no angels

@allisun; i was afraid of the dark, but now it's all that i want.

[ttrinuwin-deactivated20171212]

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[allisonfrick-blog]

allison's infinite playlist 006;

If our love is a tragedy why are you my remedy? If our love is insanity why are you my clarity?

[nohawkins-blog-blog]

white shadows ✈ challison

[nohawkins-blog-blog]

      Watching her as she proceeded to walk through the entrance, Chandler could feel his mistake begin to materialize. The guilt enough to force his eyes to the ground below with each step she took away from him — he should have swallowed his own pride and taken his spot by her side. Where he belonged, despite the beliefs of those around them. He shook away his momentary regret, leaning against the outer barrier signifying the separation between the living and the dead as the crowd began to hush. How long he waited, there was no telling. Long enough for him to speak in hushed tones to not only his brother but one of his good friends Catalina, both of which were a shock for him to see arriving behind the group just inside. The moments that passed were wasted on unfinished thoughts and memories about the girl in question; the woman of the hour, Miss Amelia Jenkins. You know how some people get at a funeral, when they say “Oh, I wish I’d had the chance to know her better” or something petty and fabricated for the occasion? It wasn’t that that plagued him then, but the fact that so many people seemed to be affected by her death, yet here he stood, unable to care less. Did that make him heartless? Sure — somebody dying is no laughing matter, and he was sympathetic for those grieving, but despite the somber feel of the city, Chandler wouldn’t have been able to tell a difference in his day to day life. Movement out of the corner of his eye pulled him out of his own subconscious, bringing him to his full height as he struggled to follow Allison’s stumbling form. “Wh - Allison, what’s going on? What happened?” Hands out ready to grasp onto hers, Chandler advanced slowly, so as not to upset her anymore than she currently was. “Allison!” He exclaimed as she tumbled backwards, her bum connecting with the earth sharply before he could reach her. With one swift sweep of his arms, her weight was supported against his frame as his grip tightened around her waist. “We’re leaving.” Keeping one arm wrapped around her waist, Chandler ducked, scooping the petite girl up into his arms before taking deliberate strides towards his car.

[allisonfrick-blog]

      Head was beginning to pound against her own skull, Allison’s own sobs causing her ears to ring. Throat was running dry, and eyes were squeezed shut as if it’d subside some of the pain coursing through her body — both physical and emotional. She’d barely even felt the pressure of her body into the sidewalk being lifted, and it was only when a shaky breath was inhaled that the familiar scent of Chandler’s cologne caused her eyes to inch open. To admit she felt broken was a complete understatement, and in this very moment it was as if he acted as the glue holding her together while the rest of her fought to break down. Soon enough the definite unlocking of Chandler’s car could be heard a couple yards away, following by his passenger door being opened as he delicately placed her in the seat. Although rather than buckling her seat belt and allowing him to drive wherever his heart desired, Allison waited patiently for the dark haired boy to emerge from the opposite side of the car and into the drivers seat. Of course there was some hesitancy behind her actions, but the emotions of hurt and guilt were overpowering as she clambered over the middle console and directly onto his lap. Fingers were trembling as she took hold of his arms, adjusting herself slightly before settling her face atop his chest. “I’m so sorry.” she whimpered, the migraine she was supporting almost in sync with the beating of Chandler’s heart. Although that sound was calming against her eardrum, steadying her breathing and settling her nerves. “I’m sorry for dragging you out here, I’m sorry for making you wait so long only to have to leave, I’m sorry for making you wear that shirt along with a tie that’s probably choking your neck — no matter how damn cute you look in them, I’m sorry for putting your name down on the partner survey and getting us paired together because I’m honestly way too all over the place for you to want to write about, I’m sorry for making you think I didn’t want us to be a thing because I’ve stayed up late for hours wishing we were just that, I’m sorry for what my brother did because if he hadn’t done it we wouldn’t be in this mess I just — I’m so sorry.

