Today's Document
AnasAbdin
Claire Keane
trying on a metaphor
Peter Solarz
hello vonnie

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❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
almost home
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
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izzy's playlists!

shark vs the universe
will byers stan first human second
Sweet Seals For You, Always
styofa doing anything
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@ahalfway
Why are the detrans tags full of kink shit hello????
woah its been 3 years since i last posted here. 2021. i can't believe how much has changed. i never could have predicated where i would be in 2024 back then. i never could have predicted having a loving wife and a loving partner and living somewhere totally different. i could never have predicted id own a house and have a dog and a friendship circle the size that it is. i could never have predicated being (more) comfortable with who i am as a person.
my last post, the last one i actually made for myself, talked about how i was terrified i was that nobody would ever see me for what i thought i was. but fuck me i was so so wrong.
turns out i just needed a friendship circle full of people who are gay, who are lesbian, who are bisexual, who are comfortable in who they are, who look at me when i say im a dyke-- with my ugly mustache and sometimes stubble beard, with my weird deep voice, with my surgery-flat chest and hairy back and hairy legs and the gut that testosterone gave me-- and go "yes, you are". who look at me and see me for me and respect my choices and my opinions. who let me call myself a he/she. who let me crawl in beside them and don't complain when my dykey little carabiner digs into their hips.
me three years ago could never have imagined. could never have even dreamed.
if you're detrans, if you want to pursue detransition, if your one month or one year or one decade into your transition and you look at yourself in a mirror and think it was all a mistake. it will be fine. it will be. it has to be. so surround yourself with love. surround yourself with dykes and fags and fruits and crossdressers. surround yourself with people that will look at you and say "yes, you are."
I’ve said this before but it’s so uncomfortable how detransitioned women are expected by radfems to either self-flagellate about how much they hurt their parents/lesbian partners/other women or present themselves as mutilated cautionary tales
just wish there were more detrans conversations about people that look like me. a lot of it is centered around people who can easily pass and return to the life they had before but like.... i cant do that lol. T gave me yeti-level of body hair. T made me balding. T gave me thick facial hair resistant to removal. T fucked my body weight like...
idk it feels like an uphill battle im destined to lose. sure i can call myself a lesbian and a woman and whatever else but nobody but me is ever going to see me and my body that way. im literally just going to be the fat hairy guy to the wider community and no amount of introspection will change that. the most i can do is continue to keep trying i guess. or just live with my fuckups and be someone im not
transition trauma is just a constantly cycle of:
sorry im trans
no im not
Yes
no
yes?? again?
ah no back to no
u know that meme where its like. talking about gender with cis (kid playing blocks) VS talking about gender with trans (uhh roman forum i think). anyway literally that meme but talking about detrans issues+feelings with other detrans people VS talking about detrans issues+feelings with literally anyone else
I am one of those "would have transitioned probably if I had been 2 years younger & less self-aware when it went mainstream" people. Not a detransitioner. But because of how close I was to it (including extreme body hate, hating hearing myself referred to as girl/woman, wanting the neutrality that comes with maleness and the culture of practicality and dignity called masculinity) I feel really close to the detransitioner perspective. Idk if there is a word for this. A near-transitioner?
I also really do think there is a place for rejecting gender, including disbelief in gender identities, but not rejecting or wishing harm on gender-believing people. Treating transitioned people with dignity but not agreeing with everything that goes into the gender-is-natural, can't abolish it, perspective. If I believed in it, I would be a man, for my "masculinity", body feelings, and want to be treated as men are. But what's it all based on? If each defines it different, why the word at all?
with this kind of unsolicited open ended questions/discussion asks, I feel I have to add: no expectation to answer if unwanted or just nothing to say, I came here to say this on this blog to you because I found your perspective and liked it while differing from it as far as I can tell (and I can't entirely, part of why I'm curious) but that's no reason you have to answer my question or thoughts or whatever the hell they are
there's not a word for your experience. not entirely. gender dysphoric sufferer maybe? i'm not sure. i don't think you're alone in thinking gender is fake and wanting gender abolished, i think there are lots of trans people (and detrans people too) that want this.
but i think even if you abolish the Concept of gender, and everything that it entails (sexism, gender-targeted violence etc) you wont abolish people's discomfort in their bodies OR people wanting to look and appear a different way. people will Still get affirming surgeries and be on affirming hormones and that's okay. human history is full of people who went out of their way to appear different; that's just part of human nature, i think. it's just a different (easier?) kind of way to do it now.
