[neenarchive]

me: you literally have a disorder. this is symptoms

me: no perhaps my soul is rotten

[albmique]

I think the terrible illness period is semi-passing which is good because I was v alarmed I wouldn’t be able to go to Glasgow this week but it should be ok! I am travelling in the most bizarre way because I live in the middle of nowhere but it means I get to have a sleepover with my work friend who is one of my favourite people in the world the day before (also we do just have to like, work, so I am also there because of that silly reason but it’s less fun), then I get to do my little train journey and hopefully find Hana and Steph at the end of it AND I get to see Meg who I haven’t seen in over six!! years!! which is insane but the circumstances have also been frankly insane. but!! and then obv I am excited to see so many tumblr friends and see Chiara just casually achieve getting a beautiful book PUBLISHED!! wild!! the life I have because of this website that I joined when I was in high school is so bonkers

also something I realised is that I never put my actual name on here, my username is just a bunch of letters, and I haven’t been on social media for a year so I’m just a faceless being. sorry to anyone who has to meet me and doesn’t know who I am

before all of this I have to go and have a shit conversation, probably, so this will be a nice distraction afterwards. I also find out if I’ve gotten a new job probably tomorrow. so much is happening ??

[albmique]

omg I am so fucking dizzy what the ever loving fuck. I hate being dizzy, either commit to vomiting or get a grip!!

[albmique]

this is about weight

I haven’t weighed myself for ages cos I thought things had kind of evened out after I’d been consistently losing weight for no reason, but I weighed myself again just now and I’ve lost more weight? I am genuinely not trying to, I am eating normally and exercising less than I was (I wasn’t even exercising as such I was just walking the dog a long way). I don’t understand?? my BMI is about to leave the healthy range at this point and I literally don’t understand because I’m not doing anything. at what point am I supposed to see a doctor for something that they don’t usually see as a problem

[albmique]

someone else just told me they were pregnant it has been less than 24 hours since the last one can we all calm down please!!!! what is worse is that my mum was there while they were telling me so I have to deal with my mum’s elation at this person having a baby whilst knowing that the flip side of this elation is her disappointment in me. that’s nice isn’t it

[albmique]

oh I can’t go for a walk I stood up and remembered my legs really hurt and I’ll be sick. ok well I guess I’ll stare at wall

[albmique]

this sounds really dumb because I obviously know it’s hard, some of you have even said how hard it is, but I am just thinking about how difficult it must be to hear that someone is having a baby when you’re a person who really wants a baby. my friend just told me she’s pregnant and I’m so happy for her because she’s wanted to be a mum forever but there is part of me that feels really, really sad. it’s not because I want a baby, I really don’t think I do, it just makes me reflect on my weird fucking life and its stasis, so I can’t imagine how hard it would feel if that specific situation is something you really want. I’m obviously like weirdly emotional because I’m sick and stuff but I am going to go for a very long walk

[albmique]

well despite saying I wasn’t taking time off sick, my body has forced me to take time off sick because a man came to clean the oven yesterday and the chemical smell has triggered an absolute beast of a migraine AND my period started on the same day so I’m literally just Suffering. I am so sick and cannot move. I needed time off but did we need to be this dramatic and stupid about it

[albmique]

ah of course there was a burn out coming. I am exhausted and my physical health is shit and I feel mental. I have such a busy week but no brain capacity idk maybe I will just take it off sick. jk lol I accidentally made myself important and now I have to pay and die quietly

[albmique]

my life is so weird and busy atm. work is fucking bonkers. am applying for a new job which I have a good chance of getting and when I get a new job, something big tends to happen afterwards so we will see. also I am coming to the end of like a really busy period there I’ve had loads of plans far in advance and now I basically have no social plans after the first week of July which feels wild. now I must make more or I’ll die

[fairycosmos]

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

[bookbellandcandle]

The moral of Matilda is that if you’re autistic enough you can destroy your enemies with your mind

[albmique]

also my dad always did all my car stuff for me when I was younger so there is something quite funny about me deciding to wash my car today. I’ll be my OWN dad I guess

[albmique]

okay well I tried to go and see my dad but the dementia is so advanced that he’s basically just asleep all the time now. I tried to wake him up but he kind of just swatted me away like a fly and I genuinely don’t know if he recognised me, I don’t think he did. anyway now I am very sad so I am going to go and wander around M&S for a while because I like it there and I’m going to buy my mum some flowers because she’s been my dad for years anyway.

[albmique]

not the Father’s Day + night shift + PMDD + terrible work news combo. let’s see if I survive

[albmique]

how do I forget every year since 2021 that Father’s Day hits me like a freight train

[noelledeltarune]

i hope i am not just an online presence to you all but also someone who has a really bad headache