I have red hair and a lot of things to say.

[agrinavich]

An Ode To Friendship.

Full disclosure: I looked up the definition of “ode” to make sure I was using it right. I’m definitely not, but it sounds good so I’m sticking with it. This is in no way, shape or form going to be a lyrical poem. Sorry guys. Maybe after a bottomless mimosa brunch I’ll end up singing it to you one day.

Facebook has been reminding me with half-relevant photos that it's #FriendsDay. So I’m late with this, but I’m hoping like most “national days” that it happens, like, 5 times a year. (I just looked and apparently this is not the same thing as August’s “National Friendship Day” or June’s “National Best Friend Day.” By that schedule I’m actually early.)

I just wanted to take a second to let you all know that I adore you. I say it every now and then but probably not enough.

Whether we’re best friends, new friends, family, or acquaintances, I appreciate you to the moon and back.

When I think about how lucky I am to call you my friends, my heart feels like it could burst. You’re all lovely, beautiful, smart, talented people. I hope when you look in the mirror you see exactly what I see.

I am so proud of each and every one of you for what you’ve accomplished and what you plan to achieve. I’m constantly in awe and inspired by the roles you fill at work, at home and in life; the fearlessness in which you approach challenges life throws your way and your determination to stay true to yourselves. I learn from you all every day.

I’m a believer that the people you surround yourself with help shape who you are. You’ve made an impact on my life, and I can only hope to do the same for you.

The things I have to thank you for could fill up an entire novel. But here’s a few that come to mind:

Non-Stop Laughs

Thoughtful conversations

New adventures

Being my hype men/women when Beyonce comes on at the bar

Being honest about whether or not my selfie is good enough to share on Instagram

Telling me a zit doesn’t look that bad even if it’s taken over half of my face

Accepting that I just don’t say much before my first cup of coffee in the morning

Your ongoing support in my various endeavors -- like trying to figure out parallel parking (and driving in general) or writing a book that I still have to actually sit down and attempt to write

I truly feel that I can count on all of you, and for that I am grateful.

In other words ... you’re all alright. xo

[agrinavich]

Going High.

One of the most beloved quotes in 2016 was when Michelle Obama said, “When they go low, we go high.”

I think they’re excellent words to live by. Many embraced it. They championed it. They saw it as something that represented them.

Yet many times our actions betray us in that regard, don’t they?

The fact is, going “high” -- taking the higher road -- is hard. Really, really hard. It doesn’t happen naturally; it’s a conscious decision we make. It requires a level of self-awareness that is not automatically triggered in every situation.

It means stopping short of applauding when your enemies face embarrassment or defeat - and in some cases praying for their success.

It means celebrating a peer’s promotion … even if you thought you deserved it more.

It means refusing to throw someone under the bus, even if it was their mistake.

It means letting others speak even if you don’t want to hear what they have to say.

It means not taking the bait & refusing to lower the standards you uphold for yourself.

It means treating others the way you wish to be treated.

We can talk about being better all we want. We can Instagram inspirational quotes and parade them to our Facebook friends. But if your next post is marked with condescension or belittles someone - no matter how different they are or what they believe in -- are you really better than those you chastise?

I hate to break it to you, but the answer is no.

[agrinavich]

One year ago today, I picked myself up out of a city I loved and hopped on a one-way flight to San Diego, California. A place I had known little about and could count who I knew on two fingers. So I guess it’s safe to say the past 365 days have been filled to the brim with new challenges, a heckuva lot of firsts and a ton of personal growth. I couldn’t tell you the last time something has made such a tangible change in my life.

I wrote a bunch of stuff for this post, but I deleted it because really all I want to say is: guys, create change for yourself. I had a voice inside telling me a year or two before I moved to go, go, go. I decided to listen. It wasn’t an easy decision. I loved Boston. I loved my friends there. But I knew if I didn’t go then, I would never leave. And I’d never know why that voice was telling me to go.  

Everything happens in its own time, but when that time comes, don’t be the reason nothing changes. Take the hint. There is too much in this world to be discovered and too many experiences to be had to stay safe and snug in your comfort zone.

