‘im a girl’ ’im a boy’ okay well ive got boulders on my shoulders collarbones begin to crack there is very little left of me and it’s never coming back
my last reblog of anything being in september, my bad. how am i supposed to look back on this account in ten years time and see what i was doing in my great 20's??
Sieun was kind of crazy for saying Humin knows everything about you, so you consider him your friend. But... would he consider you his friend too? like if I were Baekjin I would actually never recover from that
(💬) — IN WHICH : things you do that make boynextdoor fall more in love.
genres . . . fluff, est. relationship, idol! bnd (not mentioned a lot tho)
cw . . . nothing but lovey dovey stuff, mild language
wc . . . 500
park sungho
𑄽𑄺 your bravery is what makes sungho swoon, he adores that his partner isn’t afraid to speak up for themselves, or make their feelings known.
𑄽𑄺 not only do you stand up for yourself, but also for him. Telling flirtatious people off in public, bringing his food up to the staff at a fast food place when they give him the wrong order. He’s too shy to do that himself.
𑄽𑄺 you know what’s right and what’s wrong, and you won’t shy away if someone asks your input. If anything, you’re the one leading the cause.
𑄽𑄺 he watches you with enlarged pupils and adoration as you express yourself without hesitation, you’re the loudest person in the room, the one who makes the plans, and the person people rely on the most.
𑄽𑄺 he loves how you take care of him, especially in social settings. It makes him fall for you even more.
lee sanghyeok (riwoo)
𑄽𑄺 riwoo’s jaw drops to the floor when you show him your many talents, he’s in love with how much you can do as one person.
𑄽𑄺 he loves when you come into his studio and ask him to teach you a dance. You’re mesmerizing, you flow with the music and pick up the moves so easily, how can he not be in love?
𑄽𑄺 please tell him about your new hobbies, classes you might’ve signed up for, or random projects you’ve started on, he’s so interested in what you do.
𑄽𑄺 soft giggles erupt from his mouth every time you make him something, or show him something new you happened to learn in a day. He can’t help the overwhelming happiness that washes right through him.
𑄽𑄺 riwoo loves having someone in his life that is very creative and intelligent, he is NEVER bored when you’re around.
myung jaehyun
𑄽𑄺 jaehyun strives to hear your laugh everyday, he lives for the sound of it. He can’t get over how adorable you are.
𑄽𑄺 he loves the soft giggles that spill from your mouth when he hugs you from behind randomly, his arms holding you snug against his chest.
𑄽𑄺 definitely tickles you just to hear you laugh as well, no matter how much you protest.
𑄽𑄺 he’s a naturally funny guy, which is something he takes pride in. Most of the time, he has you doubling over in laughter and weakly hitting his arm. He can only smile while admiring you, his pupils wide as he watches the way your teeth show and your eyes crinkle.
𑄽𑄺 please never hide your smile or laugh from him because he will pout and complain until you give in.
han dongmin (taesan)
𑄽𑄺 taesan is soft for the moments you listen to him intently, and that’s mostly every time you make him crack and start talking.
𑄽𑄺 he’s usually not the most talkative, but for some reason you’re amazing at asking questions, and he finds himself not being able to stop the word vomit coming from his mouth.
𑄽𑄺 he gets shy from the way you look at him, you never break eye contact from his face, which tells him without words that you are listening.
𑄽𑄺 not that he doesn’t have people who will listen to him, he has his group. It’s different with you though, he can tell you anything without wincing at the possibility of being teased.
𑄽𑄺 His pupils grow as he looks away nervously when you bring up something you remember him talking about, he loves how you remember every little detail.
kim donghyun (leehan)
𑄽𑄺 leehan is in love with how gentle you are towards nature, never careless like most people are, but considerate and attentive.
𑄽𑄺 he loves the days where you both head to the park hand in hand, a loaf of bread tucked under your arm with the intention of feeding ducks and pigeons.
𑄽𑄺 when he’s off on a tour, he only trusts you to visit his dorm to feed and check on his fish. You’re the only one who seems to know how to take care of them.
𑄽𑄺 he smiles wide watching you pet dogs or cats on the street, even if they’re stray and you have a chance of getting sick from them. You look so happy scratching them under their chins, it’s adorable to him.
𑄽𑄺 even with the environment, you never litter and pick up trash when it’s safe to do so. He’s so in love with the fact you are aware of the declining state of nature and are willing to try and fix it at least a little.
kim woonhak
𑄽𑄺 woonhak is head over heels for how kind you are not only to him but to others as well. It’s almost like your purpose for being on earth is to light someone’s day up.
𑄽𑄺 almost cries the first time you spoil him on an outing, even if he protested and whined about how you didn’t need to spend even a penny on him, you do it anyway.
𑄽𑄺 he squeezes your hand a little tighter every time you compliment a stranger, he’s proud of himself for picking the right person to date.
𑄽𑄺 he stares at you through the mirror, his pupils bigger than ever while you brush his hair. You love doing things for him, and he loves finally being the one taken care of. (being the oldest in his family.)
𑄽𑄺 he still gets shy when you compliment him, because he knows you mean every single nice thing from the bottom of your heart.
my classes are killing me lately but it’s okay because I can write abt bnd and forget about the pile of work I have to complete 💔💔 anyways I hope ygs enjoy!!
perm taglist — @beomtomie @sincerelysungho @ajjaehyun @leeknowramona @wensurr (comment/send an ask to be added)
bonedo taglist — @sincerelysungho @ajjaehyun @ivxae @chayuni400 (comment/send an ask to be added)
in which bonedo shows their love through the assortment of things they’ll do for their s/o
pairings: boynextdoor x gn!reader
words: 3.8k
warnings: some cussing
tags: @onedoornet @blossomnet
roommates: @nineooooo
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𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘰 ₍^. ̫.^₎
constantly cleaning your clothes
we all know how much sungho is OBSESSED with cleaning
like he can’t stand to see any kind of mess for too long
when you guys are sitting down together, he’ll absentmindedly pick lint and stray pieces of hair off of your clothes
“babe why is there a piece of rice stuck to your shirt?”
“oh i was gonna save it for later”
“…we haven’t eaten rice in two days”
even when waiting in line in public, he fights the urge to pull fat chunks of lint off of the people in front of him
so the moment you guys started dating, he occupies himself with your clothes, making sure they’re spotless all the time
plays his guitar for you on nights where you can’t sleep
sungho will be lying in bed with you resting your head on his arm, with you trying to be subtle as you shifted around and kept trying to get comfortable
after maybe half an hour, you both realized that sleep wasn’t an option quite yet
sungho being the sweetheart he is would kiss the top of your head, reassuring you that it wasn’t your fault that you couldn’t sleep as he lifted you out of bed to go sit on the living room couch
he would make you a warm cup of tea to drink and hopefully make you a little more tired before grabbing his guitar
“any song requests?”
“mmm, never loved this way before?”
just pick any song, and he’ll do his best to play it for you
and 10 times out of 10, the combination of warm tea and sungho’s guitar would lull you to sleep within about 10 minutes
after you fell asleep, he would set his guitar back in its case before carrying you back to bed, tucking you in gently and pulling you close to him for the night
never lets you run out of shampoo, conditioner, skincare products, etc
this one might be the most random one in this entire list, but it just feels so much like sungho
sungho’s nature as a neat and clean person is very evident in your relationship for many reasons, but you first noticed the way your shampoo bottles would suddenly become heavier after feeling near empty the day before
you thought you were just crazy the first couple times, but it started happening over and over again where you’d had an endless supply of soaps for the whole year
when you asked sungho about it, he nonchalantly told you that he checks up on how full your products are every once in a while and makes sure to buy a replacement for when they actually run out
he then leads you to a designated cabinet full of tons of soaps, serums, and toners to use whenever
“this is gonna last us through the apocalypse”
“don’t be dramatic babe, i only bought 5 replacement shampoos”
you’ll never run out of anything so long as sungho’s there to replace it!
