Hi Kylee, I've been a huge fan of yours for almost ten years now and I had a question for you. I've been having a really rough time lately, I'm failing in school, I just lost my job, and I don't know of I'll ever make it in life. How do you cope with stuff like that and keep going? Because I feel like I'm drowning and I'm really scared of the future right now. If you have any advice, I'd love to hear it.
As somebody who dropped out of college and spent much of my 20s completely miserable and lost—it does get better. In my case it took getting into therapy and reworking my definitions of success and happiness + managing my expectations better, as well as repairing the massive damage to my self esteem that came from feeling like a “failure.”
Everyone’s mileage may vary of course, but there’s just so much more to life than this disgusting pressure put upon us by society to have our “shit together” before we’re in our late 20s—because as it turns out, the definition of having one’s “shit” all the way together needs to change dramatically thanks to our current, HORRIFIC economic and educational climate. I cannot tell you how many times my therapist has reminded me that a huge number of millennials and gen Zs are depressed largely BECAUSE we feel like failures thanks to an antiquated and outdated set of expectations that no longer fit into our current circumstances—and we can’t keep beating ourselves up over a game that’s been rigged from the start.
Luckily with therapy or counseling (which i CANNOT recommend enough), you can work toward rewriting the rules to that game in a way that actually makes sense in today’s world. And more often than not, you might find you’re actually doing way more ok in life than you’ve been conditioned to think. Even IF you’ve failed some classes, dropped out, been fired, etc. SOUNDS FAKE I KNOW but hear me out. The world has changed, and so too must the way we view and judge ourselves.
The one nice thing about life is, while it’s constantly kicking you in the balls, every new day is still another chance to start over. Just because things didn’t turn out the way you expected at first doesn’t mean there aren’t a thousand other paths you can potentially take instead that could be just as good—if not better. It’s just SUPER hard to imagine while you’re in the throes of all those ugly “oh my god i’m a worthless idiot and i already fucked up my WHOLE LIFE” thoughts.
If you’re lost and downtrodden for a time, long or short—that’s ok. Have compassion for yourself and know that so so many people your age are in a similar situation—and even then, even THEN, I’ve heard so many stories of people whose lives fell apart in their 50s or later, and they had to start all the way over. And if THEY still managed to make it and thrive, what the fuck are we accomplishing by kicking our own asses and giving up on ourselves because of some arbitrary expiry date society set for us? I’m 30 and I’M still figuring my shit out. But oh my god. I’m still doing SO much better now that I figured out how to just stop DESTROYING myself & my self-esteem.
So if there’s anything I want you to take from this bigass text wall (I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THIS TOPIC IM SORRY,,,) it’s that there’s NO expiration date on you and your success. You are not a loser or a lost cause for having a rough time in your youth (you could not pay me a MILLION DOLLARS to relive my 20s). NOBODY knows what the fuck they’re doing. So please, please give yourself the same kind of understanding and patience you’d give to others you love, and let yourself have room to make mistakes—You’re human. Life is a bitch, but there’s still many little pockets of happiness to find that are worth slogging through the oceans of bullshit for. Take it from someone who knows.
I have faith we’ll both be ok. Love u dude.
