, she wouldn’t know. She lost all kind of senses and looked up, when she heard a noise from outside. Standing up rather quickly, she grabbed her wand and went to the other side of the room. Hearing footsteps in front of the door, she hid behind the door, holding up her wand as she heard, how the noise was becoming louder.