𝘭𝘦𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘸𝘰𝘰 ( •з• )
comes home with whatever food you mentioned in passing recently
this one might be a little self indulgent on riwoo’s part as well since we all know he loves to eat
you try your best to avoid mentioning specific foods since you two have seen a significant decrease in your food budget after riwoo started bringing more food home…
but he can’t help it! he wants his love to be well fed and satisfied of all cravings
you mentioned you’ve been wanting crumbl’s dubai chocolate brownie? he gets 10 of them.
been wanting good pasta? he does his research and finds the best pasta place in the area before coming home and surprising you with three bags of takeout
even just texting riwoo how good your coworker’s sushi looked during lunch means that at least 5 rolls will be sitting on the counter when you get home, a patient riwoo waiting to try every single one with you
purposely leaves his comfy clothes on the bed because he knows you'll wear them
riwoo loves seeing how much you love wearing his clothes
whenever you go to his house, you would always show up in a random hoodie of his that mysteriously went missing a while back
eventually riwoo gave up on trying to find his own clothes and let you wear whatever you want
if he knows you’re staying over, he’ll leave one of his favorite tshirts and a pair of basketball shorts on the bed
he also leaves an assortment of hoodies and beanies around the house on purpose so you have a variety to choose from
somehow you still haven’t caught onto the reason why so many hoodies were scattered across the place
he just watched proudly as you put on the hoodie lying across the couch before sitting next to him to watch a movie
automatically gives up the charger for you
now this, in my opinion, is the ultimate form of love
he truly could not give a fuck about whether his phone is at 1%, if you ask for the charger he’ll give it to you in a heartbeat
whatever he was doing wasn’t important enough anyways!
the only drawback to this (not really a drawback) is that he’ll end up peeking at whatever you’re doing on your phone since his is practically out of commission
“are you watching fan edits of me?”
“…yeah”
“YOU REPOSTED THEM??”
“they’re hot!”
“i’m literally sitting right next to you, look at ME”
anyways he couldn’t care less about his phone if it meant you could be entertained a little while longer by his edits, although at some point he might get sulky over how you weren’t paying attention to the riwoo sitting next to you
𝘮𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘫𝘢𝘦𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯 ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა
lets you use him as a pillow anywhere
this one’s kind of self explanatory
jaehyun LOVES physical touch, so of course he’d be willing to let his favorite person lay on him at any time
riding the subway home? he nudges your head onto his shoulder so you can sleep
sitting down together in a cafe? he offers his shoulder to you so you can relax and talk to him about anything
his favorite thing to do on weekends is to go out to Han River Park with you and sit on the grass, overlooking the river
it’s the most versatile place for physical affection in his opinion
sometimes you’ll lay on his lap, watching some ducklings follow their mom in the water
sometimes you’ll lay on his outstretched arm, both of you laying on your backs, to look at the sky and draw pictures in the air with your fingers
it’s jaehyun’s way of letting you relax while reveling in how affectionate you can be with him even in public
will do your skincare for u if ur too tired
jaehyun has every single step of your skincare memorized to a T
if you two are lying down on the couch together before washing up and going to bed, he’ll do his best to persuade you to get up and get ready for bed
but most of the time he fails
SO! instead of trying to persuade your sleepy self, he just picks you up and sits you down on the edge of the bathtub
he’ll take goofy pictures of you half asleep and wobbling around to show to you in the morning
occasionally he’ll take a video of you mumbling some nonsense to him half asleep if he tries to have a conversation with you
“do you love me y/n? like love love me??”
“i love… burger”
“wow okay”
you deny it ever happened though
ANYWAYS he would try to go as fast as you can since you were already starting to fall asleep
after he’s done he would carry you to the room and tuck you both in for the night
peels/cuts fruit for u and hands it to you
this one.
to jaehyun, it doesn’t even matter what the fruit it so long as you’re fed and happy
if he notices you sitting at the counter and eating oranges, he’ll go to the other side and have a conversation with you while peeling more oranges
he’ll crack open a pomegranate and pluck out each individual seed into a bowl before sliding it over
he’ll cut the tops off strawberries for you, pushing a bowl of them towards you with a side of whipped cream
sure his hands might smell strongly of oranges, be stained red for days, or be sticky with fruit juice, but he doesn’t care so long as it’s his hands that go through it all
𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘦𝘴𝘢𝘯 /ᐠ - ˕ -マ
will give you all the blanket if youre cold
taesan gives me the impression that he loves the cold more than heat
you guys always keep such thin blankets in your room that when wintertime rolls around, taesan’s in his element while you’re freezing to death
he’ll stack all the blankets on top of you while hugging you from outside your little pile
all he really cares about is that you’re comfortable and able to sleep, even if it means he has to be separated from you by a couple blankets
BUT! not for long because he gets the two of you a thick comforter with cooling material so you both can be happy cuddling under the covers together
he’s also always fixing your outfit for you
taesan LOVES every single outfit you show him before going out together
he’s made it a habit to take in your outfit, holding your hand to give you a little twirl before kissing you on the cheek and bringing you to the car
so he notices and makes every effort to fix it when your clothes start crinkling and shifting
sometimes you guys will be stopped at a red light and he notices how far your shorts have ridden up your thighs, so he grabs his jacket out of the back seat to cover your lap
“so you’re not cold” he reasons as he smooths the jacket over your lap
when you guys are at restaurants, he always reaches to fix your necklace and put the clasp behind your neck since it twisted in the front
he’s especially cautious when he notices your shirt riding up more than the outfit calls for
he’s always always tugging your shirt back down and smoothing it out if he notices it twisting or crinkling up
thanks to taesan, you always return home with your outfit looking like you just left the house
packs your bag for you every friday
dating you had made taesan realize and appreciate the immense amount of useful trinkets you carry around in your bag
box of bandaids? tucked into the side pocket
three different chapsticks? all rolling at the bottom. out of all of them, his favorite was the strawberry flavored one
mini sewing kit? you wouldn’t imagine you’d use it a ton but you DID use it to sew taesan’s shoelace back together on one of your dates
you basically carry the void on your shoulder every day
SO taesan had the bright idea that HE should pack his idea of essentials for you so you can be surprised each week
it sounded like a horrible idea at first, but it actually wasn’t that bad
he was surprisingly thoughtful about it, packing everything from little packets of fruit snacks to three different bottles of pepper spray
“to prevent you from going hungry and getting attacked” he says
you always look forward to sitting down at work and peeking in your bag to see the various trinkets taesan packed for you
sometimes he surprises you by packing totally useless stuff, like your elementary school id
just for gits and shiggles of course!
you didn’t really mind though, you loved the effort and thought taesan always put into your bag for the day, even if he packed randomly useless stuff sometimes
𝘬𝘪𝘮 𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘯 ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱
will let you have the first sip of his drink
it started when he noticed you staring at his cup of coffee at a cafe one time
it wasn’t hard to tell that you wanted to ask for a sip but you were too shy at the time
now leehan just pokes your lips with the straw once he gets his drink and waits for you to take a sip, even if he knows you won’t like it
“leehan what did you order??”
“it’s an americano!”
“this is NOT a normal americano”
“it has 3 shots of espresso!”
