Invisible Monsters || +agentmoretti
There was a monster inside of his head, one that moved in when he was twenty-two years old, but the doctors said it had always been there. His mother had a monster too, though one that went by the name of cancer; not a mental illness, but a physical one. But that’s where the doctors said he got it from, was his mother, her schizoaffective traits.
And everyone told him, don’t let it in, don’t let it control you, you’re vulnerable, don’t let it. They told him its name, so he could paint it on his wrists, on his forehead, along the curves of his hears. Paranoid schizophrenia. They said it noticed loud things — like capital letters, or crying children, or hatred, or fear. It noticed caffeine, and fatty foods, and was easily triggered when he went off his meds.
He’d been off his meds for months now, after his stint with Wesley Sumpter and John Kennedy and talking to the walls for an entire weekend. He felt better when he was off of them; he felt stronger, more aware of his surroundings. But it also meant that the voices were back; and they weren’t like Natalie this time, they weren’t helpful or kind.
"What would happen," the voice said, "if you told Kate you were hallucinating again? What if you told her you were showing symptoms? Do you really think she’d stick around?"
Daniel was on his sofa. He put his hands over his ears and stood up, pacing the floor. But blocking out the outside noise did nothing to stop the voices when they were in his own head. “Kate’s my friend. She understands my diagnosis, she’s—”
"She understands in theory, sure. But remember how freaked out she was when you had to admit yourself to the hospital? She doesn’t understand it in practice. She’s afraid of you, Daniel."
"No, no, she’s— no. You’re wrong." Where was Lewicki? Wasn’t he supposed to be home by now, supposed to be here, telling him this man wasn’t real? "I haven’t hurt anyone, I’m not— I’m not capable of hurting anyone."
The hallucination merely smirked. “But you’ve thought about it, haven’t you? You know they’re all out to get you. Probert especially, he doesn’t see you as anything but a basket case. He’s set out to bring you down. To take Kate away from you. To convince her that you’re as crazy as they all say. And they do all say so, don’t they? At school, they see you talking to yourself, and they mock you behind your back, they’re ashamed to have you on their campus.”
Daniel, in a fit of fear and anger, grabbed up the nearest object — a glass cup — and he threw it full force at the hallucination. Naturally, it shattered against the wall with a loud crash. “Leave me alone!” he screamed, reaching up to hit at his own head, pull at his own hair. “You’re not even real, you’re not even real—”
"I’m as real as Natalie is. I’m as real as any of the other voices you hear. This is what you get for going off of your routine, you pathetic, lousy nut case. No wonder Kate secretly hates you."
blakekathryn
janainaart
tangentwithtanner
germansingergirl
kaledo-art
