To me, my past is a thought-provoking topic to reflect upon as it often feels like it is both everything that I represent and nothing at the same time. One of the first memories I have is from when my family lived in our first house in France after we moved here from Germany when I was two. I would often take these plastic bunny rabbits (two baby ones and one mother) to the back yard and I would play with them in the grass (see page 13 for picture reference). There are small memories like this that I can recall quite distinctly thanks to an acute sensation I had been feeling. For instance, with the bunny rabbits, I can still remember the feeling of holding the rabbits in my hands and the texture of the toy, which was modeled after rabbit fur. I remember trips to the zoo, snack time in pre-school, dressing up as Snow White, and painting with my father. I can still perfectly distinguish learning how to ride a bike for the first time but not knowing how to brake. I can picture my grandmotherâs apartment in Brooklyn, my cousinsâ apartment in Brooklyn too, getting lost at an amusement park and going to baseball games. When I think of my past this is what I see. Sometimes these memories are veiled by the haziness that comes with forgetfulness, but thanks to photographs, in an instant every detail can be known. I am thankful for all the pictures I have of my childhood. They show only joy and they make my childhood appear perfectly beautiful. It is important to be able to have that impression, to bask in the good times that once were, but I also find it crucial to recall when life wasnât picture perfect. These memories should be kept away in a corner of everyoneâs mind as a reminder of the facts of life, as to ensure that you may never be deluded into thinking life is only uphill. This is the most important lesson I can pull from my past.
I believe my past made me who I am today but I also believe that I have chosen which parts of my past to hold on to and learn from and which parts to forget, and that is truly what defines me. I never fail to forget the fact that I am born in Germany, of Irish and American descent but was raised and live in France. I feel lucky that I come from different cultures and have been able to explore them all my life. However, something that has made me sad my entire life is that I feel that my true home is in the USA. English is my first language and I prefer the society and cultural ways there more than the French ones. The language barrier is so aggravating. I do speak French fluently but itâs like I canât say quite exactly what I mean to say since my vocabulary in French isnât as vast as my English one. Then, my entire family lives there, which is 7 aunts, 8 uncles and 14 cousins. Our family tries to visit every year but the expenses make it difficult. Every time I see them I feel like I have missed out on so much, I want to be close to them. I find it interesting how my nationality is such a great part of my identity. Nationality is one thing, but then there are also my parents and siblings. They alter the way I live every day. I learn so much from all of them, such as how to share, how to treat people correctly, but also how not to treat people and how not to act. Essentially, your family is like a limb on your body. Theyâre always there, and when theyâre gone youâre left with a gaping hole. Theyâre there to aid and help you and theyâre an essential part of who you are. Oftentimes though, family members might bother you or you might despise them and I feel that just because someone is a member of your family it doesnât mean you are required by law to love them unconditionally. How infuriating when someone says âBut theyâre your (insert name of family member)! You donât hate them!â because being a member of a family doesnât give a person the right to do whatever they want and have me still love them after. The most dominant part of my life right now though is school. At my age, I live, breathe and think of school all the time. It is basically the only form of work I have known since I was a child. Itâs difficult for me to say whether or not I actually enjoy it because I donât have much to compare it to. Often I feel like Iâm wasting my time, the worst being when I encounter a teacher who clearly hates their job and does not want to help students, but will college be any better? Or will it be a hundred times worse? What about when Iâm an adult? Will that be more difficult? My guess is that school may be easier now than âthe real worldâ but it also restricts your freedom and isnât satisfying. Finally, my present is constituted mainly by those who I surround myself with: my friends. The company you keep says many things about you since you both choose who you stay with but at the same time those who stay with you must choose you. My friends make the world seem less lonely and ominous and they bring laughter to my life, and laughing is my âraison dâĂȘtreâ  Â
I have a very idealistic vision of what Iâd like my life to be like as I grow older. There are many things I wish would happen to me or that I wish I could do, however there are much fewer things I truly see myself doing. Throughout the end of my teenage years I could imagine myself going into the âfiliĂšre ESâ because I donât really enjoy science and I definitely donât enjoy French literature the way I do in English. I truly wish that Iâll be able to reach a grade point average of 15 or 15.5 but it all depends on the teachers I have in the next two years. I want to continue running and try to run in competitions, although Iâm not deluding myself into thinking Iâll win any of them. However, I want to continue tennis and, unlike with track, I do actually hope Iâll win some matches in order to raise my âclassementâ to 15/0. Iâd also like to get a job in order to earn money for college. Then, I aspire to receive the âMention TrĂšs Bienâ at the Bac and I plan on doing everything in my power to reach that goal, however crazy it is for me to even try. The one goal I donât even want to image not fulfilling would be to not get into a good university in the US. It is one of my biggest dreams to go to a good school in America. Throughout my college years, I want to gain as many experiences as possible all while earning a Bachelorâs and then maybe a Masterâs Degree in a field I am truly passionate about but will also, with any luck, permit a few job opportunities. I know I will probably be working part time to earn the money to pay for college, if I manage to get into a school in the US. Something that has been troubling me for some time though is which major I would choose. I am interested in so many different fields of work such as Film & Video Photography, Psychology, Writing, Sociology, Theology, Journalism and Languages, and I actually donât know which one to choose. The only fact I am sure of is that I want to do something I love and I want to be able to spread a message. During my adult years, I want to try to establish a successful career but I also want to discover the world. I want to travel to many places, both in the US and in all the continents. I wish to explore cities, oceans, mountains, forests, waterfalls and beaches. I want to go to music festivals, concerts, conventions, art expositions, conferences and protests. I hope to make many friends and meet a myriad of different people. At some stage Iâd like to move into a home on either the West coast or the East coast of the USA. Iâd like to have children that I would raise as best as I can but Iâd also like to keep working.