“…what the fuck”
but most of the time he orders stuff he knows both of you will like since he wants you to have the best of both worlds
he calls you his little drink taste tester and sips the drink right after you have your taste, winking at you and saying “indirect kiss” after pulling away from the straw
will lay you in his lap and give you back/head scratches
this honestly might be both of your favorite ways to unwind after a long day
you’ll both be exhausted sitting on the couch together, your head resting on his shoulder while you two silently watch a movie
he would notice you dozing off every once in a while, head growing heavier on his shoulder as your body relaxed
after you cycled through falling asleep and jerking awake for the third time, leehan would just pat his lap, a silent invitation for you
it would be up to you where you want to be touched
if you laid your head on his lap, he would carefully comb his fingers through your head, gently tugging through any tangles and lightly scratching at your scalp
he took your gentle sighs as signs of relaxation, smiling softly at the way your body curled towards him instinctively
if you laid across his lap and on your stomach, he would rub your back over your shirt, fingers eventually peeking at the hem and waiting for a nod so he could lift it up
his cold hands evoked small shivers at first, but you eventually relaxed into his touch as he drew shaped on your back
“was that a fish you just drew?”
“no, it was a jellyfish. jellyfish aren’t technically fish because of the way their bodies are composed…”
and he would go off on a tangent while drawing squiggles on your back, not noticing you already drifted off to the sound of his voice mixed with his touch
in both cases, he would sometimes tease you by pulling away suddenly just to see the way you looked at him all confused before pulling his hand back over to where you wanted
and of course he would continue, but not before kissing your hand that grabbed his
unpacks your stuff after a trip
leehan knows how exhausting the aftermath of trips can be, with the long car rides, tiring flights, sand in shoes, the list goes on
SO leehan makes it his mission to get everything sorted out before you both go to bed for the night
he doesn’t let you lift a finger to do so much as unpack your suitcase
he makes you take a bath while he throws all the dirty clothes into the wash, folding the clean clothes back into the drawer
your guys’ toiletries are back to how they were before you left for vacation, neatly sitting on the counter
he puts the various pairs of shoes you two brought back on the shoe rack where they’re supposed to be
by the time you step out of the bath an hour later, the house looks so clean and normal like you had never even left
𝘬𝘪𝘮 𝘸𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘩𝘢𝘬 (•ᴗ•)
preps a comfort room for you guys on days where you seem a little sad
woonhak is extremely attentive to you and your state of being at all times
so when he senses things are even the tiniest bit off, whether an extra exhausted sigh or a persistent frown on your face, he pulls out all the stops to make things better
you would get a little confused why the house was so quiet until you go into your guys’ bedroom
the bed would have a pillow barrier around it to make a mini bowl for you guys to relax in, your favorite plushies littered all around woonhak who was already waiting for you inside
the mini fridge would be stocked with everything he knows you’ve been craving lately, on his side of the bed so he could grab it for you
he would hold you the whole time while you guys watched some cheesy romcom, making you laugh with his silly jokes and comments throughout the movie
and when you two were finally done crying of laughter, he would give you a kiss on the top of your head and a smile as if to say ‘i’m here for you’
fixes your hair for you but pretends like he didn’t do it
you actually didn’t catch on for a really long time until woonhak’s hand slipped and he brushed your head a bit too hard
“so YOU’RE the reason my hair’s been looking so nice through the wind???”
“nope, you just have amazing hairspray”
“…i don’t use hairspray”
he knows it would be a hassle for you to keep brushing it and holding it down yourself when it gets messy so he just fixes it for you
it’s one of those things where he thinks its cute when your hair is flying up like little alien antennae but also he knows you’ll just end up fixing it yourself so he just fixes it for you
never makes you ask for anything if he knows you want it (ex. a hug he'll just hold his arms out)
as someone who gets teased constantly by 5 other people on the daily, woonhak knows how it is and wouldn’t make you suffer through it too
if he can tell what you want, he’ll do anything for you, plain and simple
you’ve been not so subtly glancing at the cookie jar while debating whether to get up from your cozy position on the couch? woonhak will sacrifice his comfort to get you a cookie. matter of fact, he’ll bring you the entire jar
you’re lying next to woonhak and mindlessly watching him doomscroll before bed? he’ll scroll with one hand while curling his other arm around you to make sure you’re still feeling loved and paid attention to, making little comments and jokes to make you laugh
he just likes to make sure you don’t suffer in silence too often
SYNOPSIS: you had never truly gotten over park sungho, so when he calls you three years after your break-up to tell you he's sick, you're not sure what to think. you just know you can't lose him for a second time.
WORD COUNT: 5.16k
GENRE/CONTENTS: angst (HEAVY angst please proceed with caution), arguing, sungho's a little bit mean, a lot of crying, mentions of death and terminal illness, mcd, and other unspecified things.
FEATURING: boynextdoor's taesan.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: this is actually so evil of me i genuinely apologize in advance please do not hate me after this 😭 i was in a very bad place mentally when i wrote this last year but honestly, i think it's one of my better works so this one's for my heavy angst lovers lol (i promise to post fluff after this).
RECOMMENDED SONGS: Arizona by Wunderhorse and True Love Waits by Radiohead.
1. YOU, AGAIN.
You don’t answer the phone when Park Sungho calls you for the first time in three years.
You stared at the screen as it vibrated in your hand, your face turning pale and your mind going blank. You didn't know why he was calling you, a wave of confusion washing over you as you recalled the last time they spoke, a night filled with angry yelling and hateful tears. For a moment, you thought you were hallucinating, a side effect of staying up so late after the closing shift at the restaurant you worked at, the two energy drinks you’d chugged that morning finally starting to wear off. But as the phone stopped ringing only to be followed by another call, you realized that you were, in fact, not hallucinating.
Sungho’s name was plastered on your screen, waiting for you to pick up his call.
You hesitated, your finger hovering over the button, afraid of what would happen once you swiped right. But eventually, you did pick up, placing the phone next to your ear as you were met with silence on the other end. "Hello?" you spoke, the chance of the call being accidental possible. "Hello?"
"Hi, Y/N," Sungho responded, his breathing heavy as he fell silent once again. He coughed, clearing his throat before continuing. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"
You didn't know what to say to him. Of course, you knew that one day you’d speak to each other again — perhaps not as harshly as the time before — but you never figured it'd be so soon. "Yeah," you replied, trying to come up with a reason as to why he could've called you. "How've you been, Sungho?"
It had been so long since he’d heard his name leave your tongue, his ears twitching at the sound. It felt so foreign, yet so familiar, so warm – warmer than anything. Sungho let out a breath on the other end, followed by a low, quiet chuckle. "I think I've seen better days," he said. "I hope you're doing better than me, though."
"Truthfully, I've also been better," you replied, a small smile subconsciously forming on your face. "Is there a reason you called me?" you asked, still curious as to why he'd called after so long.
"Yeah, actually," he said. "I think it's something you should know."
"Go ahead." Your voice was soft in contrast to the harsh tone you’d used the last time you saw him, voice then dripping in anger and frustration. Sungho paused, and you could tell he was thinking about how to phrase his words. "Is something wrong?"
"It's my last day," Sungho spoke, almost mumbling, like he didn't want you to hear him.
Your brows furrowed. "Last day?" you repeated. "Of what? Of work?"
"No," he said quietly, in a whisper. "It's my last day alive."
It took a moment for you to register his words, afraid you’d misheard him. There was silence on both ends, Sungho waiting for you to say something while you tried to gather your thoughts. What did he mean "last day alive"? There was no way Park Sungho was dying. No, this had to be a mistake. He was messing around, messing with you. You scoffed, half in disbelief, half in anger. "Hey, if this is some kind of joke, it's not funny," you said. "You shouldn't joke about stuff like this."