Change is terrifying. You’re going to feel as if gravity wants to keep you right where you are, where you know things are comfortable. But you know what? Change can also be a lot of fun. And you’re going to learn some pretty great lessons along the way. I mean, I spent the entire first month in SD driving with my high beams on because I didn’t realize my settings were adjusted to that. It turns out those ten cars flashing their lights at me weren’t a coincidence; they were asking me to stop being a dick. (What? I spent the last 8 years completely car-less in Boston.) 

Each new experience has pushed me out of my comfort zone, and each time I’ve felt myself become more confident in my ability to face new challenges head-on. It’s seriously empowering.

So if you’re sitting at home with an itch to try something -- whether it’s relocating, taking that new job opportunity or simply testing out a new hobby -- do it. There’s a reason you have that voice in your head. Sure, it’s scary. There is no way of knowing how it’s going to turn out. Embrace that fear. It’s a good sign.

Because if you’re not scared, you’re not doing it right.

[agrinavich]

On Life.

Nothing drives you to think about life more than death.

Funny how that works.

Sadly, I’ve been thinking a lot about it in the past month as three kids in my hometown passed away. One in my class. Two in my brother’s, including one of his close friends.

Of course, these things happen to everyone. But each time -- especially when they’re so young -- it’s like getting hit with a splash of cold water. Wake up. You’re human. This can all change in a blink.

Come on. Tell me that’s not terrifying.

Think about the way you want to live your life. The way you want to treat others. The things you choose to let stress you out or anger you. The job you want to fill your days. The adventures you want to go on in your free time. The people you want to spend your time with. Eliminate anything that does not lend itself to that life.

What are you waiting for? 

[agrinavich]

Are you brave enough to live the life you want?

Think on that for a minute.

[agrinavich]

The Art of Being Alone.

I have some groundbreaking news to share with everyone.

Some people are going to have a hard time believing it.

But I’m here to tell you it’s true.

Being alone does not equate to being lonely.

In fact, I think mastering the art of being alone is pretty damn important.

I started thinking about this all because I’m 27 aka the age when people in your life start to wonder when they should save the date for your wedding to your boyfriend who doesn’t exist yet. I kid you not, the #1 question I have been asked in the past 9 months since I’ve moved to Southern California is, “How are the boys? Are you dating anyone?” I’m sorry. I’ve been busy just trying to figure out what freeway to get on and what time there isn’t a line at In-N-Out (there is always a line btw) but I’ll get right on that dating thing shortly. Promise.

I mean - is there no other question to ask me? Like, oh I don’t know, how are you adjusting to MOVING ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO A TOTALLY DIFFERENT LIFESTYLE AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS?

This is not meant to be a rant on why being single is awesome. I think being single is awesome. I think being in a relationship is awesome. I just want to empower people to feel okay about ridin’ solo. One of the greatest things any of us can do is to take time to know ourselves.

I’ve always had a strong sense of self (ask my mother. She’ll tell you I was pretty much my own woman by the time I was 3). But I truly believe I’ve only begun to really know myself over the past 2-3 years. Maybe a “quarter-life crisis” is simply the act of discovering yourself. Regardless, I’ve felt a true connection to myself [insert stock image of someone meditating here] -- the person I want to be, the friends I want to keep, what I’m meant to do, where I’m meant to be. I would have never discovered all of this if I didn’t dedicate time to moi. It’s led me to move from Boston to San Diego & grow beyond my comfort zone. It’s motivated me to lead a healthier lifestyle, to be a kinder person and a better friend. It’s helping me find what I’m really passionate about.

That’s not to say people in relationships don’t “know” themselves. That’s obviously not true. A strong relationship is the perfect puzzle piece that clicks into place and opens us up to another side of ourselves. But I’ve also watched friends cling to relationship after relationship, barey giving themselves enough time to recover before diving back into another. It’s this constant thirst for someone else to make them feel whole, to make them feel happy. You can see them lose themselves in the process. It disheartens me, but I know it’s a lesson they have to learn on their own.

I suppose the moral of this rambling is to do what makes you happy. If you want to be single, be single. There is zero shame in it. You don’t have to have a boyfriend because you’re in your late 20’s and your clock is tickin’. It’s 2015; that clock is now an iWatch and you can customize that shit any way you want. Society has plenty of constraints, but the only one who can apply those constraints is you. That’s the whole beauty of life: we can make it our own and make no apologies for it. Move to a new city. Make out with a different guy each weekend. Swipe right on Tinder. Stay at home and binge watch Parks & Rec for 4 hours. The world is your oyster. 

