AgeOfTheSpicyLizzard

Get dunked on, Solas. 

[a-really-bad-decision]

Dragon age origins is like…. You’re nineteen, new in town, and it’s your second day at pizza hut. You don’t even know how to work the register yet and you just watched your manager get carted off by the paramedics. You have no contact info for him, his next of kin, or corporate. The only other employee is the guy who’s been here for two weeks and is a bit of a doofus, and neither of you really know what you’re supposed to do now. You both desperately need this job though, and the doofus at least has a drivers license and *kiiinda* knows how to use the oven so you just. Shrug, and start taking orders and making pizzas and praying to god that the bills are on autopay.

And weirdly enough you’re really good at this: making pizzas and dealing with shitty customers and breaking up fights in the parking lot and pretending to be Duncan’s cousin on the phone so the utility company doesn’t cut off the power. But running a store is a lot of work for two dumb kids, so slowly you start accumulating a bunch of competent weirdos to help out, like the nun who left her convent because god told her to help you make pizzas, and the elderly school teacher who just survived a mass shooting, and the guy the papa johns down the street hired to run you over. And really there’s no way any of this should be working as well as it is - you’re absolutely committing fraud of some kind here - but you’ve managed to dodge the landlord every time he’s stopped by, and the health inspector never shows up to tell you to stop letting your dog hang out behind the counter and you’re all still kinda looking at each other and asking ‘are we allowed to just do this?’ before shrugging again and continuing to make pizzas, until somehow, through a series of unlikely technicalities, your doofus coworker ends up on the ballot for governor.

And after like five months of this the regional manager wanders in out of nowhere and you’re sure he’s about to chew your ass out for this mess, but it turns out he’s pretty chill and honestly kind of impressed with how you managed to keep the place up and running all on your own. So now you’re all thinking ‘thank god, there’s someone here who actually knows how to run a Pizza Hut’ only for him to get hit by a car two days later on the night of the Super Bowl.

[ageofthespicylizzard]

Ok Im going to ramble about Emmrich x HOF because I actually love the potential of this ship, the angst especially.

Consider: The hero of Ferelden is probably between 40 and 50 by the time of Veilguard. They're widely known as a hero and they have a wide range of achievements and experience under their belt. They're a competent heavy hitter and Thedas damn well knows it.

And, going off what he says about Strife, Emmrich is attracted to people like that. People who are courageous and have stories to tell. If you played a HOF who was at least mostly good-aligned, it would make a trifecta that Emmrich would fall hard for.

Now for the angst, because imagine: You're Emmrich "I always thought I'd get married someday" Volkarin, a 50~ year old hopeless romantic who fears your time for finding love and having a family has passed. So instead you resign yourself to wistfully wondering what could have been once in a while, when a figure worthy of the history books waltzes in from out of nowhere and whisks you off on the batshit whirlwind of a sabbatical that is the events of veilguard.

And somewhere between trying not to die and trying to save the world, you fall ass over teakettle in love with this wonderful, fascinating, indomitable person. Only to find out they have a rapidly approaching expiration date.

Because one of the first things we find out about being a warden in origins is that, once they've taken their joining, wardens have at most 30 years left to live. And by the time of veilguard, the HOF has been a warden for 22 years.

Imagine spending 30+ years hoping to find the love of your life, and when you finally do they have less than a decade to live. And when they do die, its almost guaranteed to not be peaceful or painless.

This could go so many ways, too. Im thinking of the pre-minrathous fight where Emmrich insists that they're probably going to outlive him and the HOF very frankly says "No I won't" and Emmrich has another crash out on top of the one he was already having because "what do you MEAN you have less than a decade left??"

There is SO much potential here, guys.

[juniper-and-dragonthorn]

Good morning. This eye flick. That is all.

[ageofthespicylizzard]

R.I.P Johanna you would've loved GLaDOS

[songsomi]

Misery loves company.

[grimelven]

taash leaves a letter for emmrich, but he doesn’t understand the young people’s lingo

[ageofthespicylizzard]

If your HOF was a follower in Veilguard, what would they be like? And how would they get along with the other followers/rook?

