[aita-systemized]

HEY! you got situation that only other systems would understand enough to judge? wondering about a thing that happened in your source? got intra-system beef between alters? something else? THIS IS THE PLACE TO PUT IT TO THE COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION!!!! just send an ask, we'll make a poll <3 run by systems for systems!

Disclaimers and TOS:

only submit if youre a traumagenic DID/OSDD system please.

discourse and heavy topics are allowed but be sensible.

singlets ARE allowed to follow and vote but stay in your lane, if you think somethings "cringe" log out of tumblr and go hug a tree

no being shit about sources. all introjects are welcomed

put TWs in large text at the top of asks (if applicable)

Glossary:

YTA =You're the asshole

NTA=Not the asshole (the other party is)

JAH Justified asshole (you're an asshole, but like, I get it)

NAH = No assholes here (everyone is some level of justified)

ESH =Everyone sucks here (you're all assholes)

INFO =Not enough information to judge

[aita-systemized]

Aita for encouraging my (in system) partner to not openly identify himself as a fictive to our singlet friend?

Recently we've come out as a system to a friend (I was. Heavily against this but I've been trying to reflect on it a lot. And things have been patched up) this friend is a singlet and I care about them a lot. But i get really anxious about losing them if we act too system like (something I'm trying to work on) therefore i normally just present as if I'm just the host. And I'm not the only one doing this.

I am also a fictive, and in a relationship with two other fictives in the system. I consider myself disconnected from my source. (I was a non-fictive fragment for a while before I started latching onto my source.)

But both of them are a lot more connected to it. Especially B.

I've, discouraged B from directly telling our friend they are a fictive. (Somewhat accidentally. Thoughts are very easily overheard in our system and B and I co-front a lot) and B agreed. He isn't masking or anything. (That would be too far. I think xey has a right to express themself.) Just not explicitly stating that he isn't the host.

Another layer of anxiety is that the character b is a introject is a fairly recent addition to the piece of media he's from. And that character is also one of the friends favorite. And we just arent actually sure how good they are about fictives (they were really accepting when we told them, and they do have other system friends but we've never seen them interact with another system. And I'm a anxious mess)

B is entirely fine with this situation. Xey has stated multiple times that it's their choice and if they wanted they would actively identify themself to this friend. And they understand my reasoning (and A, our other in-sys partner agrees) but. I have a bad history of being really shit about the fact that we are a system (I've actively gotten in several fights with the host in the past.) So I'm worried I'm just being irrational and stopping my partner from fully being themself for like. No reason.

AITA?

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onJun 7, 2024

[aita-systemized]

TW: Radqueer discussion, grooming ment, uncomfortable topics

AITA for allowing our Radqueer headmates to front- and run a blog?

So, when we were younger, 11-15, I was in the radqueer communities. I was on forums and Tumblr w/ pro-Cs being groomed by a guy, C (32m) and exploited by him to his friends and the community. During this time, I would stress split my subsystem consisting of six alters who staunchly believe in Radqueer ideals and C's grooming.

That brings us to now. On my main account, they went behind my back when they slipped into front and made a sideblog, unfiltered all my stuff, and started following transID and Radqueer tags/blogs. I have decided that I will allow them to keep the blog, as long as I can keep strict watch over it and everything done on it.

I have tried everything to get them out of the ideals of that community. I have tried explaining what's wrong with the abuse in it, I have gave them how it hurts individuals (POC, children, animals, etc), I have tried to be a gentle guide in helping them understand their identity and dysphorias, but nothing will break them out of it. I should mention that all "IDs" are just symptoms of something we have, them invalidating their abuse or trauma, species dysphoria, or completely harmless things ("transeyecolor"). I have hope that with this blog, they will do what I did when I left the community- which was veiw "antis" unbiasedly and with kindness- without pushing them into crisis.

My system says I'm just encouraging their behavior and allowing them to indirectly hurt us. Some are even saying that I'm not out of the community (which is bizarre to me, usually I'm trusted :( ). They're upset that I'm allowing them a place to put all of the stuff they believe and they think I won't be able to handle "babysitting" a bunch of alters. They say I should just let them put it out in a journal, if I really want them to front. But that isn't helpful to someone if they are constantly being disliked by their own system and outcast, it's just going to drive them to resent and pull further into the community. They WILL continue to make blogs, they will seek the users in the tags, and they will believe until proven otherwise. I'm just trying to be gentle with them (as they are severely traumatized and groomed) and I truly believe keeping them locked up inside headspace out of shame and distaste is only going to cause a problem with our, systemwide, healing in the long run. Maybe if I can introduce other user's anti-radqueer opinions rather than making them feel scorned by essentially lecturing them, then I can help them leave that part behind and allow them to grow- like I have.

