I don't think I'll ever get better
As long as I can remember I've found myself wondering if this feeling will ever go away, along with the constant reminder from my brain that I'm just not enough—not for my family, not for my friends, not even for college, not even for myself. I'll never be smart or pretty enough to be noticed, and that shit drives me crazy. I think it's so unfair that some of us have to live with this constant burden of not being who we truly want to be, and the worst part is that we don't even have a choice, at least for me, 'cause even though it hurts to be the way I am, pretending to be someone different would definitely and undoubtedly kill me. And I swear I've tried—harder than anything else in my entire life. I've tried to be smarter, to take up less space, just to be someone nice to be around. Needless to say that hasn't worked out at all...
This idea has been bothering me for a while now, but after thinking about it for a while (usually late at night), I've come to the conclusion that maybe I'm okay this way. Not saying I'm happy with who I am, but maybe I could accept my sadness and simply live with it—not like I could do anything else, really. With this comes a second, less pleasant though: I don't think I'll ever get better...
-soph
Just a short text to breathe a little 𖹭.ᐟ
∆please be nice, English is not my first language!















