If Not To Heaven, Then Hand In Hand To Hell

[hahahardcore]

[subtubitles]

[femaleshits]

[adrianshidden]

I had 3 stitches in my ear today and now my ear is swollen like a balloon

[a-creepy-weirdo-has]

I’m not being racist but if you didnt want your ear to swell up you probably shouldn’t have gotten stitches.

[adrianshidden]

how is that racist

[peachraptor]

they just said they weren’t being racist do you even listen

[dont-taunt-the-octopus]

me: [at work, ringing up two parents and their toddler who’s sitting in the cart trying to get their attention]

toddler, quietly, waving hands around: [incomprehensible]

mom: what?

toddler, even quieter: [incomprehensible]

dad: you gotta speak up, bud

toddler, at full volume: FUCK.

[girl-esque]

this actually made me laugh out loud

[whisperwhisk]

at family dinners

[paprika]

me: talk less, smile more

me: don't let them know what you're against or what you're for

[beastlyart]

Rats are so easy to please. I shoved some sweet potato into cardboard toilet paper tubes, packed in with shredded paper towels. At first they were just excited about the paper towel shreds and started making a nest, then they found the sweet potato and lost their minds. Like they couldn’t believe what a good and gracious world they lived in that there could be sweet potato and paper towel at the same time.

[dont-touch-my-juice]

[arahir]

god my neighbor just called me and she’s like… is this your chicken in our driveway… like who else has a chicken in this neighborhood yes it’s my chicken… so i get over there and kylo hen is chilling in their driveway eating some specs and stuff and there’s this actual crowd of people around her and i’m like… hi sorry mb let me get her… and oh my god… they’re like do you need us to call someone?? should we get help?? how should we do this?? do you need a net? like bitch it’s a chicken not a fucking komodo dragon. so i just… i was kind of joking around so i crouched down and patted my thighs and all the chickens are trained to come to me on sight because me = food… so i got down there and went “here girl!! come here!!” and the chicken comes running over and this group of actual adult ass individuals were staring at me like i was the fucking pied piper… and i didn’t know what to say…. so i just kind of walked back to my yard with the chicken following me and none of them moved or said a damn word and i think i literally just convinced them this chicken is trained like a dog…

[airfryerenthusiasts]

your chicken’s name is kylo hen

[slim--pickins]

Today lol

[beautythroughalookingglass]

ADHD problems

Having to set an alarms for everything just in case you forget

Feeling constantly bored even when you’re doing something

Low self esteem

Knows you’re smart but the grades don’t correlate

Wonders why I can’t keep friendships

Getting Angry when being told what to do in a bossy tone

Having to be really early to everything because you fear you’ll be late

Working really hard on an assignment for weeks to only get a pass and other students did it in a night and get a high distinction

Being randomly sad

Finding out something good and being overtly happy

Accidentally saying something inappropriate

Not wanting to do anything out of fear that people will think you’re seeking “attention”

Not wanting to make friends due to people finding you “annoying”

Having a really messy house then randomly cleaning everything to a tee

Unable to save any money as have the urge to spend it

Unable to listen to a song without skipping it

Unable to read a book without doing something then coming back to it.

[dearbisexual]

me: hey so it’s like 3am so we should probably go to bed, yeah?

my brain, clanging a cowbell: 3 AM !!! TIME FOR PASTA !!!!! IT’S PASTA TIME !!! TIME TO LABORIOUSLY MAKE PASTA !!!

[siobhanblank-deactivated2019011]

why’s this site so weird about horses? they’re just horses.

[the-descolada]

Are you sure

[siobhanblank-deactivated2019011]

[perchu-deactivated20180224]

im alive but only ironically

[elbow-noodle]

[tterrymcginnis-blog]

me: i hate drama

[drama happens]

me: 

[foolish-masterm1nd-deactivated2]