[crackshiphollywood-blog]

[allisonfrick-blog]

{ a slave to the stares } ✈ nallison

[fricrs]

Seeing his best friend in such an emotional state broke Nate’s heart to pieces. He’d known the girl since they were little and she has always been one of the most kind, caring people he’s had the pleasure of knowing. The brunette didn’t deserve any of what she was getting — it frustrated the boy beyond compare, having to watch her in any sort of pain. “Don’t listen to them, A. They’re only saying that shit ‘cause they’re bitter. Ignore it.” He advised her, aware of the fact that he wasn’t the best person to go to in these situations, yet continuing regardless. “You’re not a murderer. You never will be, alright? You’re one of the most incredible girls I know and anyone who can’t see that is blind.” Pulling the smaller brunette into a tight hug, he wrapped his arms around her, enjoying the comforting embrace. 

[allisonfrick-blog]

"It's kind of hard to ignore it, N." she protested, arms feeling limp at her sides as she spoke. "They're not bitter, they're grieving because of something Jake did." Allison explained, feeling as if she was shrinking the longer she spoke. "But that's what they don't understand. I'm not trying to play the blame game, but he did it. Not me. I'm not him, he is not me. Why is it that nobody has the ability to make sense of that?" she asked, but not before being enveloped in a comforting hug. She accepted his warm embrace gladly, returning the action as her arms circled around his torso and her face nuzzled into his chest. "Are we leaving though? I just need to go somewhere less tense."

[allisonfrick-blog]

{ a slave to the stares } ✈ open

[roleplcyheaux]

The brunette had lost count about how many times she heard people whispering about Allison since she arrived and that made her angry. Not at Ally but at the people who were turning a funeral for her cousin into a judgment hall for Allison. It wasn’t fair and it was starting to give her a headache. Taking a deep breath Cat attempted to get her emotions in check. She didn’t want to snap at her friend just because her mood was anything but up. “You should leave because you are done showing your respect not because you think other people want you to leave.” She commented.

“Trust me when I say that you aren’t hindering anyone’s ability to grieve. If they all loved Amelia as much as they are trying to pass off like they did then seeing you shouldn’t bother them. Seeing her dead in a casket being put in the ground forever should be what’s upsetting them. So stay. All the people who have time to talk shit about you and your brother are the kind of people I wish hadn’t come at all.” Cat added after a moment realizing how true her words were after they fell from her lips.

[allisonfrick-blog]

Listening intently to Catalina's response, Allison nodded her head along as a sign of comprehension as to what she was saying. Although her words made complete and total rational sense, the defensive side of her couldn't help but dominate as she shook her head. "I'm not doing Amelia any favors by being here, and as much as I'd like to pay my respects it just doesn't seem right." she spoke calmly, glancing upwards in order to lock eyes with the girl and hoping that Catalina could make sense of what she was saying.

“I'm surprised you don't even mind me being here, if I'm being honest." she continued, knowing her strong relation to Amelia and shrugging her shoulders as if to signify it wasn't a statement being used to offend her. "I mean, it's one thing to not want my brother here. That makes sense, it'd actually be horribly offensive if he showed up." she pointed out, nodding her head for emphasis. "But I haven't done anything wrong, and she was one of my fellow classmates. People act like I was pulling the trigger with him."

[nohawkins-blog-blog]

white shadows ✈ challison

[nohawkins-blog-blog]

      “No, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He didn’t necessarily enjoy putting the frown that sat atop her lips where it was, but this was one thing he felt particularly strong about. The wind swirled around the two, catching Chandler off guard with a wave of chills and he removed his hand from her elbow to pull his light blazer closer in around his body. “Allison, you can pretend that this is a good idea for everybody involved all you want, but the fact that I’m even here is pushing it. And as much as you want to deny it, the same goes for you.” With a shrug, Chandler’s hands found their way back to her, settling on her shoulders lightly. “No one wants us here.”

