melancholic soul @afterdusksoph - Tumblr Blog

I don't think I'll ever get better

As long as I can remember I've found myself wondering if this feeling will ever go away, along with the constant reminder from my brain that I'm just not enough—not for my family, not for my friends, not even for college, not even for myself. I'll never be smart or pretty enough to be noticed, and that shit drives me crazy. I think it's so unfair that some of us have to live with this constant burden of not being who we truly want to be, and the worst part is that we don't even have a choice, at least for me, 'cause even though it hurts to be the way I am, pretending to be someone different would definitely and undoubtedly kill me. And I swear I've tried—harder than anything else in my entire life. I've tried to be smarter, to take up less space, just to be someone nice to be around. Needless to say that hasn't worked out at all...

This idea has been bothering me for a while now, but after thinking about it for a while (usually late at night), I've come to the conclusion that maybe I'm okay this way. Not saying I'm happy with who I am, but maybe I could accept my sadness and simply live with it—not like I could do anything else, really. With this comes a second, less pleasant though: I don't think I'll ever get better...

-soph

Just a short text to breathe a little 𖹭.ᐟ

∆please be nice, English is not my first language!

#Spotify #vent post #poetry #ed blr #melancholic #inner thoughts #a4a motivation #a4a tips #spilled thoughts #sad poetry #sad thoughts

idkwhattoputbroo

i need to get famous, do crack, get murdered, and then make it everyone's problem

Im so fat, hope no one's looking at me...

yms1

I wish tumblr was a city.

female-failure-deactivated20260

afterdusksoph

and if it´s only me, myself and i will i be fiine?

Not gonna lie, i really like the song. It had me asking myself the same question over and over again, and i still haven´t found the right answer. it´s strange how, in one second, i feel like i can achieve anything on my own, like i can climb a fucking mountain without breaking a sweat. And the next second... i´m just praying for someone to be by my side. Not just to help, but to truly undertand what i´ve been feeling on my own. To be with me through good times and bad, knowing that if i broke, someone would help me piece myself back togheter, and i wouldn´t be alone like always.

I assume it must be really comforting to have someone like that, and i say "assume" because, even though i´ve had some friends—just one really—it didn't last more than a few months. The though of losing her never really left my mind. And it ended up happening anyway, just like I predicted. I can´t stop myself from thinking that maybe i´m just too hard to love, maybe just maybe i´m destined to be alone.

And it fucking hurts to think about it. Because if some day i stop trying, there won't be a single shouder to cry on. No arms to hold me and tell me everything is going to be fine. Meaning that i would die alone. My skinn and flesh will be eaten by worms, and not a single soul would miss me, no one will remember me. Maybe that last part isn´t so terrible. I mean, nobody will remember the awful person i was, the selfishness that surrounded my soul or the deep sadness that clouded my eyes every time you looked at them. But then there's this other side of my head that tells me that maybe I'll be satisfied at some point in my life. Or at least I hope so.

.

So... Will I be fine?

–soph

afterdusksoph

Did it at 6am btw~

and if it´s only me, myself and i will i be fiine?

Not gonna lie, i really like the song. It had me asking myself the same question over and over again, and i still haven´t found the right answer. it´s strange how, in one second, i feel like i can achieve anything on my own, like i can climb a fucking mountain without breaking a sweat. And the next second... i´m just praying for someone to be by my side. Not just to help, but to truly undertand what i´ve been feeling on my own. To be with me through good times and bad, knowing that if i broke, someone would help me piece myself back togheter, and i wouldn´t be alone like always.

I assume it must be really comforting to have someone like that, and i say "assume" because, even though i´ve had some friends—just one really—it didn't last more than a few months. The though of losing her never really left my mind. And it ended up happening anyway, just like I predicted. I can´t stop myself from thinking that maybe i´m just too hard to love, maybe just maybe i´m destined to be alone.

And it fucking hurts to think about it. Because if some day i stop trying, there won't be a single shouder to cry on. No arms to hold me and tell me everything is going to be fine. Meaning that i would die alone. My skinn and flesh will be eaten by worms, and not a single soul would miss me, no one will remember me. Maybe that last part isn´t so terrible. I mean, nobody will remember the awful person i was, the selfishness that surrounded my soul or the deep sadness that clouded my eyes every time you looked at them. But then there's this other side of my head that tells me that maybe I'll be satisfied at some point in my life. Or at least I hope so.

.

So... Will I be fine?

–soph

#sleepingangel #i hate calories #a4a motivation #text #short poem #edbr #ed blrr

sweetcinnamondaisy

pynkwicccc

it feels so good to starve for some reason..the feeling of the hunger is so euphoric. till food comes near me then the uncontrollable urge just fills me.