omg jaeseulgi THEME?? is this A HINT WE MIGHT GET JAESEULGI CONTENT SOON🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
potentially.....i just can't decide whether to do it on this blog (my k-pop blog), my main (where i write for movies & tv shows) or on my a03 (which is empty but i plan on writing ship content there) 🤞
REAL JAEYI AND SEULGI HAVE MY HEART THEY DESERVE THE WORLD
MY GIRLSSSSS
ugh i have so much love from them in my heart i need ten seasons of them being happy together with nothing bad happening. not a day goes by where i don't think about the firework scene
no one else might notice how you hardly eat, pushing around food in an attempt to make it look like you've consumed something, but yoonchae does, and she can't stand to see her girlfriend destroying herself.
content: fem!reader, eating disorder, angst, one mention of reader measuring her wrist, no actual descriptions of readers weight/physical appearance (except from looking tired), a brief scene of yoonchae eating, yoonchae drives (don't ask about her licence....) not proofread word count: 1.0k note: please mind the warnings and take care of yourself <3
it was naive of you to think your girlfriend wouldn't notice.
she pays attention down to the finest details, memorising your favourite flower from just one mention to always putting your preferred amount of ice cubes in your drink without ever needing to ask. so why wouldn't she notice this?
"you didn't eat anything," she accuses halfway through the drive home, breaking the almost painful silence. usually, your drives back from dinner with your friends are filled with singing and laughter, only occasionally broken by a comfortable silence while yoonchae focuses on the road and you gaze at her lovingly.
"i don't know what you're talking about," you mumble, staring out the window. in the reflection, your tired eyes greet you, a prevalent, bone deep exhaustion that not even the heaviest makeup can conceal. you're surprised none of your friends commented on it, but you guess they were too caught up with talking and eating to notice.
which honestly, thank god, because yoonchae's concerned eyes are already too much, having five more worried looks all trained on you might kill you.
"you just pushed your food around during dinner, so it would look like you ate," she says, and damn her for paying attention to you so well, for knowing you like the back of her hand. "i didn't see you take a bite once."
you shrug, "well then i guess you just weren't looking when i did."
"oh? so you took one bite? how filling," she deadpans. her hands grip the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles go white, jaw firmly clenched in order to bite down words she won't be able to take back.
"i wasn't hungry, is that such a crime?"
"it is when you're never hungry."
she pulls the car to a stop in front of the late night convenience store you didn't even realise you were approaching, wordlessly grabbing her bag and stepping out of the car. then, before she slams the door shut, commands, "stay here."
as if you'd have anywhere to go.
the wait is excruciating, your knee bouncing so hard the car slightly shakes. you can't sit still, obsessively fixing your makeup, opening social media and then immediately regretting it a second after, measuring your wrist with your fingers and sighing unhappily at the results that'll never be enough, regardless of the outcome.
only ten or so minutes have passed, but it feels like it's been a lifetime when yoonchae finally exits the store, a plastic bag filled to the brim in her hands that she passes over once she steps back into the car.
despite having no plans to actually eat, it's instinct the way you take out the first item and immediately flip the packaging to check the calories, only to find all the information scribbled out in pen. yoonchae.
she doesn't say anything, just carefully watches from the corner of her eye as you assess her food selection.
it's a mixture of your favourite junk food and then some healthier options, like she scoured the shelves and put anything in the basket she thought you might even potentially eat. your stomach cramps painfully at the sight.
for the most part, you weren't lying about not being hungry; your appetite is mostly non existent at this point. but regardless of what you want, your body needs food, and likes to notify you of this in the most painful ways, hence the cramps.
"can you open that for me?" yoonchae asks, pointing to the packet of crisps in your hands. you're glad she doesn't mention that obvious pain you're in, even if concern is written all over her features.
you nod and pry open the packet with more force than probably necessary, the smell hitting you almost instantly. on a better day, maybe it would've appealed to you, but you feel nothing but apathy towards what you once might've called your favourite snack.
you're not stupid, you know what yoonchae's trying to do. if you open the bag, she thinks, maybe you'll feel more inclined to reach in and take a bite. just one tiny little nibble and your girlfriend will rejoice.
instead, you try to ignore her disappointed expression as you pass the bag over. there's no satisfaction on her face as she starts to eat, just an emptiness that matches how you feel.
