Summary: Ben and Alice have sex in Disneyland. (read tags)
Alice smiled over at Ben. "Alright. As long as it's not the last one. I think the only thing that can bring me down after those fireworks is watching the movie that ends my childhood. Again." she told him, not even slightly joking. Alice had never been to Disneyland without her family before, and she felt bad to admit it, but it was way better when it was her and some friends instead of stressful family bonding. Especially since she was there with Ben. The couple had decided on sharing a room, since it would be stupid to waste money on separate ones when Alice would just end up sneaking into Ben's in the middle of the night anyway, unable to sleep without him. She impatiently kicked off her shoes, too sleepy to untie them, and tucked them under the side of their hotel bed. "I'm sure you will. You always pick out our films on Tuesdays, so." she remarked, snuggling up to him on the bed and sighing contently. This was how things were supposed to be, she could feel it.
Ben looked over at Alice and smiled, sliding his arm over and around her shoulder as she leaned into him. He picked up the remote and turned on the tv, flipping through the confusing and shitty channels there were for the guests. Just as Ben expected, the sixth Harry Potter movie had been playing on a channel that Ben had never heard of before. "What did I tell you?" he said confidently and teasingly as he put the remote back on the end table, taking the covers and putting it over them. He felt safe and comfortable with Alice, then. They had only gotten closer since he told her that he loved her. It was a moment that Ben wanted to relive over and over again. He couldn't take it back now. He had laid it all out on the line. But he wouldn't want to anyway. "Are you comfortable?" He asked her, smiling over at her.
Giggling, Alice bopped Ben on the nose with her pointer finger. "I never doubted you. Or the popularity of the Harry Potter series." she told him. Then he asked her if she was comfortable, an her world was perfect. She had never been more comfortable, emotionally at least. They had admitted their love for each other, and now Alice felt as though she was complete. She had known that she loved Ben, of course she had. She just hadn't wanted to admit it. She just kept it to herself, hoping that it would pass because eventually Ben would move on and leave her for someone better, just like all her other boyfriends had. But, when Ben had told her that he loved her, she couldn't keep it in any longer. The look in his eyes at that moment made her realize that she never wanted to look into another person's eyes ever again. She would never have to search for love hiding in the corners of someone's corneas, because it now radiated from Ben. It was in every word he said and everything he did. And she had never felt more secure about herself. But, in this situation, Alice smirked up at her boyfriend and told him "I'd be a lot more comfortable if I was in my comfy pajamas." and then got right up in his face, kissing him on the nose before proceeding over him and off of the bed.
Ben smiled at her when she answered. Ben sometimes had the corniest thoughts. He would declare things like how he thought he could write sonnets about simple things like Alice's eyelashes. Things that he would never say to Grayson or he would keep his man card forever, but Ben didn't care about that. He loved her, and if people think that being in love is not being a man, he'd rather be the unmanliest man on the planet. He had written songs about her more than he would like to admit. It was just something he liked to do. It was easier to write his thoughts down on paper and put a few chords to it then to admit it, but it was done, and he could breath again. That isn't to say he stopped writing those songs, because he certainly didn't, but it made him feel a lot less insecure about his feelings. When Alice got up to change, Ben smiled as she climbed over him, but an idea sprung into his head like a lightbulb as he reached forward and grabbed Alice's sides, tickling her sides as she tried to get up. "Only if you can get away from me," He teased, wrapping one arm around her waist completely and tickling her side, their laughs harmonizing in the mist of the dark room.
Alice gasped when Ben grabbed her, laughter escaping her lips as soon as he began tickling her. She should have seen this coming, Ben could be so predictable when it came to her. Which only means that, when he did surprise her, it was very special to her and only made her love him more. And the fact that she could think that without feeling embarrassed or hiding it anymore made her love him more. Actually, everything made her love him more. Seeing all the other adorable couples in Disneyland made her want to show Ben off and appreciate him and be cute with him more and more. And then he had held her during the fireworks at the end of the night and, in a very Disney fashion, it was magical. So this right now? Ben tickling her, his eyes shining brighter than any of the fireworks she had seen that night? She could definitely be okay with that. Though not without a little playing along, of course. "Ben! Stop!" she choked out between laughs. Giving up on trying to get out of his grasp, Alice fell back onto the bed again. Although, on account of the tickling, she more fell onto Ben. She tried to pin his hands down on the bed to get them away from her sides, but she was outmatched. Thinking outside the box, Alice wormed her way over and planted a kiss on Ben's lips, smirking as she did so. That would at least stop the tickle attack he was trying to end her with. She went in for another one, suddenly very thankful that they didn't have to share a suite with anyone else.
Ben felt Alice's lips over his own suddenly, and he was thankful for the intimacy. He was in love with Alice, and moments like this made him feel like all the shit and blood that they went through day after day was worth it as long as he got to see her smile. He pulled her into him, kissing her back confidently and gently, placing his hand against her cheek and the other around her waist, keeping her close. It was slow at first, and they had forgotten about all the tickling and Alice had long gone forgotten about changing her clothes and now it was just them, wrapped up in each other like it should always be. He pulled her closer, straightening his legs and getting on his back, head still barely on the headboard as Alice had to lean down to continue kissing him. He kept his hand on her cheek, his thumb slowly caressing her skin as his other hand slightly grasped the bottom of her shirt and bundled it in his hand.
Sometimes You Don't Know Until It's Too Late... || Self-para
Trigger warning: eating disorders + infertility
The doctor came in again, shutting the door behind her. She was a shorter woman with dark hair and eyes that Alice admired her for. The woman smiled at her, but it didn't reach her eyes. She handed Alice some papers. "What's this?" she asked, looking down at them. There were a bunch of numbers and graphs and words on them that she had trouble understanding.