[allisonfrick-blog]

      “I'm just going to uh      go see who else came. If nobody decent is here, we'll go alright?" she offered, boosting herself onto her tip-toes and placing a light kiss on the boy's cheek before hesitantly making her way into the setting. Immediately glares were sent in her direction, but Allison tried her best to wave them off before scanning the crowd before her. There were a few familiar faces, but most were members of Amelia's family and close friends. Everything seemed to be a massive blur after that, bumping into Nicole and having to take a verbal beating that simply broke her down. Not to mention coming face to face with Vince as he came clean about the fact that he'd been lying to her for months about who he really was. The whole day seemed to be crumbling underneath her feet, and the first chance she'd gotten the petite girl sprinted out into the parking lot with every ounce of speed she could carry. Tears trilled down her cheeks steadily, chest feeling compressed and heavy as she approached the boy who'd been waiting for her the entire time. She was unaware of how long she'd been gone for, but considering the events that took place she'd deemed it far too long. "Can we — it's... leave. I'm done." she choked, taking slow steps backwards before her foot connected with the curb. Body plummeted to the ground below, beginning to shake as violent sobs emerged from her. The entirety of her felt limp, and as much as she hadn't wanted Chandler to see her in such a state — she was immensely thankful that it was him rather than anyone else.

[allisonfrick-blog]

/wants 2 be included/

/includes u/

[allisonfrick-blog]

/doesnt care/

/shut the fuck up/

[allisonfrick-blog]

/should be doing replies/

/is in the lily collins icons tag instead/

[allisonfrick-blog]

{ a slave to the stares } ✈ alli + abbie

[gracemcavoy]

Abigail was slightly startled by Allison’s abrupt proposition, and merely nodded her head in response to her cousin. She had just joined the funeral congregation again a mere ten minutes ago, but the aggrieving atmosphere was getting to Abigail once again already. “No. No, of course I’m coming with you”, she reassured Allison in a quiet voice. Abigail leaned forward in her chair slightly, and reached out to get a hold of cousin’s shoulder, a compassionate smile adorning her face. “Allison—”, she whispered into the sudden silence oppressing the gathering. Abigail gave her shoulder a light squeeze, and nodded her head for them to leave. “Come on, Alli.”

[allisonfrick-blog]

"You are?" she questioned, the shock apparent in her voice as she glanced over at Abigail curiously. It shouldn't surprise her all that much, seeing as she was family and the people here probably looked at her with the same piercing glares that were sent in her direction — only with less intensity. Allison was more than thankful that Abigail didn't further question what she was saying, but a pang of pain was felt from the fact that she probably agreed. Everyone at school did know her as the murderers sister, and only people like Abigail who had gotten to understand the true Allison Fields would ever think otherwise. Nodding her head, she rose to her feet and quickly took the lead out into the parking lot — hoping that she other girl followed behind. "So where are we headed?"

[vincefck-deactivated20140401]

the last goodbye || allison

[vincefck-deactivated20140401]

"Yes, I tried making it as perfect as I could. I’ll eventually draw you while you’re posing for me." he said with a small smile on his face, pushing his hair out of his eyes. His eyes shot up when he saw the girl that approached them, his smile nearly dropping. He didn’t know much about her the only things he knew was that she treated him good in bed a couple of times. "Um, Tracy." he said getting up immidiately loosening up his tie. "I’m busy right now but I’ll definitely text you the thing that you want to know a bit later okay. See you." he said trying to avoid showing any kind of romantic affection towards her. "It was just this girl in my math class, she um, needed me to help her out with some homework and I couldn’t say no." he lied sitting back down. "So, do you like the drawling?"

[allisonfrick-blog]

"Posing? Well, you're treating me like I'm a model or something." she flushed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and returning his smile with a mirrored one of her own. Allison observed their conversation in silence, taking note of Tracy's attire and overall composure. Hair was whisked into a high ponytail, showering curls from the roots that dangled downwards. The black skirt she was supporting was lacking in length, dressed with a crop tank-top that revealed quite a bit of skin in regards to a funeral. Nodding in understanding at his explanation, Allison parted her lips in order to respond but was quickly cut off. "Math class? You aren't in my class?" Tracy questioned, causing her to furrow her eyebrows in Vince's direction.