Thank you for consideration, have a wonderful day. Sorry for the long, rambling read.

AITA?

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMay 24, 2024

[aita-systemized]

Tw: recreational drug use, relapse (questionable), self harm mention, an overall passive-aggressive tone (aimed at my parasites, not ya'll).

AITA for getting us high?

Exactly as the title says. I got us high after taking some pills and now everyone is up in arms. I don't see the problem because nobody got hurt, no one's in trouble, it was our prescribed medicine, and we got to feel good for a short while.

They're upset because we used to have a pill addiction and they say this was relapse, but genuinely, I don't see it. I don't constitute it as relapse, the same way they don't constitute starting arguments as a relapse of self harm. Maybe I took it recreationally, but I didn't "deteriorate" after improvement nor do I count a low-strenth pain killer as x-bars or percs. Maybe I am the asshole and I've done another great scheme of pissing everyone off again.

Judge me fairly strangers, not that we will ever know each other, but the brain parasites I perpetually live with will take this to heart and use it for the rest of our lives.

I'm gonna leave 💉🦷 as a way to remember this, boss. Thanks for existing. Thanks for making this blog so I can cast my woes to unbiased strangers. Well, socially unbiased at least.

AITA?

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMay 21, 2024

[aita-systemized]

AITA for joking around about one of our alters who sometimes gets us into dangerous crap?

this alter, who im going to call PK (26m, he knows who he is) has a tendency to..wander into situations. while he’s very fun to be around and a very genuinely intelligent guy.. he also seems to wander the body into exploring risky places, climbing on things we shouldn’t be, just generally being risky in a curious way. it’s like this whenever he fronts. and while it’s cool that he has boundless amounts of energy and is always eager to explore, our body is kinda… sedentary and we don’t get out much. im definitely not as limber as i used to be, and i’m afraid we’re going to injure ourselves seriously sometime.

but PK gets kinda grumpy whenever i joke about this, and although it doesn’t seem like the mood will last long, he’s like that for like three hours. i have apologized, but iunno? am i the asshole for joking around about it?

AITA

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMay 18, 2024

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

if systems wanna submit their pseudomemories, theres @aita-systemized for that i think

As far as system-specific aitas go, it looks like we have @plural-aita, @pluralaita (which I have just now discovered is its own distinct blog from the other), and this. So, you've got options!

[aita-systemized]

it was a bit of a jumpscare to be @-ed lmao but hello yes we do this :)

[aita-systemized]

TW: sex/kinks, SA, pedophilia

AITA for having sexual fantasies?

I have a rape kink so I made an (adult) OC to use in sexual fantasies. It was fun and no one got hurt because there were no real people involved. But then we got an introject of that OC, who also happened to be a little (despite the OC being an adult) and now I feel really weird about it. I stopped the fantasies after I noticed but I still feel bad.

AITA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMay 16, 2024

[aita-systemized]

TW: SH ment, violence, uncomfortable stuff

AITA for slapping our Mom?

I feel absolutely fuck-wild stupid for this, but I have to know if I am the asshole in the situation. So, our mother has this habit of lifting our (AFAB-NB) clothes without our permission to look for acne that she finds oh-so entaining to poke, prod, and squeeze at. This includes looking down our chest, our back, arms, legs, and shoulders. I have a problem with this. See we were an avid self-harmer, we are six months clean now, but we have hypertrophic/keloid scars that I'm quite embarrassed of.

On this particular day, while I was fronting, she decided she was going to raise my sleeve and make a joke about my scars. Pointing it out to a bunch of strangers, which made me the uncomfortable joke of the moment. It peeved me off already.

Later, while I was sitting on her bed talking with her, she reached for the neck hem of my shirt and pulled straight down so she could look for acne on my chest. She exposed my bare chest to our brothers and my step-dad, along with scars that I'm embarrassed by. So, I slapped her. On the arm, I'm not a monster.

Now my system has been barring me from front and saying I was out of line (I'm having my insys partner write this for me, much love darlin). I'm saying I was perfectly in my rights to defend our privacy. I feel like this is the stupidest fight I've ever encountered, but I just want to know if I'm being overdramatic. Bc it's not like she showed our whole chest, but it was enough to make me wildly uncomfortable. And maybe I shouldn't've slapped her... but... ugh.