"Y/N," Sungho called your name, almost pleading for you to listen to him, to believe him. "I'm serious." He sighed as you went quiet, realization sinking into your skin, into your bones. "I'm sick."
You felt as if your lungs had been ripped out of your chest, your breath caught in your throat as you struggled to breathe, to speak, to think. Park Sungho wasn't sick. No, it just simply wasn't possible in your mind. You felt your eyes begin to water and suddenly, you felt terrible for everything you’d said to each other all those years ago. "What is it?" you asked, finally finding the will to speak, taking a seat on your bed.
"Secondary bone cancer." His voice had grown small, as if he were ashamed to tell you, but that only seemed to remind you that this was real. "I should've told you sooner, I know," he continued, his voice now shaking as he tried to compose himself on the other end. "I—" He inhaled, "I'm sorry, Y/N, I really am."
Tears left your eyes as you wiped them with your free hand, biting the inside of your cheek to stop the sob from escaping your throat. "Sungho," your voice trembled as you said his name. "Can I see you?"
He sniffled, nodding even though you couldn't see him. "Yeah," he said. "That'd be really nice."
2. HERE, AGAIN.
On the first day of Park Sungho's sixteenth spring, he met you for the first time.
He was on his way home from afterschool tutoring that cold evening, his mind exhausted as he made his way toward the bus stop. His feet felt heavy, weighing him down as he walked and letting out a sigh of relief once he'd gotten there, practically throwing himself onto the bench. He took his backpack off and set it in his lap as he slumped in his seat, the music playing from his phone blasting in his wired earbuds as his eyes began to feel droopy. Sungho remembers the sun beginning to set as he closed his eyes, hearing the faint sounds of someone taking a seat next to him before his mind and body relaxed.
He felt a tap on his shoulder as his eyes fluttered open, turning his head to the left as he looked at the person who'd woken him up from his slumber, only to be met with your kind, warm eyes. Perhaps it was the song that'd been playing in his ears that led him to stare at you for a moment too long as you spoke to him — something about waking him up so he wouldn't miss the last ride home — or maybe it was the cool breeze that came with that spring night, a sense of romance filling the air and seeping into his skin. He couldn't figure it out, but he remembered thinking of how beautiful your eyes were, almost as if they held the secrets of the universe in them.
But now as you stood in front of him, the sight of someone you once loved so dearly laying in a hospital bed with tubes connected to his arms as he struggled to cling onto the last bit of life he had left, your eyes seemed to be filled with something much more than just sadness. Tears began to well up the longer you stared at Park Sungho, unable to keep your composure as you let them fall from your eyes.
Sungho sat up in the bed, his bones aching the longer you stood there, without saying anything. "Don't look at me like that," he said, his voice soft as he tried to avoid the sob he felt coming up his throat.
"Like what?" you asked, wiping your tears with your palms.
"Like I'm already dead," he said. Sungho bit the inside of his cheek, his lip beginning to tremble as his voice cracked. "Everyone looks at me like that, Y/N. I'm not dead yet, so please don't look at me like that."
"I don't know how else I'm supposed to look at you," you spoke, moving to take a seat in the empty chair beside his bed as you sniffled. "I never thought I'd see you like this."
"Did you think you'd never see me again?" Sungho turned his body to face you, part of him already aware of your answer.
"I hoped I wouldn't." You looked down at your hands, playing with your fingers, peeling back your cuticles in an anxious manner. "After what’d happened, I didn't want to see you again." You sighed, attempting to calm your emotions. "But I'd rather have run into you on a random day than have to come here just to watch you die."
"You're not watching me die," Sungho said. "That's not why I called you."
"Then why did you?"
"I just didn't want to die without seeing you one more time," he said, looking away from you. "It would've been wrong of me to leave without saying anything." He paused, meeting you eyes, red and watering. "At least a second time."
You chuckled dryly, looking down at your hands once again. There was a part of you that didn't want to be there, staring at his almost lifeless body, so pale and thin that just the sight of him made your own bones start to ache. "It's good you finally realized it," you mumbled, your eye twitching slightly when you peeled your cuticle back too far, blood beginning to flow from your finger.
He hummed, still looking at you. "How've you been?" he asked. "Really."
"I'm alright," you said, leaning back in your chair. "Exhausted, but that's just life, right? You know more about that than I do, I bet."
Sungho smiled, nodding. "Yeah," he replied. "I'm sorry I called you. I know you hate me."
"I don't hate you, Sungho," you sighed, finally looking at him. "I was just…angry, but I never hated you. Not then and not now." You paused, your eyes softening. "I'm just sorry that this is the last I'll ever see of you." He looked down at his lap, his fists gripping the hospital gown he wore as he tried his hardest not to cry, failing miserably as tears fell from his eyes one by one.
"I'm sorry, Y/N," he said in between sobs. You sat up, the sight of him crying only igniting your own tears as you got up from the chair and moved closer to him, sitting on the edge of the bed as you wrapped your arms around him. One hand rested on the back of his head as he sobbed into your shoulder, the other patting his back as if to try and soothe him. "I'm so sorry."
"Don't apologize," you spoke softly, biting your lip to prevent yourself from breaking down any more. "This isn't your fault. It'll be okay."
Sungho knew that you were simply comforting him, that nothing was truly going to be okay. His life would end in less than twenty-four hours in a way he never thought it would and then he'd be buried, his flesh returning to the Earth, the place it originated from. Nothing was okay.
But as you held him ever-so gently in that hospital room, your cries almost as loud as his own as you told him over and over again that this wasn't his fault, that none of it was ever his fault — he couldn't help but believe you.
3. HURT, AGAIN.
Before all the anger and sadness had sunk deep into your veins, Park Sungho and you were once in love.
Highschool sweethearts, a couple in their late teens, almost early twenties. Your relationship would've been described as normal, nothing quite out of the ordinary. In fact, most people would consider it bland, taking into account just how uneventful your lives seemed to be. But there was so much love between you, so many emotions that neither of you could quite understand at the time — almost as if you were meant to be, tied together by the red string of fate, your lives much more intertwined than you’d hoped for in the end. No matter how boring people deemed you to be, just being with each other was enough.
Neither of you would've believed that you’d end up in such a position, your mouths screaming words of rage, your hearts burning with frustration. It was almost unnatural, the way you spoke to each other that day.
You felt as if you’d been set on fire as you stared at Sungho from the opposite end of the living room, keeping the distance between you because you knew you’d only lose yourself once more if you got any closer to him. You felt you were suffocating as you breathed heavily, your chest heaving. Neither of you spoke a word to each other, the silence that'd fallen upon you and your eyes holding each other's irritated gaze speaking more words than you ever really could. But Sungho still felt the need to defend himself, so full of frustration no matter how much he loved you.
"Y/N," he began, letting out a breath as he tried to calm himself down. "This is the opportunity of a lifetime. This is what I’ve been waiting for this entire time. I'm never gonna get another chance like this again."
"So you take it without talking to me about it first?" you replied, more angry than confused. "Is this how little I mean to you? That you'd be willing to throw away four years together for some stupid jo—"
"It's not stupid," Sungho cut you off, raising his voice. "This is my future we're talking about!"
"What about our future? My future? Did that even cross your mind?" you yelled, your eyes watering. “What about the things I’ve done just to be with you? The things I’ve thrown away?”
"You always get what you want! You've never had to work for anything in your life, Y/N! Why can't I be selfish just this once?! Why can't I ever get what I want?!"
You scoffed, staring at him in disbelief. "You said you didn't care about my parent's money," you said. "You said it didn't matter!"
