old no. 34

S T A F F N E E D E D at Durham's Bar & Grill contact ;; Allen Durham

[gvldthcrnes]

I… I get it, actually. 

I mean— I’ve got a rotten habit of turning everything into a joke, including and especially my marriage. Dunno, suppose a seasoned therapist would call it a defense mechanism or whatever. So, it makes it easier for me to talk about it by simply dressing it up as a laugh and chalking it up to a weird time— and I guess it’s not that way for everyone. And I’m sorry for being something of a dick about it. 

              You don’t have to be good with words. We… we both know there’s a reason why we started dodging calls. You don’t have to say it. I’m equally, er, emotionally… compromised. 

Listen, we got this all out, yeah? And this is a bit more serious than I’m used to being. You’re here, I’m here, and… I don’t know, Allen. 

                       Let’s just do what we do best, yeah? Drink. 

Is the Enchilada King equally as good at becoming the Margarita Monarch? I can’t finish this all by myself.  

[allendurham]

Talk about a defense mechanism. At least we’re both aware of our habits —— so, yeah. A drink sounds nice.

And as for the whole “Margarita Monarch” thing…..well, normally it would be an issue. But I think that maybe, if I combine the two, it’ll be okay.

               Do they have enchiladas here? My alarm didn’t go off when I walked in. That’s not a good sign.

Eh, I’ll ask when they drop the mistake off at the table. Instead, why don’t you…hmm....why don’t you fill me in on what’s been going on? Because if you don’t, I’m going to keep talking and it’ll become a complete disaster. More so than it already is.

Yikes. Save me. See? I’m not stopping. It’s a disease. Dungham is on a roll. Anytime now.

[gvldthcrnes]

I… — I, uh… Well, Christ, Allen, you’ve managed the impossible: shutting me the hell up. 

                 ( …. )

              Oh, thank God, the drinks are here. Don’t worry, I’m not going to throw one at you — I can’t waste a single sip I need to gulp down. 

            You didn’t think a friend should need to know something like this? I— I told you about me, Allen. And that wasn’t easy. In fact, telling you about my shitty marriage could’ve been prime opportunity for you speak up, actually. 

  Are you, uh, getting back with her? The grand old ‘we’re going to make it work’ thing? Is that what you couldn’t tell me? 

Wait… 

                   I was supposed to be your friend. Well, shit, then what am I?

[allendurham]

       I didn’t tell anyone. It was personal and.....honestly, it was something I didn't want to talk about. And I know that you told me about your life, and I’m honored that you felt comfortable enough to tell me those things —— really, I am —— but......I was humiliated. 

It was as simple as that. I was embarrassed. 

She moved here to try, yeah. Thought we could make it work.....we can’t. 

Look.....I just.....I’m not good with this. I’m not good with words. I’m not good with.....letting so much out and this is far more than what I’m used to. And while I’d like to consider myself more ballsy than I actually am.....I can’t do that. I can’t sit here and casually jump from the topic of my marriage to my feelings for you. 

It doesn't work that way for me. 

[gvldthcrnes]

I’m off the clock, Allen. All sense of professionalism goes out the window the moment I step out of my burlesque club.

                          —- Isn’t that a sentence riddled with irony, eh?

Not that I’m particularly a fan of awkward silences, but, yeah, I’d say we’ve got the hang of it. Is this going to be routine for us, then?

   …… Don’t look at me like that, Allen. Just— it’s… don’t.

Pft, what? Are you going to tell me that you’re married or something?

                  ( …. )

Holy shit. You’re married. Well, that… that certainly explains a lot. Doesn’t excuse shit, obviously, but it explains a lot.

                   Excuse me, waiter? How much longer until my drink arrives? — You’ll have it in a minute?

Well, you heard him. You have exactly forty-five seconds to explain exactly how ‘married’ you are, because I need fifteen to process and decide if the margarita will be wasted by throwing it.

Go.

[allendurham]

Good news is —— if it happens to become routine ——  we’ll get used to it. Or so one can hope.

          I....I’m sorry. 

                  Sometimes you do things without even realizing it, y’know?

.....Maggie....I’m 100% legally married. 

                   —— B U T I need you to understand something —— before a few weeks ago, I hadn't seen her in over a year.........and I know that doesn't excuse anything, especially since I misled you with the fact that I was divorced. I wasn’t. I’m not.....divorced. Separated, yes, but still.......

You were supposed to be my friend.....so I didn’t think the information was.....well, important. That sounds so sleazy. I swear, it’s not. I’m just not good at explaining.......or good at words, in general. 

