Simon's (potential) trauma and physical boundaries
I was watching Young Royals again (I was too sick to write my fic; not that I need an excuse) and this time I originally wanted to confirm my romantic head-canon that touching clothing (the lapel, the scarf) is a behaviour Simon specifically reserves for Wille (because it's just so cute, and ofc it's true).
But then I realized something else that clicked for me this time around.
Why this is actually a sign of trust.
(I was actually looking for a gif where Simon lets himself get hugged after he tries to break up with Marcus in 2x03 but couldn't find one. This works, too.)
The scene where Simon pushes Wille away after the gun range - until this rewatch it was always so heartbreaking for me to see it. Because Wille tries to comfort Simon the only way he knows how (because it's his preferred one) and Simon cannot accept it.
Until I realized: Wille is the only person Simon is shown enforcing his physical boundaries with and that is a sign of deep trust.
Disregarding Wille, we don't see Simon touching other people a lot. He isn't seen cuddling his friends the way Wille does with Felice. It's more subtle like the elbowing with Ayub on the football field. We see him and Sara show some physical affection, but they are also emotionally close (like after their fight in 1x06) without "hugging it out" after.
The only time we see Simon actively seeking out physical contact with Marcus is when our poor heartbroken boy is desperate and thinks that hooking up with Marcus will miraculously solve all of his problems. (And when he's breaking up with him and he's trying to appease him which I've read a post about, too. I'll add the link if I find it.)
All of this could, of course, just be a personality trait. He might just not be a "touchy-feely" kind of person.
But it is also consistent with him experiencing physical abuse as a child, most likely from his father (but possibly other kids, too).
He still is. This is abuse. There's no sugarcoating this.
That kind of trauma definitely leaves a mark, a very deeply ingrained one, especially when it happens in early childhood. Sadly I'm speaking from experience here.
And Simon's reactions to unwanted physical touch from the people around him are so consistent with this.
Having your bodily autonomy ignored as a small child can of course lead to various different reactions any time you experience unwanted/unconsented/surprise physical touch.
I'm only talking about the ones I noticed Simon exhibiting and my points might only relates to somewhat close personal relationships.
First, there's the 'freeze and endure' reaction. Which is what we see him doing with his dad as well as with August when he repeatedly touches him/his hair without consent (as a display of power).
And with Marcus, ofc, as seen in the gif above.
Marcus waltzed all over his emotional boundaries when Simon told him he wasn't ready for a relationship. So, of course, Simon cannot be sure that he'll respect his physical ones and endures the hug that follows (2x03) rather than resisting. Pretending to be fine with it. Maybe even telling himself that it's fine. That it should be.
Disassociating, enduring it, is often easier. It's safer to ignore your own boundaries to keep the peace. This is because you've learned early on that you are responsible for how the other person will react. You're responsible for their emotions.
This process is often unconscious.
With Wille, however, Simon never disassociates. Ever.
When Wille hugs him before the Christmas break, he freezes at first, but then reciprocates the hug, because he needs it just as much. This is another type of reaction. Even if a hug/touch is surprising, you can decide that you want it, too, and reciprocate.
When he doesn't want to be hugged by Wille, he verbalizes his boundaries, telling him when he needs him to back off ('that's enough' in 1x04 on the football field, literally pushing him off in 2x06).
But that requires trust for someone who's experienced physical abuse. His instincts tell Simon that he can trust Wille because this likely is an unconscious process. He trusts that Wille will respect his boundaries.
Simon pushing Wille away in 2x06 is incredibly important because it shows that Simon trusts him, he expresses his true feelings without taking responsibility for Wille's feelings about it. He doesn't want that hug, doesn't need it. He needs to be alone to process everything.
It's important that Simon feels safe enough to enforce not only his emotional but also his physical boundaries with Wille.
There's no (even unconsciously perceived) power imbalance between these two. They are equal. Simon trusts Wille completely.
That's not to say that he expects physical harm or anything from Marcus when he doesn't resist his hug or his kisses. I'm not implying Marcus is a bad person per se who would harm anyone. I don't want to delve into his complicated character here because it isn't relevant to my point. But Simon’s perception of him is. And it might be partly unconscious, partly a reaction to the experience of being gaslit by Marcus, but something keeps Simon from making his boundaries clear with him.
Saying no to a hug you really don't want is a sign of respect (and even love).
I'm very hopeful that now that Wille has started to learn to see things from Simon’s perspective and empathize with him, he'll learn to ask Simon before hugging him for comfort, get his consent, verbally or otherwise. Ask him if a hug is what he needs without presuming it is.
Tldr: Simon having past trauma from abuse makes a lot of sense. Considering that, him rejecting Wille's touch/hug is actually a sign of trust because he feels safe to do so.
