A Goldfinch

I am a psychologist with the soul of an artist. My soul bleeds through colours. Welcome to my world.

[agoldfinch-blog]

Never ending.

Endings pound one's spirit and leaves an individual numb, left with weepy eyes. Individuals say, that endings lead to fresh start's. Definitely, it does yet some of the time it's difficult to relinquish your closest companion, relative, home, a most loved book or that extraordinary individual you generally need to clutch. It's a blend of feelings or like a close to home exciting ride. Endings are self-contradicting. Everything will undoubtedly reach a conclusion whether it's life, relationship, work, a book or a film. In any case, does it truly end there? It stays inside you, until the end of time. These things or individuals take gradually space in one's heart. Perhaps, they don't bound to end by any stretch of the imagination. Rather, they will generally live always in one's heart. Perhaps, these are the fresh starts individuals discuss. It adds a part in one's journal. It's wonderful how much an individual clutches recollections. About those pieces are assembled to finish a riddle. Each of the encounters, individuals, connections, pet's, work's, or side interests, completes an individual. That is the way an individual is sewed all together. At any point it's hard to let things go yet do we allow everything to go? Actually we don't. It stays inside us, until the end of time.

-Aishwariya Pandit

[agoldfinch-blog]

She liked to disappear. It was a curse, as it was a boon to her.

-Aishwariya Pandit

[agoldfinch-blog]

Imperfect.

That girl was imperfect, She was someone worth dying for. Everyone wanted her to be perfect. Whether friends or foe.

She began to breathe, She fought them all, She shot them all, Drop dead, one by one, The dreams she saw, The girl was gone, She lost it all.

-Aishwariya Pandit

[agoldfinch-blog]

In all of my secrets, I splendor.

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I stood there still, observing the pink skies

Appreciating the beauty of the sunset,

I sighed.

Yearning to be loved louder

I took a dive deeper.

Beaming to the thought of this inevitable love,

My huesome life gradually turned bleak.!

-Aishwariya Pandit

[agoldfinch-blog]

Obssessed

I'm obsessed with slow and lazy awakenings. With the fragrant aroma of the biscuits. Those with chocolate chips, my favorite ones. With natural elegance of cats. With Their affection discreet yet so pure and boundless. With books, and their ancient odor of new stories. With hidden gardens. And with Those places unexplored, almost forgotten, That we can discover just getting lost and Which We would never want to leave. With the patter of rain, That is like a lullaby for me. With red roses, That a man in love will give us always only by the dozen. With stripes. Illuminated by a cascade of crystals Seems That created just for them. And with sunglasses. Large enough to hide my face, and sometimes tears. With black and white photos and red fingernails. With the rustle of silk embroideries and the simpering of lingerie. With shoes, with white shirts and with perfume. That I really could never go out without it. 'm obsessed by the need to feel free. Always and forever. And with the word forever . To whom we want to continue to believe, despite everything, as in the most romantic of fairy tales.

[agoldfinch-blog]

For sure.

What do you do when you’ve done all you can, and it seems like you can’t make it through ? The answer is : “You stand.” That’s where strength comes from - our ability to face, resistance and walk through it. In the toughest moments if we have faith that if we take just one step, one step more than we feel we’re capable of, if we draw on the incredible resolve every human being possesses, we’ll learn of the most profound lessons life has to offer.

[agoldfinch-blog]

Who you’re meant to be evolves from where you’re right now.

What I know for sure

[agoldfinch-blog]

Mr. Maybe.

Once upon a time, I fell in love with a good man, he was smart, ambitious, polite, handsome and charming. It was hard not to fall head over heels for him, I will call him Mr. Maybe. During that time, I tried convincing myself that he was doing all he could do to love me and was trying to give it his all, but I knew I was lying to myself because I always felt something was missing, like he could do more or give more but something was just impeding him from doing so. For the longest time I made excuses for him, until I just decided that I am done with Mr. Maybe and all his maybes. Let me tell you exactly what it feels like to fall in love with Mr. Maybe: “Maybe” he is down for dinner this weekend, depending on whether or not he will be done with all his other priorities.“Maybe” he is free at 10 PM to call you and chat for a bit.“Maybe” he is attending your friend’s wedding, or your cousin’s birthday or your job promotion celebration.“Maybe” he is listening to you when you are talking about a personal issue.“Maybe” he supports your dreams and passions but doesn’t think it is a good idea to drop everything and pursue them.“Maybe” he really is too busy.   “Maybe” he cares but doesn’t know how to show it.“Maybe” he is just stressed out at work and that is why he hasn’t been making any effort.“Maybe” he is so focused on his career and doesn’t want a relationship to distract him.“Maybe” he needs you in his life, but he is emotionally unavailable.“Maybe” he didn’t mean to ignore you when you told him you miss him.“Maybe” he needs space because he is just overwhelmed with work and his family issues.“Maybe” he didn’t hear you when you said you loved him that night.“Maybe” he didn’t mean to let go of your hand when you were crossing the street.“Maybe” he got wrapped up in something that he forgot to call you back.“Maybe” he really didn’t like your profile picture, or your article or your status update.“Maybe” he loves you but he has been hurt before.“Maybe” he doesn’t know how to be loved because he isn’t used to receiving that kind of love.“Maybe” he is being distant because he is intimidated by your love for him.   “Maybe” he is just not ready. The list of Mr. Maybe’s “maybes” can go on forever, these are just a few examples of how love can blind people into settling for “maybes” when they know better, and they know that “maybe” is just another word for not really that into it, or you are just not that important to me to try harder. Mr. Maybe and I remained good friends for some reason. He once asked me if I will ever invite him to my wedding, I would just like him to know that the day I get married, I will be marrying the man who was sure of all his “maybes”. I will be marrying the man who knew that when it comes to me, there should be no “maybes”. I will be marrying the man who has never been sure of anything more than this, more than me, more than wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. But to answer his question, will he get an invite to my wedding? Maybe!

[agoldfinch-blog]

Bleak!

I understood that things are not going appropriate for me. I'm doing each conceivable thing that I can do in any case the endeavors appears to be worthless. I changed into a renewed individual. Changes that are not very great, I presume. Prior, I used to express myself. In any case, presently, I could scarcely figure out my own self. I lost the longing for the vast majority of the things that I wished to do. I lost my desire for nearly everything. My brain endlessly meanders across the edges of the sky. My spirit looks for a break, a break which can lead the light in and ease up my spirit with the radiance of the moon. I need to be free, free like a bird. A bird which takes off high overhead. Taking off high I will tear the edges of the sky and fly past. I need to go into an alternate universe. My spirit looks for satisfaction which is by all accounts imperceptible for the occasion. My heart blusters. Love appears as though a deception which simultaneously endlessly isn't. It drives me over the bluff and afterward quickly gets a handle on my hand saving me from falling. I feel like I am in a world without any trees, with no magnificence, with no life, without any tones. Everything is so disheartening. I need to paint those skies blue once more, draw those trees again giving life not exclusively to a simple material yet to the entire world, Color that boat again paddling in the unending stream moving from the mountains to the bottom of the canvas, And spot the sun behind those strong mountains as I did in my experience growing up. I need to paint those landscapes which makes the canvas of my life huesome. I need to sustain myself with the glow of the sun and the tranquility of the moon. I need to possess my self once more. I need to run my reality once more.

- Untitled Feelings by Aishwariya Pandit