transition and/or affirmation procedures may not be okay for you or the correct course in your life but that's just how the treatment of dysphoria is (of all sorts of dysphoria, not just gender; everyone is different and requires their own approach).
i just want to touch on "If each defines it different, why the word at all?" this bit too because the concept as you seem to think about it, is very very rooted in westernized/white culture. there are plenty of places around the world that before invasion had less rigid ideas about what we consider ""gender"" and i think that's important to keep in mind when approaching the idea of abolishing it.
anyway, sorry this is mad rambly. if you want to discuss it further feel free to pop off anon and into my messages and i'll happily talk with you!
Why is there so much hostility towards detransitioners in the trans community? Particularly towards those to have reclaimed their womanhood?
I think the way that you are thinking abt this like is collapsing a few different social dynamics at play in this situation. Like, to understand like what is going on in some of these things, it’s important to remember that there really isn’t one form of trans community and there’s not really one form of detrans/retrans/whatever-you-wanna-call-this-process.
So I think there are two primary areas or situations where there is a large amount of tension between trans people and detrans people, but they are particular to the types of trans people and the types of detrans people that we are talking abt.
The first is that I think for a lot of trans people who perhaps have a more conservative view of transition (esp people w a highly medicalized, or maybe essentialized understanding of trans identity) that someone detransitioning, esp if that person also held a medicalized or essentialized understanding of trans-ness can provoke insecurity abt their own process and how it might be perceived. Like, if yr argument for why people are trans is that it’s a ‘birth defect’ or that you’ve ‘always known’ and someone else has those same feelings but ends up thinking differently, that presents a problem: why don’t you just deal w your trans feelings without transitioning?
If someone has had anxieties abt not being *really* trans, seeing someone who was maybe even more certain that they were detransition might present some uncomfortable questions to them, and I feel like some people react defensively to that, no matter what way the detrans person is talking abt their own process. I think there’s also somewhat valid anxiety that this will be used to argue against other people being “allowed” to transition, bt that’s not really on any individual choosing to do a different thing than they were before, right?
This leads into the second source of substantial tension: there are a certain segment of people who detransition and then use that experience to integrate themselves into transphobic (or sometimes more specifically transmisogynistic) politics. This can range from either people detransing in a way reminiscent specifically of ‘ex-gay’ identity along the lines of conservative christianity, or it can happen along the lines of articulating that detransition along the lines of transphobic feminism.
This will obviously bring a certain amount of conflict, because this isn’t necessarily abt the detransitioned status insofar as it’s abt the politics that the person takes on and uses to understand their own gender, and in turn might project onto trans people. This is because frequently this comes w a certain way of articulating particularly trans women’s dangerousness, or it comes w a politics that seeks to use one’s own detransition story in order to argue for more gatekeeping of other people (esp younger people) from accessing medicine or having their identity respected socially/legally/whatever.
However! In the absence of these two factors (a certain conservative kind of trans identity and a certain conservative kind of detrans identity) I actually feel like there is actually an ability for these two groups of people (and people w experiences somewhere in between, which is frequently left out of the conversation!!) to get along quite well and have a lot of respectful engagement over similar life experiences. I’ve been in communities that included detrans/retrans people (or people w similar life experiences) since before I came out and when I was coming out a decade ago. Some of the most famous authors and activists within the trans world have had experiences on this spectrum. Lots of trans people go thru something on this spectrum of having to renegotiate their identity post-transition or post-surgery, esp those of us who have relatively unconventional approaches to trans identity.
So there are instances where like there might be the normal amount of social tension that comes from people negotiating new approaches to their life and gender, but i think if you take out like a lot of the universalizing politics that seems to be common within both conservative self-understandings of trans gender and of detrans gender, I think there is actually frequently still a lot of community between people, ime. It’s just that, regardless of the actual proportion, the most vocal people within these groups tend to be the people w the most universalizing approach.
painting-fuel: R/detrans currently only allows posts and comments from ppl flaired as detrans FYI. Dunno if that is useful info but hi yes I deleted my detrans side blog because I was tired of the mean discourse
interesting! it must be a relatively newer rule because they used to allow just anyone to post which left the subreddit inundated with “”well-meaning”” (lol sure) non-detrans folk constantly wanting their say.
also yeah i know a few fellow detrans people who’ve decided to delete their blogs for similar reasons. sorry you went thru that.
hey, do you have any recommendations for detrans accounts on here that arent transphobic? im struggling to find them unfortunately.
