AlmostNobody

22 inuendos and dad jokes

[pukicho]

Hello, I come from the forests, ask me anything 

[mycomortis]

how are the trees

[pukicho]

I dont know who you are or what that is. AMA closed

[blakhawk15-deactivated20221118]

[ithelpstodream]

[boyy-bait]

WITH BOTH THE LORD AND POLICE!! ☝🏾

[rosetintmyworld84]

DRAG THEM!!!

[no-chill-at-all]

[wildlyannoyingdoofus]

These kinds of responses are my FAVORITE. Some examples to answers to this question I have heard:

1.

“Okay, and who’s the president?”

“Obama, no wait, shit *vehemently* fuck, I hate him… what’s his name…”

“It’s okay, you know who he is.”

2.

“Who’s the president?”

“*drunkenly angry and confused* ..uhhhhhhh…Orange… damn it what’s the fuck’s name….

“Yup, good enough.”

3.

“And who’s the president,”

“Not fuckin’ Obama!”

“I feel ya.”

4.

“Who’s the president- wait, nevermind you’re from Korea you said, right? So who’s-“

“Everybody knows that Trump-bitch.”

“Oh, well, alright then.”

5. (My personal favorite)

“Who’s the president?”

“Ew.”

“Good enough.”

[epaulettes]

My roommate is a neurologist and has to do this check all the time. Her all-time favorite so far has been “ay dios mio” during which the woman was vigorously crossing herself.

[moodyehudi-deactivated20180519]

lol me too , lady

[qqquixote]

*isolates myself* perfect! but why am i sad

[prettyonionbread]

*socializes* perfect! how do I get out of here

[thriveworks]

Tweets from Parents (see 15 more)

[whitepeopletwitter]

[youneverknow235-deactivated2014]

[guwopmvmi]

[ruoxin]

asdghjkjs

[spokenwordajcp]

America

[itskassandravivu-deactivated202]

I wouldn’t even work in that place, if I’m pulling out 29,500 smfh.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the United States of America

[prettycryptid]

one time i forced my mom to play pokemon for at least half an hour and all she did was catch a butterfree and name it lowfat

[no-longer-another-bondi-blonde]

‘Soooo, just learned something. Apparently back in the early days of exploration many travelers would simply draw what they found/saw since the means to study, photograph, further explore it didn’t exist yet. Well this is where many of our deep sea monster stories come from,because as it turns out many of these drawings may have depicted large tentacled and alienesque appendages emerging from the water giving belief to something larger and more sinister lurking beneath…. however in many cases it was really just whale dicks. Whales often mate in threes so while one male was busy with the female the other male just pops his dick out of the water while swimming around waiting his turn.

There. That’s a thing you know now.’

Old timey sailor: “Woh! It’s a sea monster!”

Whale: “That’s what she said”

[black-is-beautiful18]

[free-range-tiddies]

[alnxzar]

god, I miss ten seconds ago when I didn’t know what a whale’s dick looked like

[loevabl]

flower lighters // from this vsco feed

[nowgoinsane]

Pretty nervous on how I’m going to finish the skull. Ignore the sloppy flowers 😊🌸

[grafitoland]

La primera vez que hago un diseño para tatuaje :3 

[cerealism]

Finished Anne’s watercolor/blackwork fox a few weeks ago!

[sepths]

[murderedoutblonde]

Mz Bones Alt Model x Ferla Paolo Photography