ゼツ

My name is Zetsu and I am on a mission to find myself.

[aloeveraman]

//hey, um, wow, i... what can i say

[aloeveraman]

Open Starter to Promote Lost-Lasting Friendships

[sui-get-sword]

He stared at them as they bickered, and was rather patient. It was amusing to see a plant fight with itself.. but at the same time he didn’t like being insulted!  

"H-Hoy! I’m not an underling! I’m just a partner. Like hell would I want to be him!" He grumbled as he crossed his arms, "Taka-… or Hebi…" He closed his eyes in frustration, a brain fart had arrived and he forgot his current team name. "Sh-Shut up! Why don’t you go eat shit! Isn’t that was plants usually do." 

Oh perfect, he should buy fertilizer for them. 

"I am supposed to be looking for some dumb scroll, but I came to Konoha to get some food." His stomach growled, "I’d ask you to join but I don’t think they serve flies or small frogs." 

[aloeveraman]

White Zetsu's face lit up the second Suigetsu uttered the word "shit", but just as he started to speak, Black Zetsu jabbed him in the eye. White Zetsu stretched away from Black Zetsu, doubling over to nurse his eye, while  Black Zetsu continued to stare at Suigetsu with disdain.

"Yeah, well at least I'm not a puddle of water shaped like a scrawny-ass kid," Black Zetsu replied, regretting how childish he sounded. He hated arguing with fellow artificial beings, but he couldn't back down now. "You'd better watch your back, kid. I hear the jonin have your team blacklisted after invading Orochimaru's hideout."

[kakashisharinganhatake-blog]

Kakashi was completely perplexed by what White Zetsu said. “What do you mean by that???” He was unsure whether or not he’d just asked a wise question or not.

The jounin-sensei felt so weirdly split as he spoke to both the white and black half of Zetsu. This was exhausting. “His will?” Kakashi misunderstood his meaning. “His will???” He pointed to White Zetsu. “I guess you don’t have to like your job then huh.” He shoved his hands in his pockets.

[aloeveraman]

"Uh-- Well-- No--" Black Zetsu tripped over his words, taken aback by Kakashi's terrible misunderstanding. "No, I am someone else's will, and this shitbrain is just an artificially created vessel created to carry me rphhh--"

But he was cut off by White Zetsu yelling, "CHECK IT" and pulling their halves of their face apart. "I ain't no basic bitch!!" He managed to exclaim before being subjected to a violent lecture by Black Zetsu.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Can you not calm the fuck down for two seconds?! We came here so you can watch people, so watch some goddamn people and sit your white ass down!" Black Zetsu was still yelling as two squeezed back together.

[kakashisharinganhatake-blog]

Kakashi looked over at the woman White Zetsu was talking about; it was clear that the half-man frequented this area. “Maybe she goes not for the hair cut, but for the man. She probably has a crush on her hair stylist and is unsure how to approach them. What does the hair stylist look like? Let’s speculate how smart or stupid their children would be.” 

His eye wandered over to Black Zetsu and he asked, “Do you dislike watching people?” 

[aloeveraman]

White Zetsu looked at Kakashi with wide eyes; clearly the thought had never crossed his mind. “The man?! I suppose being in his good favor could be prosperous if he provided other services like cooking or assassination…”

“I don’t dislike it," Black Zetsu replied. "I just don’t like activities that spark this one’s interest. Once you get him talking, he never shuts up." White Zetsu blushed, giggling sheepishly. "Look, if we’re gonna be here a while, let’s at least sit down." Black Zetsu lifted his leg into the air, pulling White Zetsu’s butt to the rooftop with him.

[kakashisharinganhatake-blog]

White Zetsu reminded him of that other boisterous Akatsuki member. What was his name again? Ah, it didn’t matter. 

"So you don’t know what he looks like? Maybe he’s terribly ugly. Maybe they would have ugly children. That would be awful." Kakashi was naturally handsome; it was unfair. He plopped down next to the man. He never thought he’d be people watching with an Akatsuki member; strange things seemed to happen to him everyday.

