talk @agonyescapes - Tumblr Blog

i saw a shining star drift past me and gesture me to follow. i got up from where i was seated and began to walk behind it. the glowing light was soothing and warm, it was a comfort i hadn’t felt in years. what i did notice was that she got up right after me and kept trying to grab my hand. she, the dark ichor that oozed and dripped onto the light, wanted me to stay. she wanted to sit back where we were, isolated in the void, surrounded by echoes and despair and tears that never stopped falling. I couldn’t stop walking; i wanted to catch the light more than anything. i needed to feel its warmth. i needed it to welcome me with open arms and hold me away from her staining ink. i looked back at her misery and returned my gaze to what was now two glowing stars. They waited and watched for my next move.

i ran to the stars.

#v #my writing #bad writing #stars

i miss the grown ass man who loves my princess bed more than i do

#v

it’s so annoying posting about ending a friendship like it was a breakup

but like realistically it kind of was, which frankly i hate even more

i don’t think she deserves any of the writing i put out but it helps me so whatever

cry about it i guess

oh wait you did

#vent post #hate

unknow me

do not forget me

do not pretend you weren’t once so close to me

do not try to erase the past we had

do not tell others what fun we had

unknow me

like we never met

like our paths never crossed

like i was never there

like we weren’t once close

i never want you to know my name

or my voice or my laugh

the way my hair falls

or the awkward way i stand

i never want you to know the closeness we shared

you don’t deserve to know it

or me

so,

unknow me

#my writing #bad writing #vent post #original poem

i hate that i wasn’t worth the effort.

but i hate more that i put so much effort into you.

#my writing #bad writing #vent post #hate

i wish i never wrote those stupid fucking poems about you i wish i never made a move i wish i never stayed at your dumb house on top of that stupid fucking hill i wish you never came into my life

and clearly you seem to think the same. since apparently LETTING yourself get close to me was the end of the world. everything is the end of the world to you.

i wish we never did all those things. i could’ve saved so much gas money. i could’ve been free from this dumb fucking burden of what you are that will weigh on my soul for a long long long fucking time.

i hate you for what you are and for what you did. but really i hate you because you won’t admit that what you did and how you treated me was wrong. and i hate you for that. i hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it.

#bad writing #vent post #hate

it’s 5 am

im skipping class again

i just want the semester to end

everything is so difficult

so exhausting so much effort

im 15 again

#my writing #bad writing #vent post

posting anything vaguely depressing makes me feel like this meme unironically

that is to say i reach the peak to my normalcy, and, as bipolar goes, have begun my descent from my perfect mental health plateau that kept me sane for a good few months to a much darker more depressing era of my life. Disappointingly i will have to just deal with it. man it just sucks.

#my writing #meme #alpha male wolf fr fr #hashtag cringe

unlike icarus who died happy after reaching such a peak and laughing whilst plundering into the sea,

i reach the peak and see the crashing waves below me waiting to kill

i can imagine how much it will hurt, i feel only fear as i fall out of the sky

i do not have the bliss or the ignorance or joy of the fool who flew so close to the sun

only he was so happy as he fell to his untimely demise, i am not

i know that the sea won’t kill me, i know how to swim, the waves cannot drown me, i cannot die

my legs will continue to kick, my lungs to breathe air, my heart to pump blood

for i cannot die as i am no ignorant fool

cursed with awareness, my body won’t let me sink

#my writing #original poem #bad writing #vent post #depressing shit

shame is dirty and filthy and nasty and gross

it eats at my skin and my flesh and my bones

if burrows in my veins

it bites at my lips

it stings at my heart

and aches in my finger tips

shame is guilty

something I did wrong

to pay for my karma

shame i must hold

#my writing #original poem #vent post #bad writing

v-

i don’t think i could ever say “i love you” enough times in one day to truly express how much love my heart holds for you

#v #my writing

i was always so hyper independent and focused on me and hated being grouped in or paired with the people of my past

but your best friend called us a duo and i really didn’t mind it

in fact i really loved it

i really loved that he paired us together and treated us as one single unit

i think that’s a beautiful change :D

#v #my writing

you have made that joke for months now about living in my head rent free- and really you were right all along. somewhere along the road from my brain to my heart is a cottage with a yellow gold door with a golden handle engraved with scales, polished to catch the light of the morning sun. the cottage is made of a beige almost tan brick and sits at one story tall with a slightly taller roof tiled in a deep brown, almost black. There’s a little porch out front with an overflowing mailbox of all the love letters i will write you. inside the large paneled windows is a soft light, beckoning you in. inside the cottage a small kitchen and a table for two tucked under one of the windows . it’s set for dinner, with a lovely off-white tablecloth and the cutlery gleaming in gold. the plates white with little gold snakes dancing around the edges. a vague scent of tomato sauce drifts in from the stove. there’s a couch in there up against a wall, one big enough to comfortably fit two for a movie night. theres only lamps and string lights and little glowy specs of pure joy lighting up the space. the bed is plush and full of all the pillows and blankets you could dream of. a desk nearby with your computer and the walls lined with posters from your favorite games and bands. a darker brown wallpaper with pale yellow stars lines the interior. there’s photographs of us and you and your friends and family, notes i’ve written you, poems i’ve created with you in mind. the art i’ve made you hangs around the home and in picture frames on side tables sit more memories. in a back room a smaller gym, stocked with everything and anything you could ever want. outside the clouds roll on and swirl as they pass by; thoughts drifting around and away.

and you have your little house, full of the things you like, somewhere between my mind and my heart

#v #my writing #original poem #love poem

my love

if we were stars id dance with you across the galaxies

if we were sunflowers id face you instead of the sun

if we were trees id grow to lean closer to you, our roots entangled beneath the earths crust

as clouds we’d lay holding each other

and i can only hope we can be like swans

#v #my writing #original poem #bad writing #love poem #things i wrote for his valentine’s day card