Aiden

Aiden Harper • 22 • "Patient"

[lucas-hawthorne-blog]

Words Fail || Laiden

[aiden-harper]

lucas-hawthorne:

Lucas offered Aiden a soft half smile before saying, “I just want to be there for you. Especially during moments you feel like this. I want to be there to help and make you feel better.” he said softly. Moving a hand up, he combed his fingers through Aiden’s hair, pushing the male’s fringe away from his forehead in the process. “No ulterior motives behind it, I don’t expect anything in return. But I care about you, Aiden. I mean it when I say that. You can believe it or not but… I just want to be there for you. Will you let me be? Please? If you don’t want that, then I’ll do my best to understand, but that’s what I want. ” 

Aiden cringed at Lucas’ gentle touch. The boy’s fingers running through his hair were making him feel weak again. The urge to pull him close was one that was very hard to resist, as he desperately longed to be in Lucas’ arms, but Aiden was scared. Frightened over giving his heart to Lucas again, not knowing whether or not it was safe with him. Aiden knew he was unlovable, so what use could he even be to the other boy? “I don’t believe you.” he replied softly, pulling the covers over his head again. “I-I won’t let you do this to me again. Either you’re mine or you’re not. Either you love me or you don’t. If you really want to make me feel better, then love me... Love me or leave me the fuck alone...”

[lucas-hawthorne-blog]

Words Fail || Laiden

[aiden-harper]

lucas-hawthorne:

When Lucas didn’t receive a reply, he felt himself grow slightly more anxious. His brain started jumping to conclusions as to why Aiden could have possibly not been answering him; them ranging between him flat out not being in there, or something way worse. So, he wasted no time in entering Aiden’s room. Once inside, he closed the door behind him, looking around from Aiden himself. Lucas’ eyes landed on the lump that was under the blankets of Aiden’s bed and he put two and two together. Nodding to himself, he crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed beside the lump. “Aiden?” he asked softly, a hand coming up so he could lift the edge of the blankets and attempt to peak underneath. “Babe, please come out. I just want to talk to you.” Lucas kept his voice gentle, not wanting to upset Aiden any further than the older man seemed to be upset. “And I really just want to help you feel better. To hold you. Please?”

Aiden didn’t say a word when Lucas lifted the blankets off of him. The fact that Lucas was seeing him like this was only making feel worse. Did the boy come to gloat? Was he actually worried about him? Aiden’s wasn’t sure, but more than anything he wished he could just disappear right now, vanish into thin air so he didn’t have to think about it. While Lucas’ offer to make him feel better was tempting, Aiden knew couldn’t trust him. Lucas had proven himself to be a liar before, so how could he ever believe him again? “T-Tell me the truth.” he demanded, his voice quivering. “W-What do you want from me?”

[lucas-hawthorne-blog]

Words Fail || Laiden

Lucas was in his room when the conversation with Aiden went down on tumblr. It was a conversation that started to worry him greatly. Aiden seemed upset, more than upset actually, and to be completely honest, Lucas was very confused as to why. Sure, Aiden had told him, but none of it was anything that made sense. And his behavior made Lucas slightly nervous, so once it reached what he viewed to be the piqued of panic mode, Lucas shut his computer and rushed for Aiden’s room. He speed walked through the halls, not wanting to draw attention to himself. And when he got to Aiden’s, he knocked on the door a few times. “Aiden? Babe? It’s me, I’m gonna come in, is that okay?”

[aiden-harper]

Aiden was lying in bed, curled up and hidden underneath the blankets. He was shutting the outside world out, because his emotions had once again gotten the best of him. Rage consumed him, and at the same time his heart was aching with pain. He was angry with the world, his therapist, Lucas, and mosly, angry with himself. Of course Lucas didn’t want him, he could even blame him for that. However, that didn’t change the fact that Aiden wanted him, needed him, preferably all to himself. The younger boy was making him feel weak and vulnerable, and he hated it, despised himself for allowing that to happen. Whether Lucas purposely manipulated him not, Aiden felt like he was under his control, and it infuriated him. Before he even read the last message Lucas had send him, Aiden had smashed his cellphone against the wall in anger, and covered himself with the blankets again while he sobbed. His breath hitched when he heard Lucas’ voice outside of his door and his body froze. Unable to tell the boy no, he just remained silent and hoped Lucas would just walk away, even though part of him wanted nothing more than to pull him close to him.