"I understand preferring silence. What to do you prefer to do when it’s silent?"

[aloeveraman]

"Ah, I always forget that humans create offspring with set traits," White Zetsu replied. "Mine are a little more... malleable."

"Well..." Black Zetsu glanced at Kakashi. As friendly as he was, Black Zetsu was wary of Kakashi's position as a Konoha jonin. He knew better than to spill any secrets the village didn't know about. "I'm... a shadow of a man, you could say. It's my job to make sure his will is fulfilled, but that's impossible to do with this one's incessant babbling..." The truth was, if Zetsu didn't have his white half, all the black half could think to do was just to sit around and dwell on Madara's future plans. Perhaps Madara put his will into only half of Zetsu to keep the clone sane... But Black Zetsu would never admit that, not even to himself.

[aloeveraman]

//I've noticed that none of our characters know each other's names

[aloeveraman]

Open Starter to Promote Lost-Lasting Friendships

[sui-get-sword]

Oh god what was that noise? 

Suigetsu looked up, only to see the creepy plant dude once again. “Oi, is that the rare dancing dandelion?” He pointed as he attempted to get their attention.

"What’s with all the fighting? Plus, why are you guys even here?"

[aloeveraman]

Zetsu turned around to see Sasuke's soggy minion standing behind him. He quickly turned his back to Suigetsu again.

"Who's that?" whispered White Zetsu.

"Hozuki Suigetsu, Sasuke's underling," Black Zetsu muttered back.

"Heeeeeeey, his name rhymes with ours!" exclaimed White Zetsu.

"Shh--!" Black Zetsu shushed, turning them back around to face Suigetsu. "I could ask you the same," Black Zestu finally replied. "It's not common to see Hebi-- Taka-- Kaeru-- whatever you're called now-a-days in these parts. You'd think Sasuke would make it taboo."

[sixtyfourpalms]

001.

Neji is grey-asexual.

[aloeveraman]

I guess we weren't meant to be, then. : < I'm just black and white.

[aloeveraman]

"Isn’t it, though?!" White Zetsu exclaimed.

“Oh god,"  Black Zestu moaned.

"Because people do the dumbest things," White Zetsu continued, ignoring Black. "Like that woman over there!" He pointed to a young woman with styled hair walking out of a barber’s shop. "She goes in that shop once a week to pay a man to cut the top of their hair shorter than the bottom. If your hair is such a nuisance at longer lengths, then you should just shave it off so it will be short for a longer length of time, Amiright?!"

[kakashisharinganhatake-blog]

Kakashi looked over at the woman White Zetsu was talking about; it was clear that the half-man frequented this area. “Maybe she goes not for the hair cut, but for the man. She probably has a crush on her hair stylist and is unsure how to approach them. What does the hair stylist look like? Let’s speculate how smart or stupid their children would be.” 

His eye wandered over to Black Zetsu and he asked, “Do you dislike watching people?” 

[aloeveraman]

White Zetsu looked at Kakashi with wide eyes; clearly the thought had never crossed his mind. "The man?! I suppose being in his good favor could be prosperous if he provided other services like cooking or assassination..."

"I don't dislike it," Black Zetsu replied. "I just don't like activities that spark this one's interest. Once you get him talking, he never shuts up." White Zetsu blushed, giggling sheepishly. "Look, if we're gonna be here a while, let's at least sit down." Black Zetsu lifted his leg into the air, pulling White Zetsu's butt to the rooftop with him.

[kakashisharinganhatake-blog]

Kakashi gave black Zetsu a puzzled look—he couldn’t see his lips so he was unsure what the other half was trying to communicate to him.

Then White Zetsu really let the flood gates loose. What things did Black Zetsu indulge in? Would Kakashi be able to find out? They didn’t have a butt? He was so overwhelmed. He wasn’t interested in people watching for existentialist sake, but merely to make fun of them or to make up stories about their lives.  "Well, I was going to say we could make fun of people, but that sounds good too. It’s always fun to make up back stories to others too." he answered.

