i know i'm damaged goods

out of all things out there, this is most me

[myheartwillgrosjean]

perspective touchpoint

[agoodjake54-deactivated20150429]

[ruinedchildhood]

Jinkies

[jesterday00]

Jeepers!

[dollfacemcghost]

Zoinks!

[galvaniccorsair]

Ruh roh!

[paperandpencilsandskips]

FUCK

[pirateprincessjess]

My favorite part of this post is that it implies Fred is the one saying “FUCK” because we know who typically says the other 4 things

[notaplaceofhonour]

which makes sense as he’s the one who actually legally owns it

[demareth]

new headcanon freds the only one who swears

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

well maybe you should blearily wake up at 5:08 in the pre-dawn light and find the sleeping soft tiny mammal body of your cat just inches from your head like a miracle too beautiful for speech, and you should rustle one hand out from your blankets to rub fingertip circles across the warm eggshell dome of her little velvet-wrapped skull and on the bristly patches just where the cups of her ears begin, and as she inclines her head into your fingers and purrs without ever opening her little eyes you should feel a love so tender that you understand how that love could have reached out from the fireside into the inky spangled nights long gone to reach her, and then you'll feel better

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

i am at a complete loss as to how to adequately express to you how much this cat throws up yeah

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image ID: Tumblr tag from hotTubSharts reading: and then maybe she'll wake you again at 6 to the sound of her puking on the floor. maybe /End ID]

[copperbadge]

On Saturday I said to my partner, as I have said for months, "A ten thousand dollar a year raise would solve so many of my problems."

As of this morning I was reluctantly looking for jobs because I love my job and don't want to leave it, but see: $10k raise problem solver.

As of noon today this was no longer an issue, because my boss called me with the news that I was getting a $10K merit raise.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is roughly $200 extra per paycheck. Enough to pay off debt faster, rebuild my savings, and spend a weekend a month in Milwaukee getting obscenely laid. The sex I'm going to have on $200 extra per paycheck. You can't even.

May all of you get the $10K raise your soul has yearned for. And whatever level of sex you can be satisfied with for $200.

[vergess]

hey bestie i think ur post might be charmed 'cause you aren't gonna fuckin believe what happened today

[mylittleredgirl]

my new thing whenever an embarrassing memory jumps up out of some backwater neuron to t-bone my present-day thought process is to declare a statute of limitations. like i can burn down an entire building in the state where i live and the law deems it both unfair and illegal to prosecute me after six years have passed, i think that thing i said in high school can be expunged from my record.

[darthmelyanna]

Okay, but this is actually kind of genius.

[gallusrostromegalus]

My family has a related Policy called "The Five Year Rule". Five years after an embarrassing or dramatic event happens to someone, everyone else has to shut up about it. This rule was created to keep some of my aunts from bringing up shit from fifteen and twenty years ago at family dinners.

So if you need to set a statute of Limitations: If it would be fucking rude of your auntie to bring up at thanksgiving, it's rude for your brain to bring up at 3AM too and it needs to eat some mashed potatoes and shut up.

[friend-crow]

I was talking about intrusive memories of stupid childhood shit with my parents recently, and my mom asked my dad if he still had feelings of guilt/shame about shit from his childhood.

His answer: "I'm 77 years old. I can't be feeling responsible for some shit a 9 year old did."

[sg1]

My Top Twenty-Five Stargate Characters ☆ #23 ↳ Rya'c

[lgbtlaughs]

ACT UP, 1990

[cowboyhatesithere]

Daily gratitude

I don’t have kids

I don’t spend money on nicotine

I don’t gamble my money away on sports

I’m not reliant on a chat bot for all my life functions

My books/CDs/DVDs collection is plentiful

[kaijuno]

My morning glory doesn’t like the wind chime

[ikebanaka]

SHUT

[typhus-andronicus]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[mulligans-tavern]

"60-70,000 geese" is the new "i found 100,000 dollars"

[thatsbelievable]

[herowyn]

5 0    Y E A R S    A G O

[rarebird22]

Almost 57 years ago!

[omtai]

oh log we’re really in it now

[tutt3rs]

under utilized comic gimmick is super big text bubble filled with very few words/just one word

[tutt3rs]

like this

[dragon-in-a-fez]

can someone turn the lights on in that jpeg

[aigeneratedfish-deactivated2026]

yea

[dragon-in-a-fez]

[porcelain-rob0t]

the european mind cannot comprehend the 48 oz dunkin bucket

[derryderrydown]

Excuse me while I look something up...

1.4 litres????

[politenotice]

[interestingmistakes]

[notecardpasta]

When a small mammal scrunches up and cleans its face and whiskers with its little hands very rapidly. I just wanted to give you that thought for a moment did u like it.