Alice Lost

I've been everyone, I bet everyone was once me but the original you nobody can be.

[aliceisnowlost]

Goodbye my galaxy.

I'm a kid, a hopeless dreamer. By each fallen tear a star is born, through each heartbreak a black hole consumes my soul and a romance is able to create an universe deep inside me. You broke my heart, you broke it all, making me return to reality. I bid my goodbyes to the dream and hope again.

[aliceisnowlost]

Sensitive

- “I love you”, I said. - “I like this moment too”, you replied. I noticed. I noticed it all. It’s like watching a bad drama all over again and you can’t stop watching it for no reason at all.  I notice all the hints, all the switch of words, I’m sensitive like that, and I know what will happen since it happened before. I will never change like that person that will never change the channel even if the worst drama in the world is playing. Somehow you don’t quite remember everything until some part happens and you keep watching it to make sure you aren’t wrong. I am not wrong. I know how this drama will end and I’m hating every single second of it.

[aliceisnowlost]

Out of it.

With that said, she brakes down into tears, curling up with her emotions embracing her.  Anxiety was pilling up so much that it felt like as if the world was swallowed by her and stuck in her throat. The earthquakes shaking up her stomach and her hands.  “I fucked up, I don’t know what to do!” - and she didn’t. feelings were never into her understanding and most likely will never be. Maybe she made things worse with her words, maybe she destroyed her chance by talking too much.  She wished to disappear with every fiber of her body, wished to stop her words, her body, stop everything, even her thoughts. 

[aliceisnowlost]

Lovely dream.

I once dreamed of you, at the time I didn't know much of your person but, don't laugh at me when I say this, it was this dream that made me fall for you. Hey! I said not to laugh! I'm being serious here. In my dream we were in the middle of a snowy winter. Ironic, right? I never saw snow yet I dream of it, I never really talked to you yet I dream of you. You, yes, You were in the middle of the snow. Shaking, cold and weak, not the best of the appearances but yet it drew me to you. You were so handsome with hints of white in your hair. I took you in and hold you dear, so dearly that it helped you warm your cheeks. I sat next to you as you slept, waiting, praying for you to wake up again. And you did, your woke up in my dream, looked at me with your amber eyes that shivered me beyond belief. "You are a good person" you whispered. I reached closer, holding your hand, you looked like you were about to disappear if I had let you go. "You are a good person" you repeated again. This time you were under my blankets and fog was welcoming our windows. I don't know if it were getting colder or hotter around us but your breath slithered through your lips so quickly it scared me. "You are so kind, kinder person I have ever known. Thank you" and with your thanks you closed your eyes and we shared a moment. You were cold, in my dream you were so cold I could have mistaken you for ice. It was your ice that woke me up and I had fallen for you. Do you think of me as a fool for falling for you in a dream? May you think it was my image of you that I have fallen for? I don't really care for such. What matters is that my heart raced as my eyes opened up and a smile attacked me. I had fallen for you and there's nothing that could change it. I had fallen for you in a dream.

[aliceisnowlost]

“Don’t be shy, Celi! Just tell me what you want to eat. Mi casa es su casa, get it?” replied the blue haired beauty while walking towards the kitchen. Celine silently followed her before she saw a shadow quickly escaping from the kitchen’s entrance to a unknown place at the house.  “Irina...?” cried out Celine, dumbfounded by what just saw, “What is it?” Irina questioned, “What was that?” - “What do you mean?” - “Something just came out from there!” said the petite kiddo that peeked from the side of kitchen’s door frame.  “That was just one of my cats, see where walk yourself to, you’ll never know when they might catch you and get your tongue” mentioned her friend with a sly smirk planted on her face. “Just come here and see if there’s any food to your liking”.

[aliceisnowlost]

Greetings were made and awkward feelings felt. “How clumsy I must look” - thought the silly girl as she followed her friend.  Curves, streets, buildings, sunlight, noise, and for last a home. While arriving at Irina’s house random themes were chit-chatted about, how the trip was, what it was like to be alone in a big city, and all those time filling conversations that were made to erase the anxiety of poor Celine.  “Are you hungry?” said Irina across the house as the bags were being moved to a separate room. “Hummm... A bit...” was slightly heard as it slowly echoed through the hall.   

