Perfection Never Came

Height- 5’10 CW: 156, GW:140 UGW:130 Message me <3

[weltenwellen]

Warsan Shire, from “Hooyo Isn't Home”, Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in Her Head

[starlightacademia]

one day you think: I want to die. and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book. and I want to die turns day by day into want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun, I want a cleaner kitchen, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else. I want to live.

- via duckbunny

[mysterieuxclairdelune]

{Juansen Dizon, I Am The Architect of My Own Destruction page 24/ Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 6: 1955-1966/ Alice Hoffman, The Red Garden/ Anaïs Nin, from The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 5: 1947-1955/ Haruki Murakami: Norwegian Wood, page 276/ Michael Ondaatje/ Catherynne M. Valente, The Orphan's Tales: In the Night Garden/ D.H. Lawrence, from The Complete Works; The Plumbed Serpent/ Jean-Paul Sartre, from No Exit/ Alice Notley, from In The Pines: Poems; "In The Pines,"}

[anamaniq2-deactivated20231211]

just cause you started eating something doesn't mean you have to finish it.

[stay-close]

“I am a different person to different people. Annoying to one. Talented to another. Quiet to a few. Unknown to a lot. But who am I, to me?”

— Unknown

[shedreamsintechnicolor-deactiva]

Ever the dreamer.

[kaijuno]

You would kill a man for this bedroom

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

[quetiapine19-deactivated2024011]

Suicide attempts are traumatic

I don't hear anyone talking about this. But attempting to take your own life is traumatic.

The moments before the attempt are the most heartbreaking. The planning of it. Writing the suicide notes. You imagine all the pain will stop, but you wake up in the morning in your bed/floor/hospital bed/after a coma. Still alive. The ambulance rides. Your friends/family yelling/crying/asking questions. Trying to find the words to doctors why you did it. All you wanted was for it all to stop, but it was the most heartbreaking, painful both mentally and physically, draining thing you went through. Maybe you woke up with regret, maybe with relief.

But after you get back out in the real world, you have to act like nothing happened. You have to keep living surviving after something so traumatic. You still think about that event over and over. What would it be like if it worked? Why didn't it work? The way you did it, triggers you every time you see that thing/place. You get flashbacks. Ambulances make you re-remember everything all over again.

If you've survived, I'm proud you're still here. You're a survivor. Life might not look like it's worth it sometimes, but your future holds something amazing for you, I promise it does get better. Little by little. Don't give up just yet.

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

[all-things-fcked-again]

[resqectable]

“I became good at pretending. I became so good that after a while the lines blurred between my truth and fiction. And sometimes, when I did a really good job of pretending, I even fooled myself.”

— Ruta Sepetys, Salt to the Sea

[leonardospoetry]

Some chapters of life don’t actually have an apparent ending. They just fade away silently.

It’s a strange feeling to look back at the past sometimes and see how some parts of life have simply dissolved into nothingness. And even though this poem might sound sad, I believe that being mindful of the transience of life actually helps us to feel all the preciousness and beauty of it.

[thehopefulquotes]

“Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you’re in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you.”

— Deepak Chopra

[catchymemes]