[aloeveraman]

"Isn't it, though?!" White Zetsu exclaimed.

"Oh god,"  Black Zestu moaned.

"Because people do the dumbest things," White Zetsu continued, ignoring Black. "Like that woman over there!" He pointed to a young woman with styled hair walking out of a barber's shop. "She goes in that shop once a week to pay a man to cut the top of their hair shorter than the bottom. If your hair is such a nuisance at longer lengths, then you should just shave it off so it will be short for a longer length of time, Amiright?!"

[pop-isdead]

taking a breather

[aloeveraman]

Zetsu, having been ordered to check up on Deidara’s success, appeared out of nowhere next to Deidara just in time to hear him mutter “Disgusting.” Taking in the blonde’s grimy appearance, Black Zetsu inched away. Begin an embodiment of an Uchiha, he hated messes. However, White Zetsu stepped forward, expressing and unwavering curiosity in the substance that covered Deidara.

“Looks like you’re been… busy," Black Zetsu looked Deidara up and down with a grimace. "Did you find the target’s base of operatio—?”

“Is that poop?!" White Zetsu interrupted excitedly.

[pop-isdead]

"Busy, yeah," Deidara snorted, wiping his muddy hand on the grass beside him. Zetsu had always baffled Deidara. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was, and he wasn’t quite sure he cared. Either way, he knew the white one was his least favorite of the two—Deidara’s eyes twitched at the his comment. “…Uh, no.” Deidara stood, not wanting to present himself as weak despite being exhausted. Ugh, he had just gotten comfortable, too….

"The target, yeah? He’s taken care of, too, I managed to collect the corpse in one piece this time," The smirk was evident in his words. He dug through his side pouch, extracting a small scroll and haphazardly tossing it to Zetsu. "The body is in there. I’m sure Kakuzu can handle the rest, un," He waved him off, flicking specks of dirt at the White Zetsu. 

[aloeveraman]

Black Zetsu reached up to catch the scroll, but was tugged away as White flinched from the mud.

"That's good." Black Zetsu said curtly.

"You know," mused White Zetsu, "We've seen a lot of different ninjutsus throughout the years, but we've never seen a poop ninja. You'd think it would be a versatile weapon, and yet I've never seen anyone use it. Humans' disgust of poop is so intriguing. It's a product of their bodies, but they think it's gross. I'll just never understand... " He began to stare off into space, but quickly snapped his attention back to Deidara. "Hey Dei-dei! Since you're done with your mission, you wanna hang out?!"

[kakashisharinganhatake-blog]

Kakashi listened awkwardly as the flood gates of White Zetsu’s emotions ran free. People watching? He could do that. While they poop? No thank you. Maybe he had some weird fecal fetish…it wouldn’t be the first time Kakashi had heard of it. He’d seen some pretty weird stuff in the porn shop.

"People watch? I could do that." He offered.

[aloeveraman]

White Zetsu's eye shimmered with excitement. "YOU WANT TO PEOPLE WATCH WITH ME?!"

Black Zetsu cringed his face and waved his hand vigorously, attempting to convey the necessity for immediate evacuation of the conversation. He lifted his hand to hide his side of their mouth and mouthed, "Don't-- do-- it--!"

"Hey!" White Zetsu turned his head towards Black Zetsu. "I can't still feel your mouth movements, you know!! I realize that you may not share my interests, but it really hurts my feelings when you do stuff like that. I tolerate plenty of your shenanigans, which I will not disclose infront of Copy-can-chan, so if you could pull the stick out of your non-existent ass for one second, it would be much appreciated!!" He turned back to Kakashi with an awkward giggle, "Sorry about that! I would love your company while people watching! It's fun to watch people go about their everyday lives and think about why they feel the need to do such weird things. It's a little existentialist, I know, but it passes the time!"

[kakashisharinganhatake-blog]

Kakashi scratched the top of his head, unsure what to do in this strange predicament. The aloe vera thing—Zetsu, he corrected himself—had a split personality, it seemed. 

