[alpenflower]

the camper’s maiden voyage was a success! everything worked (range, fridge, heat, water) and it was the perfect cozy home base for a rainy and muddy memorial day weekend. it got so much attention and compliments from people at the campground too which was cute. i’m just so happy with how it came together.

[alpenflower]

another week of lazy girl vegan eats featuring camping meals. in order: local fresh fruit (aka parasite-safe) yogurt granola bowl, tofu scramble with potatoes and brussels, frozen fruit yogurt bowl, cherry chip ice cream, just egg and seitan bacon breakfast, beyond sausage and pickle fries, and chickpea salad rice cakes.

[expressions-of-nature]

by Valentina Kondrasyuk

[alpenflower]

do you camp by yourself? if so how do you deal with being bored and also being scared at night?

i haven’t taken my camper out by myself yet! i’ve been going with family who take their own camper alongside me. i have camped in cabins at night by myself though. when i have been by myself in the past, i haven’t really gotten bored because i just do a lot of reading or watch movies on my ipad. it is a little scary being alone as a woman of course. i do plan on taking my camper out by myself and there are a few things i plan on doing for safety. 1) make sure to have multiple chairs set out at my site so it looks like more people are there 2) set out a big dog bed for my big scary dog (she’s actually the sweetest pittie ever but no one needs to know) 3) lock my camper doors at night and carry mace with me. you can never 100% guarantee safety as a women alone, but i try so hard to not let that stop me from doing things i want to do. hope this makes sense!

[b1rd1e]

not even kidding be SO earnest. Be so honest and forthcoming about your life, your feelings in the pursuit of connection with others, and know being as earnest as possible in your experience is what quells loneliness in those who feel the same way as you do. Is what helps us feel seen. And builds community and resolve within the fact it doesn't have to feel so lonely and insurmountable. we need community and connection. You really are not as alone as you think, we're all scared. we need to hold each others hands

[alpenflower]

actually i think i should be exempt from having to pay my entire $450 deductible for my colonoscopy because i am beautiful and pure of heart. and so is my colon.

[stuckinapril]

sometimes u just gotta do things because 12 y/o you would think you’re literally the coolest for doing those things

[alpenflower]

truly a perfect summer camping weekend and the reset my nervous system needed.

[alpenflower]

to add to my existential rage of this week: my bff texted me a week or so ago saying that the thirty abandoned beluga whales at marineland are being rescued instead of being euthanized and i was so excited. i used to protest marineland with some of the local activists around here and when they closed it felt like such a win. so i said to my bff send me the article. i read the article and i was like wait it says they're going to their new home, but doesn't say where that is. it also said seaworld is facilitating the "rescue". imagine my face when a week later they announce that they are in fact going to seaworld (plus a few other aquariums but mostly seaworld) 🙃

p.s. i know there may not be many not-for-profit sanctuaries that have the capacity for that many belugas rn but does it really have to be seaworld! 🥲

[alpenflower]

just a few pictures of my sweetest baby. the smoke is absolutely ruining my life rn. i hate not being able to go outside and i keep coughing even inside. feeling a lot better about boy stuff, but also avoiding messaging him when i know i need to soon. i’m supposed to go out with my bffs tonight to a bar we liked that’s closing (rip to basically every place in this city lately) so that will be a good distraction. also supposed to go camping after work tomorrow, but it’s a little up in the air because of the smoke. we’ll see. it’s hard not to feel down with the whole wildfire parasite heatwave dystopia we’re living in.

[alpenflower]

also at least my journal spread is cute too. i’m feeling a lot better this morning. going to have a slow morning before a late work day today and try to be gentle with myself.

[alpenflower]

also i may have been sad tonight, but at least i looked cute.

[alpenflower]

late night vulnerable brain dump ahead so proceed with caution.

i guess i misread the situation with that guy because it very much was a date. he brought me flowers and wrote me a poem about our time together in the past. i think not assuming it was a date had me going in with the entirely wrong headspace and i feel like i was a little caught off guard by how not casual it felt. he was very sweet and basically insinuated that he’s been kind of pining after me from afar for all of these years. of course it was lovely to hear that and it means a lot to me, but it also triggered like a full blown spiral in my head. i was honest with him and told him about how i haven’t really dated much for the past four years. i told him i’m in a really weird headspace about it all and idk if and when that will change. he was really understanding about it, which made me feel even more like shit. he’s so nice and i wish i could just jump into something like that. i just can’t. idk if it’s more about him or me, but like i said full blown breakdown triggered.

so i didn’t invite him back to my house like i thought i might have and i cried on the car ride home. i wanted to just go home and curl up in bed and shame spiral until i fell asleep, but i recognized that wasn’t a good idea. so i did the hard vulnerable thing and texted my best friend to see if i could see her. she of course dropped all her plans to let me come over and cry and vent and brain dump. she also has similar dating experiences, just with women. it was really nice to have her be able to emphasize with where i’m at. we talked about how much dating sucks and how some days it feels like i’m still not fully healed from my past relationships. idk if it’s more about being healed or if it’s just not something i want for myself long term, but that’s what i’m struggling a lot with. i have a lot of thoughts like maybe no one is ever really happy with someone forever. maybe it’s all a facade. is it worth it? and if it is, is it even what i want? that kind of stuff. i know it’s cynical, but i really feel that way sometimes. i wonder if that’s what’s truly meant for me or if it’s just an expectation.

so i vented and i cried a bit more. once i was feeling a little better, she suggested we do our noah kahan junk journal spreads together and that ended up being a lot of fun. i texted boy and thanked him for the kind letter and flowers. i also thanked him for his understanding and asked if i could take some time to think about everything given what we talked about. he was very receptive. anyways. i feel like i have a bit of a vulnerability hangover now and it’s 1am on a weeknight, but hopefully i’ll feel better after going to sleep. if you read all of this, thank you for listening. also one silver lining is that he told me i was the best sex ever so i will have to ride that high for a bit (no pun intended).

ps: i also don’t think the post apocalyptic wildfire vibes helped my sanity today.

[tordenvejr]

your life will be wonderful because you will make it wonderful, and it will be full of love because you are full of love.

[alpenflower]

my (definitely delusional) confidence that contracting cyclospora would pretty much be no different than a crohn’s flare versus my lifelong extreme hypochondria around foodborne illness. who will win!

[alpenflower]

today’s exciting mail delivery because who am if not a fangirl at heart. when new people in my life are surprised that i’m such a fangirl i’m like ohhh yeah. you clearly didn’t know me in high school during my leonardo dicaprio phase. anyways, this was a nice reward for getting my workout done, grocery shopping, and cleaning my house. i think want to have a cozy reading night tonight. i just finished it’s not her which i liked and i’m starting and now back to you. happy monday, friends!

[alpenflower]

oh also a moment for today’s unexpected facebook marketplace find because i love her!