魈.

[alanemeseos]

alanemeseos ... a private, independent, & mutuals-only interpretation of xiao from genshin impact. divested of duty, reformed by amren.

如果你下不去手，就叫我来. ✦ this blog is 18+ and contains heavy themes. sporadic, often low activity. rules. taglist. prompts. wall of text. plotting call.

what does it mean to dream? you have served your whole life, duty above all else. you are beloved sin-eater, doombane, and disciple.

[cokalee]

Went to the genshin concert this weekend!

[incertion]

this blog will be on semi-hiatus until june 19th. i have finals and an upcoming surgery 🥲 i'll likely still write and queue things, just at a reduced rate. please be patient with me!!! thank you all sm 💖💖

if you need to find me for any reason or you want to chat, i'm more reliably reached by discord, which is below the cut! just lmk who you are ^_^

fuxiao

[ciearcab]

beyond the distant horizon

[kiwi-b0nes]

with you

[alanemeseos]

@windheard ♡

[yidelia]

Sweet Dreams of Idle Outings

[alanemeseos]

@lumienary ♡

[mournfulroses]

Albert Camus, from a letter to María Casares featured in Correspondance, 1944-1959

[glaciescustodia]

Unprompted Asks. // Always Accepting.

@alanemeseos - "a dream is all i have." xiao sits with his legs hanging over their shared ledge, oddly calm. a deviation from his usual rage at qiang's presence. "i only wish it could align with yours."

Yes, they have their differences, yes they are bound to butt heads, give each others a good stab even but Qiang wasn't actively seeking chaos and that is the complexity of that which is him, the unpredictable nature of a being molded from a decease god.

Once a failsafe, now a free man.

World domination, trascendence to the divine even in falsehood, escaping Fate and the load of whatever else, none of those interested the demon.

For what fun is there in the same old dance?.

Laughable ideals truly but all the same, that's what made life less of a bore, to him, getting to watch even humans take each other's lives for even the smallest drop of water in a Sumerian oasis or fight silly for the same piece of clothing on discount.

Thoughts are cut short when the voice of Xiao echoes within the depths of this cave, of what is pretty much Qiang's abode.

They may have their differences, wheter personality traits, views on humanity but most of all; morals. But dissimilarities could be set aside, could it not?.

Dream?, wish?

A blink, two...

''What are you blabbling about, shortstack'', despite being the same height, its a little jab without vitriol, your typical tease instead.

Demons do not dream, don't you know.

Greens glows bright in the humid darkness of this abode, looks on to the other, expression unreadable as can be. ''What kind of dream?'', his tone is ushered considerably, as if anyone else was eavesdropping into such a dumb conversation of begun.

Slightly, if just slighty, he is curious.

For what could possibly align with what people would call to as 'a menace to society'.

'' 'Cause it sounds less like a dream and more like something you desire in the back of your stubborn thick skull''.

Hey, you wanna talk about it.

[alanemeseos]

if anyone can understand, it will be himself. the part that has been ripped from his soul, the physicalisation of his darkness⸻ qiang. they are made to counteract each other, vigilant yaksha set opposite unrelenting abyssal force, and yet xiao hears the lull of qiang's voice, that which is curious and unadulterated by fear.

does he deserve to dream? has he earned it, through the centuries of suffering? does he now carry enough pain to make up for all that he'd caused, as his mouth dripped with blood, with broken promises and stolen hearts? the wrong sort of musing when alongside qiang, who does not care. so, xiao dreams anyways, though he knows his soul will never be free from its old burdens and remorse.

“ peace, ” comes a fragile voice, so unlike him. a long pause. “ refuge, perhaps. a place where the spear may rest, and i with it. ”

tonight is a lapse in judgement, and they will resume their regular battle tomorrow; xiao will chase qiang across the mountains, leaping from ledge to ledge in a futile attempt to capture. qiang will taunt him as they dash about, and perhaps they will both know that there is no end to the vigil they hold. for now, xiao's golden eyes are cast to the sunset before them. “ perhaps ... have you considered the same? ”

usually, a futile question. but something in the air is different, at this hour, in this space. what does it mean?

