online diary (2)

[aeonsofexistence]

Hey. It’s been a while. I think 2 years. In that time I planned a wedding, got married, and then got divorced. It’s been pretty rough and I thought the hardship would be over the moment I got the divorce but sometimes I have such a heavy feeling in my heart and the ugly thought that “I wish he would’ve just hit me so that this pain would feel justified” runs a loop around my brain. I feel really sad for myself to have gone through so much and I wish everybody else could see it and stop calling me a liar. Most of all I think I just wish I was dead so I wouldn’t have to remember everything.

[hamletthedane]

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

[fortunatemind]

Sometimes you just need to listen to the same song for an entire afternoon 

[aeonsofexistence]

[metamorphesque]

― Anne Sexton, Anne Sexton: A Self-Portrait in Letters

[ambergristea-deactivated2024112]

Scan from Tokyo: A certain style by Kyoichi Tsuzuki

[metamorphesque]

― Clarice Lispector

[aeonsofexistence]

Every year I will have 2 moments where I completely despise myself for how I’ve lived my life and want deeply to kms, and then I will remember Seokjin’s Epiphany exists and for 3-4 minutes I remember that my life is worth living, and that despite all the hardship I should begin to love myself… and then I have to go on the long journey that is learning to like yourself

[wishbzne-deactivated20210526]

[aeonsofexistence]

Crying tonight because I am so disappointed with who I am and the fact that I can never do anything right…. All these bad choices just pile up to make a bad person. I am SO disappointed in the life I have lead and how little progress I have made

[weltenwellen]

Kerry Egan, On Living

[cyberbullyinc]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CR80sK2lkQP/

[aeonsofexistence]

[aeonsofexistence]

[aeonsofexistence]

[untiloblivions]

thinking about “you haven’t met all the people who will love you” and like!!! you also haven’t found all the things that will make you happy!!!! there will always be new authors and musicians and artists whose work you will one day discover and love!!!! there will always be new hobbies and skills for you to learn and feel fulfilled by!!! there will always be new things around the corner that will bring sudden and unexpected happiness!!!!!!!!!!!

[jung-koook]

butter concept photo - version #01