Hurt and Pain, the Smile Remains ☆

Second Blog I guess everything I post is like my diary entry so this is sort of my diary. If you want to know my other blog just ask. This one is personal and if anyone feels like they're going through the same thing or just wants to talk, my ask is always open. Try to smile when things are hard, I know it seems impossible seeing I'm in the same situation, but just try. It'll brighten someone's day. xoxoxoxo

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you have changed i can't confide in you for that exact reason you're not who you used to be and that's perfectly okay but you stopped caring about me how u used to and i never stopped i have fought for so many things to stay in my life and the most important people gave up on me so give up on our friendship since i don't matter anymore i'm used to it i don't tell anyone anything because everyone leaves and i'm tired of if so i am so sorry i hurt you so bad that you're willing to not try to fix it all my fault as usual

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Jacob is hurting you soooo much. This is going to sound harsh, but you really need to move on because this isn't even fair to you.

oh

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Happy birthday to the boy who I haven't gone a day without thinking about in the past two years. I know we've had a past that few would understand, but you were truly my everything. I miss you more than I can explain. I don't know what to say or what to do with us anymore and I wish I did. I just know that I hope you're happy. With her, with your friends, and with your life. I also hope your birthday is more than you ever asked and I hope maybe just maybe I cross your mind once today. Forever ❤

[allthethingsicouldneversay]

Waking up every morning

Tired eyes and tear stained glasses

Another day of avoiding you

Avoiding seeing all that I want

And all that I don't have

Trying to look decent 

So if I do happen to see you

You won't tell how broken I still am

Pretty hair, made up face

Makes it all look like I'm in a happy state

Though I come home 

And my cheeks are stained black

Because I had seen you

And you weren't covering it up

Your happiness was real

It is still real

And I'm not the reason 

[allthethingsicouldneversay]

Sadness is like a sickness to me Can't sleep or eat Or feel anything The past two weeks I've been ill And everyone asks what I have I just shrug my shoulders Because I can't tell them that I'm sick because of you Sadness is my sickness It eats at me everyday And I can't seem to fix it

[allthethingsicouldneversay]

We ran put our feet in the water We danced didn’t care who could see We sang every song to each other Summer would end but not for me I still feel the hope in your kisses I still feel the sun on your skin I swear I was holding forever back then Do you remember?

[allthethingsicouldneversay]

I mean I obviously just post things on tumblr for attention when it's a site of basically all complete strangers except for you And I totally need to grow up when I try to be civil and talk to you and you ignore me

[allthethingsicouldneversay]

You're the only one who'd know to check this. I still can't believe it I just want an I'm sorry, an I really loved you Sam Something to know this wasn't easy on you But it is. You picked her over me and it doesn't phase you I haven't stopped crying since your call I love you I'm sorry I'm not enough. I hope she makes you happy

[allthethingsicouldneversay]

You obviously are done with me; you're out with them having fun.

I can't breathe. I'm bawling and you don't even care 

[allthethingsicouldneversay]

year and three months

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In love with a boy I'd do anything and everything for

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[allthethingsicouldneversay]

I don't understand it.  You say you love me and say you can't do things with other people.  You say you like kissing me and you miss me.  Yet now I'm sitting here finding out a girl sent you 30 naked snapchats last week?  

The same week you kissed me after school and I felt like everything was okay again.

I don't understand it.  I've really been trying; doing everything you ask.  And not because I have to, but because I think maybe if I do, you'll fall in love with me all over again.  But knowing this? Knowing I told you that I bet other girls were talking to you and sending you stuff and you denied it.  Obviously all the effort I've been putting in means nothing to you.  I love you.  And I show it.  And I try.  I ask what you want and you always say you don't know.  But you never ask me what I want.  

[allthethingsicouldneversay]

I want to know how you feel I love you, simple as that What do you want ..

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I guess it's the little things I miss most

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You frustrate me more than I explain.  You said you wanted to try to be friends.  If you wanted to be my friend you wouldn't do half of the things you do.  I don't know why I let it get to me.  Maybe it's because I still care.  

[allthethingsicouldneversay]

A cut to ease the pain A drink to feel no blame