[aiden-harper]

lucas-hawthorne:

I know I don’t, I’m sorry. I’m just starting to get worried about you, Aiden. And I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Good, good let it be dead. Whatever makes you feel better. Just please… can I come there, please? I’m worried, and I want to check up on you, you’re really starting to frighten me. 

That’s not why! It’s not because of that, that’s the farthest thing from why. I think you’re amazing, beyond amazing. You’re the first person I got close to here, and you make being here so much less dreary that it would have been without you. How long you’ve been here has no effect on how I feel about you. I don’t think you’re crazy, or a psycho…. I do love you, I’m just working towards being able to come to terms with that, and express that and… that’s not nobody, right? 

...You don’t mean that. You’re just saying that to mess with my head some more. If this was true then you would be mine, it wouldn’t have to be complicated. You'd show me you love me, not just say it... This is bullshit! Why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone, Lucas? Haven’t you fucked me up bad enough?? I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that I hate you.. 

[aiden-harper]

lucas-hawthorne:

I was just trying to explain to you why I can’t be in a relationship right away, not trying to kick you while you’re down. You’re something to me, Aiden, not nothing. And I’m sorry that’s so hard to believe. Maybe you need to calm down a bit, we’ll see about talking afterwards. 

I can’t love anyone right now, I’m sorry. But I do care about you, Aiden, very deeply. When you’re ready to hear that, we can pick this conversation up again. But until then, I think you need to calm down. Talk to someone. 

I don’t need to do anything! Stop telling me what I need to do! You don’t get to decide that for me! Not you, not Reyes, not Langley! This is my fucking life, and I can do whatever the hell I want with it! And I am fucking calm! You can’t hurt me anymore, so stop trying it! Any love I felt for you is already dead!

Of course you can’t fucking love me.. Don’t you think I already knew that? I’m nothing... just another psycho, someone that needs to be locked up in a loonybin for seven fucking years... of course you don’t love me... nobody loves me... 

[aiden-harper]

lucas-hawthorne:

I’m not lying to you, I promise, I’m not. I would gladly be yours, Aiden, but I need some time. I can’t just step into a new relationship right away, I was in my last one for over four years. If that’s why you’re upset then we can talk about that, but I cross my heart promise I’m not trying to manipulate or deceive you. I’m just… I need time to adjust to that kind of thing. You never told me you wanted that, I just assumed you wanted sex or something, I didn’t know you wanted something serious. If you’re patient with me we can see where things go. 

Can I come by your room? So we can talk things out better, in person. I promise I’m not trying to pull a joke on you.

Like I said before, your promises mean nothing to me. You’ve prove to me that you can’t be trusted and that you just want to play mindgames with me. That’s exactly why you’re saying this, talking about your perfect little girlfriend, kicking me while I’m already down... I know I’m nothing compared to her, nothing compared to anyone... why do you feel the need to remind me.. to humilate me.. you’re so cruel, Lucas. What have I ever done to you that made you hate me this much? 

No, I don’t want you around me! You’re a leech, sucking the life out of me, hurting me so badly that I can hardly breathe.. You can’t even fucking tell me that you love me... it’s all just a game to you. A sick, twisted game...

[aiden-harper]

lucas-hawthorne:

You don’t mean nothing to me! You’re probably one of the people I’m closest to here, I genuinely really care about you, Aiden. And I’m not just saying that, I mean it, I really care about you. I don’t think you’re a psychopath, maybe a little broken but that’s nothing that a little TLC can’t help, right? Besides, I’m pretty broken too, that’s why I think we work so well together. I don’t view you as a game, I view you as a friend. A very good friend, that I’m decently close with. I don’t think you’re a lunatic. And even if I did, I wouldn’t want another one, you’d be my favorite. You’re one of my favorite people here, and I’m sorry I made you mad or made you feel how you feel. But whatever it was, I promise to make it up to you. Please? I’m so sorry, Aiden, so sorry. I’ll do anything to prove it to you.