"Of course it matters!" Sungho felt tears beginning to form once again. "It matters when they look at me like I'm a fucking beggar every time they see me — like I’m trash, like I don’t deserve to be with someone of their status. Like I don’t deserve to be with you." He could feel it with the way you were looking at him, the feeling of pity washing over you for him. He felt it, and he hated it. "Don't look at me like that," he said, his tone harsh. "I hate it when you look at me like that. Don't pity me."
"I don't pity you, Sungho," you said, matching his tone, unable to hold yourself back anymore. "I feel sorry you ever thought I did." You sighed, taking a seat on the end of the couch furthest from him, rubbing your face with both of your hands harshly. "Why didn't you at least tell me?" you asked. "Why couldn't you talk to me about this before you started packing?"
"Because I knew you wouldn't want me to."
"We could've figured something out," you tried, tears falling from your eyes. "I would've gone with you if you'd asked me to."
"And leave your parents behind?" Sungho scoffed, "You'd move away with the only guy your parents don't approve of? Why? Just to prove that you could?" He looked away from you and to the side, running a hand through his hair. “You wouldn’t, because as much as you like to say that you aren’t, you’re just like them, always surrounding yourself with people of higher ‘status’, always looking down on people like me, people that actually have to work every day of their lives just to get by.” He bit the inside of his cheek, looking at you again, his heart clenching when he saw you looking down at the rug beneath you, gripping your hair in frustration. “All my life, I’ve had nothing, and the one time I want something…” He began pacing, his jaw clenching, “The one time, Y/N.”
"You're so mean," you said, more to yourself than to him, wiping your face with your hands repeatedly. "Why are you so mean?"
"Am I wrong?"
"I would've done it because I love you, Sungho," you cried, feeling a lump begin to form in your throat as you tried to hold back your sob. "I couldn't care less about their money." You sniffled as you wiped your nose with your sleeve, finally looking back up at Sungho. "But I guess that's all you care about. You care more about money than what happens to you and me. You care so much you’d rather throw away everything we’ve already worked for just to have a chance at the ‘higher life’ you claim so much to hate.” You paused, shaking your head lightly and rolling your eyes, looking away from him. “You’d rather throw me away than try to work something out, but I would leave everything behind just to be with you.”
The look in your eyes was something he'd never seen before, or at least not directed towards him. There was so much disappointment in your eyes, he began to regret everything he'd ever said. It's not true. None of it's true. The urge to explain himself, to explain that he was only angry, that he didn't mean it, only grew the longer he stared at you. But as he watched you get up from your seat and leave, slamming the door behind you as you left, he knew perhaps it was just best to let you go rather than chase after you.
Perhaps that was what you were doing in that moment too — letting him go.
4. US, AGAIN.
The silence had become familiar, though words never seemed to be enough for you anyway.
Sungho stared at the grass beneath his wheelchair, luscious and green as the spring breeze blew past you. You sat beside him, hugging your knees to your chest as you gently rocked yourself back and forth, watching people pass by as you sat beside each other at a park near the hospital. The nurses wouldn't let him go far, knowing that he only had a couple more hours left to him, but they also couldn't bring themselves to deny him a chance to see the world pass him by for the last time.
"Did you ever meet someone after me?" Sungho asked, listening to the leaves of the trees rustle in the wind. "Anyone?"
"Not really," you replied. "Mom would make me go on blind dates and stuff like that, but I never met anyone I liked." You paused, then chuckled, glancing at Sungho for a moment, then looking away. "I'll admit, I did have a brief relationship with Taesan, though."
Sungho laughed, shaking his head lightly. "I knew he liked you," he said. "That's why he kept ignoring me or changing the subject every time someone mentioned you."
You hummed, "It only lasted a couple of months."
"Why?"
"Because every time I looked at him, I saw you," you said, followed by a sigh. "It felt like you were haunting me, you know. He was so different from you, and yet you were all he reminded me of. It felt like I was wrong for it, for trying to move on with my life."
Sungho tilted his head upward, watching as a plane flew above them, leaving a trail in the clouds. "Did you move on?" he asked quietly, a part of him not really wanting to hear your answer.
Your eyes remained looking ahead, watching as people passed by, every one of them living their own lives. They all had places to be, other things to care about rather than living in the present moment. You wondered if they cared that the twenty-three year old sitting in a wheelchair beside you, the man you loved with your heart and soul, was dying. "Maybe," you said, stretching your legs out on the grass. "I'd like to believe I did." You paused. "Did you?"
"Maybe." He heard you chuckle again, a soft smile resting on your face as they both faced forward, time passing them by just as quickly as the people did. Sungho sighed, a pounding in his head beginning to grow. "You know, when they first diagnosed me, you were the first person I wanted to call," he said. "But the idea of you no longer caring about me consumed me. I felt that alone would've killed me before the cancer did."
"Of course I care." You looked at him, reaching your hand out to grab his, leaning your head against the wheelchair as you held on, afraid to let go of his hand, though much colder than your own. "I always cared. I care so much."
Teary-eyed, he continued. "Everyone that came to visit me looked at me like I was already nothing more than a pile of bones, like I'd already been buried. They all said the same thing. 'You'll get better.' 'Cancer doesn't define you.' Every time I heard them, I just wanted to die sooner."
"You'd rather die?"
"That's not what I meant." His grip on your hand tightened, grunting quietly as he felt his bones begin to ache due to the force. "I don't care if life gets boring or if I have to keep working for the rest of it. I just want to live a little longer. But I'd rather die than have to see someone look at me like that again."
His words hit you like a car coming at you at full speed, your eyes beginning to water. You couldn't imagine the pain he'd been feeling all those months, the loneliness probably eating at him at the same rate his cancer did. It hurt you just thinking about him all alone in that hospital room, knowing everyone that visited him was afraid of the same thing — the idea of Park Sungho dying.
It was only natural. You were afraid, too.
"Those people love you, Sungho," you said. "They care about you."
"I know. It'd be easier if they didn't."
You fell silent once more, holding onto each other's hand as if your lives depended on it, relishing in the last few moments that you’d ever spend together before Sungho’s inevitable end. You knew it was upon you, like a feeling you just couldn't shake off, like a knot had been tied in your stomachs.
"I was going to marry you, you know," Sungho said quietly, whispering as if it was his deepest, darkest secret. Your breath hitched, lifting your head from where it leaned on the wheelchair as you looked up at him. But Sungho couldn't bring himself to look at you, so he simply stared ahead. "I wanted to, really. I'd even asked your parents for your hand."
"Why didn't you?" you asked. There were tears in your eyes as you thought about it, what could've been.
"It just didn't work out that way." He finally turned his head, his eyes meeting yours as he looked down. There was so much sadness in them, so much regret overflowing as he stared at you. "But if I had it my own way, trust me, I would've."
"I wish you had."
You walked in silence behind him as the sun began to set, pushing his wheelchair back to the hospital as Sungho fiddled with his fingers, his breathing as steady as the spring breeze. He looked up, watching the cherry blossoms in the trees blow and fall around him, landing on his lap. He hummed as he held the flower between his index and his thumb, twisting it. "I love you, Y/N," he spoke, a tear dropping from his eyes and onto the cherry blossom's petals, followed by a couple more. "I hope you know that."
"I know," you replied, your grip on the handle of the chair tightening as you tried to refrain yourself from shedding any more tears that day. You didn't know why he'd chosen now of all times to say it, your mind replaying the memory of you walking out of the place you once shared, the place they used to call home. You wondered why he never went after you, why he didn't try to stop you from leaving when that was all you wanted.
You stared at him as he laid back in that hospital bed, his body frail, his skin pale. You watched him as regret spread through your veins, the same regret you knew he felt while looking at you as well. "Was it real?" he asked you, staring at white walls that surrounded him. "What we had?"
