@aleksandvr
“ listen, i can totally appreciate that you’re a growing boy with needs, but if one more of your one night stands hogs the bathroom in the morning, i’m going to start poking holes into your condoms. i have strict rehearsal hours and it really isn’t my problem that monica, erica, rita, tina, sandra, mary, jessica — or whatever the hell the girl’s called — doesn’t have a functioning bathroom in her apartment, or can’t do her stride of pride with last night’s makeup on. ”
"Please don’t joke about holes in condoms. I actually almost passed out, and that’s not an exaggeration. Now I know why some guys are so strict about only hitting it from the back – thanks for that, I’m following in their footsteps now. My heroes. Anyway, I will always love you for being the supporting, silent sister/roommate during the night, but in the morning, you’re on your own, because I’ve started wearing earplugs to avoid the screaming match that is you and monica, erica, rita, tina, sandra, mary, jessica — or whatever the hell the girl’s called — during prime beauty sleep hours. I say set an alarm and make a beeline for the bathroom before someone else gets there. It’s that or a fight to the death with those cool renaissance swords Wells and I scored last month and, tragically, have yet to use.”