Stop it.. Stop lying to me! We don’t work well together! This is just another one of your schemes... a cruel joke.. because that’s what I am to you, a joke... If you really meant any of this, then you would be mine, but you’re not... and I’m not falling for your lies again. This is just your way of trying to manipulate me and deceive me, but it’s not going to work this time. You’re not mine, so I’m not yours... 

[aiden-harper]

lucas-hawthorne:

I never said that, Aiden! I care about you, a lot. I wasn’t trying to humiliate you or manipulate you. Not at all, I swear on it. I don’t know where you’re getting an idea like that from, but I promise you it’s not true. I didn’t know you felt like that, either. And I’m sorry. You’re allowed to hate me if that’s how you feel but… I promise you I wasn’t trying to make you feel like that, Aiden. I don’t know how to prove that to you, but I cross my heart on it, swear on my life.

Your promises aren’t worth anything! You’re just trying to make me fall for it.. trying to make me fall for you again. It’s not going to happen, Lucas. You mean as much to me as I mean to you, which is nothing, zero... You should feel sorry, because this is all your fault! You made me feel like this... made me so crazy about you that I couldn’t think of anything else, and then you just ignored me! Is it because I’m just a broken, fucked up psychopath? That’s it, right? I’m not worthy of you. You just think this is funny, fucking me up... destroying me.. it’s a game to you, I’m just a fucking game to you.. well, I’m not letting you win this time. Go find yourself another lunatic!

[aiden-harper]

lucas-hawthorne:

I don’t mean to make you feel like I’m ignoring you, I promise. I’m always here though, Aiden. All you need to do is ask for me, and I’ll come be whatever you need. Oh… I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was. I guess that’s understandable then, not wanting to talk to me about it. Okay, if that’s what you want. I won’t bother you anymore. I’m not really sure what I did to make you hate me, but I won’t bother you anymore I promise.

See, I knew it! You don’t want to be anywhere near me. All this time you pretended like you cared... it was all just a sick plot to humiliate me. Why did it take me so fucking long to realize what an awful person you are... Right, because you’re a manipulator! You just toyed with my emotions,with  my feelings until you had me exactly where you wanted me! You wanted me to love you, didn’t you? Well, I did. I loved you, Lucas! I would have done anything for you but not anymore. I know the truth now and I hate you... I truly hate you...

[aiden-harper]

lucas-hawthorne:

Sorry, I just figured I’d offer, you know? Just in case maybe you were bluffing. I,uh, oh. Uh, sorry. I just figured being optimistic is a good thing. Good for the people around me, I guess I was mistaken though. But I’m not a liar. Of course I care about you, Aiden. We’re friends… or something. I wouldn’t lie about something like that… Are you sure you want to be alone? And that you don’t want to maybe talk about how you’re feeling? You know, normal style, not therapy style. 

You don’t give a fuck about me. If you did, then why do you ignore me? If you really care, then where are you when I need you? That’s right, you're nowhere to be found. And now you expect me to believe you? You expect me to believe that we’re friends? It’s bullshit, total and utter bullshit. You’re the last person I’d ever talk to about my feelings, because you’d just step all over them like you always do. I’d rather be alone than be around someone who I despise as much as you. All you do is destroy me, Lucas. Just leave me the hell alone.

[aiden-harper]

lucas-hawthorne:

You’ve been here for seven years? Seriously? …. Sorry, I hope that didn’t sound too insensitive. I just didn’t know it was possible for a rehabilitation center to house a patient that long. I thought stays weren’t supposed to last longer than a few months at most…. Yikes, that was probably also insensitive. Sorry. But hey, don’t be that pessimistic. Maybe the lucky number seven will be your year?

Are you sure you wanna spend today alone? You sound kinda sad, Aiden. Maybe some company will at least keep your mind off of how long you’ve been here. We can do something fun? Whatever you want.

What part of me wanting to be alone did you not understand, Lucas? I’m not lucky and I’ll never be lucky. If I was lucky then I would have succeeded last time I tried to slit my wrists. Stop trying to act like some fucking cheerleader and stop this it gets better nonsense. I get that bullshit from my shithead therapist already, and I don’t need it from you. In fact, I don’t want anything from you because I already know you’re a liar. You don’t give a damn about me.

