to live for the hope of it all

trying to take up less space and not talk so much on main and irl. so enjoy bc no one knows me here :)

[sol-entre-estrellas]

i miss you but you probably don’t even think about me anymore

[sol-entre-estrellas]

people forget about me while i’m still here, so i know they will be just fine without me

[sol-entre-estrellas]

and then i realised…i’m always second to someone else

[liniahamster]

"things would be better if i was alone" -> i can get worse if i'm alone

[izzysgonesilent]

Being a girl is waking up and feeling nauseous, but then realizing it’s just the anxiety that’s been festering in your stomach since yesterday

[liniahamster]

i ruined everything that has made me happy

[inkskinned]

you want them to text back but that's anxious attachment isn't it. it's just that you can feel on the wind when you're not wanted anymore. when they've fallen out of love in any small part of their marrow. you have a hawk's eye for disharmony. you can tell when she has begun packing her things.

don't be annoying. you want to write: i have never experienced unconditional love as an explanation but isn't that pathetic. in adulthood all love is conditional and it should be. you've been to too much therapy. touch grass. how sappy can you be.

but they don't reach for your hand while they're driving. they forget to ask you how you're doing. the call times no longer read 12:34:19. they're 30 minutes and perfunctory before she says baby please, i'm tired. i need to go to sleep. where in her life do you fit. why is it that you never fit into anyone's life very long. oblong creature with so many needs, spilling up and out and over everything. it's a fucking shame the first time she said she loved you it was for your independence. and now look at you.

hollow pit in your stomach, body shaking. fuck, not again. you're not going to ruin another relationship like this, codependent and toxic, spiraling. and in the other half of your brain: if that's your wife, wouldn't she want to hear it? wouldn't it be fine? wouldn't she just comfort you and you can both move on and nobody dies?

but you're crowding her! read another instagram Positive Vibes Only type of post that talks about calming your heart and your brain and your body. try to sit in silence. the thing is that you do have a life outside of her, remember? go back to it.

great news, your parents fucked you up and now you have no idea how to deal with love. you just keep wanting to be chosen. to be real to someone, all the way through. real and kept. held closely. seen as precious to somebody. why even is that? didn't you always swear that people can and should complete themselves? why are you so constantly driven to beg for love, doglike and barking?

it's just the tiny things. it's just that you have to weigh every silence and sentence like bricks on an exposed belly. you have no idea how to shut it off. every alarm bell in your body saying: this isn't safe. start scrambling. she's already going.

[hollowcrossings--archived]

something so embarrassing about avpd is getting little 'friendship crushes' on people. why is my heart clenching because someone liked my post? why am i so nervous to interact with you? why am i so eager to see what you post online despite talking once or twice? why can i not respond to anything you say to me out of panic? it is so embarrassing, i feel like a middle-schooler having a playground crush and scribbling messy valentines that will never be delivered.

[5051704xoxo]

sorry, i might disappear from time to time but so does my will to live

[avoidant-attachment-culture]

avoidant culture is feeling far more comfortable yearning for fictional people that don't exist because i never actually have to get close to them. i can just write alone and feel comfortable never divulging anything

.

[baddogmari]

perhaps slamming my head into a block of concrete will fix me

[xlcovo]

[pupisized]

[yearningdaughter]

[baddogmari]

things are really, really bad again. can you tell?

[babydoll-4444]

[stargirl1l]