[allisonfrick-blog]

{ a slave to the stares } ✈ open

[smhbrad]

Brad was practically zoning out already, his eyes half open and his mouth slightly open. It wouldn’t be so painful if he wasn’t here for being Amelia’s friend with benefits. He almost felt like a sleaze for being here for that reason — guilty, even. Brad jumped, startled, when he heard Allison speak. “Huh?” he questioned tiredly, running a hand through his messy curls. Brad’s expression was a little more serious now, as he turned to the brunette. “Come on, don’t talk like that. It’s not so bad. And, hey — people are assholes if they stare at you, remember that. I don’t know what I’m saying, sorry. I’m, like, half asleep. I nearly fell asleep during that. But, yeah, Allison. Don’t talk like that. Actually, do talk like that, let’s ditch.”

[allisonfrick-blog]

Sighing at Brad's response, Allison merely pursed her lips together and remained as silent as her body allowed her to be. If she spoke any louder it was almost positive that she'd cause a scene, making someone's funeral about herself. However once words of agreement slipped past the boy's lips, she couldn't have been any more relieved. "It's just become far too overwhelming all of a sudden." she admitted, fingers coiling around the lower half of his arm as she guided him towards the exit. "I know you wanted to support her but — I could really use your company if I'm being honest here."

[allisonfrick-blog]

{ a slave to the stares } ✈ open

   "I need to leave." Allison stated abruptly, turning to the person beside her with wide eyes. "Everyone's telling me to get lost anyway, why not just settle their nerves you know?" The last thing the brunette wanted to do was draw attention to herself, but it was becoming quite difficult with so many glares directed towards her each minute. "You don't have to come." she added quickly, just in case the other would prefer to remain in the setting and mourn the death of the poor girl. "But I just can't be here anymore, I shouldn't have come to begin with. I'm just making it harder for those around me to cope with the loss, they see Jacob every single time they look at me. They see a murderer and associate it with my face."

[vincefck-deactivated20140401]

the last goodbye || allison

[vincefck-deactivated20140401]

Sighing Vince looked around. It was as if most of the people there were looking at them. He could just bet that no one approached her during the funeral and he hated the fact that she had to go through this. He also sometimes hated himself for what he was doing but he just couldn’t stop. He wasn’t a bad guy, he just wanted to do something different. Girls were always coming at him without him having to try much. Allison was like a challenge for him. Someone that he couldn’t have easily yet the only thing that wanted was to bring her a little to the dark side. Or atleast the grey one that he was living in. “Are you kidding? I worry about you. I really do, it’s not your fault.” he sighed leading her behind a tree, so that people wouldn’t look at her. “Look, I made something for you.” he said pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket. “While in class last week, I was watching you and I drew this.” he smiled handing her the paper as he sat down on the grass.

[allisonfrick-blog]

People were most likely already making Vince feel horrible for coming up and speaking with her, and honestly that was the last thing she needed right at this very moment. Just because she didn't know Amelia doesn't mean the incident barely affected her, the thought of her brother doing what he did to anyone sickened her. Nobody realized that though, they figured she was supportive of his actions and thankful that the girl was gone. "I don't need anyone worrying about me, especially not you. You should be mourning, she meant something to you after all." she gestured towards the group in front of her, choosing to ignore the second portion of his comment. "You did?" she asked curiously, standing up a little straighter as Allison peered over at him curiously. "You drew me?" Eyebrows perked up in surprise, clasping the paper in between her nimble fingers as her heart warmed. "Wow I    " However she was unable to finish, a girl that the auburn haired girl didn't recognize approaches Vince with a flirtatious look sprawled across her face.