[aiden-harper]

Today marks my seven year anniversary in this shithole. Seven. Fucking. Years. Please, lovely staff of Briarcliff, tell me again how there is hope for me? And for the record, that was sarcasm. There is no hope. There is no future. There is just suffering until the day where I finally get put out of my misery. 

So, I’m celebrating this special day in my room. Alone. You can leave your gifts in front of my door. In case you need gift ideas: Cyanide pills or a strong rope would be pretty fucking awesome. 

[aiden-harper]

arthurxreyes:

Oh really? What are the other topics then? I’d gladly prepare something so we can touch upon all of them. Unfortunately, Aiden, in this situation we have to take everything you say as seriously as possible. It’s how things work around here. Again, very funny, haha. Whether I have or not isn’t the point, it’s completely unprofessional of me to. That makes me feel… like this conversation could really get me in trouble….

It was an innuendo, babe, but I suppose it went over your pretty head. But if you insist on touching everything, then I’d be the last person to stop you. I know, but you shouldn’t. You know I say the weirdest shit sometimes. Aw, was it? Did it make you smile? Right, completely unprofessional, but also completely hot, completely satisfying... you know I wouldn’t tell anyone, right? It can be our little secret.

[aiden-harper]

arthurxreyes:

Right, well, they’re still a topic we need to touch upon. Especially considering what you said about them prior in this discussion. I wouldn’t get your hopes up too much, Mr. Harper. There’s still boundaries I need not cross given our positions. What… other things, exactly? Aiden, I’m in no position to admit to anything of the sort, you know that. You’re one of my patients. 

I guess, but not the only topic we need to ‘touch upon’. I don’t even remember what I said. Really, you shouldn’t take everything that I say so damn seriously. That’s cool, we could always change positions if that makes you more comfortable, Doctor, Reyes. ...Just kidding, obvi. I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about, or do you really expect me to believe that you haven’t thought about me in the same way? But I suppose if you really want specifics then I could give you some. For example, right now I’m thinking about hiding under your desk and sucking you off. How does that make you feel, Doc?

[aiden-harper]

arthurxreyes:

Alright, if that’s what you’d like to say about it. I’d still like to discuss them as thoroughly as possible. And no, that’s not why. It’s because I do think they’re a rather large aggravator for you. And discussing them is in your best interest… Again, very funny, Mr. Harper. We’ll talk about this when I see you. 

Nah, they’re not. They’re very loving and caring people. Trust me, you’ll love them when you get to meet them. Again, not joking, babe. I hope talking isn’t all we’ll be doing. Because I have been thinking about doing other things with you quite a lot lately. And I know you have too, so don’t even bother with lying, babe. Just admit that you want me.

[aiden-harper]

arthurxreyes:

Good, I’m glad you’re starting to see things my way Aiden. It’s gonna work out for you, I promise. Good, because I feel like that’s a good place to start. Is with them. Especially considering the timing of everything that’s happened in the past day or two. So as soon as you’re released from the ward, we’ll meet. Funny, Mr. Harper. Let’s not make too many jokes like that though, I wouldn’t want to get in trouble with the higher ups. 

Sure I am, babe. And nah, that little meeting didn’t have anything to do with it. You’re  completely barking up the wrong tree there, but that’s okay. Can’t blame you for wanting to know more about the future in-laws. Great, I can’t wait. I’m missing you already, Doc. Who said anything about jokes? I was actually pretty serious. We should go out some time, so you can show me just how much you care about me.

[aiden-harper]

arthurxreyes:

I can’t go through it myself, I’m sorry. But I can try my best to understand. I don’t see you as a lunatic, Aiden. I see you as a normal person who just needs a bit of guidance…. nothing today. But I’d like to know if you’d be willing to speak with me face to face. In my office, in a therapy session. I’d most definitely like to talk about your meeting with your parents today. 

Yea, yea, sure you can. Don’t worry, Arty, you’re definitely a good samaritan. Remind me to give you a gold star next time I see you. Sure, we’ll talk about my folks if you really want to. I personally think that’s a bit much, considering we haven’t even gone on a proper first date yet, but whatever makes you happy, babe.