I guess it’s easy for me to say all this because I’m also a firm believer that we all find the people we’re supposed to find when we’re supposed to find them. Part of that is putting yourself out there, but part of that is patience.

In the meantime, free yourself from the fear of being alone.

- AG xo

[agrinavich]

My girls.

[agrinavich]

You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

[agrinavich]

Happy birthday, Barb. (via @Hayden_Williams)

[agrinavich]

We fear the unknown and the things that have yet to come to pass, which are the very things that don't deserve to be feared.

Rihanna

[agrinavich]

My favorite tweet of January.

[agrinavich]

On Saturdays, we take selfies. 

[agrinavich]

Everyone has a comfort zone. Worth considering: How hard (and how often) are you willing to work to get out of it? You can turn that into a habit if you choose.

Seth's Blog: Lulled

[agrinavich]

Air Travel: It's Not That Hard

I love flying. That probably sounds weird because for many people, flying is the bane of their existence. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the bustle of airports or the fascination of where everyone is headed to. Anyway, I like it.

But … I am not immune to some of the ridiculous things that occur at airports and during flight. 

Let's talk through this. 

Going through security is not that hard. Seriously. It isn’t. It’s only hard if you make it hard. Don’t have water in your bag. Take your shoes off. Take your belts off. Put your laptop in its own bin. Do so in a timely manner so that the rest of us aren’t glaring at you through our fake smiles. In all honesty, it should take you about five minutes from the point of getting your boarding pass checked until you’re through the body scanner. And if you’re one of those people who feels morally opposed and violated by body scanners, I have a feeling 99% of things in your life bother you. Preach to TSA about it, but do so behind me in line. Come on people. IT. IS. NOT. THAT. HARD.

It kind of bothers me that you reclined your seat. Listen, I get it. Planes are uncomfortable, and one of the minor luxuries we're given is reclining seats. But I just can't with people who choose to recline their seats when I'm actually trying to get work done on my computer. It just makes it hard to type when my Mac is jammed in my gut because the guy in front of me needs the 2-inch recline. He's not even sleeping!! Whatever. I'm over it. Or am I?

Do you really think hovering around the boarding lanes will get you on the plane faster? This isn’t really an annoyance as much as it is an amusement. I can’t be the only one that finds joy in the fact that people with a Zone 4 or 5 boarding pass crowd around the gate when they call for First Class … which is like 40 minutes before they even get to those zones. Chill, people. You will get on the plane.

Standing in the aisle during the boarding/de-planing process will make you zero friends. Found your seat? Put your bag overhead? SIT DOWN. 

Honorable mentions:

Screaming babies are cute until they aren't. I felt too guilty to actually include this because it's no one's fault. But still... 

Excuse me, sir? Do you really need your light on during this red-eye? The answer is no. 

[agrinavich]

I've been calling Chris Hemsworth the sexiest man alive for at least 4 years now. Nice of People Magazine to catch on. #babe

[agrinavich]

In Defense of Barbie

Alright. I've had it.

I'm here to defend my dear friend Barbie.

The latest accusations? Well, she planned on asking boys for help with her computer game in a book where she’s supposed to be a computer engineer. Oh no she did NOT, says those who would never dare ask a man to help them with anything. This is just the latest of her long list of fatal mistakes, the biggest one being her bold move to have unrealistic body proportions. Which is weird because children’s toys are usually as real as it gets.

I mean is this really what we are concerning ourselves with, girls? Barbie dolls. Seriously. Barbie dolls.

(Here's one of my favorite Barbie pieces where I used to make them swim in a pool of anti-feminist thoughts.)

If we’re going to go around putting realistic expectations on children’s toys, shouldn’t we be worried that kids might try to put a cape on and fly because their Batman and Wonder Woman toys do it? Speaking of those two, you know kids should really expect their bodies to be equally jacked. Those plastic abs are the real deal. Parents give their children toy kitchen sets so they can aspire to stay home and work in the kitchen, don't they? Of course, these are all absolutely ridiculous. And so is a lot of the nonsense adults rag on Barbie about.