"It was real," you nodded, biting your lip to stop yourself from breaking down at the sight of your ex-boyfriend's last moments. "Everything. All of it."
"Do you wish we had more time?"
"More than anything."
5. GONE, AGAIN.
Park Sungho died on the first day of his twenty-third spring, surrounded by doctors and nurses as they tried to resurrect a dead man.
It was an hour or two after you had said your final goodbye to him, both unable to control yourselves as you cried in each other's arms. The pain was unbearable, as if a hole had been cut in your chest and your heart was being ripped right out of you. And though the last thing you wanted was to be the one watching him die, you couldn't bring herself to let go of him, your feet heaving and mind clouded with "what if's" as you made your way home.
The hall where they held his funeral was full of people, if not overflowing. It made you nervous as you walked in, your eyes moving anxiously around, trying to find someone you knew, someone that would calm you down. But the moment your eyes landed on Sungho’s picture, the frame surrounded with flowers, you felt your anxiety leave you. Those same brown eyes that used to calm your nerves before worked even in death.
"I didn't think I'd see you here."
Han Taesan stood beside you, both standing to the side as you watched people give their respects to Sungho’s family, both feeling as if they didn't belong there. "His mother asked me to come," you said quietly, unsure of how much longer you’d be able to keep your composure for the sake of those around you. "She even asked me to write something for him. I refused."
Taesan hummed, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his pants. "You've never been much of a writer anyway," he said, glancing at you. "But you still wrote it anyway, didn't you?"
"Am I that easy to read?" you asked, chuckling. "Then again, we've known each other for a while."
"I know you're hurt, Y/N," he started, the pain in your eyes so noticeable, he didn't understand how you found the will to even show up to Sungho’s funeral. "I'm sorry I can't do anything to comfort you."
"We share the same pain." You watched Sungho’s parents from afar, both in tears as they thanked guests for coming, their hands trembling as they reached out to hold their friends and family. You felt your heart clench, realizing he'd looked just like his mother. You looked away, turning your head as you met Taesan’s eyes. "But it was never comfort I needed from you, Taesan. Then and now."
Watching Park Sungho’s body be lowered into the ground turned out to be more painful than receiving the news of him dying. You felt like you’d been punched in the stomach, and all the comfort and reassurance you’d been given from both him and Taesan now disappeared. You were only left with the gnawing anxiety that seemed to be eating at your soul. Even as you sobbed in the passenger seat of Taesan’s car, the male himself fighting his own tears as he put the car in drive, you felt there was nothing that would ever make you feel as whole as you did when Sungho was alive — when he loved you. All you could think about was how little time you were given to love each other, and how perhaps you would never be able to love anyone else quite as much as you loved him.
But Sungho was gone now, and all the promises you’d made, all the cruel words you’d spoken, and all the memories you shared — they'd gone with him.
6. FOREVER, AGAIN.
In my eyes, it was so easy to love you.
You were always so kind to others, so generous when giving your heart away, like anyone besides yourself deserved to have it. Your eyes were so full of love — and though it may have been the fluorescent lights above us, I truly believe they held the billions of stars in the night sky. You were a star yourself, in the end meant to return to the vast emptiness of the universe.
Words fail me when it comes to you but at the same time, I feel as if I could go on forever about you. You were the only person I knew completely, like the back of my hand, like a book I've read over and over again, unable to get sick of you. I loved you in a way I feel I could never have loved anyone else, like my heart was only meant to be yours from the beginning, from the first time your eyes met mine, from the first time your hand held mine. But I failed to hold onto you. Twice I lost you, and it hurt just as much as the first time the second time around, if not so much more.
Of all the people the universe could've possibly cursed with that sickness, you didn't deserve it. I would've done anything to take it from you, to take your pain away, to extend your lifespan. I would've sacrificed my own if it meant I got to see you one more time, happy, just like when we were together. But I know you never would've let me. You had a habit of carrying things on your own, and now you've let them rest with you in your grave.
I love you, Sungho. I know I didn't say it when I should've, when it mattered, but there's nothing in this world that could ever stop me from loving you. Even when you left, even when I started seeing other people, I never stopped searching for you, finding traces of you that you'd left behind as if you were a ghost in my home. I just wish you'd asked me to come with you, to marry you. It would've been so easy to leave everything behind because it was you. Even after everything we'd said, I still would've followed you.
I'd probably follow you to your grave if you'd let me.
What we had was real. Every word we spoke to each other, every memory we shared together — it was all real. So as you breathed your last breath, as you recalled all the good times and the bad ones in your last moments, I hope you remembered how loved you were in life and how loved you will be in death, and that even the flowers buried alongside you will remember your name.
pairing : virgin!sub!taesan x dom!reader
synopsis : taesan's ready to lose his virginity, but you're being so unfair by making him ask for it. word for word. but it seems like the poor thing just can't spit it out.
warnings : light humiliation kink, corruption kink, loss of virginity, unprotected p in v sex, lowkey losser taesan, kitty used as nickname but not rlly petplay, praise !! everything written is consensual and between two adults
lower case intended !! minors do not interact !!
you knew what he wanted. you knew, exactly, what he wanted-- because of course you did.
it was obvious from the moment you invited him over after your date, the way his pupils expanded and his lips curved upwards into an eager smile. the way he held onto your arm while walking all the way up the steps to your apartment, commenting on how nice the decor of the building was.
"since when do you care about decor?" you asked, raising a suspicious brow towards your boyfriend. he paused before shrugging, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly as he moves onto the next subject.
if it isn't obvious by the way he's tripping over himself on the way inside your apartment, it's painfully obvious by how he somehow lands himself in your lap before you even put a movie on.
"someone's clingy today." you commented, running your fingertips up and down his clothed back as you scroll through netflix. taesan would shudder under your touch, his hips rolling ever so slightly before he caught himself.
"i just missed you, you've been working a lot lately..." it's not a complete lie, taesan had been craving your presence lately...but not in the way he normally did.
you had made an intense effort to build a romantic relationship with the tall boy, going as far as to wait seven dates before kissing him. not because you didn't want too, of course.
...but because the first time the two of you had met up for coffee, taesan had accidentally let it slip that this was his first date. meaning you were the man's first everything.
meaning, your sweet "edgy" boyfriend who listened to indie rock and wore way too much black during the summer-- was a virgin.
"poor thing," you frowned, leaning back after selecting a random sitcom episode and caressing your lovers cheek. taesan allowed his eyes to flutter shut.
moments like this hadn't come easily. it took forever for taesan to allow himself the joy of being the little spoon, of being the one to sit on your lap and allowing himself to be doted on.
a light shade of embarrassment still covered the tips of his ears, but the soft smile paired with his relaxed breathing were blatant signs that he'd gotten much better about allowing himself to be softly loved.
"have i been neglecting you, angel?" you asked gently, tilting his head to the side and kissing his jawline. he let out an intelligible whine, squirming in your lap as his hands tightened around the fabric of your sweater.
"y/n- i-" he frowned as you took hold of his hips. holding them tightly and taking his ability away to grind and squirm.
"you're moving around a lot, babe." you commented, "i'm trying to watch this episode." you could feel your boyfriend pout against the crook of your neck-- and you loved it.
you loved how you could practically hear cogs and gears of his brain turning as he tried figuring out how to instigate sex, the movements he needed to make and the things he needed to say.
"y/n..." his tone was whiny, desperate for you to take the lead like you had with your first kiss and first make out session. "taesan..." you mimicked, lips curving into a cocky smile as you felt his length harden against you.
"please?" he asked, sitting up and blocking your view of the television once again. his eyes were wide with want, fingers twitching without his permission as he clung to the fabric of your clothes.
