aeri @aerianaspace - Tumblr Blog

I don't know that I am in a depressionary state, but I'm sad and have been for the last couple of days.

I know I can't go back. But my mind keeps leading me there. The what ifs, if I had only done this or that differently, or if I hadn't made those decisions. The brutal cycle of overthinking, overanalyzing, and beating yourself up..

It's relentless..

I'm angry at the world. At the universe, or god, for giving me love when I was too dumb to understand it. And making live my entire life searching for the exact same love that I maliciously threw away decades earlier.

And the fucked up thing about it is I made peace with all of that, but the pain and loss still remains, and sometimes finds its way into my teary eyes in the dark of night..

What trauma has taught me is that some days are better managed than others. And this is not one of those days..

mournfulroses

Franz Kafka, from a letter to Grete Bloch written in 1914, featured in Letters To Felice

paper-wounds

via

aerianaspace

as always...

fuck my life

scribeherself

the absolute devastating intimacy of a forehead rest. when you are both just so tired from existing in a world that demands you to be a rigid, functional individual, and you finally collapse into each other and just lean your forehead against theirs, or against their shoulder. it’s the physical equivalent of dropping your shields. it’s saying i am entirely heavy right now, and i am trusting you to bear a piece of that weight. and the most beautiful part is that the other person doesn’t even flinch. they just adjust their stance, tuck you a little closer, and absorb the impact. we were designed to divide the burden of being alive.