Good evening, it’s currently midnight, I have to get up at 7:30 and yasmin’s asleep. I hope you guys don’t mind but I just kinda wanna get some thoughts and feelings out, about myself and my own happiness and about yas. Warning for soppy content, but nothing too bad. I hope you all have a great day!
Okay so, I’ve never been a completely happy person. I’ve always used things to create a false sense of happiness. Buying makeup, CDs, vinyls, dying my hair, getting piercings. As much as I love those things, I was purely getting them because I wasn’t truly happy? I have never ever felt comfortable in my own skin. Sometimes I still don’t. But this year it’s like I’ve had a massive breakthrough, and suddenly I love myself. I feel so comfortable. I haven’t dyed my hair in nearly 8 months (I used to dye my hair at least once a week, sometimes two). The only piercings I’ve got are because I’ve genuinely wanted them. I’ve hardly brought any makeup and have spent money on things I actually need and want, or going out with my friends and going to gigs. This part isn’t really about Yasmin, but this year I finally found myself. I found me. I found my passions, pushed myself out of my comfort zone, met new people, have been to gigs and made so many friends, I’ve developed the most incredible relationship with my family, I’ve come to terms with my sexuality (mostly), I’ve come out to my family, I’m financially stable and I’m about to start the best summer of my life. I am so happy and content. I’m comfortable in my own body, I’ve lost weight but still have some chub which I like, my skin is basically clear, I’ve gotten so good at my makeup skills, my hair is such a nice colour now (my natural brown at the routes to browny blonde on the ends, I also got an undercut and dyed it rainbow for pride), I feel more comfortable in different clothing, with different hairstyles, even with no makeup on.
I met Yas at the perfect time.
Not gonna lie, I was a week out of a long distance relationship that was about 6 weeks long give or take, which simply ended because I couldn’t handle the distance. Everything else was pretty good. I focused on myself that week and suddenly I was super happy. With my friends, family, appearance, whatever. I didn’t even care about being in a relationship. Then one morning, I was scrolling through my twitter timeline and I saw one of yas’ gay tag tweets (we had been mutuals for like 6 months +?). I think that’s the moment where I started to fall for her because wow those pictures of her were so beautiful. I replied to them and told her how pretty they were, a bit later she dm’ed me and I literally fangirled. Why on earth was this really pretty, really cool girl messaging me ???? Out of everyone on twitter?? Anyway, we got talking. We met up a week later, we kissed. I think we got together a week after that? But ever since that first time she messaged me, I’ve felt truly genuinely happy. Like with everything. It’s like I’m literally looking through rose coloured glasses. Everything is so beautiful, and I appreciate everything like art and nature and people so much more. I appreciate my friends and family more. She makes me want to be a better person. No, she makes me be a better person.
Now I don’t know if this is really because of her or if it’s just because I’m at a really good place in my head, in my life. But I know just having her there. Every time I look at my phone and there’s a notification from her, every time her train pulls into the station, every time I turn over and she’s there next to me, every time she smiles. I know that she is the biggest reason I’m so happy, because she completes everything.
She’s the perfect girl. We like the same music, have mutual friends, we like the same films, tv shows (though she’s never actually watched all of orange is the new black, what a fake gay). Sometimes we will literally say or do the exact same things at the same time. I just feel like she understands me, she gets me. I feel like Ted Mosby when he meets finally Tracy, and they’re basically the same person. Her family are so lovely and I feel so comfortable around them. My family love her, and I’m so so proud to introduce her to people as my girlfriend. Or even just tell people I have a girlfriend, and telling them it’s her.
I feel like I’m living in a dream, and I do not want to wake up. The smile on my face in these photos is so genuine. I have never ever smiled so much in my life compared to these last two months I have known this girl.
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