"kitty," you made sure to look taesan in his eyes, feeling him attempt to squirm on your lap at the eye contact. "i don't know what you're begging for unless you ask." you lied, seeing his face heat up as he opened his mouth-- only for the words to allude him.
"i..." he trailed off, making his frustration grow. "you know what i want..." he grumbled, knitting his brows together as his bottom lip turned to a pout without his permission.
you raised a brow at the boy in your lap, laughing humorlessly at his whining. "i don't, love." it was a lie, and you both knew it.
"c'mon kitty, just say it." you encouraged, patting the side of his thigh and giving him an encouraging smile that for some reason only made him more embarrassed. he whined, the embarrassment invading his throat and making speaking nearly impossible.
you rolled your eyes, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look you in the eyes before speaking, "spit it out."
your boyfriend's adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he gulped down his nerves, "i...i wanna be inside you."
a proud smile spread across your face as you patted taesan's thigh, "good boy." you praised as taesan climbed off of you-- eagerly watching and waiting for you to climb atop him.
you straddled him, hands latching onto his belt and making quick work at unbuckling it and pulling the zipper of his jeans down. he whimpered at your lingering touch, helping you slide his boxers off just low enough for his cock to spring out.
taesan was by no means small, but he wasn't as girthy as your previous partners. a humble middle ground that certainly didn't disappoint.
under your gaze, he felt his cheeks begin to heat up in embarrassment once more. "y/n, please- i need you..." he murmured, fingers twitching yet unsure where to land.
you sighed, rolling your eyes as you shushed your lover. "i know, i know."
hiking up your skirt was easy, and pulling your admittedly already drenched panties to the side was even easier... what wasn't easy was the fact taesan's hips seemed to have a mind of their own-- thrusting and twitching upwards without his permission.
"we're teaching you some patience after this." you tsked, making him go still momentarily. the thought of being taught sexual acts making excitement run his blood cold, raising curious goosebumps against his skin.
you took fingertip and spread taesan's precum around the head of his cock, smiling wildly at how he instantly let his head fall back and his mouth fall open with pleasure.
"i'm getting you slick, prep is important when going inside a girl." you instructed, glancing up at the black-haired man through your lashes before continuing your motions. taesan nodded, his eyes squeezed shut as he stumbled over his words, "y-yeah, i- okay-"
"i'm gonna slide onto you now, okay pretty boy?" you tilted your head, waiting for taesan's permission. his head bobbed up and down as he mindlessly begged you to please hurry.
you took hold of his base, biting your lip as you felt the tip of your virgin boyfriend squeeze past your entrance. he gasped with pleasure, hands gripping the fabric of your sweater once. you shushed him, brushing his hair back with your spare hand as you sank down the rest of the way.
"there we go...fuck baby," you rolled your hips experimentally, soaking in the pleasure and the sounds of taesan experiencing real pleasure for the first time before continuing, "you're bigger than i thought."
the indirect praise made him whine, his eyes glued to your skirt...picturing the sight of you around his cock underneath the fabric.
"i'm gonna move, okay?" you asked, chuckling at how quickly he nodded.
you felt a slight burn in your hips and thighs as you lifted yourself up, sinking down and relishing in the feeling of being filled. "does that feel good?" you asked, knowing the answer.
taesan nodded quickly, whimpering around the word yes before letting out a proper moan as you did it again.
and again.
and again.
"f-fuck, y/n- i-" he slapped a hand over his mouth, paranoid that your neighbors would hear his filthy sounds. you cooed, running your hands through the hair the laid against the nape of taesan's neck.
"doing such a good job for me, baby." you breathed, grinding your hips down onto your boyfriend's cock. "such a good boy like this, just letting yourself be used."
taesan moaned against his hand, the sound being muffled but still discernible.
"c'mon baby, cum for me." you encouraged, feeling your boyfriend twitch inside of you, only making you clench around him more. "be a good boy, you can do it."
you gasped and leaned forward, burying your face into the crook of taesan's neck as you felt warmth grow inside of you and spread deeper as you continued riding him through his orgasm.
you'd worry about the consequences of having unprotected sex later, but for now you just soaked in the feeling of being the first girl to ever have taesan's cum inside her.
taesan whimpered as you pulled off of him, landing next to him on the couch and whispering soft praises as he leaned into your body-- tears of pleasure drying on his face as he slowly came back to reality.
a/n : whyyy do i feel like all of these fics suck 😭 i need to go back to my roots (petplay)
Jeonghan was always protective of you, sometimes to a fault.
❧ PAIRING; jeonghan x reader
❧ GENRE; hurt/comfort, fluff
❧ TAGS/WARNINGS; established relationship, mention of a fight, mentions of injuries, hurt/comfort, fluff
❧ WORDCOUNT; 0.8k
𐚁₊⊹
Jeonghan sat on the worn-out motel bed with his knuckles split and crusted with dried blood. His bottom lip was swollen, and a thin line of red traced down to his chin where a fresh cut sat angrily against his skin.
Your hands were shaking as you reached for him, and your fingers hesitated just before touching his cheek. Your breath hitched. Your chest rose and fell too fast, too erratic.
Jeonghan tilted his head slightly as his bruised jaw tightened. “Baby—”
“Don’t,” you whispered, shaking your head as you tried to hold back the tears welling up in your eyes.
You practically watched it all unfold. The way the man at the bar smirked at you. The crude words he spat in your direction. The way Jeonghan reacted without hesitation.
You barely processed the insult before Jeonghan shoved his chair back with a loud scrape and his fists already flying. It was brutal — quick, ruthless and filled with an anger you rarely saw in him.
But now, as he sat there battered and bruised, he didn’t look angry. He looked at you the way he always did. A softness that made your chest ache. A small, lopsided smile played on his busted lips, and that broke you.
Finally letting the tears spill over, you let out a shaky sob.
“Baby, please don’t cry,” Jeonghan mumbled tenderly, though his voice was rough.
You sniffled and ignored him as your fingers hovered over his cheek before pressing against his jaw. When he flinched slightly, you flinched back in response.
Your heart squeezed painfully in your chest. “You’re hurt,” you whispered almost inaudibly.
Jeonghan exhaled through his nose, his fingers twitching against his thigh as if he wanted to reach for you. “It’s not as bad as it looks” he tried to reassure you.
But you shot him a look that told him you weren’t in the mood for his nonchalance.
“You always do this,” you said.
“You act like you’re made of stone, like you can take every hit without flinching.”
Your hands curled into tight fists against your lap. “But I saw you Jeonghan. I saw him punch you. I saw the blood.”
Jeonghan sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Y/n I love you, and I wasn’t gonna let him talk to you like that.”
Your throat tightened. “I know.”
And that was the worst part. You knew.
Jeonghan was always protective of you, sometimes to a fault. He would do anything to shield you, even if it meant breaking himself in the process. It scared you — this self-destructive need he had to take on the world for you sake. You loved him for it, but God, you hated it too.
You reached forward and gently cupped his face in your hands. His skin was warm in your palms as your eyes traced every bruise and every scrape.
Jeonghan just let you, and his body relaxed under your gentle touch. He always did.
Slowly, you leaned in and your lips pressed the softest kiss against the corner of his mouth — right where the wound met unbroken skin.
Jeonghan sucked in a sharp breath, and his body went still.
Your lips lingered for a second longer as a silent apology and a silent plea for him to stop putting himself in harm’s way for you.
You pulled back slightly, your eyes still glossy with unshed tears and your bottom lip trembling. “You scare me when you do this,” you admitted.
Jeonghan’s expression softened. He reached his hand out and used his thumb to brush away a stray tear from your cheek.