[aliceisnowlost]

For the first time in her wavering and troubled life she had the opportunity to transform it by her demands. The opportunity to visit her only friend at the capital, a very pretty and distinct blue haired woman, more mature in any way and an idol in her eyes. Iris casually greeted Celine as this one anxiously awaited at the train station. Tiny palms grabbed the handle of an enormous traveling bag, noise infecting the chaotic daily lifestyle of those who were just passing by in that metallic cage of a train station.

[aliceisnowlost]

She was warned not to fall in love, even though many tales and rumors had travelled near her ears. Despise of the careful and friendly advises, no one could rule her other then her own heart. But not even this one was prepared for what was going to happen. Sixteen years old Celine went to her first concert and had her first love.

[aliceisnowlost]

Lonely night

Another day has passed while she had no motivation to go with it… Her heart was now as small as a rose drop and her body curved and tangled between the sheets of her bed. ” I should get up, I need to get up” - but a silence was consuming the bedroom. No one was conscience of her existence at that particular time and that, strangely, was giving her peace of mind.

[talkmeanstrouble]

[so-personal]

everything personal

[aliceisnowlost]

Can you still remember?

Nostalgia is a sickness that comes within.

While you think about what you have now, you can't help miss what you had before.

It consumes your heart for a while and the loss of perception becomes blurred.

For such moments, I reckon there's no cure, but we still search for the sweet and sour taste of the past.

[aliceisnowlost]

Reckoning of the past.

I knew about it. But the tears still fall. The pills under my tongue. The lies stand and the feelings leave.

You were never to be mine, I was never to be yours, as the gaze that I wanted to remain for a bit longer faded quite quickly. I lay on my bed and stare at the white and high ceiling, I keep thinking about my past.

Peter, you were the one that I wanted near but you left. I left you. I said I would trust but the proof was beyond unbelievable, I couldn't just turn my face and accept the ignorance.  As she told me, she showed me what was under your web of tactics and I just couldn't let my word stand. You left. I left you. And now the song of my tears begin.

[aliceisnowlost]

Reckoning of the never ending fears.

You say you hate stupidity, you say you hate liars, cheaters and that you hate everyone equally... But when you tell me "I love you", deep inside you, do you hate me as well?

[aliceisnowlost]

Clink

       Clink

               Clink

I can not take it

The smell that fills

over the place

and slice my face.

I will never be able

to take the noise

I will never be able

to rise my voice.

[aliceisnowlost]

My back hurts whenever I bring myself to the loom  of this endless dramady. Oh, the worrisome land of the finger-less sensations,  why do you not surrender to the fantasy. "I will tell you nothing, my boy." You will need to guess this out by yourself, it is time for you to bring your thorns and get out of this fall, full of exciting gores  that one day will hunt your future.

[aliceisnowlost]

Remembering the Heart and Finding the Pain - 3rd Part

My late days have been more than I could ever imagine, when a single word counted as a motive for my delusional eyes cry over the nothingness that is my life. 

My body feels heavy, my heart feels heavy, my soul feels heavy, but with only one sparkle of your existence, I was able to smile. If this isn't love then I don't even care if I am insane, or lost in the sweet despair that brings the air back to my lungs when the feeling of being lost has covered me like a cloak. 

How can something waltz around your existence and without any intention or even any will, it can bring colour to the pitch black peek that meant to be my sight.

How hilarious this can be, No effort at all, you see. You bring not a single drop of effort since you do not try hard enough or even miss to see how despaired I am.How hilarious it is that I do not pass as more than a silly and self-torturing being. 

I would laugh, laugh so hard that my tears would now have a reason to show up. Taking a deep breath doesn't help me anymore, and hiding my eyes only makes it more noticeable.

I would cry, cry so hard that my body, trembling of how sad I am, would now have a reason to quiver. Holding myself by the arms doesn't help me anymore, and biting my lips to sustain it only makes it more noticeable.

I want to tell you, I want to say, I want to whisper it, everyday.

[aliceisnowlost]

Admiration

Oh, brave flower, why do you stare so much. Why do you intend to gaze this poor and lonely soul as if I have a clear light to shine. 

Nothing more, nothing less, the middle of the normal and the above of what is extraordinary... I am here to let you live, brave flower, make you feel the softness of the wind and the careless touch of the rain. 

You shouldn't look at me like that. No matter how timidly happy I may become, remember, my dear, I am not something that your direction should turn.

Oh, brave flower... You still have so much to live for.