I don’t really follow other detrans accounts on here as this is a sideblog. Mostly I just trawl the tags. Tumblr isn’t the best place for a detrans person tbh as it’s a very polarized website and a lot of detrans people don’t feel like its a particularly safe space for them from either side. I would suggest maybe joining this subreddit instead: https://www.reddit.com/r/actual_detrans/ as they monitor what content and comments are allowed (unlike /r/detrans). I also am aware of a few discord servers.
Sorry I couldn’t be more help! Goodluck in your search. If you need someone to talk to pop off anon and I’m more than happy to listen/give you my main.
hmm I've come a long way since realizing that I transitioned for the wrong reasons, and perhaps shouldn't have transitioned at all. Especially in regards to coming to terms with what I've done to my body, knowing full well I'll never look like the typical woman ever again. It's been a long slow process but I Have absolutely come leaps and bounds than where I was when I started this blog.
But I do wonder and worry what the future holds for someone like me. Sometimes I think maybe it would just be easier to pretend to be a man. But that would completely compromise my identity as a lesbian. Which I just.... can't fathom doing again lmao. I let go of it for all those years in favor of being a straight man, but that wasn't really me and I hated being that way. I'm not a straight man, I never was or will be.
It would just make things so much infinitely easier on me though. It really would.
Anyway hope you all are staying safe in these uncertain times ❤
the largest gc subreddit got nuked from reddit so they’ve all fled to other smaller subreddits and as if it wasn’t bad enough on detrans subs already now its got so many fucking non detrans people, in particular really nasty terfs, trying to get their word in.
like please. please leave us alone. i dont care that you lost your subreddit or space. coming into ours to do anything other than read and listen isn’t the answer lmao.
jkr comments have prompted people to once again start speaking abt detransitioned people but only like we a) dont exist Or b) to hold us up as poster people. like nah fuck off. go away. detrans people dont need either of that shit. whole bunch of non detrans people trying to speak about us is so fucking tiring 😒
I thought I was just weird and unlucky for my scars/chest to hurt. It’s been about 1.5 years since I had the surgery, and it (still) hurts when I touch that area, as if it is over sensitive now. It also feels like a constant strain up by my left collar bone, which annoying at times. My results however look good, but it will never be good *enough*, which is the root of my problems to begin with. Being yourself in these times is difficult, but I’m proud that we are all just trying our best
its been about a year and a bit here too. early 2019 is when i had mine done. i had a very good surgeon who tried her best to leave me with good results but going in i knew that i’d have complications because mine was a modified radical mastectomy On Top Of masculinizing the area.
i think just a lot of the nerves there and up under my arms got damaged and are still repairing. sounds like you’re in a similar kinda boat. you’re not alone or unlucky, there’s plenty of us out there, trans or otherwise, that experience pain/discomfort from a mastectomy.
i hope yours eventually clears up and im proud of us for trying our best and working on being happy with who we are.
can there be a respectful way for people who believe in gender and people who don't (who think it should be abolished and forgotten as a concept) to coexist? I don't ask this to demand you "solve" anything but I am looking for perspectives. As much as I hear people say they hate being misgendered, I hate being in the world *with* gender. So conservatives and genderists alike feel like social enemies to me, who recreate sexism, even if individuals may be nice and i don't wish harm on anyone.
i don't know honestly? i dont know if im really in either of those camps. would i prefer a world without gender? yeah of course i would, it would solve a lot of issues with NB people feeling alienated. however i don't think, despite everything that the trans and adjacent movement is doing, that we're going to see a cultural shift in the near future. especially in places like the usa.
i personally believe that, in regards to gender, allowing people self expression is key. if someones gender identity is important and core to them, then allow them to have that ya know? basic human rights and all that.
i don't know if this answers ur question and im sorry if it doesn't. gender politics isn't really my area of expertise.
If you’ve reidentified as female you’re not non-binary and woman-aligned, why do you use they/them instead of she/her?
id like to ask why does it matter to you what pronouns i use? theres a long history in lgbt culture of people not using their birth pronouns. when i say im reidentified / detransitioned i am saying that i no longer identify as a transman/FTM. for me, my identity is inherently tied to my sexuality as a butch lesbian.