Call me crazy, but it seems like adults are being more affected by Barbie than the little girls she was designed for.

I guess I’m a bit defensive because Barbie was my all-time favorite toy growing up. I had quite the collection and some of them are still packed away in the basement of the home I grew up in. Here’s what I distinctly remember about my time with her:

++ Her outfits. I'm pretty confident in saying that Barbie was my first introduction to style. I learned a lot about mixing and matching in those days.

++ I loved pretending she was different things: whether that was a pop star, a student or a doctor. The list was endless.

++ Above all, it was a constant exercise of my imagination and creativity. Every time I took out my Barbie dolls, it was basically a practice in storytelling. Sure, it was all in my head or whatever I was mumbling in my bedroom -- but either way, there was always a story. 

I’m trying to remember the part where she gave me self-image issues. Or where her storylines pushed me to think that I didn’t have the same capabilities as boys. But I can’t because I never had them. And you know what? I bet a lot of little girls like Barbie for the same reasons I did without for thinking that they should look exactly like her or limit themselves because of what happened in one of her books. There may be research out there that proves me wrong and uncovers the detrimental effects Barbie has on children. You can say that children are influenced by the toys they play with, and often times that’s true. But I honestly don’t recall ever looking at Barbie, and going, “Wow, she’s really skinny, and her boobs are huge.” She was just a doll. She wasn’t a real-life person.

Barbie didn’t dictate my self-confidence or how I grew up. My family did. My teachers did. As parents, I promise you will have more weight in your child’s thoughts and development than a doll.

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m a shallow anti-feminist and just haven’t realized it because I've been busy being an independent 26-year old woman who believes so strongly in female empowerment.

Or maybe it's time we all take ten seats and a few deep breaths. Because there are bigger women's issues to focus our energy on than Barbara Millicent Roberts.

We will be okay, ladies. Even if Barbie exists 50 years from now with her miniscule waistline still intact.

And we will still be really fcking awesome.

(See? I turned out alright.)

[agrinavich]

The True Truth About Being 26

If you’re a twenty-something then you’ve seen all the twenty-something posts on Thought Catalog or the other oversaturated hipster lifestyle sites. You know, the posts where someone writes what they think people should know by age X, Y or Z. I'm not hating. I've read probably 95% of them to gauge my life knowledge. Like, if I don’t know ‘the difference between love and lust’, then I better get going because that’s evidently something I should know by the time I turn 30.

In all seriousness, this post is inspired by every single one of those (which is a lot because there’s about an average of five per day at this point). I wanted to talk about what really happens when you turn 26. Not necessarily what you should know, but what you realize. I’m a valid expert on this because I am 26 and spent last Friday night on the couch watching New Girl before going to bed at 10 pm. 

For example ….

It isn’t funny to talk about being drunk all the time anymore. Like, it really isn’t. I never noticed it before now, but there’s a tendency in our early 20’s to talk continuously about:

How drunk you’re going to get tonight

How drunk you are

How drunk you were (and all the crazy outta control things you did last night .. or at least you think you did because you BLACKED OUT lolz)

Rinse and repeat. I don’t know if it’s because we’ve been opened up to this whole new world of legal drinking where we no longer have to suffer through frat parties to supply us Jungle Juice or Natty Ice; or if it’s because our social lives actually did revolve around booze; or if it’s because we just flat out thought we actually sounded cool. Either way, by the time you hit 26, it’s just not funny anymore. Don’t get me wrong; drinking still happens on a regular basis, but we don’t need to talk about it 24/7. A drink is a drink. It’s something that accompanies fun; not the other way around.

You have a new appreciation for sleep. This probably happens even earlier than 26, but I respect sleep so much. I salute you, sleep. If I don’t get at least 7 hours of sleep, I’m a hot zombie mess. Especially on work nights. I mean, I basically make it a point to be home and in bed by 10 or 11 pm if I go out for drinks after work. I get it. I’m a grandma. Laugh at me. Ha ha ha … but tomorrow when I’m getting my shit done and not dying at work, I will glance at you and smile. And it will be smug. Our bodies need sleep. Once you make a habit of getting a decent amount of sleep each night, you’ll see why. Consider your life changed. You’re welcome. That tip was pro-bono.