AITA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMay 16, 2024

Hey. We dont usually put in our 2 cents but I feel like as a victim of csa perpetuated by a woman in our family, its important to call this what it is. This is sexual harassment/assault. Doesnt matter her intentions, shes unconsensually exposing your chest to both her and others. I personally implore your systemmates to please be kinder to you, and reflect on your mothers completely inappropriate behaviour towards you. What shes doing isnt right, and I am so very sorry.

[aita-systemized]

AITA for not being able to follow the wishes of my insystem best friend?

For context, we are diagnosed with multiple different anxiety disorders.

I, the host, am an introject and, technically, a persecutor. My best friend is my sourcemate, a cohost, and probably a protector. He, internally, presents as POC and tends to be more sensitive to race issues. I am also, since I am the Moral Perfectionism Guy™.

Both me and my friend are likely subsystems. We're not sure. Nevertheless, we both have blurred "parts" to an extent. They used to be a lot more distinct before a fusion. Either way, my friend may have a part that just hates me for some reason. We've both been trying to make it work.

Our system is generally very blurry and we're still trying to figure out the functions. Part of this is not being able to distinguish purposeful thoughts from slips of the mind and such.

This can be very frustrating for everyone.

Often times, I will have an "Incorrect" Thought. This is followed by compulsively trying to disprove this thought in my head, even though I already know it's wrong and don't agree with it. My best friend will then get angry with me for giving into my compulsions.

Other times, I'll have another one of these thoughts (particularly this happens about race), and whether I do or don't resist the compulsion, my best friend gets uncomfortable and encourages my compulsions.

This often causes insys conflicts, followed by another alter getting angry, forgetting what caused said anger, and problems never getting solved. When they don't, a lot of promises we'll forget are made.

I just feel like I'm being an asshole, a bad host and a bad friend about this. I'm sure there's more I'm just not remembering.

AITA?

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onApr 17, 2024

[aita-systemized]

Okay. So an alter said the n word while fronting, I told them not to say it. They said they can because they're black, but the body is white so I told them they really shouldn't say it while fronting. They don't see how that applies, since they're black, and they're upset about it. AITA for getting upset with them for using it while in front?

AITA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onApr 17, 2024

[aita-systemized]

AITA for getting litterally pandora vault in the innerworld to keep out a headmate who stabbed multiple other alters? (I feel bad about it)

AITA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onApr 17, 2024

[aita-systemized]

AITA for feeling angry at my partner for relating to my problem?

Earlier today I vented in a server about my dissociative amnesia and how distressing it is. I was close to tears thinking about how so much of my life is just... gone. My partner (who I love to pieces, please don't misunderstand) replied with something along the lines of "yeah, me too, I remember not a lot of when I was a kid."

I know they meant it to be comforting as I was complaining about feeling abnormal but I wish I could tell them that it's not the same. It feels selfish to think that? They don't know the extent of the amnesia. They don't know that I don't remember anything from before we were 14 (I downplayed it a bit in conversation with them before) and I don't remember what happened this yesterday and I won't remember most of what happened today by tomorrow morning. They don't even know we're a system.

I'm afraid I'm thinking too selfishly. They're trying to be caring and I get that. It just hurts to be told that by someone who isn't a system and doesn't really get how bad it feels to have so much of your life taken from you.

TLDR; I complain about dissociative amnesia, singlet partner (who doesn't know we're a system) tries to relate but it makes me a little angry to have them compare the different experiences.

AITA?

AITA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onApr 17, 2024

[aita-systemized]

AITA for leaving our partner system knowing they'll kill themself.

TW) mentions of detransition, suicide

The host of our partner cannot stand that our host detransitioned and has been threatening to kill themself because of it. None of the frequent fronters want to continue medical transition as those were the goals of the previous set of frequent fronters and it would make us dysphoric and suicidal. Our partner system has been experiencing a system collapse because of it—their host was forced to go dormant to keep them alive , but he'll be back again eventually and will end our relationship and kill them. Our host only managed to convince him to go dormant along with her so the rest of us can live, but he's stubborn and will eventually return. I am now de facto host and I don't want to deal with any of it. I wanted to just live in peace with ny husband, but with the way things are going, we're just not meant to be together. AITA for leaving our partner system knowing that they're suicidal?

AITA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onApr 17, 2024

[aita-systemized]

This account hasn't posted in a while so it might be inactive but I'm gonna shoot my shot.

WIBTA for cutting and/or dying our hair w/o asking the other alters?