"Alice, you're not going to like what I have to say to you this time." the doctor told her. Alice nodded. "Your BMI is, to put it bluntly, terrifying. You really need to work on gaining some of that weight back, sweetheart. This is getting ridiculous and, honestly, unsafe." the brunette said. "I'm worried about you." she swallowed, looking nervous and concerned, while Alice stayed completely unaffected. "Is there anything you want to tell me, Alice?" the older woman was looking her in the eyes now, trying to get her to spill her secret just like that. But Alice wouldn't have it.
"No."
The doctor frowned, but nodded. She wasn't going to push her, not yet, and Alice was grateful for that. "Yes well, at any rate. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Miss. Mercer, but your test results have come back and I have some bad news." the doctor told her. Alice held her breath. So she wasn't finished with her yet. This was why she hated the doctors. Come in for one stupid check up and they find something wrong with you. It's their job to find something wrong with you. It's nothing. She felt fine, so obviously it must be nothing. The doctor was just messing with her. "You're infertile, Alice."
It was like time froze. Nothing was moving and all Alice could hear was the pounding of her own heart in her ears. "I-I'm what?" she asked, praying that she had misheard. She wasn't. She couldn't be. This wasn't right.
"You can't have children. You're underweight and it has affected your ovulation. I'm sorry, sweetheart." the doctor explained, but Alice refused to let it sink in. It was like an impossible math problem that she just couldn't understand. "No children. Ever?" she asked, tears beginning to form behind her eyes. This couldn't be true.
"You have options, of course. There are treatments. But most women only use them when they're actually trying to get pregnant. Which, I'm assuming for you, won't be for quite some time." the brown haired woman said, probably attempting to lighten the mood. "But, even then, there are still chances that the treatments won't work."
And just like that, all Alice's hope was gone. Just because she had never pictured herself having a big happy family doesn't mean that she hadn't wanted it. A nice house, somewhere far away from Oakview and Simon and everything, settled down with a husband and a few Oscars on their mantel and a couple of blonde babies crawling around. But now she could never have that.
Then, something came to her. "What if I gain the weight back?" the words fell from her lips before she had time to think about them. Time to realize that her suggestion was impossible by this point. She couldn't do that to herself, not now. She wouldn't. She could barely stand the look of her body now, still longing to be thinner, how on earth would she be able to deal with herself if she added even another ounce? She wouldn't. Alice knew herself, and she knew that she was in way too deep now to be able to pull herself out, especially for a lost cause like this.
"I'm sorry dear, but the damage has already been done. Gaining the weight back won't fix your ovulation. There is a small chance that surgery might, but it's kind of risky, especially with someone your size, and the success rate in cases like yours..." the nurse swallowed, "well, it isn't the best." Alice nodded, more tears welling up in her eyes.
So, even if she could find it in herself to gain back some of the weight she had worked so hard to lose these past few years, it still wouldn't help her. She was done, finished, over. The well had run dry, so to speak, and there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't fix this. A nice, long trip to the bathroom couldn't make this one better. No, not this time. The action that once was her solace had gotten her into this mess, and Alice didn't know what to do.
"Can I go now?" Alice asked the nurse, not making eye contact. She didn't want the woman to see her crying any more than she already had. "Yes, of course. Do you need me to call you a cab, or your mother, or-"
"No. I'm fine." Alice interrupted, standing up from her chair and grabbing her purse off the nurse's desk. Quickly, the blonde exited the room, and then the building, and found her way to her car. She had to get out of here. She shuffled through her oversized purse for her car keys, dying to be far away from here. If she could get in her car, she could get to Ben's house and-
Oh, Ben. She hadn't even thought of him. How she was going to have to tell him. How she could never give him a family. How he'd probably dump her upon realizing this because what man wanted a woman who couldn't give him children?
Her thin fingers finally found her keys, and she struggled to get the key into the door. Her vision was so blurry from all of her tears that she dropped the keys to the ground. However, she didn't bend over to get them. She knew that if she went to the ground now, there was no way she would be able to pull herself back up.
"Here you go, lady." a young voice told her, and she looked down, coming face to face with a pair of high red pigtails and wide brown eyes. A little girl was holding up her keys to her, smiling innocently. Alice nodded gratefully and took them from her. Then, to make matters worse, the little girl hugged one of her legs. "Don't be sad, lady." she told her, and Alice chocked back a sob. She would never get this. She would never get her own kids to comfort her, or be able to comfort them, or teach them to be so nice to strangers.
"Thank you, sweetie." Alice told her with the biggest smile that she could manage. Then, a tall redheaded woman rushed over to them. "There you are, Tina! Gosh, I am so sorry, ma'am. She just gets away from me sometimes." the woman apologized, obviously flustered. Alice just shook her head and patted the small child on the head before finally unlocking and getting into her car.
Alice smashed her head off the steering wheel a few times, honking the horn once or twice accidentally, and sobbed uncontrollably. She had always thought that Simon would ruin her future, whether with her nudes or finding some other way to fuck everything up. Or maybe an unsuccessful acting career would do her in. But, no. She ruined her own future, no help required. And the saddest part was, Alice didn't even know she wanted children so badly until she knew there was no chance of her ever having them.
@jollygreenegiant: it's terrible what happened to my mother's grave today. the person should be ashamed.. I bet they are. I mean.. they better be or I'll punch the shame right into them [angry emoji]
@middlemercer: @jollygreenegiant i'm so sorry baby. if there's anything i can do for you or you family please, please, please don't hesitate to let me know.
Honestly, I'm thinking about it. I mean, there are some pretty decent kids in the junior class already, so I'm sure one of them will be able to fill my shoes.
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