How would you feel if you had no friends, like a close friend you can talk to when you are sad or happy, I have cousins that has a lot of friends and she would talk about how they come over to her house and they go out and do things together. I don’t even have any close friend in my own family, most of the time it doesn’t bother me but sometimes I just think I’m worthless and no one likes me.I used to think I would be happy after my engagement but that space is still empty and sadness is there😔
Asalamu Alaykum Sis/Brother.
Your question really touched me because it’s exactly how I feel about my life too.In my case my cousin has always had men fall in love with her left and right. She also had a healthy amount of friends throughout life. (Might I add, she bragged heavily about both - May Allah (swt) forgive her). I have had neither. The one and only man I loved decided he could never marry me because he was Palestinian and I am Bengali. I’ve never had a man show interest in me since. And as for friends… I’ve been bullied a lot throughout my life. I didn’t have the chance to make friends because I was generally always being picked on. When in grade 12 I finally did make friends, it was already time to graduate and they all forgot me. I’m in University now but the scene hasn’t changed much. Everyone already has a friend group and it seems no one really wants me as a friend. I’ve tried again and again, but it just seems to be a door that won’t open for me. [May Allah grant all those who are seeking friendships, pious friends, Aameen].
I’m not telling you all this in order to compare; that’s not the intention. I just want to show you that I know where you are coming from.I’m so happy for your engagement, I pray it brings you a prosperous marriage and happiness. I would personally trade all the friends in the world to be able to find true love and get married. I’m kind of crying as I type this part because my dream in life is to find someone that loves me. Being engaged would really be my dream come true. But I digress. I think what we both need to do is start being grateful to Allah (swt) for what we DO have. And not what we are missing, if that is the case. A large part of worship and having true faith is thanking our Lord for the things he has given us. It could always be worse.
Recall this Hadith: On the authority of Abu Hurairah (رضي الله عنه) who said: the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “Look at those who are beneath you and do not look at those who are above you, for it is more suitable that you should not consider as less the blessing of Allah.” [Bukhari 6490].
For example, you and I may not have friends. But Alhamdulilah we have families. You have a man/woman you are engaged to. Alhamdulilah. We don’t have friends but we have eyes to see the world with, ears to hear the beautiful voices and sounds of the earth, and a heart that is beating by the permission of Allah (swt).
Only look up at those who are more pious than you; not those who have more friends/more material items etc. Don’t feel bad for not having friends. Who said having friends would lead people into paradise? Who said you needed friends in order to perfect your worship of Allah? Who said you needed friends in order to succeed in your deen?
Watch this beautiful video on the subject by my favourite Sheikh [May Allah grant him Jannat al Firdous]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT3sWZGD2VMNobody’s life is perfect. We all have our trials, and in our case it might just be struggling in life without friendships. I encourage you to try and make friends, I really do. Make du’a, sincere du’a and put yourself out there. But know that if your efforts fail, it’s by the Will of Allah.“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you” [2:216]. And if all you have is Allah (swt) then you have everything you need in life.
I could write a lot more, but inshaAllah I hope you got the gist of the message. I pray you find happiness and Allah pulls away your emptiness, and fills it with love for him and happiness. Aameen.Remember: no friends or spouse can fill the hole. Only the love and true devotion to Almighty God can fill this emptiness.
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