(ages not relevant, but genders are). So our system has a lot of trouble with making decisions, both for our whole system and frequently just as individual alters. In the case of making a decision for the whole system, we usually have to do it on the spot and forget any decisions we make as a collective, and have trouble getting even most of our frequent fronters out within the time frame needed to make the decision. So most of our decisions are just one guy making the decision and the rest of us dealing with it afterwards.

I, the host, (N, ftm) hate having long hair. It makes me dysphoric everytime I remember that the hair I feel is mind and it's on my body. This is alleviated if I tie it up somehow so I can live with long-ish hair, but I'd prefer to cut it. I also think the current shade of pink does NOT suit us and it isn't one anybody likes all that much (that I know of at least). So I'd like to at least dye it a dark purple and preferably cut it short.

The problem with this, is that I know not every alter would agree with that. Even if I haven't seen anyone say they like this pink (even the people who wanted pink in the first place) its not like I know everything, someone might. And most of our alters have long hair in the innerworld and would likely prefer our hair to be even longer than it is now. Most of our alters are more feminine, I'm one of few who isn't. I understand that I'm outnumbered here but it's my body too and I am so, so tired of the pink at this point. I could take growing it out if we just dyed it purple.

This situation could be solved much easier if making a collective decision about fucling ANYTHING was actually a reasonable goal. We try polls and writing all our ideas down and stuff but that just doesn't work. Something I am worried about though, is making other alters upset, particularly M (presents as transfem in innerworld but were afab so do with that what you will? Idk if im allowed to say shes transfem but it's relevant info) who I love and adore.

They may get very uncomfortable if our hair is cut, as could many others who I might not even get to ask the opinions of if they yk, don't front before we have to decide. But keeping it long also could upset some alter, including myself! Different genders and alter feeling dysphoria about things involving our hair and all wanting to look different... it's a mess.

Also also, we are bad at taking care of ourselves. It's difficult to brush and wash out hair enough, which is way less of a problem if it's shorter.

So, wibta? Please help

AITA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onApr 17, 2024

(oops! sorry for the inactivity, we are very disabled and our energy crashes HARD)

[aita-systemized]

our system's ex-host came to after nearly 4 years of dormancy with little to no awareness of what's happened in our life since then, and next to no knowledge about the system. the issue is, he is a natural at going about regular life with a level of stamina that none of the rest of us have been able to replicate since he went dormant (to our detriment, might i add), and if he goes dormant again we might be cooked. unfortunately, his tolerance for staying in front when confronted with new information is currently flimsy at best. our main gatekeeper is insistent that i (internal self helper) should lie and misdirect him whenever it looks like he's about to dissociate to keep him in front at all cost. this is distressing for a couple of reasons, most of all being that the guy himself doesn't seem to have a wary bone in his body in spite of only just meeting me. so i ask: would i be the asshole for lying to a long-dormant ANP?

AITA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onApr 17, 2024

[aita-systemized]

AITA for not doing system accountability? 🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️- so we can find it

This is confusing to type out so I apologize in advance. All names are fake- Tee, Riley

I'm a polyfrag system and we're suspected to have ASPD. This messes with our empathy and our general GAF for things. We understand the point of system accountability for larger things (ie. an alter triggering someone) but for smaller things we don't care since it doesn't matter.

We ended up in an argument about the use of AI art for alter icons. (We're for it since its for personal reason and piccrews are ugly as hell.)

Shit got crazy and people on both sides started name calling and being petty. We switched out from that alter, Riley, to someone else, Tee who said we were going to take a breather and revist the convo when we calmed down. They demanded an apology and Tee said that he wasn't going too since he wasn't the one in front and the situation wasn't severe enough to warrant it.

This started another fight where the other system kept demanding an apology (citing system accountability and since Tee's part of the system that started this, he should apologize on Riley's behalf) and Tee refusing to give it until he just muted the server and ignored it.

Since then, we've had some people from the server message us to try to get us to apologize for the initial AI fight and for the fight between Tee and them. Tee says that Riley will apologize for her fight when she fronts but he won't and I shouldn't since I'm currently in front. He also says that he has nothing to apologize for.

So, AWTA for not apologizing for another alter's argument(s)?

AITA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onApr 17, 2024

[aita-systemized]

AITA for not taking our sleep aid like the caretakers want all of us to? I haven't been getting to front a whole lot lately, and I used to front a lot more often. We're a big system, so it's understandable that I don't get to front as much anymore, I guess. Our system operates with a "first come, first served" basis with fronting, except when we go on walks. Some of my brainmates don't want to implement that into our daily life, but I just want to front more often! So, AITA for not taking our sleep aid?

-🪨 (🌌 sys)

AITA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onApr 17, 2024