And that was not a minute. 

[gvldthcrnes]

At least not while sober—- so drink up, Dungham. Besides, I’d say we’re in a place beyond embarrassment by now. There’s not much lower we can get.

I know ‘beer before liquor, never sicker’ but what abut ‘beer before margaritas’? Does that make us… cheat-ahs? Whatever, I’m still ordering a round.

Nah, there’s a still a chance that I might be in the running for it, too. May the best jackass win.

              Yeah. I’m, uh, still not used to the whole ‘awkward pause, lack of eye contact’ thing between us. It’s… weird.

Do you now? Could’ve fooled me. Sorry, that’s my last one. Probably.

    ( …. )

Yeah, I figured that around the third dodged text and the absence of your presence for midnight diner breakfast. Then again, maybe I  should’ve expected it the moment I put on your shirt and touched your hand. I’m sorry if I crossed a line or… I don’t know. I just wish I knew what I did, I suppose.

[allendurham]

And now we see it  —— the sunny side of being rock bottom. 

               I was going to say that you and I are professional enough to handle the switch-up.....but then you said cheat-ahs and now suddenly I don’t think that’s true anymore. 

I wish you the best of luck. 

                               Good thing we’re really good at it. Right?

{ ... }

You didn’t do anything wrong. Honestly. At the risk of sounding completely cliche....in the middle of this lovely establishment.....it was my own issue; one that I’d really like to forget about. 

Maggie, I’m going to tell you something before you get your drink —— mostly because I’m worried you may throw it in my face. 

     { ... }

            My issue.....well, my situation, I guess I should call it....was that I’m....eh, I’m married. Was. Am. Still, technically.   

[gvldthcrnes]

Ah, but can you try saying that with a straight face?

            Granted, a mega pitcher of margaritas couldn’t hurt either, right? That’s the part about us lurking on the hinges of rock bottom — there’s not much to lose, and Happy Hour is an incredible bargain, isn’t it? 

Didn’t you hear? The award ceremony has been postponed because the jury’s hung on the frontrunner —- given my experiences with past jackasses, they brought me in as a second opinion, so I’m currently the swing vote. And from my perspective, I say you should get your acceptance speech ready.

                     It’s fine, Allen. I mean, it wasn’t, but— whatever. I get it. It’s… I just got a bit stupid and hopeful about things that were silly to even think about. You and I— we’re… friends. Right? Assuming that we’re following the same dictionary definition, but we’ve always been rather off the map about most things as it is.

God, stop letting me talk.

[allendurham]

I could.....but then I’d fail miserably. As you know, I’m not one for embarrassment.

Couldn't hurt two potential borderline alcoholics? N a h. You’re right. We have to utilize Happy Hour; use those savings on something important.....like beer.

Swing vote? Oh no, I wanted to win on merit. Now I’ll feel as though you’ve handed it to me. 

                     This is the worst. 

You and I are wonderful friends. I happen to enjoy your company very much.  

            { ... } 

                       ......I have to admit....more so than a man in my situation should. I mean, I think it’s fairly obvious I didn't keep my distance because of work. 

[gvldthcrnes]

Does it count as a charitable need if my commiserating earns someone an extra twenty bucks tonight? Should I check that on my tax forms next year?

Allen. Er, yeah— sure, of course, have a seat. Maybe it’ll help me look a tad less humiliating.

            So. You’re still alive. Now I can be upset without being slightly concerned as well. Silver lining.

[allendurham]

Oh......most definitely. No question about it. You are clearly a kind soul with a charitable heart and no secret agendas. 

           I wish I could say the same. I’m not sure a mega pitcher of margaritas will be too good for my already impressive reputation. 

—— I am.

        { ... }

                If you’re not too upset in the near future, there is this award ceremony. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I don’t know......I just thought......I mean, the odds are in my favor. They say I’m the favorite choice. 

....It’s for world’s biggest jackass. I’d finally have a trophy to match my participation one. 

[gvldthcrnes]

I’ve just ordered a mega pitcher of margaritas… and a single straw.

         I wonder how badly the waiter in the back is making fun of me?

Bleh, to hell with it— it’s been a long day.

[allendurham]

I'm sure it has less to do with laughter and more to do with bet taking. 

.....Maggie, hi. Mind if I sit?

[helenagracebelrose-blog]

You are far too kind.