“I’m sorry baby, I don’t mean to.”
You let out a shaky laugh. “I know.”
For a moment, you both sat in silence. Then, Jeonghan finally moved. His fingers slipped under your chin and tilted your face up so you were looking at him again.
“Come here,” he whispered.
You hesitated for only a second before closing the space between you. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders as you buried your face in the crook of his neck. Jeonghan let out a quiet sigh, his arms coming around you to hold you close.
“You’re okay,” you mumbled against his skin, as if saying it enough times would make it true.
“I am now” Jeonghan pressed a kiss against your temple.
You pulled back and looked at him in the eyes intently. “Promise me,” you managed through a broken whisper.
Jeonghan knew what you were asking.
He let out a slow breath as his fingers tracer circles against your lower back. “I promise to try.”
It wasn’t the promise you wanted. But it was Jeonghan. And for now, that was enough.
You sighed and leaned in again, pressing another kiss to his bruised lip. It was softer this time, like you were trying to heal the wound with every touch. Jeonghan kissed you back just as slow and gentle, despite the pain it probably caused him.
When you both finally pulled away, Jeonghan gave you that same lopsided grin.
“You should see the other guy.”
You rolled your eyes as a watery laugh escaped your lips. “Idiot.”
Jeonghan chuckled, but winced slightly. “But I’m your idiot.”
은혜 : this is the first work i'm posting after a good month or so >< i've been so busy with exams and other things but i pulled through and wrote this during a period that freed up during school!! it's not my best work, but i hope you guys still enjoy!! i'll try my best to be more active ~
REBLOGS AND FEEDBACKS ARE APPRECIATED
myung jaehyun
jaehyun talks when he’s nervous. which is why your study session has mostly been him filling the silence with scattered thoughts about how unfair the history exam was, how the teacher stole his phone just because his alarm rang and how one of your classmates cheated but he “won’t name names.”
at some point though, he realises that you’ve stopped replying. he glances to his side. you’re slumped slightly forward, your arm bent beneath your head, fast asleep beside your open textbook and notes.
“you’re actually sleeping,” jaehyun mutters, his lips jutting out the slightest bit. “did i bore you that much?”
still, jaehyun shifts, shrugging his hoodie off to gently drape it over your shoulders. he pauses for a second before pulling it snug around you, careful not to wake you before sitting back, blinking down at his untouched question booklet.
he frowns.
“could’ve told me if i was boring you,” he mumbles, but his words don’t have bite. “and i don’t know what these questions mean.”
he doesn’t even pretend to study anymore. he just sits beside you, flipping your pen between his fingers and watching you breathe like it’s the most interesting thing he’s seen. you’ll definitely be mad when you wake up to see all the unanswered questions in his book, but that’s a problem for another time.
park sungho
you’ve been holed up at your usual corner booth, textbooks and half finished drinks scattered across the table. sungho’s voice had been the only constant. low, steady, teasing you every so often when you lost focus mid sentence, probably because you hadn’t slept in a good day and a half.
“you always make me carry the conversation,” sungho mutters, nudging your cup closer.
but you didn’t reply. he turns towards you, sarcasm loaded, and then stops cold.
your head is resting on your folded arms, face buried against the sleeve of your sweater. you’re fast asleep, the kind of sleep that only comes after fighting it for way too long.
“seriously?” he mumbles. “you fall asleep on me of all people?”
sungho leans back in the booth, tipping his head against the cushion, and sighs. “you’re lucky i like you,” he says quietly, glancing at your peaceful face.
when your shoulder slumps a little, he instinctively reaches out to steady you, arm looping behind you without thinking. his hand brushes your back once, like he’s checking to see if you’re real. or maybe he’s just making sure you’re still breathing after he saw you take three cans of red bull yesterday afternoon,
lee sanghyuk
you’re both sitting on a park bench after school, your backpacks between you, the sky turning pink and orange with sunset. the conversation had gradually faded into a comfortable kind of silence, only interrupted occasionally by the rustle of the leaves from the tree above you and a chirping of summer birds.
riwoo had noticed your head tilting slowly, your eyes fluttering shut. but he didn’t expect you to actually fall asleep on his shoulder.
he freezes. “wait are you–” he tilts his head slightly and you don’t move. “are you seriously sleeping?”
he can feel your breath against his neck, and for a while, he just stares forward, the faintest hint of a smile playing at his lips.
he tries his best not to read into it and fails completely. you murmur something in your sleep–unintelligible–the type of thing he could definitely spin into something he can tease you with.
riwoo pulls his hoodie sleeve over his hand and adjusts your head carefully so you don’t wake up with a nasty neck cramp. he looks away as he does it, face a little red.
“this doesn’t mean i like you or anything,” he mutters.
“okay. maybe a little.”
han dongmin
you’d been whisper bickering over a shared study worksheet, hunched over a table with you pencils and passive aggressive sticky notes, when you energy finally ran out. as it should, that’s what taesan thinks–you’ve been giving his snarky remarks for a good hour now. taesan caught the change in your posture first, how your pen slowed and your head dipping.
he glances over, annoyed, ready to make a cocky comment, only to see you completely out, your cheek resting on your folded arms, dangerously close to his elbow.
“you’re not serious,” he mutters under his breath. “you’re not actually sleeping when he have a project due–”
you shift slightly in your sleep, your knee nudging his under the table. taesan swallows, blinking down at you sleeping and exhales like it physically hurts him.
he sits there for a while, stiff and unblinking before he finally reaches over, so slowly it’s almost ridiculous, and slides his hoodie off to drape it gently over your shoulders.
you stir, but don’t wake. his hoodie’s big on you, and he looks away immediately, jaw clenched and face burning.
when a classmate passes by and sees, raising an eyebrow, taesan mutters about how “it’s not what it looks like.”
kim donghyun
you’d gone up to the school rooftop to escape the cafeteria noise, as usual, leehan in following with two bottles of pocari and that calm look in his eyes.
he notices how your replies start getting shorter, your eyes heavier.
when you nod off beside him, your head gently bumping his shoulder, he almost doesn’t react. leehan just blinks. looks down at you. Blinks again.
then–the faintest smile.
he doesn’t move. doesn’t flinch. he just watches the wind pull a strand of your hair across your cheek and reaches out, brushing it back with the lightest touch.
“you should sleep more,” he murmurs, voice quiet. “not just here.”
his shoulder shifts slightly, adjusting so you’re resting more comfortably. you don’t stir. leehan watches your brows furrow in your sleep, the way the corners of your lips twitch. you look pretty in the summer sunlight.
“i’ll wake you before lunch ends.”
but he never does.
kim woonhak
the game controller slips from your hand mid-match.
“hey, y/n?” woonhak turns, expecting you to be annoyed at his overkill win. instead, he sees you curled up on the couch, face buried against a pillow, your legs tangled in the blanket you’d been fighting over minutes ago.
he blinks. grins.
“seriously?” he whispers.
he carefully sets your controller down, then kneels beside the couch to check if you’re faking. “if this is some kind of trap because i triple headshotted you because i'm just too good–” he leans closer. sees the even rise and fall of your chest. the softness of your expression.
he tugs the blanket over you, then just sits there. watching you sleep. thinking about when exactly the friendship between you two got this comfortable. he also thinks about how well he did in the last match, too bad you fell asleep before he could rub it into your face. then he gets up and tiptoes to the kitchen, returning with your favourite snack. he places it beside you like some kind of offering.
“i’ll eat mine now,” he says quietly. “you can have yours when you wake up.”
vaporwave
andulkaphoto
blakekathryn
yousharknotpass
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
prguitarman
pixelskylines
