thinking about the unease i generally feel in act ii between astarion's romance scene and the revelation of the truth behind his scars and the ritual...
his romance scene feels like strides are being made in his character development:
Astarion: It should have been so easy to let the drow use me for her fantasy, but perhaps - you showed me I have enough strength - I don't need to.
he's coming to realise he has control of his body, and his future. he sounds hopeful, optimistic, and whether you romance him or not, he's grateful for your support! but the scar/ritual reveal takes things from being hopeful to becoming real dark and sinister real quick. :/
rapahel tells astarion, in no uncertain terms, what the ritual is and what it costs:
Raphael: As you know already, your precious skin is home to one part of a contract between the archdevil Mephistopheles, and your former master, Cazador Szarr. In full, the contract states that Cazador will be granted knowledge of an infernal ritual so vile it has never been performed. The Rite of Profane Ascension. [ ... ] But the ritual has its price, as all worthwhile things do. Lord Cazador will need to sacrifice a number of souls, including all of his vampiric spawn, if he is to ascend.
granted, astarion is only mulling over the information at this point, but in the point between act ii and iii, he leans further in to finishing the ritual for himself. the steps towards progress he made in the prior conversation become irrelevant, and i get why: he sees completing the ritual as a guaranteed way to secure his safety - not just from cazador, but from anyone and anything who may seek to harm:
(if ritual is not completed) Astarion: That ritual was my one shot at security, at independence [ ... ]
but the conversation where he reveals he's interested in the ritual, and implies he's going to complete it himself is so disheartening. again i understand why; he's terrified of being cazador's thrall. and any attempt to dissuade him is met with resistance bc "it's not your choice.":
Player: I wanted to ask about Cazador's ritual. You must be thinking about it?
Astarion: The thing that will decide my fate forevermore? Yes, it has been on my mind - why?
Player: Do you think we can stop it?
Astarion: Well, in theory it's simple: destroy Cazador, stop ritual. That's assuming we want to stop the ritual... What? I've obviously thought about it! If I was the one who completed the ritual, I'd have such power.
astarion is pretty consistent across the board in that he craves power, but the beauty in his story (provided he remains a spawn) is that he's able to find his own strength in his growth and separation from cazador. he doesn't get any of that if he ascends and he is forever doomed to repeat the cycle of abuse and misery, which i'm glad he does come to realise after some reflection:
Astarion: I'm free from him. Forever.
Player: And? How does it feel?
Astarion: Invigorating? Terrifying? All of the above? I'm still trying to understand it, really. I came so close to losing everything back there. To losing myself.
alternate branching dialogue:
Player: Do you regret turning down all that power?
Astarion: Perhaps. It would have been terrible fun.
Astarion: But then again, I could feel something slipping away. I came so close to losing myself - losing everything I'd learned since meeting you.
alternate branching dialogue:
Player: In that ritual chamber, you were someone else. Someone unrecognisable.
Astarion : You're not wrong. Cazador left his mark on me in more ways than one - for a moment, I wanted to be just like him. Back at the ritual, all I could see was the power on offer and the safety it promised. I was so blinded by it. Just as Cazador was. But you saw something in me - someone else I could be. Someone who could break the cycle of power and terror that started centuries ago. You saved me back there. I may not have appreciated it at the time, but I do now. Thank you.
Player: You saved yourself, I just gave you a push.
Astarion: You did more than that. You believed in me - believed I was enough just the way I am. When I look at my future, anything and everything feels possible now. You saved me from myself and let me walk a new path where I can be free. Truly, honestly free. This is a gift, you know. Thank you - I won't forget it.