That metabolism slow-down adults warned you about is real. This was disappointing to find out. I mean, I spent my life growing up with a killer metabolism. Sure I danced and played field hockey as a kid and middle-schooler, but then I realized I just didn’t want to do anything that required physical activity. So I didn’t. And all throughout high school and college, I remained a skinny girl that people gawked at if I even mentioned wanting to work out. Thankfully, I’m still in decent shape, but the stick figure I maintained without actually maintaining it is no more. When you hit 25/26, you look in the mirror one day and realize you’re a little soft around the edges. You actually start contemplating working out. And then you actually start working out. It becomes up to you to stay lean and mean. It requires more effort, but honestly, it feels a lot better too.

You recognize the types of people you want to have in your life. From the time we start school as tiny little tots all the way through college, we’re out to make friends with as many people as possible. It’s like collecting Pokemon cards. Gotta catch ‘em all. Not in a bad way. It’s just how it is. As you get older, you realize it’s more about that cliche phrase: quality over quantity. One day you wake up and realize you don’t have to be friends with everyone. You can be friendly and kind to anyone — and you should be. But you will recognize who you want in your life as a bigger presence; the people you’ll involve in your life day in and day out. This includes friends who live far away. It’s easy to fall out of touch with people who live in another state because we’re all busy and yadda yadda. But for those friends who truly mean a lot to you, you’ll make it a point to stay in touch. Even if that means a long phone call once a month or texting to check in every week. It’s a nice feeling to know who those people are — and to know you don’t have to please everyone you come across.

No one is going to make things happen for you. That’s on you. I have a lot of personal experience in this particular area (which is another blog post in itself). Want a different job? It’s up to you to make the time to update your resume, network and go find it. Even if you want to sit at home after work and do nothing but watch TV. Nope. Go get that job. It’s not going to find you all by itself. Want to finally make that move across the country? Do it. There is never going to be a better time. We only have a certain amount of time in our lives to do what we want to do. Don’t stay miserable and stuck in situations you don’t want to be in. Look for solutions. You have to make change become a reality. It’s scary. But no one else will do it for you. And it’s pretty empowering realizing you can make things happen for yourself if you just take that leap of faith. Remember, the worst thing that can happen is that you are told ‘no’ or you don’t get that dream job. It just means it wasn’t the right thing for you, and it’s time to focus on how you can still make that change.

You may never find your dream job — or at least have it as your occupation. How many times in our young lives do we write about what we want to be when we grow up? A lot. We bounce from wanting to be a doctor, to wanting to be a vet, to being a movie star … etc, etc. But when the day comes where we step away from our college campuses and get a real job, more often than not we realize that what we ended up choosing to be may not be exactly as fulfilling as we had hoped back in the 3rd grade - or heck, even back in our freshman year of college. The bottom line is, for the majority of us, we’re not going to be working in our dream job. We’re not going to constantly feel rewarded every day. But ultimately, it’s how we make a living. And yes that is sometimes depressing to realize. It doesn’t mean you’re stuck (follow my previous point); but it is a realization that a lot of us face right around this time.

It’s okay to be alone. Some people make it their life’s mission to have a significant other at all times. The break-ups torture their souls, and they’re back on the hunt as soon as possible. They don’t feel complete without another person — or at least they *think* they don’t feel complete. I guess if you’re that kind of person, it doesn’t matter what age you are. But one thing I’ve realized at my wise old age of 26, is that it’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to wait for the person you know you’re ready to be committed to. And in the meantime, it’s okay to have a hook-up buddy. Basically, the pressure that we put on ourselves to settle down and get married is just a bit ridiculous. Everyone moves at their own pace, and it’s O.K.A.Y. At 26, wouldn’t you rather be with the right person instead of somebody you’re settling for? Thought so. Value the time you have to yourself. You can do whatever you please with it.

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough for now. Well, one more thing. I think at 26, you realize that you aren’t scared of your 30’s because people like Beyonce exist and are peaking in their 30’s.

So, in the meantime, enjoy the ride.

xx AG