[ageofthespicylizzard]

The older I get the more I realize that Ferelden is literally just renfaire Wisconsin.

[karawra]

did i do this meme right

[oddthesungod]

Another Leyendecker study with Emmrich, and this time Lucanis gets to join him! <3

[ageofthespicylizzard]

They look SO dapper in their suits.

[lunammoon]

you know how sometimes in a modern character in thedas fics there will be a plotpoint where the MC can't understand anyone or be understood because Fereldan/Trade is not English. They try French (and it can be understood bc that's Orlesian) or Spanish/Italian (which is understood as Antvian), but English doesn't have an equivalent?

In the Grand Necropolis memorial garden, the tombstones are all written in an English substitution cipher based on hexagons. Now, I COULD say that English is for Nevarran what French is for Orlesian but instead I'm going to go with what I think is the more interesting option, which is that English's Thedasian equivalent is some basically dead language from the Divine Age that you rarely see outside of the Grand Necropolis unless of course you are say, Nevarran royalty and have been forced to learn the language as part of your studies.

What I'm saying is that Cassandra should be able to somewhat understand an MC speaking English. Not that that would HELP with them being trustworthy because while Cassandra can understand, only being able to speak the language that tombstones and old relics are carved with isn't really helping beat the "I Am Weird And Should Be Investigated" allegations.

[axiomsend]

Thinking about Kieran coming across a Modern Girl in Thedas and just being so confused about her. Why is her blood older than time itself? He asks what she is, because she can't possibly be human, but she doesn't look like an elf, and beside that, her blood is older than elf's blood.

[ageofthespicylizzard]

I love this concept in MCIT fics so much. They look human, they sound human, they're totally fine by every way they can see, but there's still something off about them that nobody can place. Like the world itself knows, they're not supposed to be there, and on some subconscious level, thesosians know it too.

This odd stranger with an unidentifiable accent shows up one day, and they're never surprised by anything. They always seem to find a way to be at the right place at the right time, mages say the fade and the veil react to them inconsistent ways, like it can't tell what they are. Their accent says they're not from around here, but if they're not from here, then where the hell did they come from? You'd ask them again, but whenever you talk to them, you can't shake the feeling they're not telling you everything. Every once in a while they can be heard speaking in a language nobody understands. As far as you can tell they're not a spirit, or possessed. But you're not quite sure they're human, either.

[shaycormacaroni]

Some people really need to draw the line between hating a character and hating the people that like the character because once you start hating actual people then YOU are the problem.

This should go without saying but LEARN the difference between fiction and reality.

[crowlls]

Davrin commission

Commission info

[lavenderprose]

If I was Emmrich Volkarin and I had spent thirty-five years of my life watching everyone around me get married and have babies I would be a little crazy too. If I was a fifty-two year old serial monogamist with a heart full of longing, I too would get a little weird about it when a Young Adventurer started showing interest in me. If I was fifty-two, a former orphan who'd spent a lonely childhood dreaming of family and had given up hope of ever having a wedding or meeting my children, only for someone beautiful and brave to start staring at me with big wet cow eyes and tell me I looked GOOD? I might do something a little insane like introduce them to my dead parents. And then if they for some weird reason found the whole Dead Parent thing charming I would absolutely neck on them in a cemetery. And yeah that's probably a lot of people's definition of moving too fast but ANYTHING looks like moving too fast if you've been standing still for thirty-five years. In conclusion, Emmrich Volkarin is guilty of horny crimes but they were justified and no jury would ever convict him.

[lkblackham]

Translation: HI GRANDMA! HI GRANDPA! I'M BEL! I LOVE YOU!

A lil sorta-sequel to this post:

Hugs, Cookies and Comics

Had the image of a half human, half Qunari baby pop in my head and got some good therapy practicing drawing cute babies. Being the child of

(forgive me, I do not know how to just... add the link in the actual text. I used to. But now I'm old.)

Hearing all the BS from EA's CEO got me craving some saccharine half-qunari baby sweetness. DA fanart is now an act of protest and rebellion against the corporate machine.

[aves-rook-laidir]

Me, every single time this guy shows up on screen.

[ageofthespicylizzard]

He's a bonafide wife guy and I love that for him.