[mournfulroses]

Albert Camus, from a letter to María Casares featured in Correspondance, 1944-1959

[boundforgreatness]

@alanemeseos asked: “ doesn’t the sight of petals falling provoke melancholy? ... it inspires a certain sadness within. is every spring in the harbour like this? ” for chongyun :,)

chongyun watches the petals fall, followed by the stray leaf. he has a strange feeling about spring. as beautiful as it is, it leads to summer, and summer has never been a season that chongyun's fond of. he's always preferred the winter months, even a small bit of autumn. as far as emotions go, for chongyun, it seems as if winter was always the season to bring forth the life of spring.

his head is tilted to the side, though his gaze is on the nearby trees. his focus is on xiao, of course. when his mentor speaks, chongyun listens. even if chongyun never knows what to say, xiao's words always seem to carry some sort of deeper, poetic meaning that chongyun wishes so desperately to decipher.

"perhaps," chongyun responds quietly, not entirely sure what answer xiao is looking for. "for me, spring means that winter is over, and i've got to deal with the uncomfortable heat that summer brings." he pauses, feeling as clumsy and awkward as ever. "the winter months feel more rejuvenating for me. so in a roundabout way, i suppose spring always feels melancholic." finally, he casts a sidelong glance in xiao's direction. "may i ask why spring makes you sad, adeptus xiao? or is that too forward?"

[alanemeseos]

it is spring, new beginnings abound. and yet, only death plagues the adeptal mind⸻ flowers are bare consolation without friends to accompany them. friends that are now long gone, who once danced amongst the petal-scented air. perhaps it's choleric to find their blooms irritating, but as xiao sits, elbow pressed onto his knee as a brace, he feels nothing but a gentle, upset thrum through his body.

chongyun is a good student. and so, xiao feels a bite of guilt at his gloom, at how it must affect the boy's perception of him. he has never been a good teacher. even ganyu, familiar with his gripes, has said so. the art of evil conquering has embedded into his bones already⸻ his attempt to pass it on is stilted and uncanny. but chongyun is patient and listens, answers his lofty questions earnestly, and for that, xiao is grateful. it is best to appreciate these moments, when joy and preference are still abound. is that the meaning of spring?

“ what do you think of the afterlife? ” he says in response, simply avoiding his answer. “ do you believe the dead sing for the new season, ushering in prosperity? think beyond the self. exorcism is tied to the soul, and as such must be considered by it. ”

[alanemeseos]

xiao's eyes overlook various placards, arms crossed. he hasn't been a ranger for long, and the vast expanses and variations of space are still overwhelming⸻ still, something like this seems straightforward enough. if only they had more information.

“ admittedly, i am not. ” one of his hands tightens into a fist. “ are we certain they are responsible? i heard one of her men were near the site, but i assumed they'd been questioned. ”

continued from here with @skont.

[rameiixo]

how far is a lightyear?

[alanemeseos]

the weight of karmic debt upon the soul is familiar. nothing can soothe its everpresent ache, the wound where impurities fester; and xiao, adeptus, yaksha, beast, is beset with its effects more than any other creature. there are days where it is all he can feel⸻ an ache pain that seeks to swallow his lingering light. he has weathered the storm alone for centuries. is it wrong to allow himself reprieve with another?

xiao is not sure what it is that drives him to fei zheng's side. foolishness? too straightforward an explanation to describe the connection he feels when the heir's fingertips found his back. too obvious, devoid of the required depth of relief at his words; the soothing nature of his voice, that which is described only in hymns.

“ ... still. ” a faint tinge of embarrassment in the word. to be seen so vulnerably is slightly shameful. it has been some time since his debt truly overwhelmed him like this. his first instinct being to stumble through fei zheng's door brings the lightest dust of pink. “ i know you speak of freedom, but should you have an arranged outing, do not let me stop you. i feel i have been bother enough. ”

but he does not move from his spot on the bed. who is he to shatter this fragile moment of trust? it is rare enough for him to come to the harbour; there must be a reason fei zheng's home felt safe enough to wander into, defencelessly. if there is, xiao will not abandon it for a whim of fear. he has lived far too long to be moved by shallows.

continued from here with @alatusatlas.

[alanemeseos]

in the spirit of starting anew, i have cleared some things from my asks and drafts, so please take an inbox call. hit the like if you'd like me to sort through your memes tag and send you some things! some might come unprompted.

[alanemeseos]

in the spirit of starting anew, i have cleared some things from my asks and drafts, so please take an inbox call. hit the like if you'd like me to sort through your memes tag and send you some things! some might come unprompted.

[alanemeseos]

hi guys... LOW activity return soon. i will still be on my multi most of the time (@incertion -- hxh has me by the neck right now) however i miss xiao dearly :,)

[pantaloane]

remember xiaobubu? now you do @alanemeseos