"Don’t drag me into this, I’m just the third wheel." Could he call himself the third wheel? Was this Zetsu one or two people? He didn’t know.  "So uh…Zetsu, what are you doing in Konoha?"

[aloeveraman]

White Zetsu's half of their body jerked upwards with excitement. "I'm glad you asked!"

"Oh no, here he goes," muttered Black Zetsu unenthusiastically.

"To be honest, lately I've been a little depressed. Working for the man who made you of his arch enemy's cells is great and all, but sometimes I'm kept at night pondering the question, 'is this it?' So, lately, I've been trying to do some people watching, research if you will, in order to figure out what to do with my life. I've still done all that my master has asked of me, but I like to observe people candidly in my free time. Especially when they poop."

[aloeveraman]

Open Starter to Promote Lost-Lasting Friendships

"Moooom, can we please, please, please get ice cream on the way home?"

"I guess--"

"YAAAYY!!"

A young girl and her mother passed under the roof on which Zetsu quietly sat. The two halves stiffened awkwardly: White Zetsu eager to spark a conversation, and Black Zetsu praying that White Zetsu would stay quiet.

"I wonder what having a family is like," pondered White Zetsu.

"Dammit, so close," thought Black Zetsu with a loud huff. "I don't know. I've never had one. So don't ask me," he replied irritably.

"It must be nice to have someone to depend on no matter what," White Zetsu continued, ignoring Black Zetsu's moody reply. "But, I guess if that's what family is, you're my family! We literally lean on each other all the time!!" White Zetsu leaned their head toward Black Zetsu's shoulder and tried to give him a nuggie.

"Get the fuck off of me!" Black Zetsu pushed their head in the other direction and slapped away White Zetsu's hand. The two were so caught up in their fight that they didn't notice someone approaching them...

[aloeveraman]

“Aaaaayyyoooo!" White Zetsu yelled. "It’s that Ka-copy guy!”

White Zetsu smiled and waved at Kakashi, while Black Zetsu stared with a blatant lack of amusement.

[kakashisharinganhatake-blog]

Kakashi did not have much experience with the plant looking guy. What was his name again? Naruto merely referred to the man as “Aloe Vera Guy” and the moniker was sticking in Kakashi’s head.

"Ah. Yeah. That’s me." He rubbed the back of his head. "What’s your name?" he asked blatantly.

[aloeveraman]

"I'm Zetsu!" White Zetsu said, tilting his head happily.

"We're Zetsu," corrected Black Zetsu as he strained his neck to prop their head back upright. "Don't lump me into the same category of living as you."

"Oh, come on, don't be like that! We're like two peas in a pod! Or more like, two flies in a venus fly trap!" White Zetsu tapped his side of their plant-like protrusion with a dorky smile. "Hey, Ka-copy, back me up!!"

[pop-isdead]

taking a breather

Deidara groaned, his aching muscles crying in protest as he carefully lowered himself onto the ground before a nearby tree. It took him a moment to settle down, but he was more than thankful to just be done with everything and to just be able to relax. He wiped the grime from his cheek, grimacing at the touch...

[aloeveraman]

Zetsu, having been ordered to check up on Deidara's success, appeared out of nowhere next to Deidara just in time to hear him mutter "Disgusting." Taking in the blonde's grimy appearance, Black Zetsu inched away. Begin an embodiment of an Uchiha, he hated messes. However, White Zetsu stepped forward, expressing and unwavering curiosity in the substance that covered Deidara.

"Looks like you're been... busy," Black Zetsu looked Deidara up and down with a grimace. "Did you find the target's base of operatio--?"

"Is that poop?!" White Zetsu interrupted excitedly.

[kakashisharinganhatake-blog]

aloeveraman started following you

/simply stares and is unsure how to greet a plant/

[aloeveraman]

"Aaaaayyyoooo!" White Zetsu yelled. "It's that Ka-copy guy!"

White Zetsu smiled and waved at Kakashi, while Black Zetsu stared with a blatant lack of amusement.