I wouldn’t expect you to sacrifice any of your light for me but I would appreciate any help you are willing to give. Maybe, if you ever feel so inclined, I could give you some work out tips. Just so you don’t have to feel so second rate if we continue to run into each other.

Fate. What we’ve just experienced is fate.

I’m extremely honored that you would share a family secret with me. I swear I won’t spread it to the world.

Thanks? I worked pretty hard to get where I’m at and had a lot of trouble along the way so I’m pretty happy. On another note you own a restaurant. Most people can barely buy a house these days let alone have their own business. That’s pretty cool.

It’s just weather. Not many people are impressed by weather. Or excited by it like I am.

[allendurham]

Feeling second rate I S something I’d like to avoid. You drive a hard bargain, but you’ve got yourself a deal. Shall we shake or.....?

Ah, fate? So that’s what that feels like. 

               I suppose it is a little cool.....but only because I get free food. That’s the best part, to be perfectly honest. And, y’know.....I try to ignore the fact that it’s not technically free. 

If you can get it R I G H T, then it’s extremely cool. So I guess I should have asked that first. Are you any good at your job?

[lennondurham-blog]

Ah… True true. I guess honesty may be the best policy there…

[allendurham]

I see you’re bringin’ back those wonderful grade school lessons. 

                      Honesty is the best policy. The Golden Rule. Always answer “c”. 

This is my attempt at changing the topic. Still not very good at it. 

[allendurham]

☾ just fuck me up tbh

Allen: I wasn’t lying, y’know? When I said you looked good in my shirt. Is that inappropriate? I don’t care. I’m writing it anyway. You make it really hard for a guy to think of anything else. {{ deleted }}

                                                 … … … . .

Allen: When you said “real dinner,” were you referring to a date? Just kind of seems like one. Reservation for two and what not. The dress code is fancy. Not that it matters. I would love to take you on a date. I mean…….you know what I mean.   {{ deleted }}

Allen: Because we’re friends! And friends go on dates. Friend dates. Dates for friends. Friendly gathering where I buy you roses and try not to stare at your lips. {{ deleted }}

                                               … … … . .

Allen: I miss you. I don’t know what else to say. I really don’t. Maggie, you make me speechless and it’s not fair.  {{ deleted }}

                                                … … … . .

Allen: I really hate how confusing it is to be around you. I’m typing this bullshit text, knowing FULL WELL that i’m going to delete it. But you’re more than a friend to me. And I’m so sorry for how terrible I’ve been to you. I have no excuse other than my own pathetic nature. i’m not sure if these feelings are me mistaking being happy for something else, but I think it’s time I grew a pair and said something about it because not having you around is torture.  {{ deleted }}

                                                … … … . .

Allen: Thanks.

[rp-memes]

Send me a ★ for something my muse truly thinks about yours

[giuseppesfirst-blog]

send me a ☾ for five texts my muse didn't send, and one they did

[allendurham]

✉

Allen: My back hurts.

Allen: I think it’s because my bed is occupied and i’m stuck on the couch.

Allen: I have to tell you something and I probably shouldn’t. I’m a little sleep deprived. That and you save my messages.

Allen: Look………..

              [ 5 minutes later ]

Allen: I’m going to have to cancel our dinner.

Allen: I’ll give you a meal on the house at Durham’s. I mean, you DID paint my walls. I’m just really busy and I won’t be around much for a while.

Allen: And if you could not call me or stop by my apartment, that would be great. It’s not that I don’t want you to…..it’s just that I probably won’t be able to answer. That and I may not be home. I don’t want you to waste your time.

              [ 5 more minutes ]

Allen: I’m sorry.

Allen: I’ll call you sometime.  

[roleplayaskmemes]

Send me a ✉ and my muse will send yours a barrage of text messages.

[lennondurham-blog]

Well… You know, if you’re not interested we’re technically still married. You could always use that excuse.

[allendurham]

I could. 

             Although, I'm not entirely sure how strong that excuse would be when I'm not wearing a ring to prove it. 

[nellie-beaumont-blog]

You might be blind but were you interested and did you want to ask for her number? These are the real questions that should be asked.

[allendurham]

Real questions that I haven't actually considered yet.

                     She gave it to me anyway. Then I lost it. I'm not too sad about it.....so I guess that answers your question.

Right?

[carsonackerman-deactivated20190]

If it wasn’t a doctor I ‘d take that diagnosis with a pinch of salt; those symptoms don’t sound viable to me.

[allendurham]

I like the way you think.

Y'know.....I think I'll listen to you instead.