"thanks," she mumbles through a mouthful.
when it becomes clear that you have no intention of joining her, yoonchae puts down her food, dusts off her hands, and puts the key back into ignition. "you ready to go?"
"sure."
she pulls out of the space and the two of you fall back into silence, the only sounds the hum of the car as she drives and the occasional hitch of her breath.
the world passes by in a blur of city lights, slightly disorienting but relaxing in its own way, too. you rest your head against the window, eyes fluttering shut. in retrospect, you haven't done much today, but your body feels exhausted like you've just run a marathon instead of having gone to dinner, an event that's supposed to breathe life into you instead of talking it away.
at least now you can rest.
"you know i love you, right?" yoonchae eventually breaks the silence, her voice soft and shaky. she'll lose her courage if she waits for a reply, so she continues on, "i'm sorry i got mad. i know you're struggling and the way i acted was unfair, i'm just so fucking scared. i can't loose you. the thought makes me sick, so i tense up because that's the only thing i know how to do. does that make sense?"
this time, she takes her eyes off the road to look over, only to find you've drifted off into sleep, worlds away from the conversation. she sighs. at least you look peaceful like this, cheek slightly smashed against the car door, shoulders having finally lost their tension.
you can't hear it, but she whispers the words regardless, like maybe they'll reach your subconscious and fix everything when you wake, "please don't leave me."
last song: the beginning of the end by hemlocke springs
currently watching: I just started watching this cute show called Tokyo Salad Bowl which I'm lowkey in love with.
current obsession: Sorting through the merch I just got from the artists' alley in the convention I was tabling at over the weekend!
currently reading: You Will Get Through This Night by Daniel Howell
currently working on: The last two Steam achievements on Hello Kitty Island Adventure (and fic-wise it's the next chapter of Cat Distribution System)
currently wearing: old-school Batman shirt + jeans + pink, brown, and cream plaid coat
last google search: Ridiculous Fishing
favourite flower: sturt desert pea! (you have probably never heard of them before but they are cool as hell and definitely look them up)
No pressure tagging @ellesthots and I... am not sure I have other moots to call upon on this account rn. But if I have forgotten you because a weekend of convention melted my brain please do feel free to join in!
currently watching: my adventures with superman season 3! and the penguin again <3
current obsession: making copycats of dutch bros rebels at home 🤩
currently reading: polysecure by jessica fern (okay therapist job)
currently working on: FATEFUL!!! editing the last half of this upcoming chapter and i'm already daydreaming about the next one... kinda giving me embers and high winds twin chapter vibes again (haha... ha............)
currently wearing: my favoriteee legging shorts by asos that are literally discontinued!! so mean!!
last google search: pyrrhic victory (👀👀)
favorite flower: TULIPS !!! 🌷 there's a giant tulip farm near where i live and it's the most beautiful oasis
currently watching: i have a few things on pause so technically nothing at the minute, but i plan on starting another drama soon so if you have any recs send them over.....
current obsession: kpop, friendly rivalry, reading
currently reading: cinema love - jiaming tang
curreltny working on: literally sm please send help, but rn i'd say a karina request and the next smau chapter
currently wearing: percy pig socks, like this flowy maxi skirt idk what to call it, and an oversized dc shirt (baggy shirt & maxi skirt combo you will always be iconic)
last google search: random number generator (i think this was to decide what draft to work on)
favourite flower: daisies or lupins (i think that counts as a flower....)
no pressure tags!!: @wonroha @angelwings-fly @jjumars
if you don’t mind telling me, can you tell me what apps you use for the fake twitter and messages??
of course i don't mind!! if you guys ever have any questions about the stuff i use/writing or whatever don't be afraid to ask bc i'm anti gatekeeping over here 🫡
for the messages i use imessage and for the tweets i use twinote <3 both are apps!!
in which you, fed up with dating rumours with men, start your own with your best friend and group member, megan skiendiel chapter three: #feelingniche
content: fem!reader, seventh member!reader, soft launching the reader's commitment issues, cursing, minor solarz, meiy/n being freaked out and everyone is sick of them, ss count: 13 note: genuine question, is having the same banner for every chapter confusing to know what part you're on or not?
stormborns
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
pixelskylines
germansingergirl
kianamaiart
andulkaphoto
