Neurodivergent sense of "Self"
TLDR: I'm no philosopher and I'm not smart enough to understand things but i struggle to know who i am as a person
People are little orbs of energy, each orb is connected by strands to an outer shell, this outer shell is what people see, it is the person we put forward before letting people see our cores, who we really are deep inside.
I believe that deep deep down we don't change, we have a core "self" that develops who we are on the outside, but for the most part our identities are entirely based on the outer shell everyone sees, formed from everything that's happened to and around us.
For an Autistic woman like me though i feel as if my protective outer shell is too thick from masking, that i can't see what is my core and what is more masking, so much of my autistic self got beaten (Not literal, i had a good childhood) out of me to the point where i default into masking and when my "self" comes out people think something is wrong or that I'm changing my behaviour for other people.
When i was diagnosed i thought it would be easier for me to understand myself and everything would become clear but it didn't, now i feel like I'm floating in some void outside of my own outer shell unable to get through and see me, but, I'm finding ways to slip through the cracks even if its just for a second, just little things that snap me back to my core just for a moment all that's needed is to just give it time and patience.
ANYWAYS here's a funny cat GIF.
pixelskylines
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