[vincefck-deactivated20140401]

the last goodbye || allison

He didn’t know how to feel about this day. Actually, ever since Amelia died he didn’t know how to feel. It was as if the dead girl was always on his mind somehow. During school, when he would walk past her locker he would think of all the times he walked up there greeting her with a kiss. When laying in his bed, trying to fall asleep, his eye would catch some pictures of them still hanging on his walls. And he tried deleting every memory they’ve made together but they were much more than a bunch of pictures and presents. Those memories were forever tattooed in his head. He was pretty sure he had got over their break up but her sudden death just made him crawl in a ball of sadness wishing things would be different, making up scenarios in his head.  Looking himself in the mirror the boy sighed running his fingers through his hair. It was falling in front of his eyes and he didn’t mind fixing it in any particular way. He just let it be there. He was wearing his black tuxedo, ready to say his last goodbye to the girl he once was in love with. He just wanted this day day to be over. He grabbed his sunglasses as he exited the house and got in his car, driving to the cemetery where the memorial was taking place. When he arrived there he witnessed a lot of familiar faces. Allison’s immediately caught his eye. Without overthinking it he walked over to her placing his arm around her shoulders. “You alright?” he asked looking down at her.

[vincefck-deactivated20140401]

[allisonfrick-blog]

She'd made a horrible mistake coming, it was ridiculous of her to even think that being surrounded by those who loved her was going to help her cause. The last thing Allison wanted to do was draw attention to herself, although simply her presence seemed to be doing just that. Everywhere she turned there was someone glaring at her, whispering in someone's ear about her or simply pointing as if to make it obvious that she was an outcast in the setting. She didn't belong here, amongst people that knew of Amelia's existence before the incident. If anything it made her look even worse, attending an event and simply allowing everyone to pick her out as if she were a future convict planning her next murder. Which she certainly wasn't, but every previous opinion those in the school had conjured up about the girl had been completely washed away. It was wrong to feel anger towards her brother, but someones Allison simply couldn't help it. He'd angered the entire town with his actions, and although it was an accident the result was the exact same as if it hadn't been one. An arm snaking itself around her shoulders brought the petite girl out of her thoughts, and the minute Vince's face came into view she found herself relaxing. "Nobody should be worrying about me, I'm fine. Are you?"

[siobhanffs]

carrying arms ➸ open

        Walking into the midst of a crowd of grieving friends and family had been easy enough. She had done it all before - it all simply consisted of keeping on a façade. Yet, even as Maddie stood there, the pressure of the whole situation had never felt more overwhelming. She had lied to herself before, and to others, but pulling the same act at a funeral tugged at her conscience. It was amusing in some ways, but mostly pitiful. After all, what right did she have to be at a funeral where she had told the deceased that, ‘It’d be best if you disappeared from my life forever.’ And then that’s what she had done. Amelia was gone, but the guilt stayed. Rolling her eyes as yet another classmate burst out into tears, Maddie quickly stood up, walking away from the chaos. She was almost out when she collided with an incoming individual. Trying to catch her balance, her eyes flicked upwards. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to -,” she broke off, meeting the other’s gaze.

[allisonfrick-blog]

    The temptation to leave, the thought of simply turning on her heels and bolting out the door had crossed her mind far too many times to count. After all, not a single person was appreciative of her presence and every single time someone burst into tears in front of her it was just another reminder of what her brother had caused. Her brother. It was far too easy to say that he was one to blame, but Allison being who she was couldn't help but try and distribute some of the fault onto her part. Broken out of her thoughts by a body connecting with her own, Allison stumbled before composing herself and glancing upwards. "It's alright, don't worry about it Mads."

[cskiha]

I like all those disclaimers you put in there. You’re not to blame, you’re not a murderer, they know what you’re like… Save it. Stop trying to make yourself feel better. And don’t apologize, not today. Not when the wounds are still fresh. I don’t think you get it, Allison. You being here? It hurts. Just seeing you hurts. And maybe it’s not your fault, fine. It’s Jacob’s. But you are a direct and obvious reminder of him and that sucks. 

[allisonfrick-blog]

I know. You're right. I just — I thought this would help. But I get it now, I'm just making everything worse. I'm sorry, not only to you but just everyone. This shouldn't be about me, and I'm making it just that without even trying. I just, I think I'll be leaving now.